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OfflineskOsH
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: wolfman42]
    #27143743 - 01/12/21 02:16 PM (14 days, 6 hours ago)

Dang, 4g GTs gave ego death? Woah.

If I get ego death on any psych, i meditate and pretend to be...like a boulder or something and my anxiety lessens. I just entrance myself with closed eye visuals and going with it.

Anxiety manifests itself on psychedelics if you try to resist it, so something might have tried to resist the ego death in your mind? I mean, as you do psychs more often I feel like ego death is more easy to navigate.

Oddly enough I "know" when I am going to have ego death on a psych. If I start to get absolutely blasted and the visuals get insane I just meditate or lie down, or both. If i lie down I pretend I am a log in a magical forest. It's pretty fun. I mean, you have no ego, and it's only temporary, and you won't actually die. I'd say just go with it. If you hear rain outside pretend to be...something outside. I would try to focus on any kind of distraction to ease anxiety


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Offlinewolfman42
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: skOsH]
    #27143902 - 01/12/21 03:39 PM (14 days, 5 hours ago)

I guess the part I had a hard time with was that I could not breathe. It felt like something was physically choking me until I passed out unconscious.

I did not resist towards the end. Yes this made it easier but it did not make it comfortable by a long shot.

I was unconscious for several minutes. That's when I experienced it.

When I came to I could not move my body for a full 2 hours. I was completely paralyzed from the neck down. I could feel nothing. Not my toes, not my hunger, not my pain, not my body.

I think the physical aspect on my body is what gave me anxiety. The other parts of the experience were amazing and filled with wonder.

Yes I can get there in less than 3 Grams with tea. The tolerance thing with mushrooms is bullshit.

My tolerance is less not more since I started taking them. It takes me less to get there now. Much less. So I have to be very careful unless I want to go on the roller coaster again.

Perhaps with practice and time I could become used to it and pass more easily into it. I don't know.

The intensity of it makes me question whether I should go there again and if I do I think I could easily wait a year or more before Id consider it. I may not have a choice if I get near psychedelics again. They seem like tricksters to me.


Edited by wolfman42 (01/12/21 10:10 PM)


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OfflinePrimalSoup
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27144530 - 01/12/21 09:28 PM (13 days, 23 hours ago)

Quote:

DJ Ed said:
Wow that’s amazing. I have never thought to ask to be healed but read in so many places the healing power of the mind and psychedelics. Most references allude to ayahuasca when they talk of the mind healing the body, but all the same it’s really intriguing.

There is something eternally blissful about simply existing as consciousness. Thank you for sharing.
DJ Ed




Maybe it's not commonly known enough.  I know I've asked for healing(s) and received them, almost more than I could easily count.  It's the spiritual connection that entheogens produce, and it's a reliable side-effect too.  But you do have to ask for it.

:hereyougo:


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OfflinePrimalSoup
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: wolfman42]
    #27144537 - 01/12/21 09:32 PM (13 days, 23 hours ago)

Quote:

wolfman42 said:
Thanks man. I don't know had it been something more serious like cancer would it have worked? Did it work? The mind and the heart don't always agree on what I saw and felt. I take the heart over the mind in these matters. But it's confusing to say the least.

I did see the elephant. He is the granter of wishes and the doer of good deeds. None of my other (lighter) trips did the trick for me. I have read when you see Ganesha he has granted a wish or removed some obstacle in your life.

I think there is some healing power in the mushrooms naturally. The psilocybin certainly feels like a medicine/numbing agent when imbibing. It numbs almost all pain in my body for the duration of the trip. But usually that pain comes back after the trip. Except this last trip the pain did not come back.

This is the third time I'm hearing of this. Two of my friends had similar experiences.




It'd be good to start a thread just about this sort of healing effect.  I've seen it reported many times now.

I know it's perfectly plausible because I've experienced it myself. 

But you know you have to be totally committed to tripping to get there and it's not easy to arrange the right conditions for that to happen (also from experience).  :cookiemonster:


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OfflineThe Blind Ass
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #27144785 - 01/13/21 12:14 AM (13 days, 20 hours ago)

:cheers:



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Offlinewolfman42
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #27144841 - 01/13/21 01:30 AM (13 days, 19 hours ago)

Agree. I'd like to. I don't think my account has that privilege to start new threads.

I still think it wants me to do the work to facilitate the healing or earn it somehow. But I can't be sure.

