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OfflineShroomstunesloons
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Registered: 01/04/21
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A morons journey (my 'heroic' trip report) * 1
    #27126314 - 01/04/21 02:34 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

TL;DR: What the actual Fuck. (Maybe 5/6 grams Lemon Tekked)

I've made bad decisions in my life, countless in fact, you could say that I'm drawn to bad decision making like a moth to a flame, a really, very low IQ moth with borderline learning disability. I will preface this story with saying that this may have been my worst decision I have ever made.

I'm one of these people who goes on trustpilot and clicks '5 star reviews only' in order to re-establish my confidence in a product or company that I am excited to use, usually after purchasing and awaiting delivery, you could call it being optimistic, but a more accurate description would involve deserved play yard insults implying lower intelligence, so when I first saw a documentary on Youtube pop up in my recommendations discussing the amazing life altering effects of Magic mushrooms, I was instantly hooked and intrigued, needless to say I scoffed at the notion that a 'trip' could take a sharp downward trajectory to anyone, but more specifically a novice user, unaware of the potential that a mushroom that can be found down the street a my local dairy farm could have. After all, I have done every drug under the sun, minus a few of the life ruining heavy hitters available in the darker parts of my city, I'd partied hard in my life, but my assurance lay mainly with my vast experience with Marijuana, after all, if you have done high doses of marijuana, life begins to feel trippy, things begin to get a little 'psychadelic', how much different could a shrooms trip be? Famous last words.

Add to that the fact that I meditate daily for 20 minutes (and one day about a month ago, 23 minutes when my timer malfunctioned), my arrogance coming into this experience was insummountable and honestly looking back, kind of funny.

Magic mushrooms are not exactly easy to find where I live, and nowhere to be bought either so soon after my interest peaked following my happenstance online introduction to the wide world of psychadelics I was despondant that it seemed as though the door shut swiftly behind me and my life altering experience of rainbows and lollypops and endless sunshine that was to innevitably to come after ingestion would have to be put on the back burner for the foreseeable future. Then as I was perusing every thread available to me following the google search 'Magic mushrooms changed my life', 'shrooms are amazing' and really every conceivable variation of positive buzz words following the words magic mushrooms or shrooms, my google ad sense was tingling and low and behold the answer to all my prayers was revealed in the form of sponsored advertising, available direct from the groovy good time capital of the world, Amsterdam, in the form of Magic Truffles.

This site claimed that these Magic truffles delivered the exact same experience available through the use of their above ground cousins, but were legal to sell and ingest as opposed to their aforementioned relatives. One quick google search of 'Magic mushrooms are the same as Magic Truffles' and one vague bit of text below a possible clickable google link with no context which read exactly the same as what I had typed in the search box (funny that) and I was convinced and away to the races. Obviously in all my infinite wisdom and countless hours of research, which could be more accurately summed up as 'seeking positive reinforcement to the idea that I was already set to pursue' I was all ready for the world famous 'Heroes Journey'! Seeing as though I had to order and wait for delivery I thought it best that I start with the most potent strain available, 2 packs, 30 odd grams. Much to my delight the online shop had the option available to seperate reviews based on star ratings and after reading several 5 star reviews claiming an amazing experience and overlooking the constant advice that this level is not for a novice user (because I smoke MJ and meditate it doesn't apply to me! Right?! Right?!) I was ready to rock and/or roll.

While I was waiting for my delivery, which at this point in my head was just a box full of 'life change', I more or less imagined I would just crack it open and my existence as it was would be improved in every area, I would be like popeye throwing back spinach and hulking out, but instead my brain would realise its life purpose through the experience and then I would be put on the right path, which is honestly something I never had, a path, a purpose, something more than a menial human existence. Anyway I read about the best ways to have a trip, the best time, I even researched the best lunar times for a trip as I was convinced the moon would have an abject effect on my experience, ridiculous, but I wanted to do this right. I bought a coffee grinder and decided on a lemon tek for a stronger more enlightening experience, filled with even more rainbows and lollipops and elves braiding each others hair in the sunlight. I was ready to go, I even started to refer to myself as a psychonaut to my brother, who correctly insulted and laughed at me, perhaps just because it's just a ridiculous thing to verbalise to someone in the real world, and even though I said it as an offhanded joke in regards to my coming experience, part of me believed it to be true or at least that it would innevitably be the truth.

