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Anonymous #1

Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED*
    #27111214 - 12/27/20 07:17 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: Ex move in similar circles - so could be identifying


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OfflineHikeadellic
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27111237 - 12/27/20 07:30 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I'd move on and start living as if I was single. I would be ok with occasional contact but very regular contact right now is a red flag for me


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Hikeadellic]
    #27111297 - 12/27/20 08:11 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Commune? Or drug cult? She chose access to drugs over you.. cool, cool, uhhh, cool. Sorry, that's the super cynical take.

Man, there's no good answer here. I wouldn't worry about being friendzoned, you've already been friendzoned. And that is meaningless anyway. Relationships are just fluid like that. I have several once lovers/now friends that I keep in occasional contact with. Maybe we'll meet again and something will happen, maybe we won't. It is what it is.
If it hurts too much, pull back. If you miss her, get in touch.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Lynnch]
    #27111539 - 12/28/20 01:30 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27112170 - 12/28/20 12:17 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27112623 - 12/28/20 03:53 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

The easiest thing to do would be to cut off contact completely, and move on and forget about her. ..I don't expect you to do that, and in your shoes, I doubt I would either. It's just gonna hurt for a while.

Gotta say man.. You mention family obligations, while she flies away on a whim. You seem much more grounded than she is. It's hard to say what someone who is 'finding themself' using lsd and mdma may do. She might have an epiphany that she's meant to be with you, or she might decide to fly off to a different country again. You may have to accept that she's a comet that only comes into your life every so often.

She wants to stay in touch.. but is giving you the option to leave.

How long are you willing to wait for her?


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OfflineRoflspammer
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Lynnch]
    #27112825 - 12/28/20 06:00 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Yikes-- psychedelics are not the answer to the universe. With that, she's apparently flying off to go be away from the many rich responsibilities of life in the pursuit of "expanded consciousness." That's my take at least-- you gotta figure out what is good for you-- someone who is looking to expand their mind through drugs might not be someone you're looking to build a stable future with... or maybe you are? Up to you


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Roflspammer] * 1
    #27113519 - 12/29/20 05:32 AM (3 years, 30 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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Offlinemycot
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27114028 - 12/29/20 11:24 AM (3 years, 30 days ago)

You've done the right thing in the end.
You should have cut it off and hung up the phone (metaphorically speaking) when she gave you that celibate rap. Told her she could give you a call when she was ready for something. All that other stuff is just BS stringing you along. You can still give her the option of making that call.
Anyway. :cheers:


Edited by mycot (12/29/20 09:41 PM)


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: mycot]
    #27114248 - 12/29/20 01:18 PM (3 years, 30 days ago)

That's rough man. But yea, don't spend your life waiting.


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Offlinepatapon333
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Lynnch]
    #27115545 - 12/30/20 06:53 AM (3 years, 29 days ago)

contacting with toxic people will never develop in something good. Always is better to stay alone than with bad company :smile:


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Offlineanatomality
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: patapon333]
    #27115561 - 12/30/20 07:07 AM (3 years, 29 days ago)

Move on, if you're ready.
or
Contact her until you're ready to move on.

I doubt you'll get much out of contact other than reasons to move on.
Paradoxically, that might be what you need to move on properly.


--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”


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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: anatomality]
    #27120170 - 01/01/21 11:11 AM (3 years, 27 days ago)

Due to the fact that you're experiencing pain which I've felt before I have some advice.  You sound competent.

If you were more calculated and cold with your emotions my advice would be slightly different here, but I have a pure play that really cannot backfire if you do not adhere from the plan.

Step 1: Tell her straight up that its a bit hard for you right NOW, let her know without waxing poetic what she meant to you.  Then tell her that as the pain gets easier you will reach out again because a bond like yours could stand any test....please throw some Disney stuff in here (does not matter if you believe it, much better if you don't.)

Step 2: Actually stop talking to her.  Move on, find another woman.  Develop feelings for other woman.  Enjoy life.

Step 3: You feel like a new man.  Life doesn't hurt.  Getting up in the morning is no longer a fight, you bounce out of bed.  Relationship new woman is going great and that cool.  Reach out to X and tell her how much you missed here and how her friendship meant a lot.  Tell her you really would like to stay in touch and ask how shes doing and all that friendly polite banter.  Avoid the whole past lovers thing.  Just great friends staying in touch when you speak to your ex, or at least that's your angle.  Don't go phising for information upon speaking to her.  Let the interactions be platonic in their nature.

