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 Tucky
Smart ass.
Registered: 12/13/20
Posts: 136
Loc: Near a tree by a lake
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 Ego death and anxiety 
#27126167 - 01/04/21 01:19 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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As I read trip reports it seems that there is some anxiety associated with experiencing ego death. It could be from realizing that you no longer exist or letting go and allowing the trip to happen or whatever reason people may have to feel anxiety or fear. My question is should there be fear involved? I experienced ego death a few days ago and really the only difficulty I had was “coming back to my body”. I had no sense of me or any memory of anything to do with me. It was as if I was just out there and at the same time I experienced the trials and suffering of people all around the world. But there was nothing to resist or to fight against as I went through the death of my ego, the entire experience felt natural. It was not like I was given any choice, it just happened.
Is this normal?
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Fuck the government...with a cactus
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feevers
Registered: 12/28/10
Posts: 8,662
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: Tucky]
#27126199 - 01/04/21 01:38 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Drunken Lullabies1 said:
My question is should there be fear involved?
Trips are a unique experience for everyone, and usually even unique trip-to-trip for the individual. When it comes to subjective parts of the trips like this, there really aren't many 'should's'.
I've had experiences of what could be called ego dissolution where it felt like literally the end of existence, anxiety greater than I've ever felt in my life. I've also experienced similar states but felt pure love and euphoria instead, being ultimately at peace. Both involved a separate path to get there, and left me with different impressions of the experience and different lasting effects.
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 skOsH
Functionally dysfunctional
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: feevers] 2
#27126205 - 01/04/21 01:44 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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If you did a fast acting psychedelic then what you experienced is in the realm of the norm
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Eclipse3130
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: Tucky]
#27126213 - 01/04/21 01:48 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Sometimes the ego dissolves without you even knowing so, one of my first few trips I had an ego death experience but didn't learn what it was until later. There was no fear involved because I went in with an open mind set and zero expectations as I had no prior knowledge to the mushrooms. Once you know about it though, and your ego grows back in a new fashion, then it can be considered scary, as you pretty much know what you're up against next time you go deep. The hard part is then letting go of expectations
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"In The Material World One seeks retirement and grows Old
In The Magical World One seeks Enlightenment and grows Wiser
In The Miraculous World One seeks nothing and grows Lighter
As we all tread the Homeward Path we will explore many Realms
And one day... we will all Realize that all experiences are Simply
Different ways in which The
All-That Is
Perceives Itself"
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Tucky
Smart ass.
Registered: 12/13/20
Posts: 136
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: skOsH]
#27126219 - 01/04/21 01:50 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Nothing fast just about 4 grams of Golden Teachers
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redgreenvines
irregular verb
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: Tucky]
#27126230 - 01/04/21 01:54 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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great!
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: Tucky] 1
#27126374 - 01/04/21 03:04 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Drunken Lullabies1 said:
As I read trip reports it seems that there is some anxiety associated with experiencing ego death.
Yeah, it tends to hit a lot of people hard - but not everybody. It kind of depends on how comfortable you are with shedding your skin. 
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if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects:  Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
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InnerWisdom
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: PrimalSoup] 1
#27126401 - 01/04/21 03:16 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Primal the Gandalf of mushroom consumers 
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Rise against
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My last trip I dosed 5g of Ecuadorian + as much as 20g of penis envy. I certainly had an ego death experience. I really didn't have any concept of myself for a good chunk of the trip. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt as if I was stuck between 2 galaxies/entities of color. All I could do was look at it and I really didn't have any thoughts or many memories at that time. I wouldn't describe it as frightening.
After a while I got really nauseous and made it to the bathroom to vomit. This reeled in my ego somewhat and this is when the trip got frightening. I was in another dimension full of entities and I didn't feel like I belonged there. Then the thought came over that I was going to be permanently insane and stuck in this realm for eternity, like I was being detained. I called my sister and told her that I had been abducted by aliens and but became a little more grounded and chilled out. It was quite the trip.
It seemed like the ego death itself wasn't frightening, but transitioning into it and out of it was in that particular trip.
Here is the trip report if curious...
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/27049737
Edited by Rise against (01/04/21 09:16 PM)
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Shroomysamba
Registered: 11/23/20
Posts: 60
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Quote:
Rise against said:
My last trip I dosed 5g of Ecuadorian + as much as 20g of penis envy. I certainly had an ego death experience. I really didn't have any concept of myself for a good chunk of the trip. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt as if I was stuck between 2 galaxies/entities of color. All I could do was look at it and I really didn't have any thoughts or many memories at that time. I wouldn't describe it as frightening.
After a while I got really nauseous and made it to the bathroom to vomit. This reeled in my ego somewhat and this is when the trip got frightening. I was in another dimension full of entities and I didn't feel like I belonged there. Then the thought came over that I was going to be permanently insane and stuck in this realm for eternity, like I was being detained. I called my sister and told her that I had been abducted by aliens and but became a little more grounded and chilled out. It was quite the trip.
It seemed like the ego death itself wasn't frightening, but transitioning into it and out of it was in that particular trip.
Here is the trip report if curious...
