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InvisibleMOTH
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Registered: 06/06/03
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Why can't they just let it go?!!
    #2719156 - 05/23/04 06:25 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

So, I talked to my mom on the phone the other day. She asked how I was doing, and I said, "Fine, mom. I'm doing alot better actually. I've been meditating and stuff."

Immediantly she jumps right on me and starts quizzing me with, "You're praying too, aren't you? Are you reading your Bible? Is your heart open for the lord when you're meditating?"

Like, bam bam bam she interrogates me. It reminded me of when I was a little kid and my dad told me that meditating wasn't a good idea, since it wasn't for God. I ended up lying to her and saying, "Yes, mom, I've been doing all of that too..."

I am tired of it, but I guess I don't know how to tell them that I am not "religious" anymore, and that I am not a Christian in the way that they think Christians should be. I want to be open with my parents, but I feel like they force me to lie to them. They always tell me that if any one of their kids isn't a Godly person, they will think that they are failures. So I don't want to cause them that type of strife, but it is causing me strife leading a "double-life" when it comes to my parents.

If I told my dad that I was interested in Buddhism, I think that he would hit the roof.

What would you do in this situation? Be completely honest, or lie and shield your parents from a truth that you know will hurt them?

*me*


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OfflineYouEnjoyMyself
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Registered: 03/01/03
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: MOTH]
    #2719161 - 05/23/04 06:27 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

well you know you aren't a failure if you aren't religious...unfortunately thats what they think...and it is more harsh coming from a parent. my parents know i'm not religious but they don't care.

whatever feels right for you.


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-Wash uffitze drive me to firenze


Edited by YouEnjoyMyself (05/23/04 06:27 PM)


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Offlineiluan
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: MOTH]
    #2719177 - 05/23/04 06:31 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I'm glad my parents don't care if i believe in evalution and not religion. I guess it depends on your situation whether or not you want to tell them the truth in your circumstance.


--------------------
Remember..if the women don't find ya handsome,they should atleast find ya handy!


I do what i can with what i don't have!


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: iluan]
    #2719196 - 05/23/04 06:36 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I'm afraid that if I tell them the truth about things, they will look at me differently and treat me differently. You see, I was raised in this rigid fundamentalist home, where going to church and being a Christian was expected and demanded of you.

I try really hard never to talk about "religious" matters with my parents, to avoid this type of thing. But sometimes they confront me about "religion" very aggressively, and I feel like I have to lie or subject myself to lots of misery, and make them feel disappointed in me.

But lying makes me feel dirty, like, I feel like I SHOULD be able to be honest with my parents. It makes me sad that I can't be, you know?


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Invisiblesynthesis
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: MOTH]
    #2719208 - 05/23/04 06:38 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

i would just tell them, they should understand if they are reasonable. if your interested in buddhism, they should be cool with that. i believe that there is one higher power, i dont know what it is though, whether its God, Allah, Jah, Mohammed, Jesus, Zeus or whatever.. if you achieve bliss through meditation, or prayer its still connecting with the higher power.

i'd try to get them to understand, it beats lying to them about your religious practices. they arent southern baptist are they? those are the worst. (i went to a baptist school for a year, it was insane). IMO religion is between you and the higher power, nobody else should stand in between, and people shouldnt have to ONLY follow certain traditions and rituals or read certain books just to be "in" with God


--------------------
http://www.infowars.com


Edited by synthesis (05/23/04 06:42 PM)


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InvisibleMOTH
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: synthesis]
    #2719222 - 05/23/04 06:41 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

synthesis said:
they arent southern baptist are they? 





Yep.  And they're proud of it. :crazy:

When it comes to matters of their "religion", they are not at all reasonable.  That's why I'm nervous about telling the truth.


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OfflineToTheSummit
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: MOTH]
    #2719229 - 05/23/04 06:42 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I come from an extremely religious family/upbringing.  My family knows I am a non-believer now but they never ask me about my beliefs.  I think they prefer not to get into it with me, might shake their faith or something.  But at least they leave me alone now and quit asking me when I'm gonna come to church.  They know they aren't gonna like what I have to say if they push me into talking about it.