Step 4: She will ask at some point if you're with someone, maybe fast or maybe a little later.  Don't lie, also don't embellish.  Let her know you enjoy your life, and without ever actually saying it you've friendzoned her and she will know it deep down.  She will hate it.  It will eat her up and she will attempt to throw "game" (women not so great at this lol) at you until you respond.

Step 5: Remember your promise to yourself about what you wanted, remember your emotions how you felt and what motivated you.  Now you can go ahead and incorporate her into your life or you can just kind of painfully keep her in limbo until she gives up and goes back to the commune?

I can't tell you whats right or what you really should do.  I just know that the above method does indeed work if you have the stomach for it my friend.  Good luck whatever you do.


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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: The OCB]
    #27120174 - 01/01/21 11:13 AM (3 years, 27 days ago)

Oh the celibate part is game and a lie.  She is hedging her bets with you.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: The OCB]
    #27135305 - 01/08/21 01:34 PM (3 years, 20 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27135790 - 01/08/21 05:02 PM (3 years, 20 days ago)

Well shit. Can't say i'm surprised. At least you're not stuck in limbo, waiting and wondering.


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27136676 - 01/09/21 12:40 AM (3 years, 19 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Ah, I think that's it for me. I'll just fade out, not be an ass, but not initiate anything. I mean, pretty much two weeks after we split, her telling me she still loves me and now she's already sleeping with someone else. I feel more disappointed than hurt tbh, but it's a sign it's done.



Acceptance, kindness, growth. Sounds like you're on a good path :smile:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27136703 - 01/09/21 01:12 AM (3 years, 19 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27136758 - 01/09/21 02:50 AM (3 years, 19 days ago)

What kind of response are you expecting?
What kind of response are you hoping for?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Lynnch]
    #27136780 - 01/09/21 03:35 AM (3 years, 19 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27139823 - 01/10/21 01:14 PM (3 years, 18 days ago)

Ah yea, the after-breakup self-improvement.. I need to get a new ex quick just to get back in that mode :lol:

I have to admit, I selfishly hope you stay in touch with her. The wild saga of the drug commune sounds like a story with too much drama to ignore.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Lynnch] * 1
    #27139876 - 01/10/21 01:40 PM (3 years, 18 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


Edited by Anonymous (01/10/21 03:46 PM)


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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27139944 - 01/10/21 02:29 PM (3 years, 18 days ago)

There is my guy. Total honesty lol. As if women have ever been 100% honest with us.


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: The OCB]
    #27141114 - 01/11/21 12:47 AM (3 years, 17 days ago)

Quote:

The OCB said:
There is my guy. Total honesty lol. As if women have ever been 100% honest with us.



Cringe.


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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27150684 - 01/15/21 10:51 PM (3 years, 12 days ago)

Quote:

Nonagon Infinity said:
Quote:

The OCB said:
There is my guy. Total honesty lol. As if women have ever been 100% honest with us.



Cringe.




Thanks!


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Offlinedrinkkykeon
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: The OCB]
    #27150709 - 01/15/21 11:16 PM (3 years, 12 days ago)

Life is too short for shitty relationships. If she isn't fighting to make a life with you don't fight for her. Separate your desires from what you know is best for you. The most important thing is to not look back with regret, grow and move on and the wisdom will seep in slowly.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: drinkkykeon]
    #27150882 - 01/16/21 03:49 AM (3 years, 12 days ago)

Quote:

drinkkykeon said:
Life is too short for shitty relationships. If she isn't fighting to make a life with you don't fight for her. Separate your desires from what you know is best for you. The most important thing is to not look back with regret, grow and move on and the wisdom will seep in slowly.



There it is


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27150961 - 01/16/21 06:25 AM (3 years, 12 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27151581 - 01/16/21 02:12 PM (3 years, 12 days ago)

Cut n Run is the go-to advice for any situation.. and it is often the best option...
But, just for some counterpoint, that mentality can lead (at least for me it did) to -at the first sign of trouble in a relationship- to say fuck it, i'm done. Without even trying to work things out... Something to think about.

