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InvisibleMindMeower
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Registered: 05/10/19
Posts: 341
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27117452 - 12/31/20 02:17 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

This sounds like it was still a good experience, good luck and happy end of old year and great upcoming new one ~


--------------------
M(e)owing minds :mushroom2:


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OfflineEnkidu
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: MindMeower]
    #27117499 - 12/31/20 03:34 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Makes me think about how life brings us inward and teaches us lessons

Learning love and happiness without need of external circumstances seems a recurring one

Hope you enjoy your coffee

I have been feeling a trip myself

Maybe over new year break

:heart:


--------------------
Within You , Without You


:mushroom2::levitate::mushroom2:


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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
    #27117510 - 12/31/20 03:44 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I’m slowly coming round and slowly piecing together what happened and what I learned. Another big theme last night was that happiness comes from within. I’m taking these lessons with me into the future......

It’s minus something outside and it’s snowing again; off into the woods down by the stream shortly to walk through the crunchy undergrowth with my two labradors and feel the cold elements on my skin. Life is a gift, I want to cherish every moment I have left.

Mush love
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineEnkidu
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27117511 - 12/31/20 03:45 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

:heart:

Love it man

Sounds like you had a good one :super:

Those ones are the best

Enjoy the come down and the rejuvenation of the soul


--------------------
Within You , Without You


:mushroom2::levitate::mushroom2:


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OfflineVeggiesandhemp
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
    #27117542 - 12/31/20 04:50 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

2020 was get the lint out of your pockets
2021 is year of the golden ox!
Let's welcome that gold and fill up your pockets.

sounds like some great realizations on your journey.


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OfflineNature Boy
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Veggiesandhemp]
    #27117588 - 12/31/20 06:08 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

WOW!!!!!  What great revelations and conclusions!  I am truly, truly happy for you.  Whenever you need to...if the message fades, come back to this post to refresh those important words you wrote.  What a great, uplifting send off to 2020 and start of 2012.

Beautiful, man...just....wow.  :super:  :omg:  :hug:


--------------------
All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies.  Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit.  Note well:  Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend.  If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.

                                                                               


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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Nature Boy]
    #27117690 - 12/31/20 07:34 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

This thread has been amazing, Shroomerites :thumbup:
The amount of love and support, and empathy; well, it’s saved my life.
And an inadvertent 8.6g trip last night has really dissected my soul. I’ve learnt some great lessons in one extremely intense 4.5 hour trip: I’ve integrated two years worth of previous trips lessons, I’ve learned nothing lasts,,and that happiness comes from within.

I think my new life, the one I should always have followed but was too pressured to conform, begins tomorrow. I’ve just composed the following to the ex-wife. Might strike a few chords, but basically it’s the story of my last 20 years.

=======

About Depression from my perspective.
I’ve worked it all out, Ann. You know me, analysing everything to death! Well I got there through a few low points which forced me to reset, and a few shock events that made me take stock of life. I’m not depressed Ann, even though I was diagnosed, I wasn’t depressed.

I’ve known all along that you didn’t love me, or felt the same way as me, but I’ve chosen to bury my head in the sand because I’ve always wanted you. Over the years I became blind and frustrated. It was affecting me as we moved to the IOW. I have never got over Delicia’s death, Ann, and I still haven’t cried. It needs to come out soon. It was clear from the video I watched where the change happened, and it was her death. Being honest with you, I began to resent you; I have been forever racked with guilt about leaving Sue while she was pregnant, then about not being there to prevent the death. Every anniversary a little bit more of me dies inside. So because I wasn’t getting the attention I wanted from you, I was angry that my sacrifices were for nothing. I did it to myself Ann, that’s the real tragedy.

I’ve realised I’m not the settling down type; we should have stayed friends for life rather than becoming lovers and ruining it! If we could ever become (platonic) friends again, I’d welcome it.

So the point of this text, and I would love your unbiased feedback, is what the mushrooms have been teaching me, as I’ve used them to understand and try to combat my “depression”. The mushrooms have dissected my subconscious and shown me some really cryptic things. But a few of the things they showed me now make perfect sense. I’ll explain.

Two years ago I had a breakthrough trip where I travelled back in time to the 20 year old me. I listened to Hawkwind, decided my path in life was as a traveller, hugging trees, protesting against roads, free festivals, tents, you get the drift. So I decided that depression was a choice, and told it to fuck off. I didn’t take anymore mushrooms for 11 months until October 2019 as I had no need, the bad feelings were gone. But it started creeping back into my psyche after we got back from the IOW. And since then the trips got more intense, more horrible, and eventually that bad trip.