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/27049737
for me once on like 6 hits of tested lsd this all was happening and more but my problem is as im away my body still does stuff i still say things my trip sitters go through hell while im in my own world ive only gone that far once or twice and woke up with terrible stories of what i did it was like a ego death psychosis where i felt possessed entities i encountered were deceptive and tried to fool me some were real and genuine but a lot of bad stuff there too i would come to for brief moments of my sitters trying to hold me down fighting me and all i could get out were just the words don't beat me to death lol also wouldn't have any function of my body as i tried to stand up succeeded and immediately fell to the floor and couldn't move like i was paralyzed it was scary but 2 seconds after back to the other universe haha long story short i woke up with some pissed off tripsitters after dealing with that for 10 hours a swollen head bruises thrashed room and dried up bloody nose ego death just isn't my thing
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DJ Ed
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: Tucky]
#27127602 - 01/05/21 06:21 AM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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I have had an ego dissolution on fresh Mazatapec, and it felt like I was being cuddled with love throughout. Nothing anxious. However I have had many trips from dry, and one or two full on “ego deaths”. The points leading up to the letting go have actually been the most terrifying moments of my life. But when you eventually realise that “resistance is futile” and you consciously let go and just go with the flow, for me that is when the real transcendence and magic happens.
The anxiety is enough to put me off for months sometimes years. It would be awesome to have a stock of fresh mushrooms; I’ve tried Primal Soup’s tea and citric acid method but I must have got the citric acid ratio bang on 1:50....the come up from this frozen fresh tea is so fast it is really hard not to freak the f... out!!!
Had 5g liquid psilocybin last week which didn’t work, or so I thought. So I thawed out 2 ice cubes to give me n extra 3.6g: had to ring the ex to be talked down, because for the first time in years, I have to admit..... I panicked 
Take care
DJ Ed
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“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind
“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna
  
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LRK
Zn+1=Zn^2+C
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: DJ Ed]
#27129666 - 01/06/21 04:25 AM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Was there before as well DJ Ed, where all I felt was the love of God over and around me.
Last week I took some 1.5g of APE and the come-up was so hard I started to get into a negative space in my head and wish I could break free from it.
At that point I could barely move my limbs let alone even walk.
I opened my eyes and through my kaleidoscopic view I could see my wife lying next to me looking into my eyes and smiling at me.
I just felt so much more comfortable and knew everything will be fine.
Had an amazing trip after that!
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Neurotech
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: DJ Ed]
#27130018 - 01/06/21 10:28 AM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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I don't think that was ego death. It sounds more like the ego holding on and not letting go. That is the way many bad trips start. Its important, I believe, to trust and let go. When I see or think mysterious and fightening things, I think to myself, "Show me", inviting the insight.
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wolfman42
Truth Lover
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: Neurotech]
#27130131 - 01/06/21 11:16 AM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Your experience does not sound like ego death to me. But everyone has a unique experience.
Of course most people will be fearful. We are human. We don't like to die. So this is natural for most people.
If you experience true ego death it is usually quite terrifying especially your first time.
You do not mention the body aspects. I'm not sure how calm you would feel if you felt the lifeforce being ripped from your body in a violent and uncontrollable manner. No one ever talks about the body aspects of this.
When you die it certainly is a wild ride for most. Unless you are used to dying. And I can speak for myself: I'm not.
I've had ego death. While I could see myself doing it again (in a few years) there is no doubt that this was as close to real death as I will feel in my life other than my actual death. If that doesn't blow your mind then you are already enlightened, or you did not have true ego death.
You have to ask for it. And yes, it's always intentional even if you don't know it. They do. Because they know you better than you know yourself.
Edited by wolfman42 (01/06/21 12:02 PM)
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DJ Ed
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: Neurotech]
#27130845 - 01/06/21 03:49 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Neurotech said:
I don't think that was ego death. It sounds more like the ego holding on and not letting go. That is the way many bad trips start. Its important, I believe, to trust and let go. When I see or think mysterious and fightening things, I think to myself, "Show me", inviting the insight.
I can still clearly remember my first ego death, must be 33 years ago now. When I first started dying, god and the devil’s faces were at opposite ends of a blood red cloudy windy sky, looking down on me like gamesmasters. I pleaded with them to let me live, on my knees in the gutter, with rain torrents gushing over me. I remember saying “I’ve only done 800 (liberty caps), if you let me live I’ll never take them again.”
But I knew in that instant they were not going to let me live. The feeling was like teetering on the edge of a bridge then you lean to far and realise it’s too late.....
I then got visions of my friends, my family; the emotions of guilt, sorrow, self pity, regret.
And then finally....acceptance. I’m dying. I’m dead.
I don’t remember what happened next, I must have blacked out and woke a few hours later about a quarter of a mile away, lying in a gutter, rainwater gushing over me, with loads of Asian men stood round me asking if I was alright. But while I was v]blacked out, I was fully lucid and tripping. I remember existing simply as a pure spark of energy. I was in a vast black infinite cosmos, that was cold, that was lonely. And it was eternal. It felt like this went on for thousands of years. Then I think I blacked out again.