OP, sounds like this girl is one you'll be comparing all others to... be careful with that.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Lynnch]
    #27151689 - 01/16/21 03:25 PM (3 years, 12 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27151711 - 01/16/21 03:46 PM (3 years, 12 days ago)

Ignore her till February. Not totally but minimal contact; just enough to allow you to organize a real life meeting.  If she bails do not expend any more mental energy on her .  If she doesn't;  Fuck her brains out when you see her.  Remain detached.  She is a game player no matter how much she doesn't want to be, that's pretty obvious.  That's my best advice for "hooking her"


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27151716 - 01/16/21 03:48 PM (3 years, 12 days ago)

When I say remain detached I mean play it cool and don't reach out first, short responses, make her MAKE the plans WITH you.  The most I would do is drop a hint that you aren't busy when you do want to see her.  If she doesn't flat out commit to a meeting time and date, seek other females.  She will come runnin.  She has no direction, and will be jealous if you find someone (that she thinks) is better/more attractive/ wtv.  She's been tryna make you jealous man, do it to her.  Only reason she is copacetic right now is cuz she's jealous of your tripping weekend / friendship with other female:


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


Edited by theRealrollforever (01/16/21 03:49 PM)


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Lynnch]
    #27152619 - 01/17/21 02:48 AM (3 years, 11 days ago)

Quote:

Lynnch said:
OP, sounds like this girl is one you'll be comparing all others to... be careful with that.



There was one point in my life earlier on where this exact piece of advice woke me the fuck up and sent me on a healthier course in life.


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Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27157332 - 01/19/21 11:55 AM (3 years, 9 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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InvisibleJim Nemo
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27157523 - 01/19/21 01:38 PM (3 years, 9 days ago)

Reading this thread made me feel very uncomfortable, because it reminds me in different ways on one of my past relationships.

There is no need to discuss the unimportant details of when should you write or how should you behave on phone, etc.

It's pretty simple:
She's got you and she's not going to let go.
You have to move on or that limbo will continue, no doubt about that. The trouble she caused will puke all over a relationship you might have together. It's a lost cause, even if she "changes".

You can feel blessed if you get out of that unharmed. Behaviour like hers can scar for life.

I feel with you, send you my best wishes and hope you'll stay strong.

Keep telling us what's going on and how it feels, if it helps you.


--------------------
When the acid trip is over, you gotta come back to mother blues...


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Jim Nemo]
    #27157724 - 01/19/21 03:44 PM (3 years, 9 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27158492 - 01/19/21 10:52 PM (3 years, 8 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I guess a question is, given her actions and behaviour - why would she want such attachment to me?



Who knows? My guess is that she's motivated by power and control. Just from reading this thread, it sounds like this is the kind of person who likes to keep the upper hand in the dynamics of your relationship. If you're the one reaching out to her, she's the one calling the shots, and she probably likes it that way.

Personally, I don't like to think of relationships in terms of power and control, but a lot of people look at the world through that lens, unfortunately.

Ultimately, for your purposes, it doesn't really matter why she's holding on. The question for you is: how is this affecting your life, and what are you going to do about it? I think you're making a healthy choice by improving yourself (through meditation, etc.) and by just keeping contact with her to a minimum. If this person is meant to be in your life, it will work itself out.

Be like water and flow with the river :smile:


--------------------
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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27158699 - 01/20/21 02:57 AM (3 years, 8 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27159432 - 01/20/21 12:09 PM (3 years, 8 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I guess I thought I could fix all this ahah. Red flags everywhere!



Nah, it's just not your responsibility, man. She's obviously got a lot of personal growth to deal with, and she can really only do that on her own terms. The fact that you're reflecting on this with such honesty and humility shows that you're not just one of those submissive guys she uses.

Now, for the hard part: don't reach out to her hahaha


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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27160485 - 01/20/21 10:45 PM (3 years, 7 days ago)

You're still asking why when you should be moving on.  I really do hope you find that happiness you talked about earlier.  Game sucks, but it is indeed real and does not stop.  Anyone that tells you different is literally gaming you!


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: The OCB] * 1
    #27160779 - 01/21/21 06:55 AM (3 years, 7 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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InvisibleLemonTekno
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27161863 - 01/21/21 04:10 PM (3 years, 7 days ago)

Sorry OP, but while your commitment to meditation is commendable, your posts so far suggest she's got you firmly hooked and won't let go that easily.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: LemonTekno]
    #27165104 - 01/23/21 09:09 AM (3 years, 5 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27165108 - 01/23/21 09:14 AM (3 years, 5 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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Anonymous #2

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27165164 - 01/23/21 09:58 AM (3 years, 5 days ago)

Once my ex is my ex, I don't care what she does; if she wants to text me everyday she will text me everyday. If I want to respond, I respond. Please don't artificially limit yourself, do what you want while being mindful of the consequences.
There's no shame in asking her "what do you want" if it helps you move forward; this culture of "I need to move on and forget" is quite caustic. Ask what you want to ask, do what you want to do, live how you want to live.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #27165242 - 01/23/21 11:02 AM (3 years, 5 days ago)

This girls trying to keep ya on the hook. Time to cut the line and swim away

She chose something else over you (and it really doesn't matter what it was, she chose it, not you) and if you're sitting around "waiting", you'll likely miss out during your indefinite waiting period.

