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Offlinepickledqueen
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Registered: 11/07/20
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Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience!
    #27136056 - 01/08/21 06:52 PM (3 years, 20 days ago)

Substance: 5g total of Golden Teachers - 3g at 9pm. ~2g at 1am.

Previous experience: I am 30 years old and have smoked four times in my life. I have no previous experience with any kind of psychedelic or entheogen.


So, recently having gotten into mycology after finally taking the jump and doing research on it since early last year, I was excited to take my first trip. My partner was with me, and he had previous experience from his early 20s in tripping, so I felt good about it. I've been having a really hard time mentally in recent weeks, and I was really looking forward to see if the 'reset' that people had mentioned about trips was true.

After running some errands, we settled in after a shower and I ate 3g of dried shrooms with a banana around 9pm. We'd ordered food, and I ended up starting to eat that around 9:45 because I wanted to give everything a chance to get started before saturating my stomach. By 10:15 I was having an extreme case of the giggles, and my partner was having a bit of fun saying stupid things to make me laugh. It was so lovely. I was getting visual effects, and watching YouTube videos just having fun with it. My body felt warm, my palms felt sweaty but weren't, and the biggest thing that I enjoyed was that I didn't hurt. I have chronic pain and being able to not hurt was mindblowing. I miss it. I don't think I'd realized how much I constantly hurt until I just didn't anymore.

By around 10:30, I was giggling and my partner and I were cuddled up on the couch. The mistake started here - we keep a night shift schedule, and hadn't slept very long during the day. He was very tired. He ended up handing me the remote because I told him I wanted a narrated nature documentary, and then he dozed off - which I do not blame him for, but it 110% was not the right move. I was left with my own melting brain, and a plethora of streaming devices. Usually, I like to watch alien documentaries and similar things when I'm sober - I think they're interesting. When I'm sober, this is not an issue.

Somehow I ended up putting on a documentary about aliens that began with descriptions of the human body's senses for about 10 minutes. By the time I found the remote to change it, my chest was hurting because I had become ultra-aware of my breathing and had to focus to blink. I felt like someone had switched all the automatic processes to manual, and it was horrendous. I was still giggling at things every so often (including the thought that my partner would think this was so stupid) and managed to change it to... another alien documentary. I managed to get through about 45 minutes of this, during which time I apparently woke my partner up and begged him to bring me chapstick because my mouth felt so dry. Side note: my lips have never, ever been this hydrated. He promptly fell back asleep and I settled in to my documentary.

Faces melted. There was a woman who looked like a ventriloquist's doll and I swear she blinked each eye separately. Another woman appeared for interview, and her last name was Malloy - but she was blonde and skinny and so my mind translated that to Malfoy, like from Harry Potter, and I spent who knows how much time hysterically laughing at that.

Getting up to go to the bathroom was difficult but I managed several times (my stomach was not pleased, though I never vomited, thankfully.) I remember thinking on one instance in the bathroom that it was delightfully silly that these funny little things grew up out of the earth and people ate them and felt like this.

Eventually, the documentary started freaking me out. Another interviewee started looking less than human and the way she spoke was very clinical. I'm sure the power of suggestion was responsible for this, but I distinctly remember being convinced that she was an alien, and that's why she was talking about interviewing contactees. She scared me so bad I felt anxiety about trying to change it. I was able to, and put it on a youtube video of galaxy views with music. This was also another mistake.

In our living room, we have a picture of us and our late son. It's only been about 8.5 months since he passed, and he did so in utero, so we didn't really get any time with him and I've been struggling with this (as is expected.) Seeing this picture of us holding our baby hit me and I started bawling. How was it fair that this had happened? I knew that the universe didn't do this to us as a personal slight, and I had the clarity of knowing that my immense love for him was why I was so sad, and mourning was natural. My discomfort was something I needed to confront and let pass over me instead of trying simply to suppress it and survive. A lot of feelings from my own childhood bubbled up and I felt both simultaneously very small and helpless, and knew that I could do whatever I needed to. My partner woke up because of my crying and held me for a little bit until I was able to slow the crying, and he fell back asleep. I switched the youtube video to one of my favorite shows, but I soon realized that I just wanted him to be awake with me. I tried to make myself feel better by gathering a few things from my desk that usually comforted me, which now makes me laugh - a small Bigfoot plush, a second chapstick, and a squeezable Frankenstein toy.

