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Anonymous #1

buying a shotgun...
    #27217495 - 02/20/21 09:36 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I was intending on buying a shotgun to commit suicide soon. It looks like my state doesn't require any paperwork. I've been thinking about it for so long I think it's time I went and bought one and then just let things happen. I was worried I might not pass background check but I should be fine, I'll just look into going around that if it doesn't work. I think everything will be pretty easy for me once I get home with it and a pack of shells. Im scared of what's on the other side, I feel like just buying one is all I have to do, the trigger pulling part feels like nothing. I am afraid but I've talked about it for so long.. Idk what Im even expecting posting this but I wanted to talk to someone about it. I don't think I want to be talked out of it, I don't think I even can anymore at this point.. things to enjoy before I go?

Edited by Anonymous (02/20/21 09:44 PM)

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OfflineAsianKitchen
Stranger
Registered: 02/20/21
Posts: 3
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: buying a shotgun... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27217612 - 02/20/21 11:18 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

What's going on in your life that makes you believe suicide is the answer?

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InvisibleTedsDead
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Registered: 01/03/17
Posts: 5,003
Re: buying a shotgun... [Re: AsianKitchen]
    #27217668 - 02/21/21 12:24 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Before u go you should eat the biggest dose youve ever eaten in your life and see if that doesnt snap you out of it.  I usually stick to mushcult but killing yourlesf...  thats kind of a copout as far as im concerned.  Very selfish route to take IMO


--------------------
weed gets you through times of no money better than money gets you through times of no weed...  -the fabulous furry freak bros
If you can buy it, you can burn it!



https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/25947396#25947396

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InvisibleJim Nemo
Male


Registered: 07/11/13
Posts: 78
Loc: Europe
Re: buying a shotgun... [Re: TedsDead]
    #27217803 - 02/21/21 04:19 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

here's some things i highly recommend to anyone:

-read hermann hesse "steppenwolf", the best book in whole history of mankind.
-have sex while being on acid.
-hike to a mountain top.


if you want to end your life, end it and start another life.
it's not simple, it never will be.
lots of people, including me, can relate to the wish of just ending it, but we don't do it, cause eventually life will strike ALL of us down.
until then we experience pain, suffering and misery, but also good times, laughter, love and friendship.
don't have to high expectations on life, it's not that special, but it does have its moments of joy.
nobody is immune to bad times and feelings. some get driven over the edge, some don't. make your choice.
my suggestion: take the hard way and face the insanity of living in this world.
you'll be dead soon enough, no need to hurry.


--------------------
When the acid trip is over, you gotta come back to mother blues...

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Anonymous #1

Re: buying a shotgun... [Re: Jim Nemo]
    #27217832 - 02/21/21 05:27 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Thank you all. I do feel selfish about it but I feel even more selfish in life for not being better for all the people around me. I want to enjoy the rest of my life but I feel like I need to buy it even if I feel better, I feel like it needs to be there to make everything easier when I'm ready. I think being afraid of the other side shouldn't be a reason for me to keep making this one worse.

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Anonymous #1

Re: buying a shotgun... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27217984 - 02/21/21 07:49 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

If i wasn't posting anonymously Im confident at least 4 people would jump in and laugh and tell me to do it. Everyones constant fucking ridicule, I don't hurt anyone but so many people insist on hurting me. To those people I say fuck you watch me kill me.

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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
Re: buying a shotgun... [Re: Jim Nemo]
    #27218060 - 02/21/21 08:46 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Jim Nemo said:
here's some things i highly recommend to anyone:

-read hermann hesse "steppenwolf", the best book in whole history of mankind.
-have sex while being on acid.
-hike to a mountain top.


if you want to end your life, end it and start another life.
it's not simple, it never will be.
lots of people, including me, can relate to the wish of just ending it, but we don't do it, cause eventually life will strike ALL of us down.
until then we experience pain, suffering and misery, but also good times, laughter, love and friendship.
don't have to high expectations on life, it's not that special, but it does have its moments of joy.
nobody is immune to bad times and feelings. some get driven over the edge, some don't. make your choice.
my suggestion: take the hard way and face the insanity of living in this world.
you'll be dead soon enough, no need to hurry.





this is all great advice. Steppenwolf has one of the best takes on suicide I've read. hermann hesse was great at existential despair, and he builds an escape from the certainty of suicide into steppenwolf that's not diluted with bullshit like hope and faith. The despair is there right through the end of the book, and it's liberating. I love that book, and I always keep an eye open for the magic theater.

It sounds like you're more afraid of what's on this side, man. If you've got the courage to kill yourself, then you might as well use that courage to try to do something else with the life you've got to use. you only get so much life to work with, but you get to choose what you do with it, and that's not something you should give up lightly. Afterall, it might be the world that's fucked up and not just you, and you can try to do something about that while your alive. Don't let the suffering and despair misguide you. find a way to externalize some of that suffering so you can do something to change it.

Just for the record, I've never seen anybody be grateful to a loved one for killing themself. That just makes the world a more fucked up place, and you can do better than that even if you royally fuck up every time you try. If you want to be better for the people around you, then keep trying to figure out how to make the world a better place for them to live in. It's your choice though. If you really want to kill yourself, then shotguns do get the job done, but they leave a hell of a gruesome mess. I still remember seeing a kid that blew his brains out, and it was a damn shame that didn't help anybody. kid was only 18, and it was senseless. He left a lot of people suffering when he did that. You get to make your own choices man, but the world's still going to be a fucked up place if you leave it that way. And there is no other side, just what you leave behind on this side. Deep down you know that, so don't think it'll get better when you die. you'll just be gone, and you won't get to see that the problem was bigger than you.