I thought the mushrooms were teaching me about depression,,and this did help me. But I completely misunderstood the messages. You see, they kept taking back to times after you broke my heart in December 1986 and before I went with Sue sometime in 1987. With hindsight, it’s crystal clear, Ann:-

They were telling me: “Leave Ann, you were happy after she left and before you went with Sue. Follow your dreams, and be free.” The bad trip in April that seemed to last a thousand years was repeatedly shoving that message down my throat and I chose to not believe it, that’s probably why it was such a bad trip because I resisted. You have to trust the mushrooms.....

We were never meant to be, love. Not as lovers. We should have got it out of our system, had a few one night stands, a few drinks, then moved on as mates. That would have been awesome. Then we could have gone through life occasionally bumping into each other and having a wild few weeks each time!!

So it’s all slowly starting to make sense, Ann. I wasn’t clinically depressed. I was making myself miserable over you. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with my brain, contrary to what Dr Stevenson said to me in Stevenage. It’s like a fog has lifted Ann.

This is why I can accept that our relationship is over. And I can fondly remember our many years and memories together. And I can look forward to a brighter future. I hope yours is too. I really am going to carry forward the thought that I am really blessed to have been graced with your company for so many years.

I also meant what I said earlier, about keeping a platonic relationship. Not just now, but at some point maybe. I could bump into you and a boyfriend in the pub, and quite happily sit and have a laugh with you both.

What did you think of the video?

P.

And link to the video: The Last Thing You’ll Remember


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



Edited by DJ Ed (12/31/20 08:37 AM)


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OfflineSocrateshroom
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27117864 - 12/31/20 09:40 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

DJ Ed said:
Another big theme last night was that happiness comes from within.




The lesson we learn over and over, only to forget it when it matters most. Glad you made that oops and had overcome the challenging experience.

I know 2021 is your year! :cheers:


--------------------


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OfflineNature Boy
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Socrateshroom] * 1
    #27118084 - 12/31/20 11:14 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Walt Whitman gave some of the best words to live by.  I quote:

"This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body."


--------------------
All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies.  Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit.  Note well:  Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend.  If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.

                                                                               


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OfflinePrimalSoup
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: MindMeower]
    #27119323 - 12/31/20 09:17 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Hey, you ended up actually having the trip I was gonna recommend!  :seriousthumbsup:

Always good to go big when you have stuff to sort out. :cookiemonster:


--------------------

if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat you
Primal's simple tested teks and projects: :awesomenod: Wheat Prep 2.0  Acidic Tea Tek  Potency Project! 


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OfflinePrimalSoup
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #27138448 - 01/09/21 08:37 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Hope it turned out OK.  :hereyougo:



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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27138623 - 01/09/21 10:00 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

DJ Ed said:
Guys

I can’t believe the love I’ve just felt from you all; true brothers, you have really lifted my spirits. My wife left me on 26 October. I thought she was my soul mate. Married 20 years, together 37 years. I was 17, she 14 when we met at the under-18s disco, 18th December 1983.

It’s been a rollercoaster, people. It would be easy if I could stop loving her, but emotions aren’t that easy to turn off. The hardest thing to accept, which I hope will help me heal, is that she hasn’t loved me since we’ve been married!

But in terms of mushrooms; I think they have been telling me for a while, guys. I thought it was the negative vibes from lockdown. I had intense trip, after intense trip, followed by my first bad trip in 30 years. Thats] was round about April this year. I could never understand until a few weeks back how my wife could go to bed telling me “I’d be alright in the morning”. While I was suffering years for every passing second.

Hindsight is wonderful at explaining mushroom teachings. In the middle of it though, it was just too cryptic.

I’ll finish on a spooky note. A few weeks before my wife left, I was walking back one of my usual routes with my two labradors, nd I got a strang deja vu type feeling. It was like deja vu in reverse, like I was sensing something from the future. I stood still with the dogs, and just took in the strange feeling, tried to understand it it, and concluded something “big or significant” was going to happen here................My wife now lives a few feet from where I got the feeling.

Take care all, thank you for all the love. I think I need a sitter for my next venture - it is going to have to be a large one to get me back on the wagon :cookiemonster:

DJ Ed



Sounds like you're dealing with such a huge transition in a really productive way. Acceptance is one of many steps towards healing.

You've been a positive influence on me, if that helps you feel better :smile:


--------------------
Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door


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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27138915 - 01/10/21 02:29 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I’ll repeat what I said in my first reply, people; it has been a rollercoaster of an emotional ride. Up one day, down the next three!