Don't let her hold more space in your heart that is good for you

If she ever did come back, this is the kind of woman that would run off again whenever the thought popped into her head.  Do you really want someone that flighty?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #27165590 - 01/23/21 02:46 PM (3 years, 5 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27165799 - 01/23/21 04:48 PM (3 years, 5 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I think I'm holding out for the prospect of sex and to sound a bit shitty, I'm competitive.



If you're at that level of self awareness, then I don't think it sounds shitty. Then again, as another poster pointed out, you'll have to deal with the consequences of your actions there haha


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Anonymous #3

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27165863 - 01/23/21 05:27 PM (3 years, 5 days ago)

The fucking crazy ones are always better lays my friend.  I fell into that trap 20 fuckin years ago and it's going to cost me everything I've got plus my sanity and likely my relationship with my kids to get away from her

Do yourself a favor and find someone else to chase :grampofapproval:


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Anonymous #4

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #3] * 2
    #27167358 - 01/24/21 02:25 PM (3 years, 4 days ago)

Sex with crazy women is always hot until one day you realize you’ve lost your mind, finances, and desire to live.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #27167585 - 01/24/21 04:46 PM (3 years, 4 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:
Sex with crazy women is always hot until one day you realize you’ve lost your mind, finances, and desire to live.




Did you just read my mind?!?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #3] * 1
    #27168484 - 01/25/21 05:57 AM (3 years, 3 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27168509 - 01/25/21 06:25 AM (3 years, 3 days ago)

There's no potential dude.  She's a jobless hippy


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27168517 - 01/25/21 06:34 AM (3 years, 3 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


Edited by Anonymous (01/25/21 06:36 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27168522 - 01/25/21 06:37 AM (3 years, 3 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27169263 - 01/25/21 02:34 PM (3 years, 3 days ago)

Huh, that's interesting. I was assuming she was some 21 year old kinda confused kid, using a trust fund to live out fantasies.


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Lynnch]
    #27169429 - 01/25/21 04:20 PM (3 years, 3 days ago)

Quote:

Lynnch said:
Huh, that's interesting. I was assuming she was some 21 year old kinda confused kid, using a trust fund to live out fantasies.



Life never stops surprising me.


--------------------
Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door


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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Lynnch]
    #27169664 - 01/25/21 06:22 PM (3 years, 3 days ago)

Quote:

Lynnch said:
Huh, that's interesting. I was assuming she was some 21 year old kinda confused kid, using a trust fund to live out fantasies.




hahaha. exactly how all this reads.  Hilarious to me how many people giving legit advice are anon in this thread.  What a trip.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: The OCB]
    #27170241 - 01/26/21 04:24 AM (3 years, 2 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27170516 - 01/26/21 09:04 AM (3 years, 2 days ago)

You assuage her guilt by remaining in contact.


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OfflineRoflspammer
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: The OCB]
    #27170586 - 01/26/21 09:45 AM (3 years, 2 days ago)

Why are we trying to make her feel guilty? You're not a match for each other, no shame or wrongdoing in that.


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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Roflspammer]
    #27170619 - 01/26/21 10:08 AM (3 years, 2 days ago)

Nobody is trying to make her feel any sort of way.  Maybe re-read the earlier posts.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: The OCB]
    #27170682 - 01/26/21 10:52 AM (3 years, 2 days ago)

What he was saying is that by remaining in contact with her, he is minimizing her guilt if not completely eliminating it; which will inevitably result in her continuing her behavior


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27170695 - 01/26/21 11:03 AM (3 years, 2 days ago)

Knowing how those drug cults work shes probably getting passed around like a J of reggie. Not missing much there.. the machine elves are probably even running one on her.