The day came, I hadn't eaten in the morning, I had slept (although perhaps like a kid on Christmas Eve excited to wake and open his presents), I meditated for a full hour and I had just returned from a short walk in the forest while listening to a Joe Rogan psychadelic compilation on youtube (skipping over any discussion of bad trips, because that doesn't apply to me, I meditate you see, 20 minutes, everyday!!) and I was as ready as I was every going to be. My freshly ground Magic truffles lay in a glass immersed in lemon juice and in my eyes it appeared as if this concoction was some kind of magical wizardry in which all my questions (and prayers) could and would be answered, my living room was cleaned and I had but a pen and paper ready to scribble down what would be my life purpose, plan and all the answers to the universe that I could then spread to my disinterested famly and friends. Going into it I imagined as though I could sit and the shrooms would magically show a clear path and answer all the questions I wrote down, the big one circled and and underlined and 3 times the size of everything else written on the page, 'WHAT IS MY PURPOSE', you could call that my main trip intention.

I was a little nervous as I chugged down 30 grams of the most disgusting tasting thing I had ingested since my brother undercooked lasagne when mum was away for a conference when I was 13, and the consistncy wasn't winning any best in show awards either, but it was done, I was jyving to some Bob Marley, and the nerves settled, my life was about to change!

Around 15 minutes in, the TV I was streaming my music on started to become wavy and the colours appeared more vivid and vibrant, I turned to my cat and revealed while grinning 'It's starting', and she looked back and said 'You're damn right!' (Just kidding....or am I). I was now vibing hard at this point to the music and was ready to shut it off and jump on the answer train, all aboard, the time had come, I was ready to change. I closed my eyes and lay back.

In the early minutes of my trip I just let my brain wander about a bit and I would vary between thinking the colours behind my eyelids were super cool and deeply considering every r/showerthought I had perused the night before, thinking different variations of 'huh', 'cool', 'wow', 'Wait, did my cat just talk to me!? 'that's so true' 'I never thought of that' and generally feeling awesome and cool, I had given in to the experience (hahahaha) just like I read online and was advised , that wasn't so hard, probably because I meditate you see, 20 minutes, everyday!! Play time was over now, I was ready to get down to business, 'What is your purpose?', I would repeat this in my head in an non forceful manner not sure at this point what to expect, my body was starting to shake a little bit now and I reached for the comfort of my coach blanket, still feeling good, still vibing, still on my heroes journey, just thought it to be part of the experience, but the shaking didn't stop.

In fact it got worse, maybe I was an hour in at this point and I was completely wrapped from head to neck in several blankets still shaking and starting to grow concerned. My positive vibes and hopes for the trip were out the window and halfway to the next town over at this point and my thoughts had turned darker, and filled with relentless anxiety, the first speed bump in my 'spiritual awakening' came in the form of body shakes and it sent me down the hole of which I would not return while the shrooms were working their magic around my body. 'You bought these online, what if they're poisoned!', 'you're a loser!' and maybe worst of all, 'YOU ARE GOING TO BE THIS WAY FOREVER!', round the merry go round the thoughts went, each time the same statement or feeling I had felt minutes earlier progressively escalated in the gut punch of raw emotion and pain that I felt, each reaffirmation of the feeling making me feel worse and worse.

Maybe I was 90 minutes in now, I was no longer wrapped cosily on the couch vibing to classic reggae, now I was in an inescapable fortress which felt roughly like how I had always imagined hell, except in place of lucifer and never ending physical torture, I was trapped in my own head sitting upright on the couch rocking back and forth staring at my hand as I clung to the notion that I was human, it was the only anchor I had left in this existense, I was never going to give into this experience, I now after the trip realise what posters meant by 'give in', but my brain was so unprepared and I was so unprepared to lose myself completely I did the worst thing I could, I fought...against 30 grams of the strongest strain of Truffles (Maybe 4/5 grams dried)...on a lemon tek, but you see...I meditate...everyday...for....uhhh whatever.