I do feel as if the psilocybin itself is medicine. It's the only thing that made me feel like myself again when I had covid. When I took some lighter trips during covid infection I was basically my old self again for the duration of the trip. I went out and did pushups and hiked and it was as if I had no covid at all. Then the trip would wear off and covid would come back. Maybe mildly better but I can't be sure.

Then the last trip I had ego death. That is where I saw Ganesh shrouded in bright pink color why do I remember this part of the trip so clearly and not others so much. Also a Cherubim angel by the bed also clearly seen and remembered throughout the trip. Cherubim angel had no shape. Eyes all over it. What a sight! What a fucking sight! God is real. I am convinced. I saw one of his first creations.

Then came the primordial sound from deep within the body. This is when I felt pure bliss. Better than anything Ive ever felt in my life. Ever.

I made sure to get my girlfriend on Facetime before I peaked to make sure I was gonna be ok. She was my tether to the world. I could always sense her love nearby during my trip. Ganesh gave me a message for her as well. He said she has some sickness in her stomach. Not in words. But I felt it. I gave the message to my girlfriend. She had some recent issues with stomach pain.

I woke up from this trip with no pain left in my lungs. It was gone. Covid was gone. I mean I can still feel a little something if I really try but it's a 0/10 or a 1/10 now and before this trip it was a 5/10 or 6/10 in terms of pain level and discomfort.


The following week my girlfriend had ego death or ego dissolution. We asked Ganesh for healing again. Again the wish was granted. My girlfriend's stomach issues were resolved after her trip.

I really believe in the healing power of these entheogens. These mushrooms. I don't know if this is what really happened or not. In my heart I know it's truth. At least I think I do.

Coming from a position of skepticism over the years it's very hard for my mind to wrap itself around what happened. It's almost too much to process. Nor do I necessarily trust my interpretation. I know what I saw with my eyes. I know what I felt in my heart. And I see the pain is gone. I also know or feel this couldn't have come from me. I have never seen these things before. My mind had no concept of them prior to my trip.


Edited by wolfman42 (01/13/21 01:47 AM)


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OfflineThe Blind Ass
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: wolfman42]
    #27144894 - 01/13/21 02:25 AM (13 days, 18 hours ago)

They are a wonder. 
Healing is possible. 
I know from experience.


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OfflineskOsH
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #27144911 - 01/13/21 02:47 AM (13 days, 18 hours ago)

The paralysis has to also come from an anxiety attack, I don't think GTs are wood lovers so that throws wood-loving paralysis out the window.

Did your throat close up or something? That sounds like a side effect of a seizure, but then you would also likely be moving around.

Might be side effects from covid, I hear it can cause some nerve damage but psilocybin + lions mane might repair all of that. Doesn't work for everyone though.

I guess you could try taking cbd next time and see if it smooths things over, its supposed to have an anti anxiety effect.

Or do threshold doses and try activities you enjoy and it could make you feel like yourself again. I remember I microdosed for a month and I really felt amazing for a few months. Actually felt like myself again


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Offlinewolfman42
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #27145309 - 01/13/21 10:13 AM (13 days, 10 hours ago)

Would love to hear about some of your experiences man.


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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: wolfman42]
    #27145441 - 01/13/21 11:23 AM (13 days, 9 hours ago)

Try not to be defensive about your experiences.
There is nothing to protect, nothing is threatened.

Having experiences without egoic interference is most likely to be healing. (I could not summarize and feel truthful about it).

For the most part this (ego, ego-death, mental states) is not well understood, it is almost impossible to understand or define ego-death with universality, but we try and that is the most human part about it.

Trying to share the feeling, or come up with a way to access it reliably.


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Offlinewolfman42
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: redgreenvines]
    #27145878 - 01/13/21 02:50 PM (13 days, 6 hours ago)

I've deleted the post. It did come off as defensive.

Everyone has a unique experience. I will say I think true ego death is terrifying for all but a very small percentage of people. You cannot control the experience when you've been shoved off of that cliff and neither should you try. That's the point. You give up all control.

But this too is hubris. I digress.


Edited by wolfman42 (01/13/21 02:51 PM)


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Offlinewolfman42
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: skOsH]
    #27145934 - 01/13/21 03:14 PM (13 days, 5 hours ago)

My original reply to this was defensive. I removed it. My humble apologies.

I would just say this. The experience was terrifying and thrilling all at once. And in hindsight it was the most awesome and intense experience of my life which probably rivals only my birth and then again will be rivaled by my real death. I am content with everything I experienced. If this is my path than so be it. If this is how I must die each time then so be it. How wonderful and mysterious it all is.