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OfflineRoflspammer
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #27170700 - 01/26/21 11:08 AM (3 years, 2 days ago)

She's going to do what she wants-- its not his job to sculpt her.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Roflspammer]
    #27170703 - 01/26/21 11:13 AM (3 years, 2 days ago)

Yea, it’s the cult leaders job to sculpt her.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #27170720 - 01/26/21 11:22 AM (3 years, 2 days ago)

ROFL


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #27170744 - 01/26/21 11:38 AM (3 years, 2 days ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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Anonymous #5

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27170762 - 01/26/21 11:50 AM (3 years, 2 days ago)

Honestly It sounds like a great fucking cult, I wanna join. Is everyone there intelligent and scientifically driven?


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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #27171125 - 01/26/21 03:00 PM (3 years, 2 days ago)

What country is this episode of Hippie Real World taking place?

Also; sculpt her?  What is she an art piece? ROFL!


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OfflineRoflspammer
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: The OCB]
    #27171673 - 01/26/21 07:51 PM (3 years, 2 days ago)

Hell no maybe :cool:


Edited by Roflspammer (01/26/21 07:52 PM)


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Invisiblerjreynoldsinc
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27175666 - 01/29/21 06:50 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

I didnt mean to spend much time on a response....as you can see i was extremely successful

THE HERO'S JOURNEY

crafted for anon's
all around the world


just my thoughts...
i can tell you that from reading your post you really do like this chick if you  really do find her intellect excellent and also find a good connection between you two..id keep on talking on the daily especially if you dont have alot going on for you and/or your ugly as fuck or bored as fuck..(which we all feel like at times) ...but.... with that in mind i would like to point out.. you said in the beginning she was gonna go back to the commune but she chose to stay because of this new found connection between you  which then turned into and i quote "she’s choosing to stay there for these experiences (every 2-3 months), she’s ended the relationship." but still wants a relationship and to talk on the daily...shes pretty much saying ...yo anon #1 ..i want you to stick around cause i like you so much.. but im on a different wave link right now and want you to suffer the pains of love untouchable and the thoughts and everything that go along with that type of situation ...yes a lil selfish on her part but hey we all go through different mindsets and phases ......i could keep on rambling and giving my recommendations and jargon but at the end of the day ....you gotta do whats right for you bro!..i mean thats exactly what shes doing and you owe it to yourself to do whats right for you!! im a believer in LOVE being the greatest gift next to water and air for a human..... and im on a friend basis with every woman ive ever slept with... even the chicks that are now married ...we still all talk...its all about how you handle yourself and how you constructed your relationships and your own thoughts....now how bad ass you are for being a man with that kinda mentality and finese! ... you one bad mutha!!!...damn this post struck a strong instinct for me to reply so much that this is now the biggest post/response of my entire life (seriously!) but imma wrap this up .....ME: id keep on talking and enjoying each other and your conversations....
(if you find her actually intellegent this shouldnt be hard)
..she may be back soon ...and she may not be a person you wanna let go of easily or she may  be a totally different chick than you knew..just something else to think on..id keep that relationship going if you can and would like to...but dont cause yourself mental pains and stresses ...this could work out for you in the near future as a solid relationship or not but whats more dominate than a dude who could lay that kinda solid foundation in the beginning of the first year?! ...NOT SHIT!...to anyone who read all this and made it this far...thank you for your time and efforts this has been my longest post ever!!!!!!
anon #1 i wish you the best of luck and my final bullshit analogy of the day.. .......life is what you make it, some people compare life to a movie or a book(we will name it (the hero's journey) ) the big secret to success in life you may wonder?...simple... just write it to your liking!!!..were all trying to figure it all out in this world just living the hero's journey ...thanks for your time lol..all comments and input on my longest post/tangent of my life is wanted and welcomed good or bad.. please stop by the merch tent on your way out


--------------------
..Every thing i say is irrelevant to everything..


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: rjreynoldsinc]
    #27175855 - 01/29/21 09:13 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


Edited by Anonymous (01/29/21 11:06 AM)


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Anonymous #2

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27175885 - 01/29/21 09:34 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Bro you got to sort yourself out. Going through a divorce is complex and all good, but if you don't take proper time you do run the risk of falling over yourself again.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #27176055 - 01/29/21 11:07 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflineKwyjibo
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #27176318 - 01/29/21 02:15 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

So you're with this girl and out of the blue she decides that getting high and banging other dudes is more important than her relationship with you. She moves off to spend time in a cult and gets in a relationship with the first guy that comes along. Meanwhile she keep stringing you along probably because she's a sociopath and enjoys the power trip and your solution is to move in together and try to have a relationship with her. I'm not saying it's a bad idea and won't work out but it's a bad idea and won't work out.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Kwyjibo]
    #27176489 - 01/29/21 03:48 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflineKwyjibo
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27176531 - 01/29/21 04:08 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