As I stared at my hand it felt like I was in the movie Get Out when the main character is trapped in his own body after step mother of the year hypnotises him with her words and mystical tea cup, but I could still move, I could still pace around the room literally apologising, asking whoever or whatever was listening to let me out. I would consider myself mainly an atheist so looking back and thinking about what I felt in those moments is now interesting, although I imagine many atheists turn to a higher power in their final moments, which as I believed in my heart, I was going to die.

I'll preface this next part by saying that I have a girlfriend who was working during this whole 'ordeal' or otherwise known as 'the incident' and I had carved out a solid 7 hour window in which I knew that I would be left alone to 'discover myself', at this point in the trip one of my main fears riding the merry go round was that my gf would suddenly appear in the doorway separating the kitchen and the living room where I was quickly losing all sense of self and just imagining the worst possible reactions that a human person can emote seeing what she would be exposed to and it was about the worst nightmare I could imagine at that point in time (Although time was a relative term at that point...in existence(?))

Things got worse as the minutes passed, you ever smoke to much, get so baked and then shower and you feel like you are literally in an angels embrace just beyond the pearly gates, another similar feeling of relief is when I stick my head under the tap in the bathroom and guzzle the months water supply of a small nation and literally feel that the feeling is comparable to that of ecstacy, yeah shrooms isn't at all like that is it? But it was my hail mary pass and at that point sitting on the couch praying to the mushroom gods and rocking back and forth staring at my hand like a character in the 3rd act of a 90's horror flick seemed to be pushing me further over the abyss. Walking to the bathroom was horrible, I still had that 'get out' passenger view through my eyes and my legs looked so very very far from my eyes, I decided to stick with a winning (?) formula and cried and prayed the gruelling 20 step walk while staring at my hand although at that point as far as reality anchors go, it was waivering and I was unsure of what I was at that point. I decide (whatever decide means at that point) to go straight to the cold shower and forego the 2nd option of potentially life affirming marathon water chug and as soon as the water hit my scalp I felt better. Haha nah just kidding, showering on shrooms is so alien I can't even describe what it felt like, especially running my hands through my wet hair, feels like aliens touching and carressing my scalp and not in anyway was it comforting, I was to far gone, Actually the cool water slowed my negative thoughts so that was something. I was back in the fetal position, but now I was naked in the shower with ET massaging my scalp as I lapped up cold water from the unwashed shower floor, afraid that if I shifted the water from my head in order to drink from the shower head the bad thoughts would instantly return and I just couldn't have that.

Who knows how deep I was now, how long it had been, what my name was, what I was, where I was or what the fuck was going on, I never gave in to the mushrooms, I kept fighting and fighting the whole way, I was a complete disaster, I hadn't only lost sight of why I was doing this, WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?', I didn't even know anything, nor did I remember ingestion, I was completely gone, my ego was gone, I was praying for what felt like forever, lying on the floor of my shower soaking wet, apologising to a non existent entity and begging to be let go. It was not over.

The shower helped in some ways but not in any real sense, I think I was still only going deeper and deeper into hell and the shower had been my hail mary, my brains sliver of sunshine, my 'AHA! moment' when I was fetal on the couch and it had failed me, I had no moves left, I was sitting up at this point and was shivering and needed to get warm, hot/warm water felt like torture as even slightly warm I was sure it would get hotter without notice and burn me which sent my anxiety through the roof. I finally mustered up the motivation to stand up and make moves, I think I was past the worst of it, I turn around, and my worst nightmare came to life, it came in the form of a person standing in front of me with a dumfounded and terrified look on their face.