Edited by wolfman42 (01/14/21 12:54 PM)


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OfflineVibe_Enthusiast
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: Drunken Lullabies1]
    #27146063 - 01/13/21 04:35 PM (13 days, 4 hours ago)

Quote:

Drunken Lullabies1 said:
Nothing fast just about 4 grams of Golden Teachers



With the right set and setting, that will more certainly take you for a journey. There has been a few times where I've lost sense of self - but as soon as I realized it I became aware of myself again. I've never completely dived into a full blown realm.. but I have definitely flirted with it.


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Offlinewolfman42
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: Vibe_Enthusiast]
    #27146195 - 01/13/21 06:10 PM (13 days, 2 hours ago)

Couldn't agree more. Which is why I tell people to be careful with dosing. It is not as straightforward as it appears.

I think it can be influenced up to a point for a certain window of time. But if you miss that window or have taken too much you're going to be shoved off of that proverbial cliff whether you like it or not. The decision will be made for you.

I did not mean to go there. It was 'forced' on me with a relatively low dose. Less than 3-4 grams in some tea.

In my mind I wanted to. I flirted with it too. I think it knew that and so it tricked me. Or at least I tricked myself. Every single sip you take of that tea counts so much more than I knew at the time. Every single sip matters more than I could have possibly imagined.

Set and setting too. Willingness and intention too. So much goes into it.


Edited by wolfman42 (01/13/21 06:13 PM)


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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: wolfman42]
    #27146231 - 01/13/21 06:26 PM (13 days, 2 hours ago)

Hey wolf man,

Love the avatar by the way; treated myself to the first three Hellraiser films on my birthday :thumbup:

Not sure I agree about the “not having a choice if you take too high a dose, but you do have a choice if you take lower doses”.

It gets very complicated; psychedelics, dose, and age or experience. I’ve taken mushrooms for decades and have got to the stage where I can get to “ego death” on relatively low doses, around 3.8g dry these days.

But I have to let the ego death happen!!! Let me explain....

First of all it only ever happens if I am tripping completely alone with no possibility of “getting help”.
It never feels good. I am always racked with anxiety and fear. And more often than not I will fight it; I will mainly distract myself by changing rooms, changing music, turning music off, going upstairs, getting changed, going outside, coming inside. You get the picture.

But when the stars are aligned and my mind is right, I can talk myself into staying still and going with the flow. I accept the fear. And I accept that maybe I am in fact dying. So this is what it’s like..........

And then I’m there. The fear has gone. The pressure and the stress has gone. The doubts have gone. Time slows, sometimes to a complete standstill. Then I transcend space and leave my body.

The next stage generally is all mystical, deja vu, time travel,,ancestor energies, clouds and floating, white light. And euphoric.

Sometimes the euphoria is too overwhelming, I have to adjust my position and cry. I can cry uncontrollably,,there’s too much good emotion to keep inside. Then I’m filled with gratitude.

But this does not happen often. I generally fight it. Or these days I generally dose much lower and go for a “recreational” or “rave like” dose :cookiemonster:

Take care all
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
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Offlinegreenladel

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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: Drunken Lullabies1] * 1
    #27146315 - 01/13/21 07:20 PM (13 days, 1 hour ago)

it can be difficult sometimes, but sometimes not. depends on the person and their state of mind at the time.
in general if you can open yourself up to it and be as prepared as possible to let go then you will not be as scared. a lot of the time new explorers worry needlessly about their first ego death, which makes the experience more scary when it happens. i guess you were probably more prepared for what was to come than you expected to be.

every trip is unique, as is every person, so there is no "normal" really.

safe travels :heart:


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Offlinewolfman42
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27147541 - 01/14/21 01:24 PM (12 days, 7 hours ago)

Thank you DJ Ed! I love Hellraiser. I actually still need to watch 2 & 3 but the 1st one is in my top 10 for horror movies.

Your experiences line up with how I felt. I knew in my rational mind that mushrooms are very good at making you think you're dying. But that's just it really. It's the rational mind that dies so it's not there to help reassure you when you need it.

That little voice in your head. It's dead when you're on the other side. So it makes some kind of sense in hindsight that the fear of dying is prominent and you are unable to reassure yourself that the experience is going to be ok. That's exactly what the mushies are after. The ego. The part of the body that wants to survive.

They take the Default Mode Network offline. This is the brain network that enables us to be aware of our body. The part that wants to survive and live in the body. That part dies. I believe this is why going through such an experience necessitates some form of paralysis. If you look at most religious/spiritual experiences throughout history most of them come at night while the person is sleeping or otherwise compromised. These visions rarely come to the marathon runner while he's in the race and if they do the marathon runner falls to the ground and has an 'experience'.