You can justify and spin it as you like but she's already shown drugs and a random guy she just met are higher on her priority list than you and if you're ok with that and ok with the possibility of her taking off again on a whim for some other shiny new drug or guy then go for it but as much as you think it won't bother you when it happens it will. I get it, girls like that are tons of fun but is the fun now worth all of the bs that will surely follow later?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Kwyjibo]
    #27176581 - 01/29/21 04:35 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflineKwyjibo
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27176625 - 01/29/21 05:00 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

It sounds like the best thing for both of you right now is to be her friend and only her friend. Let her sort through and deal with her issues and when she's in a better place then discuss the possibility of pursuing a relationship.


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Kwyjibo] * 1
    #27176709 - 01/29/21 05:27 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

You're doing an awful lot of rationalizing man. If it doesn't feel like it will work, then don't think it will. When you combine too many radical ideas with words like polyamory, you're just setting yourself up for an involuntary committal to a psych hospital. Successfully violating a deep social norm like mating behavior is way too complex for most people to figure out by itself, and it usually gives a fleeting high followed by a long period of suffering if it doesn't end when it's ripe. All that other complexity just adds to the instability and inevitable despair that follows from the collapse of the completely unrealistic expectations. It's kinda like the rule of only breaking one law at a time to avoid being caught. Pat yourself on the back for the good sex and connection, admit the truth about it not being sustainable, and end it now so you can enjoy the memory later in life. That good memory will be your reward for making a good decision now; otherwise you'll probably have to come back here and eat crow on top of all the other suffering.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #27177325 - 01/30/21 02:27 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

As your lawyer who has NOT taken solid advice regarding these matters; I advise you to take some of this advice posted here


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: theRealrollforever] * 1
    #27177961 - 01/30/21 12:50 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27178104 - 01/30/21 02:43 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

nah man, you did the right thing IMHO. Sounds like the possibly-brainwashed crazy sexy sex-drug-cult chick was sort of manipulating you anyway, which may or may not have been intentional on her part, though it definitely is kind of sad to watch that kind of dysfunction overtake someone you care about. You made a decision that set clear boundaries and you respected yourself while doing your best to be fair, considerate, and respectful to the other party. Not bad man. That's about the best anyone can do, so you shouldn't have regrets about your actions later. I'll let the crow fly away since you won't be eating it. Maybe you'll figure stuff out with your wife too. It sounds like she might be interested in some exploration and excitement, so if that's something you want to pursue, then maybe it'll evolve into something other than what it was before. It's your call man, just keep your wits about you. :shrug:


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OfflineKwyjibo
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27178204 - 01/30/21 04:27 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Stating it's not right I should do it with her solo as it might give her romantic feeling towards me again.



"I need to take drugs to like you."
I was wrong, you shouldn't even be friends with her.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Kwyjibo]
    #27178344 - 01/30/21 06:44 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

She is a bad person man you should get back together with your wife and forget about the hold she had on you if your wife actually loves you
Your idea of idealism is just that an idea
Stay with something real until something REALER and better comes along

OR just be alone if they're both not good for you and they're toxic in anyway

That's the hardest option


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27179166 - 01/31/21 10:23 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27179171 - 01/31/21 10:26 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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Anonymous #2

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27179251 - 01/31/21 11:18 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Have you got in contact with a therapist? My reading of you is that you're looking for something; I only recommend a therapist because they are of the profession of people who help people find whatever it is they need to find-- its unfortunate the word contains such a stigma today, but hopefully that changes.

Consider it for no other reason than they will help you answer the questions your asking on this thread.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27179266 - 01/31/21 11:33 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Block that bitch! She isn't looking out for your wife's feelings by suggest that you'll hurt her more if you leave again.  She's FUCKING MANIPULATING YOU DUDE!

She wants to have her cake and eat it too and she's getting sick fuckin jollies off of keeping some sense of control over you.  You seem smart enough to know this.  Please for the sake of men everywhere, don't let her leave and fuck other dudes while keeping her sense of control over you.  You already explained that she got upset when you talked about possibly having something with your wife

TBH she sounds like a fuckin narcissist and a pretty good one at that.  They are quite crafty at faking intimacy and caring when IT SERVES THEIR INTERESTS and believe me, this woman doesn't give 2 shits about you or your wife

I suggest blocking her completely and forever and never thinking about her again.  If you can't do that, try an experiment on her.  Tell her about how you and your wife and reconciling and how great things are going (yes, lie about shit). 