Yes, you guessed it, my reflection! An absolute disaster and a true sight to behold, naked shivering and crying in all my wonderful glory. But that couldn't be me, I don't look that much like a primate?? Yes I was in the worst mental shape of my life at that second and I looked as bad as I physically could as a human, but I swear I could have been shipped to a cage in the local zoo, start snacking on whatever deluxe fruit was served that afternoon and noone would have been the wiser, it was terrifying dont look in the mirror! DON'T! I began touching my face and observing the incredible likeness I had to our primal ancestors and any illusions I had about what I actually looked like were shattered. But it did remind me of who I am a bit and that was a slight turning point. Side note, I felt that for a few days after the trip and struggled to look in the mirror without whincing a little bit, I dimmed the lights to the lowest possible setting and showered in the dark, but the feeling passed and I came to terms with the fact that as well as my illusions being shattered, the reality was, I was also out of my mind on shrooms and I was shivering and soaking wet from a freezing cold shower (I also forgot to moiturise that morning) #justshroomythings

Some more time passed and I did feel like I was slowly coming out of it, I still felt terrible, absolutely the worst I have ever felt, except for 5 minutes prior when I felt even worse (if that makes sense) than that and I took so much solace in that, slowly realising you're not going to die is a pretty amazing feeling, remembering who, where and what you are.

I returned to the safety of the pile of 45 blankets I had assembled in the corner of my living room couch and just as I was about to be met beneath them with what I imagine would have been incredible relief I realised that the window was ajar, I had opened it during the start of my meltdown/monster ego death in an attempt to get some fresh air and stay in control, had my inside cat gotten outside? Did a bird of prey take her to their nest to serve as food for their squaking evil offspring, whatever anxiety I had rangled into submission in whatever alotted time I penciled in for my alien shower flew off the handle again and I was back in it, running around the house stark naked screaming my cats name, praying that she was inside sleeping somewhere but she was nowhere to be found, the anxiety was unbearable, I was convinced she was gone and probably deceased, if not somehow decapitated. What would I say to my girlfriend? How could I be so stupid? At this moment I was at my open front door naked with the door which faces quite a busy road between cities screaming my cats name in 2 or 3 degree weather, and just before I completely destroyed my life and stepped outside in full view of whatever neighbour was walking their dog or peaking through the window after hearing a deranged soaking wet naked man that so closely resembled a chimp they wouldn't know whether to call the police or animal control to deal with this issue I hear a 'meow' behind me and I turn and yawning and pacing towards me looking slightly annoyed is my wonderful cat. I feel the most profound sense of relief that I have ever felt, it was truly otherwordly and once I was back inside with the door closed behind me I felt genuine euphoria for about10 minutes, I was crying and hugging my cat, who really wasn't having it but I didnt give her an option at that point.

I was back, side window was closed and I was under the pile of 82 blankets blaring Bob Marley again. The euphoria wore off, but I was out, I had been set free. I sat there with the music turned right down trying to make sense of what the fuck just happened. I said as such over and over and the more the euphoria faded the more active I became, I was pacing the room rubbing my hands over my damp head saying 'What the fuck' to myself genuinely unsure of what had just transpired. I hadn't learned the vast secrets of the universe or been amazed and immersed in the groovy wavy colours, I hadn't figured out my life purpose, or even made any leway in the journey towards it.

I was arrogant and reckless, I thought because I smoked alot of weed and meditated I was ahead of the pack and could take on any experience. I laughed at the idea of a trip sitter, I was so enamoured with the idea of a heroes journey that anything less would have been futile and in my mind pointless. I can say this, I have much more of an appreciation for life now, I thought in those hours that my time was up, that my journey had come to an end and in the early portion of my ego death I felt regret that I hadn't done more and been more. I have been humbled in my everyday life, and I feel as though I strive to be a better person. I now know how much I love my cat and my girlfriend, and am so grateful to have them. I quit sports gambling as a big theme of my trip was how I was a loser and I don't keep track of losses because if I did I would feel ashamed. I remember moments of the trip where I felt incredibly connected to everything, my biggest takeaway from this experience is that we all are connected deeply and that's an amazing thing to know I think.

People have commented and messaged me that I'm too hard on myself calling myself an idiot and such, it's mainly in self deprecating jest but also just to hit home the point that any beginners reading this should not make my stupid mistakes! I'm not actually so down on myself! Plus I was reckless and frankly idiotic during this experience.