But I don't really know. I've only had this ego death once. Yes I felt what I would call some kind of satori enlightenment. I think you've felt it too. It feels like pure bliss. It felt like the voice of God surging through every fiber of my being and it felt like the best feeling I've ever felt.

Shortly after I was floating on the ocean. That was the sensation. I believe you float across this sea of dreams to get back to this plane. Our plane of existence. I knew then that the experience was over.

Then the entities came back. They were at the beginning too. I try not to get too distracted by them because I've heard they can be tricksters.

I have not seen a demon thankfully as far as I can tell. I saw Cheribum. One large Cherub standing at the foot of my bed. They are biblical angels. I had had no concept of this thing before I saw it. I had to google around after the fact to figure it out. This is why I believe these things to be real. My mind never saw this before so how does it know what it looks like?

It would open its perfectly beautiful eyes one at time looking at me. It was there for most of the dying part. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Felt my relatives on the other side. I couldn't make out the shape of the cherub but wow it was huge. I would worship it if I saw it in real life. I've since seen this Cherub about 2 or 3 times in my minds eye. I can feel it around me sometimes. I try not to make much of it. I tell myself if it wants to it will give some message.

But I digress. I could talk on it for ages to be honest. I would never try to summon an entity. I think that gets dark. I don't want to attract dark energy.

Everything in that world responded to Love and base emotions. I could feel their emotion. It was a place of feeling not of mind. I knew what they wanted to convey without having to speak or be spoken to. There was no intellect there. I made sure to keep Love in my heart as much as I could. I cried uncontrollably too. It felt so good. The joy I felt.

Thanks for sharing. I really appreciate your responses and I've read quite a few of them here on these forums. Hope to keep reading more about your experiences and the wisdom you've gained from them.


Edited by wolfman42 (01/14/21 04:27 PM)


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OfflinePrimalSoup
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: wolfman42]
    #27147723 - 01/14/21 03:02 PM (12 days, 5 hours ago)

That's reading an awful lot into DMN for sure.

DMN (wiki):

Quote:

In neuroscience, the default mode network (DMN), also default network, or default state network, is a large-scale brain network primarily composed of the medial prefrontal cortex, posterior cingulate cortex/precuneus and angular gyrus. It is best known for being active when a person is not focused on the outside world and the brain is at wakeful rest, such as during daydreaming and mind-wandering. It can also be active during detailed thoughts related to external task performance.[3] Other times that the DMN is active include when the individual is thinking about others, thinking about themselves, remembering the past, and planning for the future.[4][5]

Though the DMN was originally noticed to be deactivated in certain goal-oriented tasks and is sometimes referred to as the task-negative network,[6] it can be active in other goal-oriented tasks such as social working memory or autobiographical tasks.[7] The DMN has been shown to be negatively correlated with other networks in the brain such as attention networks.[8]




So called "ego death" occurs quite handily without paralysis of any sort.  You're talking more about the paralysis of dreaming, which is a lot easier to explain, as it has its basis in the biological need not to act out dreams too physically. 

Whether there's a connection between that and ego-loss experience is debatable.  :cookiemonster:


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Offlinewolfman42
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #27147850 - 01/14/21 04:03 PM (12 days, 4 hours ago)

Yes I make no claims as to if any of what I say is true or not. Just conjecture and thinking out loud based off of research and articles i've read online and what I've personally experienced.

I'm a biomedical engineer and work in neuroscience for 20 years more or less so I've had a few spirited debates with colleagues about DMN and other networks and this sort of experience in general. It's very exciting new research coming up all the time. We really get into it.

Perhaps the experience does not necessitate paralysis. But it certainly necessitates that you not be aware of your surroundings. For how could you be? You are somewhere else.

For me I am quite happy I was paralyzed. I cannot imagine what would've happened to my body had I been "acting out" my experience as you say when you refer to dream paralysis. I simply cannot imagine my body moving while I was experiencing any of that. It would be like trying to stand up on a roller coaster while it was going through a loop.



Edited by wolfman42 (01/14/21 04:10 PM)


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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: wolfman42]
    #27147859 - 01/14/21 04:09 PM (12 days, 4 hours ago)

Quote:

wolfman42 said:
Perhaps the experience does not necessitate paralysis. But it certainly necessitates that you not be aware of your surroundings. For how could you be? You are somewhere else.




Some might take it a step further and say that as long as "You" are experiencing it, it is not ego death.


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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics >> The Psychedelic Experience

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