Make her jealous and she will show you who she really is


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #2] * 1
    #27179270 - 01/31/21 11:36 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #27179314 - 01/31/21 11:54 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


Edited by Anonymous (01/31/21 12:05 PM)


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Anonymous #2

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27179500 - 01/31/21 02:24 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Anyone that you want; we here on the shroomery tend to do a lot of introspective work which is great, but alongside this the west has created a scaffolding for introspection which is psychotherapy. Its incredibly robust and equally as useful as any other kind of "inward looking" you can do. The most important thing is "shopping around" for a guide you can relate to and feel you can place trust in. That part is awkward and disheartening but once you find the right therapist, a lot of good can be done. Bad therapists will cause damage.


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #2] * 2
    #27179534 - 01/31/21 02:52 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Not sure if you're asking for advice anymore, but if you just use your brain and reflect on what you do while you try to make good decisions, and talk shit over with your friends and various crazy people on the shroomery, then you probably don't need therapy and you're in the same boat most of us are in. Reading up on the psychology behind things you don't understand can help you make predictions about how people will behave or help you understand why people are behaving a certain way, and I'd recommend doing that reading if you want to understand yourself and others, but ultimately the only person who can make you feel good about your life is you. Paying a therapist or banging a sexed-up crazy chick can only do so much to make you feel good in the long term. it can be a nice high, but it's fleeting. A GOOD therapist can help you understand things and develop a plan for how to think things through, particularly if you're in a bad spot, but the good ones are rarer than you'd think, and you ultimately have to do your own work or it won't work. Bad therapists can do damage just like bad doctors can, and it's easy to be a bad therapist. You should be careful about who you entrust the care of your mind to. If there's no emergency, then do your best to educate yourself before trusting what you're told.


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Offlinelots
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #27180075 - 01/31/21 10:26 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

First of all, thanks for posting all this! It brought up a lot for me concerning my own relationships and struggles I've had.

This response may wander a bit, since I have many things to say, in no particular order. This advice is all a projection of myself and my experiences, so take what fits, throw away what doesn't. I hope some of it is helpful and hits the mark.

As far as therapy goes, I highly recommend it. It is a slow process and it is important you find someone that you feel you can speak about anything with, including psychedelics, BDSM (I am making that assumption since you spoke of bondage gear), etc. MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association of Psychedelic Studies) has a list of practitioners that offer integration services, so you know that those professionals are open to the healing power and use of psychedelics. I found my first therapist at an inservice at the job I was working. The main point is that you need to be able to connect with your therapist. If they turn you off from the beginning with their...um...everything, look for someone that feels right for where you are at. It is some of the best money I've spent. 15 years ago, friend told me that he did therapy and he recommended it to everyone. My immediate response was: "Why, I don't need it! I'm not crazy! How dare you suggest such blasphemy!" To which he replied: "no, no, as personal growth and for better self knowledge. For help with whatever you may be struggling with as a human being in this infinitely complex and at times very painful experience."

Good therapy, good relationships and psychedelics have made me an infinitely better person. If you start looking and asking around to your friends and the universe, you will be open to when someone presents themselves to help. The hardest part for me is always realizing I need help and asking for it, as well as admitting that I can't do it on my own.

I want to acknowledge that you and this woman had/have a real connection. It seems like you both saw each other and let yourselves be seen in ways that you have never done with anyone before. You saw and showed the good, the bad, the mysterious, and the downright irrationally confusing parts of yourselves. That is powerful and to be honored and celebrated, because it is fucking rare and very difficult to find and then let go of. It is also very complex. It also tends to diminish boundaries so that you will lose yourselves to the intoxicating togetherness. You may no longer be meeting each other, but floating in shared bliss of ego death. Inevitably all of your baggage will make an entrance and be triggered. Psychedelics, sex, and BDSM are a powerful mix. Using each other as therapists, lovers, trip partners, spiritual communers, friends and more is also a way that boundaries get tangled. It is not a bad thing. It just gets deeply confusing and complex. And you need to be able to come back to yourselves. I have had it. I had to leave. It was immensely painful for both of us. We stayed in touch as much as we both could handle, learned to set boundaries and came back together 1+ year later, having done a LOT of healing and also still being madly in love. We are now together in ways I couldn't even imagine. She healed deep trauma in ways that I didn't even know were possible, but gives me hope for all those that are suffering and for myself. It wasn't easy, but healing to an easier, more open, more real and joyfilled existence is possible. Even if you have to let go of her for now, you cannot know what will happen.