Anyone reading this who wants to experiment with psychadelics, they are no joke. Just because you've done every other drug under the sun and think you can handle anything, you can't, these things will rip apart the most stable person IF you are reckless with them, if you aren't prepared. Truth is, even someone else had written this and if I read this post before my trip and read the warnings I still think I would have done it, because I was reckless and felt invincible and I know some of you reading this feel that way too (beginners I mean), just start slow you idiot.

I hope this story doesn't deter anyone interested in a psychadelic experience, honestly I thought I would right a summary of my trip and hit post but 5 hours later hear I am proof reading this for the 4th time, writing about it has been theraputic and I appreciate all you real psychonauts who took the time to read it (I tried to make it as entertaining as I could). I'm sure shrooms are amazing and transformative in the right environment and used by the right educated person at a proper beginner level dose, DON'T BE RECKLESS...DON'T BE ME!

The last thing I'll say is that I remember over and over apologising to the 'mushroom gods' or whatever entity I believed was there as I was falling to the depths of hell in my experience and I remember saying that if they let me out, if they let me free and if they allowed me to live I would never return, I would never use shrooms again, that I was unworthy and even though I could potentially take a much lower dose and be fine, I made a promise that afternoon and I intend to keep it, and I'm an atheist (?) so that's just how profound this experience was.


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InvisibleLeafRaker
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Registered: 11/28/11
Posts: 718
Re: A morons journey (my 'heroic' trip report) [Re: Shroomstunesloons]
    #27126898 - 01/04/21 07:09 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Wow, that sounds like quite the experience! You were definitely bold for going with 30g of truffles. It sounds like this was your first experience? That is probably not where I would start!  Hopefully you understand the need for preparation and thinking about safety in the future.

Also, did your blankets reproduce during your journey? Your account starts with 'my coach blanket' then moves on to 'several blankets' and then goes higher with '45 blankets' and then finally peaks at '82 blankets'. Wondering if something special was happening there!

Glad your cat is ok!


--------------------
Knowledge is finite, ignorance is infinite.


Edited by LeafRaker (01/05/21 06:05 AM)


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InvisibleSweetzz93
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Re: A morons journey (my 'heroic' trip report) [Re: LeafRaker] * 1
    #27127064 - 01/04/21 08:37 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

:peace: GREAT report. Superb!!
Now learn to respect the mushrooms and they will respect you!


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InvisibleMindMeower
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Registered: 05/10/19
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Re: A morons journey (my 'heroic' trip report) [Re: Sweetzz93] * 1
    #27127275 - 01/04/21 11:29 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

This was a great read and very well written. The part where can was being hugged and not given a choice in the matter was great lol

I had an experience on similar magnitude as yours last year. I was quite reckless and didn't test the waters and jumped in and things turned dramatic for lack of better word. I was experienced though, but what came was difficult, and I did feel like an animal at one point or at least got the sense of what might it be like to be one. It didn't stop me though, I learned things about myself I never would have otherwise and for that I am grateful. It seems you did too.

May your next trip be better, try to give into the experience, go with the flow and have a good time ~


--------------------
M(e)owing minds :mushroom2:


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OfflineFungi Rogers
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Registered: 12/31/20
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Last seen: 8 months, 30 days
Re: A morons journey (my 'heroic' trip report) [Re: Shroomstunesloons]
    #27127385 - 01/05/21 03:05 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Sheesh. A solid read. Way to just full send it there bud lol. Must have been the meditation??:smile: one key takeaway from this story is that you don’t have a couch but a blanket monster that reproduces really fast lol. The sheer weight of 82 blankets sounds like an insane feeling lol. Glad your somewhat okay? Or better? Lol. A real takeaway though from this is that you have started to make turns for the better and that’s a good thing bud.


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InvisiblecoAsTal
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Re: A morons journey (my 'heroic' trip report) [Re: Shroomstunesloons] * 1
    #27129078 - 01/05/21 06:58 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anyone reading this who wants to experiment with psychadelics, they are no joke. Just because you've done every other drug under the sun and think you can handle anything, you can't, these things will rip apart the most stable person IF you are reckless with them, if you aren't prepared. Truth is, even someone else had written this and if I read this post before my trip and read the warnings I still think I would have done it, because I was reckless and felt invincible and I know some of you reading this feel that way too (beginners I mean), just start slow you idiot.




