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OfflineLion
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Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
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Some notes on my year - weird things that happened, in no apparent order * 2
    #27118265 - 12/31/20 12:32 PM (3 years, 28 days ago)

I spent more time outdoors than probably any year prior.

I spent a lot of nights extremely stoned staring at the ceiling feeling waves of dread and hearing auditory hallucinations of crazy death metal music.

I took big doses of MDMA and smaller doses of it and LSD as well and had deep experiences of introspection, meditation on the nature of mind, life and suffering, and experiences of immense empathy and appreciation for the emotional intelligence of those around me.

I probably contracted covid at some point, but if I did it was a mild, barely noticeable case.

I didn't read a single book during the entirety of the pandemic. I didn't even try to pick one up for months.

I made significant progress learning a new instrument and a new language.

I started a relationship with someone halfway around the world via Instagram and WhatsApp. I'm not sure where it'll go, if anywhere.

I moved to a new place that's very different culturally from where I was living previously.

I cried intensely a few times and probably could've used a few dozen more such cries.

I became extremely paranoid about the state of the world and convinced that humanity is in the grip of some awful death cult. I radically shifted my political views. I somehow found some balance and perspective that minimized the dread and conspiracy thinking, at least most of the time.

I questioned all my life decisions and motivations, and saw how shallow much of my programming and behavior is.

I felt shallow and cowardly because I just had the impulse to run away to some safe corner of the world and forget about everyone's troubles and suffering.

I made plans to make huge changes in my life, and then spent a lot of time going back and forth in my head about whether they made sense, whether I'm strong enough to do them, and whether I actually possess any faith in god or the universe that they will lead me to a decent life.

I grappled intensely with addiction and chronic pain.

I started to consider what it might be like to have a family and to live for people other than myself.

I drew a lot of weird things in my sketchbook.

I often felt as if I was dying, and wondered if I was dying or being reborn. A lot of the time I felt like I might be able to accept either scenario, or neither.

I spent a lot of time driving through the backcountry listening to music and thinking about what all of it means.

What about you?


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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OfflineLoaded Shaman
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Registered: 03/02/15
Posts: 8,006
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Re: Some notes on my year - weird things that happened, in no apparent order [Re: Lion]
    #27121308 - 01/01/21 11:17 PM (3 years, 26 days ago)

Sounds like you're finding the best parts of yourself to share in the future with others, OP! :sunny::heart:


--------------------



"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance." — Confucius


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OfflineLion
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Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 8,775
Last seen: 3 days, 14 hours
Re: Some notes on my year - weird things that happened, in no apparent order [Re: Loaded Shaman] * 1
    #27123309 - 01/03/21 07:13 AM (3 years, 25 days ago)

Thanks for that, Loaded Shaman - kind and insightful. :mushroom2: :hippie:


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineLoaded Shaman
Psychophysiologist
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/02/15
Posts: 8,006
Loc: Now O'Clock
Last seen: 28 days, 5 hours
Re: Some notes on my year - weird things that happened, in no apparent order [Re: Lion]
    #27124975 - 01/03/21 11:17 PM (3 years, 24 days ago)

Not a problem.

:pm: me whenever for any reason to chat in detail! :sunny:


--------------------



"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance." — Confucius


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