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A. The behavioral-environmental part of the problem--
1. Exposure--confront the scary situation over and over. 2. Analyze the situation--log and assess the possible causes. 3. Avoid the stressful situation or person, change your environment. 4. Seek support from friends, counselors, self-help groups, etc.
B. The emotional part--
5. Learn to relax--counter the tension directly. 6. Desensitization--reduce the fear or anxiety response. 7. Flooding or venting feelings--get strong emotions off your chest. 8. Stress inoculation--learn to "stay calm" or to "talk yourself down." 9. Channel "nervous energy" into fruitful activities. 10. Develop psychological toughness--take on stressful challenges.
C. Skills for reducing insecurity--
11. Actually having more skills makes you feel more competent...you are!
D. Cognitive part--
12. Observe and model a person successfully handling the scary situation. 13. Recognize that faulty thinking may be the cause of your stress. 14. Correct misperceptions--consult with others; test out your views. 15. Challenge irrational beliefs and demands of how things "should" be. 16. Right wrong conclusions--check with others, test your reasoning, learn to think logically. 17. Intentional thorough planning of how to cope. 18. Healthy attitudes--face problems squarely, commit yourself to action. 19. Build your faith in your ability to handle stress and other problems. 20. Find an inspiring mission in life and nurture an optimistic attitude.
E. Unconscious factors--
21. Explore your history--for traumas, stressful emotions, and beliefs. 22. Utilize natural curiosity--ask relatives and friends about childhood. 23. Read psychological literature and case studies: Q: "True of me too?"
Now you are prepared to plan your attack on tension and fears that hold you back. Based on what you know, select the best two or three methods and give them an honest try. If they don't work, try something else. Good luck.
-------------------- if you can't find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?