Looks like you got the right message overall.
Lifetime fan of DMT, Cactus, Mushrooms, Ayahuasca, MDMA-- I've loved them all so many times.... but you have to be careful. You have to be safe. You have to be honest. And you'd better damn well be serious about what you're dealing with. I've had my nightmare trips. They've shaped me and wounded me. They are part of the terrain we all navigate in using these immensely powerful substances.

Start slow and low-- and listen to yourself every time.

Thanks for writing the trip report OP-- maybe you should spend some time here reading instead of on commercial sites that aren't teaching you anything...
:peace:


--------------------
I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the Heart's affections and the truth of Imagination--  John Keats

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InvisibleBlazer420
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Re: A morons journey (my 'heroic' trip report) [Re: coAsTal]
    #27129532 - 01/06/21 12:05 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

hahahahaha yep... That's shrooms for you. spot on. Gotta love them moments when your so spun you legit have no option but to throw yourself in the shower...:awecid::awecluster::bonghit:

You didn't even blaze during this trip? You should of pre rolled a joint or something and got out of the house 2 clear your mind.. Sometimes sticking indoors when you are so fried can cause more anxiety/un-nerving affects. Next time go out into nature and enjoy what is really out there. :highfive:

Me and my mate go deep into the shrooms and watch really dark/twisted movies on shroom doses. It's like a competition on how deep/dark you can go while fried :lolsy::lolsy: . Watch the Sacrament on a good dose and you'll see what we mean :lolsy:


--------------------
~ I used to get high on life, until I realized life was cut with morons ~
* You need 2 wake up and smell the music! *
-We are all computer data in a materialistic world-
|Sometimes you have to lose yourself, to find anything|


Edited by Blazer420 (01/06/21 12:21 AM)


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: A morons journey (my 'heroic' trip report) [Re: Shroomstunesloons]
    #27167163 - 01/24/21 12:16 PM (3 years, 23 days ago)

you could publish this with no shame whatsoever.

it's extremely funny.

a 20 minute per day meditator will have great habits so far as initial application, and sustained application of concentration.

you are in a great readiness to confront yourself, i.e. to be mind and see mind with mental objects arising and passing at a pace with sensation and breathing, while calmly sitting, but you may not have been approaching meditation that way.

no matter, you did nothing wrong except you failed to sample and titrate up when you get new substance from a new dealer - Hell, you should titrate up your dose over a series of sessions even if you do know your supplier, as each batch - verily each shroom may have slightly different power from 1/4 to 4x the mean in strength.

the problems you had are not serviceable by concentration, but they are sufferable with tranquility so that direction is good in your practice of meditation.

You just took too much shrooms - probably 6 times what you needed

otherwise, I do not exactly subscribe to the following approach:

Quote:

Going into it I imagined as though I could sit and the shrooms would magically show a clear path and answer all the questions I wrote down, the big one circled and and underlined and 3 times the size of everything else written on the page, 'WHAT IS MY PURPOSE', you could call that my main trip intention.




you see you are already on a path, it is your path which is how you time travel through your life, no other path exists for you, yet as you follow your path with awareness the path becomes everything - which it already is.

you do not need to yearn for such answers, they are irrelevant, as the question is substantially ignorant.
scratch that, you can use these substances after you become intimate with them, to find things like a shaman. lost objects, forgotten promises etc. but what that involves is a more relaxed familiarity with your mental terrain, and how psychedelics alter time so that you can watch a torrent of mental objects that normally fizzle out instantaneously, and gravitate towards the area of interest without much effort at all.

normally it takes the first half of a trip for me to find myself and begin to enjoy, although I do like the alerts and can tolerate the writhing of my muscles for the most part without any complaints.

so what are we going to do today Brain?
Why, Pinky, we're going to conquer The WORLD!


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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