So I spent almost an hour telling myself that he deserved sleep because he was so selfless and worked so hard, and also that I was so lonely and didn't deserve to be lonely while I was tripping. It was a very harsh internal monologue and during this time I also started hurting again, especially my stomach and my head. I kept thinking that my partner was so good, and he would know how to make things happy again. Around 12:40 I think, I woke him up and told him things were bad and I needed help. We sat up and talked about what happened, and how I was feeling, and he apologized for falling asleep while I apologized for not being able to handle myself while he slept.

After talking a bit and taking some headache medicine and drinking water, we decided I wanted a little bit more of a good trip and I should take a little bit more. He measured out ~2g more and I ate it with honey which tasted so good. He put on the Fifth Element (one of our favorite movies!) and we cuddled up again and joked. Eventually I asked him to put on something different and we watched a first season episode of Venture Brothers which got me giggly again. This devolved into what I have to say was the best sex I've ever had. My body felt warm and vibrant, and I found myself being so happy with it that I felt sad that I hadn't appreciated it before. Unfortunately, the sex ended with a minor injury on his part (don't fuck on cushions that slide and move! you'll get hurt.) and we ended up finishing Fifth Element and eating the rest of our take out. My partner is okay today, thankfully, though I still feel bad for him getting hurt.

Biggest Take Away: I have issues with loneliness and learned helplessness. I had become addicted to being sad, and while sitting with grief and heavy feelings is not a bad thing, it's important also to not get too comfortable. One thing I kept thinking about was that Waiting just makes you better at Waiting, and that I was very good at that.

After sleeping and hydrating and eating tonight, I feel so refreshed. My body is sore (especially my ribs. why did I laugh so hard. ouch) and I'm pretty sure I bruised my left eye a little, but my mind feels calm for the first time in so long. My agoraphobia doesn't loom so large, and my severe anxiety feels far away.

Next trip, I plan on having made sure that we both have slept well beforehand, and that I'm not in charge of the TV. I'm considering making a list of acceptable things to watch (so that there's not the anxiety of oh my god, there's so many choices) or music to listen to. I'd like to try drawing or painting while I have the visuals going on, and I'm curious to experiment with binaural beats while tripping, but it's nothing I'm going to rush.

Anyways, if you've read this far - thank you! And thank you for being a part of this community. I'm so glad that this space exists.


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Invisiblesplit_by_nine
i am the liquor

Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
Re: First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience! [Re: pickledqueen]
    #27136303 - 01/08/21 08:42 PM (3 years, 20 days ago)

you have a framed photo hanging in your living room of yourself and your partner holding a dead baby?


--------------------
🐴:poop:
hpoo or die


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Offlinepickledqueen
Female


Registered: 11/07/20
Posts: 13
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience! [Re: split_by_nine]
    #27136550 - 01/08/21 10:41 PM (3 years, 19 days ago)

The baby I carried for over 7 months who was stillborn but very much so loved, yes I do. Thanks for your empathy.


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InvisibleDoctor Mario
πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„
Male Unread Journal


Registered: 08/07/20
Posts: 1,894
Loc: πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ
Re: First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience! [Re: pickledqueen] * 1
    #27136565 - 01/08/21 10:50 PM (3 years, 19 days ago)

Mushrooms can be very emotional. Ive never had one trip that didn't end with me reevaluating my life and thinking about what I can do to be a better person. Things in my subconscious that I'm not ready to acknowledge or didn't even know were there always surface and I'm forced to deal with it. It can be a very uplifting or unpleasant experience. Or both.


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Offlinepickledqueen
Female


Registered: 11/07/20
Posts: 13
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience! [Re: Doctor Mario]
    #27136580 - 01/08/21 11:00 PM (3 years, 19 days ago)

This was definitely both but I think I feel uplifted more than unpleasant. I just didn't realize how emotional it would make me! ☺️


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InvisibleDoctor Mario
πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„πŸ„
Male Unread Journal


Registered: 08/07/20
Posts: 1,894
Loc: πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ
Re: First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience! [Re: pickledqueen]
    #27136598 - 01/08/21 11:10 PM (3 years, 19 days ago)

Lol, yeah it can be a roller coaster of emotions for sure. Everything is amplified on psychadelics. Things that are meaningless can become god like knowledge and. Happiness can become orgasmic and sadness can turn to despair. If you're not mentally in a good place, it's best to wait for another day.