PS
Those people's little thoughts don't matter, man. You have two middle fingers for a reason. That's also a bad reason to kill yourself. No judgement, just pointing it out so you don't make a bad decision while you're pissed and vulnerable. Don't feed the trolls.

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Anonymous #1

Re: buying a shotgun... [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #27218271 - 02/21/21 11:10 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I wish I knew something better to tell you, thank you for your response I will check out that book. I feel like I'm on a burning sinking ship in uncharted waters.

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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Posts: 4,563
Re: buying a shotgun... [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27218831 - 02/21/21 04:54 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

it's alright, man. "I feel like I'm on a burning sinking ship in uncharted waters" is one of the best descriptions of life I've read in a long while. Thanks for posting it.

That book is a good read, but it's kind of dense and dark for the first 100-150 pages, while the protagonist is slowly embracing the idea of killing himself with his razor, but he works through that suffering and eventually embraces it and then sort of takes it with him as he builds a more complete understanding of the world. Don't get lost in the despair of those first pages; the end is worth it. Hermann Hess is a pretty great author all around. Siddhartha is another one he wrote, and it's a sort of buddhist take on existentialism, and the glass bead game is one of my favorites. In the glass bead game the protagonist embraces life and death at the same time at the end. He hits a sort of peak in his career and social status as an intellectual elite and then rebels against it and embraces the idea of living his life the way he feels he should. In the end he gives up all his status and fame and becomes a teacher, then his heart gives out while he's saving a kid from drowning, but the kid makes survives and learns from the example. That's how I want to die: while doing my best to impose my life on the world in a way that will make me feel the world is better for my imposition. Gotta try to leaves this shithole at least a little better than I found it ... still working out how though.

Anyway man, I respect of your thoughts, and I'm glad you shared them. There's not enough of that kind of honesty out there, so don't throw it away. Stay at the helm of that ship and keep struggling. You'll get better at it. As long as you keep sailing that ship a while you're charting some of those waters, then the thing will either sink on it's own or the fires will go out before that happens. Either way it'll be a worthy trip, and it'll be good to know I'm not the only crazy fucker on the water that doesn't know how to sail. I'll try not to ram you, but no promises.:cool:

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InvisibleBlu Spore
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 10/26/02
Posts: 1,320
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: buying a shotgun... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27220247 - 02/22/21 12:41 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

There are some things to consider before enacting this very extreme and permanent solution. Many times attempted suicide by firearms is not fatal and the survivors are left disfigured and in way worse condition than before their attempt. I guess the recoil of the gun or the positioning causes some horrible injuries instead of instant death. Plus even if you succeed you're leaving a horrible mess for somebody to clean up, this world has enough grotesque shit in it without you leaving one more horrible scene for somebody to witness.

Also like you said, you don't know what happens next after death....even if its a slim chance of anything. Life is short enough anyways, why commit suicide? time flies by and then you'll be dead anyhow, why rush it.


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InvisibleJim Nemo
Male


Registered: 07/11/13
Posts: 78
Loc: Europe
Re: buying a shotgun... [Re: Blu Spore] * 1
    #27221904 - 02/23/21 09:38 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

@blue spore:
i second that. i once read an article about a young woman who tried shooting herself by shooting in the temple(had to look that up, hope that word is right, you know the side of the head next to your eyes).
she "just" blinded herself.

@mr.guesswork:
thank you for your words on steppenwolf. i wouldn't be able to express my feelings towards that novel in english language propperly, maybe even my native language wouldn't fit.
fun fact: i tried to read the glas bead game three times now, it never worked out - not the right time in life.
i was re-reading siddhartha a couple of weeks ago. it is such an awesome story and ... an awesome tool for reflecting the current stand in life.

i'd recommend his poetry too, but i don't know if there are propper translations to english language.


--------------------
When the acid trip is over, you gotta come back to mother blues...

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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Posts: 4,563
Re: buying a shotgun... [Re: Jim Nemo] * 1
    #27222040 - 02/23/21 11:58 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Jim Nemo said:
@mr.guesswork:
thank you for your words on steppenwolf. i wouldn't be able to express my feelings towards that novel in english language propperly, maybe even my native language wouldn't fit.
fun fact: i tried to read the glas bead game three times now, it never worked out - not the right time in life.
i was re-reading siddhartha a couple of weeks ago. it is such an awesome story and ... an awesome tool for reflecting the current stand in life.

i'd recommend his poetry too, but i don't know if there are propper translations to english language.




I will look for translations of that poetry (might have to look at the german beside it to try to get the feel a little better). I tried to get through steppen wolf a second time, and I kept getting lost in those first pages again. It's been the wrong time of life for me too, but that book left an impression on me when I read it. He's stuff is deep, and I couldn't do it justice either, so I settled for what I posted. It was a good recommendation on your part, and I'd forgotten about it. Most of the fiction that I've seen with suicide as a theme doesn't seem to get very creative with the way it explores it as an idea, Hess changed my ideas about suicide while he explored it. his stuff always seemed to combine existentialism with transcendentalism in a way that feels real but right.

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