What can I say about the “8.6g” trip from last week? Well first of all it cannot have been a full 8.6g trip, not after over 6 months break. I think the first 5g I took in liquid form must have done something, but needed the additional 3.6g to kickstart the psychedelic part of the come up.

Anyway woke on New Year’s Eve felling bloody amazing and feeling some clarity at last. I felt like I’d turned a corner: I’d concluded that rather than needing to hate my wife and our memories to move on, I could actually move on still loving our memories and just downright grateful for the time I’d managed to spend with my wife before she left.

Well there was another game changer! My wife came down that evening, given my sudden complete acceptance, to be “open and honest” with me and getting everything out on the table.

Well what came next I was not expecting. First of all she wasn’t open and honest but gave me just enough to be able to work it out myself. She admitted everything when I put it to her the following day.

Basically, the real love of her life, her soul mate, dumped her twice, before she ended up coming back to me 22 years ago. She never stopped loving him. “Accidentally” tracked him down on Faceboook, he was available, and off she went.

I really don’t know how this has changed things, but suddenly it feels real, and suddenly it feels like I can never go back to her.

So this last week, it has felt worse than it has since she left. I have got so angry I had to ring most members of my family for them to talk sense into me. I have been getting feelings of revenge, hate, anger etc. Not good emotiins at all. And I have said some really vicious things to her. Lying in bed at night unable to sleep with multiple visions of the love of your life laughing and joking with HER love of her life. It has really hurt me beyond words, and the worst feeling for me is knowing that she is really happy, head over heels in love, and not suffering one iota!

I’ve now made a promise to my sister never to contact the ex again. My new guitar turned up this week so I’ve been learning to strum again (my Spanish guitar was first Christmas present off the ex, so I had to give it away).

Where I’m getting to people is, no matter how useful that last trip was, I was not in possession of all the facts; ie. the lying, the cheating and the adultery. I am gripped with such hate. At times I feel I could,punch her in the effing face! So I need another large dose now to then work through my new emotions.

It would be nice to turn off the hate, but to be honest, in the short term, it seems to be keeping those painful emotiins down.

Do any of you people have any advice for how I should prepare for my next trip? What intentions I should set? What dose I should go for?

Mush love people, take care,
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27139438 - 01/10/21 10:23 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

DJ Ed said:
Basically, the real love of her life, her soul mate, dumped her twice, before she ended up coming back to me 22 years ago. She never stopped loving him. “Accidentally” tracked him down on Faceboook, he was available, and off she went.




Man, that sucks so badly :frown: I don't even know what to say, man. Hope you're getting through this okay.


--------------------
Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door


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InvisibleMindMeower
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27139535 - 01/10/21 11:14 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

It might be worth to channel out the anger and negativity through something productive. That is more or less what I have ended up doing when something significant has happened. Massive cleanup and sorting of everything around the place is one thing I have been doing.


--------------------
M(e)owing minds :mushroom2:


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OfflinePrimalSoup
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27139821 - 01/10/21 01:12 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

IME tripping isn't about what you know, it's about what you feel.  And more than that, the "therapy" is about how you feel ABOUT how you feel.

Mushrooms are emotional amplifiers, that's why trips are such effing rollercoasters of terror and ecstasy.

And you were seriously messed with.  Since you can't change other people, you can only change how you react to that. 

It sucks for sure, but a lot of life sucks.  Which is why psychedelics are helpful.  They show you all that shit from a perspective that allows you to do something about the suckiness.

But hang in there.  Healing takes time.

edit You're asking if you trip how much to take, to get to where you want to be.  Treat it like any other time you want to find out the effect except here you're looking to get right with the spiritual realm (because that's what can fix this for you).  So go big, then wait, go bigger, until it works right.  Don't fear it.  The mushrooms marked you early on and you can always find safe harbor again.  It can take awhile but you can get there.


--------------------

if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat you
Primal's simple tested teks and projects: :awesomenod: Wheat Prep 2.0  Acidic Tea Tek  Potency Project! 


Edited by PrimalSoup (01/10/21 01:21 PM)


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InvisiblecoAsTal
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27139953 - 01/10/21 02:33 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Real talk?

I think you might consider putting down the psychedelics for awhile, because dealing with this kind of traumatic life experience will require a lot more than a "revelation" or "epiphany".