This has existentially affected me my entire life. The fear of dying has started to wane in recent years with regular (lower dose) mushroom trips. But it’s still there. I ended up in a psych ward of the local hospital.
No brother, ego death was no healing spiritual journey of meeting god. I went beyond god, beyond the universe, to the abyss.
Mush love
DJ Ed
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“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind
“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna
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wolfman42
Truth Lover
Registered: 01/06/21
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: DJ Ed] 1
#27142140 - 01/11/21 02:20 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Thank you for this. I believe ego death necessitates that you be separated from your body, your ego which is part of the body.
The body without soul or spirit lays there somewhat lifeless perhaps on auto-pilot for some. But I believe once you have had ego death your soul has crossed over into another plane of existence.
I did see the light and the tunnel and my grandparents talking to me from the other side but they did not beckon me. They simply reassured me of my experience and I felt their loving presence. Showing me they would be there when I truly passed.
I also saw a Cherubim (angel with many eyes) which was watching me curiously? Certainly watching. But as if keeping an eye. Very hard for the mind to explain God. That's what that was to me. It was all God.
I made the primordial sound several times. They taught me how. It came from deep in my stomach. I felt that this was the sound of God. The sound made in the beginning of time. That ushered in existence. It was the voice of God piercing every fiber of my being. I was shown the psilocybin in my brain lining up and vibrating to this sound.
That's when I felt it. Pure bliss. Pure light. I've only felt this feeling once before when meditating every day for 2 years consecutively. But no entities in that one. Entities only appeared in my mushroom trip.
I found it strange that the feeling of pure bliss was the same from the mushrooms as it was from the meditation. It felt the same to me.
I will never forget it. The feeling of pure bliss.
Edited by wolfman42 (01/11/21 02:26 PM)
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DJ Ed
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: wolfman42]
#27142230 - 01/11/21 03:12 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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I had another most definite ego death a couple of years back, but this time from a much lower dose. I mean 3.9g dry B+ cubensis!
It wasn’t the same fear, but I was sat lotus position with my two labradors, otherwise alone. Fire on. Tripping fleece hoodie on. Blanket wrapped round shoulders. Just about holding it together. Beings of a shadowy description walking behind me, and making me jump. Weird scary horror type beings coming in from the front in slow, rotating, writhing motions. Warm, suffocating,,enveloping. Maybe the fire added to my overheating but I think that had something to do with it. I started to feel unwell and the classic I’ve poisoned myself feelings came to the fore. But that’s the catch, when you’re in the thick of it, no amount of years of experience means jack; you really feel like this time, for real, you’re actually dying!
So before I went insane with the fear, I gave in to it. I breathed out a long deep breath and decided to just “die” and accept what came next.
Then I died. It was the most peaceful, loving death I could ever hope for. I felt wrapped in love.
My ego died, or got switched off for a while, and I then existed just as consciousness. I had no aspirations, no desires, no regrets, no intentions; I just was. I was existing and observing.
Then an Amazon delivery driver turned up with some parcels and all hell broke lose with the dogs. That’s another story......
Mush love
DJ Ed
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“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind
“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna
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wolfman42
Truth Lover
Registered: 01/06/21
Posts: 429
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: DJ Ed]
#27142465 - 01/11/21 05:38 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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I loved that description. Thank you for sharing. Yes absolutely. I have heard it described as poison. I like to think of it as some kind of snake venom but I suppose it's all the same. It certainly feels unpleasant on the way up or down as it were.
Yes I existed as pure consciousness. No body. No form. No hunger. No pain. No desire. No body. Not even numbness. Just nothing. It was the most freeing feeling I've ever felt. To be free of the body.
I asked to be healed. I had suffered some mild covid with residual pain in my lungs from the infection. When I came out of my experience the pain in my lungs from covid was completely gone. It had healed me. I saw the elephant god. Perhaps it was him who granted my wish.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: wolfman42]
#27143118 - 01/12/21 03:12 AM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Wow that’s amazing. I have never thought to ask to be healed but read in so many places the healing power of the mind and psychedelics. Most references allude to ayahuasca when they talk of the mind healing the body, but all the same it’s really intriguing.
There is something eternally blissful about simply existing as consciousness. Thank you for sharing.
DJ Ed
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“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind
“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna
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wolfman42
Truth Lover
Registered: 01/06/21
Posts: 429
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Re: Ego death and anxiety [Re: DJ Ed]
#27143367 - 01/12/21 08:47 AM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Thanks man. I don't know had it been something more serious like cancer would it have worked? Did it work? The mind and the heart don't always agree on what I saw and felt. I take the heart over the mind in these matters. But it's confusing to say the least.
I did see the elephant. He is the granter of wishes and the doer of good deeds. None of my other (lighter) trips did the trick for me. I have read when you see Ganesha he has granted a wish or removed some obstacle in your life.
I think there is some healing power in the mushrooms naturally. The psilocybin certainly feels like a medicine/numbing agent when imbibing. It numbs almost all pain in my body for the duration of the trip. But usually that pain comes back after the trip. Except this last trip the pain did not come back.
This is the third time I'm hearing of this. Two of my friends had similar experiences.
Edited by wolfman42 (01/12/21 08:48 AM)
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