Umm, guys, I think I might have a problem with drugs... Oh wait, there is no problem. Just druuuugs!
Time for some brutal honesty and stuff. And you're the one who clicked on something titled "really weird shit", so, no complaints, ok?
Preparation I fasted for a day, because I like it how when you fast, you have less energy and you're kind of forced to slow down and start letting go. And it's like you deal with shit first, and then you trip.
I'm also going through a kind of difficult period with my gf, this week has been pretty emotional, and again, it let me feel that I've already dealt with serious emotional stuff and now I can just take a freaking break and trip.
I also kept sexual abstinence for a couple of days, which was fun and kind of ridiculous because the day before my trip I was just super horny, compulsively watching porn and trying not to give in and fap.
In the evening, I took a microdose of shrooms and went to a nice general massage.
On my way back home, I saw that really weird guy with a bicycle, constantly shouting "De-e-evil! De-e-evil!". I considered this a good sign, and here is why. In my experience, if some "bad forces" are really gonna kick your ass in a trip, they tend to invite you, kind of lure you. So, I learned to be cautious with a feeling that I need to trip. But if something is so obviously trying to scare me off, that's how I know I'm gonna be fine.
When I got home, I put Liquid Bloom playing and took a tab of LSD.
The Trip Due to me being already microdosed and relaxed, the onset was super smooth. The main effect of LSD was that all background shit in my head just vanished, and I found myself standing there like an idiot, totally blank, just profoundly being here and now.
Well, the only thing that didn't vanish was me being super horny. And at some point I couldn't resist anymore and just started jerking off. And I thought like "shit, I wanted this to be all deep and special and sacred, what the hell am I doing?" But then I noticed what was actually happening. Every sensation was a prayer! Every stroke of my cock was a song of gratitude, a celebration of my sexuality...
So, I shook off my doubts and just went on, and fapped, thinking of God and sincerely offering him my pleasure, my excitement, my appreciation of life. Before I knew it my finger was up my butt, and I came, and maybe blacked out a bit, IDK. And as I lay there, astonished, covered with cum and lube, I saw diamonds, so many diamonds, and felt such love, such gratitude, like never before. My heart was overfilled with peace... And then the first poem formed:
God, I'm so happy to be alive, To breathe, To share these moments with others, To be together with all the living beings here, on Earth. You gave me a wonderful, wonderful world, And you gave me eyes to see it, And you gave me LSD to open them. What an incredible joy To be a spark in this fire, To be a drop in this ocean, To be. Thank you. Thank you.
And then I thought, okay, but isn't it blasphemy? I mean, really. But nope, there was only love, transcending right and wrong, good and evil... It was like even God and Devil came to peace within my soul. And this concluded and dissolved all fears and doubts and regrets I ever had. And that's where the second poem formed:
The truth is, long ago God and Devil Fell madly in love with each other, And we are their children, And you can see it everywhere: Their crazy, crazy love.
And then I jerked off again, of course. Wow. I have never ever reached that level of being ok with my sexuality, u know? Playing it like music...
I spent the rest of my trip thinking of my girlfriend and all important people in my life, and the sacred ceremonies I was lucky to participate in... And there was that magnificent sunrise, and I wanted to take a walk, but then I saw myself in a mirror and decided to stay home...
Isn't it wonderful that if you just slow down and dare to look really deep into your own heart, then there is nothing but peace, and gratitude, and sometimes poetry... But hey, isn't it a bit too guru for a guy who just got fucked up and fapped?
Time to shut up.
Edited by kyu (08/20/20 02:17 AM)
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I guess after six months it's safe to say my relationship with masturbation is kind of healed.
I never realized it, but I used to approach masturbation as... second-rate sex? I mean, I had this attitude like oh well, once again I couldn't find anyone to fuck and have to take care of things myself, you know?
And now, after the trip, I'm like ok, let's enjoy life. I mean, nothing is actually missing, I give pleasure, I receive pleasure, it's just me on both ends.
My huge personal discovery was that post-nut sadness is not mandatory at all, a good mindful jerk brings profound satisfaction, positive mood and motivation to do other stuff. Another discovery was that it's important to avoid and resist satisfaction to experience more pleasure. I mean, cumming is only worth it when I'm already happy, otherwise it brings disappointment. Might seem obvious to someone, but it wasn't for me.
Things are getting really interesting lately. I dedicate about 1-1.5 hours a day to masturbation, it's better than most of the sex I ever had, and I just can't believe it took me 20 years of practice to get to this point. Hell, I'm even losing interest in porn because it kind of distracts me from myself and my sensations.
I recently learned to slow down before orgasm, moving reeeeally slowly to avoid going back and just stay near the most euphoric point. It's a mind-blowing experience, a trippy mixture of pleasure and frustration, and I mean wooow... And then an equally mind-blowing orgasm follows that lasts for a whole minute or so... This is where I sometimes start praying spontaneously, coz it's the most direct expression of this ecstasy.
So, yeah, my life is kind of a mess right now, but this particular aspect is quite perfect and I totally owe it to LSD. And myself.
-------------------- You gave me a wonderful, wonderful world, And you gave me eyes to see it, And you gave me LSD to open them.
Edited by kyu (02/18/21 12:32 AM)
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