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i had to stay in a psyche ward for nearly 5 weeks last autumn because of a bad reaction to shrooms paxil and cocaine. i did them within a 2 week period and then had one of those relapses a week later, where i became delusional and got weird hallucinations.
its not even that bad that i had that reaction, its the fact that i freaked out in teh hospital too, thinking that they knew evrything about my past and that i was in a lot of troule etc. i even thought they were going to kill me one day,
it was a horrible experience and nearly 9 months later it still bothers me and causes me depression because i think, how could i have let myself get like that, how pathetic was i to be like that.
i feel like i let myself, my family and all my friends down by becoming like that and then being a depressed pussy for the last 6 months. i feel totally shitty and theres nothing i can do to change what happened. life would be hard enough at this point but i got the fucking hospital and the backward fucks who treated me like shit in there to think about and it either makes me mad or sad.
i thought i'd be over it by now, but it keeps coming back to bug me. will it stop?
when you can accept the past, and see the past as the past and over, then you can move on. accepting isnt forgetting, if you are suffering from depression or post tramatic stress disorder, then dont do any drugs for a while....clean yourself up. depression is a common disorder. its nothing to be ashamed of, or feel like a pussy about. it sounds like you need to come to terms with some other things, too. respect and love yourself, your worth it, i promise. cultivate acceptance and love will grow.
-------------------- if you can't find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?
depression seems to be almost a way of life these days...its kinda hard to find shit to be happy about, and alot easier to dwell on the negative than the positive. you have just been through a very tramatic experience, and some depression is expected...just try to look at the glass half full man. you are still alive for one thing. what you did cant be changed, but you can use it to learn and change your future. lay off the drugs for a while, hang out with your family.
Quote: i feel totally shitty and theres nothing i can do to change what happened
this is true to a point....there is nothing you can do to change what happened.so why worry about it? why get all depressed and pissed off over something that you have no control over? but on the other had, you dont have to feel shitty about it for the rest of your life. what you can control is what you do from here on out, and thats what matters...if you ever need to talk more feel free to send me a pm or something