What I mean to say is-- there's nothing new for you to learn in repeated altered states here-- at least not this soon after the event. You already tripped hard once. You're more angry now than before-- and you have reason to be. That new anger can be dangerous if spun out of control during a powerful trip.
What if you lost control of your faculties and called your family, or others, screaming vitriol and burning more bridges? It seems unwise to me if you're so upset-- from a purely safety point of view.

You already know what happened to your relationship, and you're realizing the how's and why's. You're angry. That really does make it final in a way that's far more hurtful than some kind of abstract separation. It's part of the process of severing ties, and it hurts.
But what is the expectation of gain/enlightenment with yet another mega-trip if, when you return to baseline, you are still angry and hurt.

I say this with all love and respect to your terrible situation-- but brother, there are no mystical shortcuts to free you from the hard responsibility of working through this life event, and coming to terms with it over time. It's just going to suck.
I don't think mushrooms are going to make the road to recovery any easier at this point-- I think they might provide an escape from them... or they might make your situation far worse if you did something under their influence that you regret when you come back.

Just one man's opinion-- and I want nothing but good things for you my friend.

:peace:


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OfflineEnkidu
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: coAsTal] * 1
    #27139984 - 01/10/21 02:48 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Sometimes i think we need to just feel that shit for a while and not fight it.

Like a trip.

Id get out as much as possible but idk with times like these.

My best medicine is living my best life, alone if it must be.

Nature, coffee shops, books, exercise.

Treat yourself out to dinner. So many people out there living life all with their own problems and struggles.

For me sometimes i feel better just getting out and seeing other people going about with their life.

Books on knowledge and wisdom of living.

Long walks deep into nature and the quiet of the wind and birds and trees and animals with no man. Just me and my solitude with nature.


--------------------
Within You , Without You


:mushroom2::levitate::mushroom2:


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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #27140056 - 01/10/21 03:27 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

PrimalSoup said:
IME tripping isn't about what you know, it's about what you feel.  And more than that, the "therapy" is about how you feel ABOUT how you feel.

Mushrooms are emotional amplifiers, that's why trips are such effing rollercoasters of terror and ecstasy.

And you were seriously messed with.  Since you can't change other people, you can only change how you react to that. 

It sucks for sure, but a lot of life sucks.  Which is why psychedelics are helpful.  They show you all that shit from a perspective that allows you to do something about the suckiness.

But hang in there.  Healing takes time.

edit You're asking if you trip how much to take, to get to where you want to be.  Treat it like any other time you want to find out the effect except here you're looking to get right with the spiritual realm (because that's what can fix this for you).  So go big, then wait, go bigger, until it works right.  Don't fear it.  The mushrooms marked you early on and you can always find safe harbor again.  It can take awhile but you can get there.



Thank you so much, PrimlSoup.

I am going to ask my a]sister to sit for me next weekend, so that I can go large, and to ensure that if it is really challenging, I don’t ring the ex, and she can guide me.

My “8.6g” trip the other week really didn’t feel like it; it felt more like a really really intense 3.6g trip.  I transcendence. No time dilation. No real afterglow. But I got clarity and I found acceptance in my soul. I felt really strong. So strong I contacted the ex, we had loads of texts, and she ended up coming round for a few hours.

We drank wine, smoked marijuana, listened to Chemical Brothers. It was just like being married. She was “open and honest”. And eventually I worked out the facts.

And the bit of afterglow that I had. Well it stopped there and then. I do need to process this new information. I need to get back to a state of peace; I really cannot her, or more correctly, I’ve really had enough of feeling down.

Take care
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: coAsTal]
    #27140065 - 01/10/21 03:32 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Thank you, what you say makes perfect sense to me.

But I’m currently living in a completely irrational, emotion led universe!

I’ve been afraid to take the mushrooms most of last year. I know they bring me solace. I am getting to the end of my tether with the down days lasting so much longer than the up hours!

Don’t know bud, think I’m desperate. I need to remove the constant thought; “I can never be ha[psy without her”. It’s such a desperate hopeless thought.

So I’m really thinking a good 5g session guided by my very loving sister, could help me wrench the memories of my ex from my soul, and help me reconcile my emotions back towards a state of acceptance and of peace.

Thank you for your thoughts ,
I’ll report back as and when
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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by astraalialma
* Should I dose with my brother? Adom 1,098 8 05/19/03 01:18 PM
by tekramrepus
* My Bi-polar brother wants to dose... ShroomSkin 1,849 15 10/30/02 12:14 PM
by TeTr0
* Am I missing something? KidgardFromSRQ 849 16 11/17/05 09:49 PM
by incubaby_421
* I miss overgrow :( carl 1,401 16 02/22/06 01:45 PM
by A0999

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