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OfflineFungi Rogers
New Guy


Registered: 12/31/20
Posts: 524
Last seen: 8 months, 11 days
Re: First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience! [Re: Doctor Mario]
    #27136862 - 01/09/21 05:51 AM (3 years, 19 days ago)

Emotion do get amplified it’s pretty crazy. Normally when I eat some mushes and hang out with my girl I just can’t stop laughing no matter what it’s wild. Tend to have some of my more fun trips with her


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OfflineDJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
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Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK Flag
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
Re: First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience! [Re: pickledqueen]
    #27137264 - 01/09/21 09:55 AM (3 years, 19 days ago)

For one so young, your words are so wise. Thank you for sharing, I have been suffering with loneliness for many years. Your words have helped.

Mush love
DJ Ed


--------------------
β€œIt’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. β€œIf you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

β€œThe problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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Offlinepickledqueen
Female


Registered: 11/07/20
Posts: 13
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience! [Re: Fungi Rogers]
    #27138974 - 01/10/21 03:43 AM (3 years, 18 days ago)

That's definitely how it started! I told my partner I was excited to trip sit for him when he decided to go. I think it'll probably still be a bit before we trip at the same time.


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Offlinepickledqueen
Female


Registered: 11/07/20
Posts: 13
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27138975 - 01/10/21 03:44 AM (3 years, 18 days ago)

Thank you :heart: It's definitely an obstacle, and not one I expect to clear in my first try but it was something I needed to realize.


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OfflineVeggiesandhemp
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Registered: 12/08/20
Posts: 77
Loc: Cascadia
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience! [Re: pickledqueen]
    #27138998 - 01/10/21 04:16 AM (3 years, 18 days ago)

Sorry for your loss, my condolences.

Glad that you had a positive experience,

I find that it's natural to have ups and downs in your voyage.

One thing a friend shared with me that helped me with voyages is intent.

If you didnt this time around I would suggest next time to put intent into your trip. These types of medicines are a powerful tool and its good have a reason at those doses.

I had so many amazing trips and some really tough ego deaths before hand but never actually had put intent into my trips until my friend mentioned it before we dosed LSD at a concert.

I put intent into my trip and it worked so magically. We were at a 3 day concert. The first day many people were stating at me. The band has a small tight knit following, so many folks were wondering who I was, and it was my first time seeing the band. So the second night I put intent that I wanted to make friends. Low and behold the same folks who were staring, came up and asked me who I was during set break, we didnt necessarily become tight friends but they were at least friendly to me.

Your intent can be just to have a good time and laugh, to process some feelings/make peace with some emotion, whatever you want really.  Next time around try it.


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Offlinepickledqueen
Female


Registered: 11/07/20
Posts: 13
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: First Trip Ever. Mistakes were made, but overall a positive experience! [Re: Veggiesandhemp]
    #27139006 - 01/10/21 04:21 AM (3 years, 18 days ago)

Quote:

Veggiesandhemp said:
Sorry for your loss, my condolences.

Glad that you had a positive experience,

I find that it's natural to have ups and downs in your voyage.

One thing a friend shared with me that helped me with voyages is intent.

If you didnt this time around I would suggest next time to put intent into your trip. These types of medicines are a powerful tool and its good have a reason at those doses.

I had so many amazing trips and some really tough ego deaths before hand but never actually had put intent into my trips until my friend mentioned it before we dosed LSD at a concert.

I put intent into my trip and it worked so magically. We were at a 3 day concert. The first day many people were stating at me. The band has a small tight knit following, so many folks were wondering who I was, and it was my first time seeing the band. So the second night I put intent that I wanted to make friends. Low and behold the same folks who were staring, came up and asked me who I was during set break, we didnt necessarily become tight friends but they were at least friendly to me.

Your intent can be just to have a good time and laugh, to process some feelings/make peace with some emotion, whatever you want really.  Next time around try it.




Thank you :heart:

I think I will try setting a clear intent next time. This time was mostly just to see how it felt, to have a good time, and in the end I think I did do that. I don't know that I would call what I had an ego death, but I do feel so, so reset. My focus has gone from the attention span of a goldfish to being able to watch entire episodes of TV shows and movies without having to pick up my phone, which is really nice, too.

Thank you so much for your input!


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