BTW- man created God in his own image....just in case you were wondering. :tongue:


--------------------
You invented the wheel....You push the motherfucker!!


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OfflineYouEnjoyMyself
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: MOTH]
    #2719231 - 05/23/04 06:42 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

sounds like they aren't too reasonable...that sucks. i wish i coudl help you but its up to you and what feels right to you. the circumstances sound difficult though.


--------------------
-Wash uffitze drive me to firenze


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: MOTH]
    #2719300 - 05/23/04 07:05 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I have the same problem with my mom's side of the family.

the best solution I've found is to study their religion alongside my own spiritual interests. That way when they bring it up, I always have something to say about it, and it gives them the impression that I am at least thinking about it. I also like to point out similarities in the Christian religion and other philosophies.

Also, I rarely say anything to my mom about my personal beliefs. I usually say things like, "Jesus said..." or "Lao Tzu once wrote..." and leave it at that. Rarely when speaking to my parrents do I express any religious affiliation. But I do let them know I study all religions and just havent made up my mind yet. "If Christianity is the one true faith," I tell them, "then I will inevitably come to realize that in due time." After all, I do spend much more time thinking about my spirituality than they do.


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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InvisibleMarioNett
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: MOTH]
    #2719634 - 05/23/04 08:30 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Yeesh, something that's supposed to be peaceful can be so oppressive. My first instinct would be to tell them exactly how you really feel, but maybe they're not reasonable enough to come to terms with that. Maybe it'll be less painful for you if you just lie or dodge the subject. Sorry I'm not being very helpful.

You could always dose em.  :mushroom2: :heartpump: :yesnod:


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Offlinevalour
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2719778 - 05/23/04 08:52 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I'll go with DoctorJ on this, too.

One half of my family has had some sort of revival in their ranks, and I've had to explain and reexplain my positions over and over again, until it struck me - as someone who more or less thinks in Taoist and Buddhist terms, I can explain things in a way that is entirely true, sounds like an answer they want to hear and instead lets me introduce a concept I want to introduce from my own beliefs (the Lao Tzu example was good).

For the Buddhist angle, dig up a book called _Living Buddha, Living Christ_ by Thich Nhat Hanh - it's brilliant, and will help you do the comparative pluralistic thing with them: they'll interpret Jesus this, Jesus that, when I talk about my views on life, the universe and everything, all the while you're talking about comparative aspects of Buddha and Jesus. I do this with that and Taoist texts. From one of those conversations, my cousin has decided he wants to try shrooms with me, and my mother was able to draw the connection between Buddhism (her family's background) and Christianity.
So best case scenario: they'll do the same and draw the same conclusions.
Possibly more likely scenario: they'll interpret your own spirituality through their Christian lens - and be "right" in a way, even if they don't see it the same way you do.


--------------------
"Remember, son,
I didn't sell out-
I bought in."


Edited by valour (05/23/04 08:56 PM)


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OfflineScarfmeister
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: MOTH]
    #2719822 - 05/23/04 09:00 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

on one hand id like to tell you to just confront them but on the other hand i know how hard it can be with parents.
Personally i have always believed that in the long run taking the conflicts are rewarding.


--------------------
--------------------
We're the lowest of the low, the scum of the fucking earth!


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OfflineDreamer987
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Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: MOTH]
    #2719836 - 05/23/04 09:01 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Honesty is important to me. When i was a kid i used to lie to myself, and my parents constantly.
Now, for the most part, i try to be honest. Even though sometimes it makes things uncomfortable, and creates tension. For the most part it has helped our relationship emensly.
Though your parents sound really crazy, and opening up to them might be hard. I still recomend bieng honest.


--------------------


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Anonymous

Re: Why can't they just let it go?!! [Re: MOTH]
    #2720462 - 05/23/04 10:53 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

i actually went through the exact same situation. My entire bllod line was jewish we have it traced back 14 generations and before that we where jewish it just can't be confirmed by a sinogog. Anyways i am an occultist and i just told my parents flat out, i don't believe in the faith and if i don't believe in it i am just kidding myself in saying that I am jewish, i told them i am an occultist and that is the way i am going to stay...long story short after about 2 weeks of wierd looks and even wierded questions they got over it.


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