I applaud your desire to look inwards and humble yourself to your own limitations. I believe that relationships that feel compatible and real are not an accident. Each partner in the relationship plays a part. It was easy for me to write my partner off as "crazy," or "irrational," while I was the together one. But if I am so together and sane, what am I doing with someone so crazy and irrational? I had to look at my own desire to "save" her, be the "good" man and the ways I was playing into my own shame of being a man. I had to confront my own psychotically hot-cold behavior and the ways I would say one thing and then flip-flop in a way that came across as gas-lighting. I had to confront the weird backwards ways I would manipulate her to stay in control. I wasn't even aware of these things. I found early childhood trauma that I knew was there, but wouldn't have called trauma, yet it influenced how little I could trust love and relationship.

I think some people play games. If you aren't looking for games in your life, don't play them. Be as real as you can be. I also think that more often than not, we are blind to our own patterns. The things she is doing out of shame or guilt and that feel manipulative have been reinforced through her whole life baggage. And also, don't imagine that you are innocent in this dance. It takes two. You each are learning from each other. You are each acting out unconscious patterns that you are blind to because you are human and all humans have some kind of trauma. It sounds like you too want to save her. It seems like you get a lot out of having power in that way. A good way to "save" her may be to listen and try to understand what her experience is like. I know you said that you are so similar to each other, but that can lead to thinking that you know what she is talking about, when actually you just assume that the words she says, mean the same to her as to you. Never quite the case. We all come from different cultures, class, families, education, ideologies, etc.

I think you are doing the right thing by focusing on yourself. This is painful for you. It is also painful for her. It is OK to be pissed as hell at the weird behavior she is doing. It is also OK to say that you need space for a bit from the incessant online contact that I imagine also leads to incessant mind chatter and overthinking of loads of confusing bullshit. It is also incredibly difficult to understand subtext over text message or even phone calls. She has some issues and so do you, because once again, you seem like normal humans with all sorts of human baggage. Many people pretend like they have no issues and numb all their emotions with whatever is handy. I do that too, because everything is exhausting at times and "fuck it," I just gonna binge watch some Watchmen.

There are more options than "Let's stay in contact," or "fuck you, let's never talk again." That is very black and white thinking in a world that has infinite shades of color. You can ask yourself what feels best for you, for your highest good (whatever that looks like for you). Literally ask yourself. And listen to the deep felt space inside of you, to your heart, to your blood, to your body and being, not the chattering monkey mind. And it is very OK to have boundaries, to ask for what you need from her and tell you what your experience is like from her behaviors. You can try to analyze her all you want, but I find it better for communication to speak about what it is like for me and to ask questions about what is going on and be open to understanding the strange psyche behind said behavior.

If your experience is anything like mine, then it is terrifying. To be seen that deeply and to feel that connected shatters my ego. It takes everything I think I know about myself and my independence and throws it out the window. It fucks all my deep held beliefs to bloody pulp. It feels like I no longer have a ground to stand on and even worse I have to trust this being that I'm partnering with that seems completely irrational and untrustworthy from my observations. Trust only comes with time and with asking for what you need to build that trust. What I'm saying is that you both found something that is so risky and scary that all of your issues come up, because so much is at stake. That is really special. Be grateful you had that experience, because you can learn so much, whether you move on from each other to other relationships, or if you end up together for more. Or if you just meet up every few months and have the most divine sex without getting attached in other ways (if that is possible). But you need to untangle from each other. Your sanity and insanity cannot be reliant on each other. You've gotta use that connection and realness to have a conversation with each other about what you each want in this moment and what are able to give. As well as what feels messed up and wrong, and what boundaries you need.

I don't see a hurry to do anything drastic and black or white. Take care of yourselves and build your individual lives. Maybe limit contact if that feels right. Acknowledge how it feels that she is with someone else. Acknowledge if it feels different because he is mediocre and a push-over, while you were the best sex and connection ever? Do you get a rush out of knowing she is jealous of your ex-wife? Do you like it when she checks in or when she breaks down so you can be a safe place for her difficult emotions? Do you know what she is afraid of, or what you are afraid of? Can you see yourselves together as you are, or does she have to change completely? She seems incredibly afraid of losing you and this connection. Maybe some of the power and control you have over her is that you can cut that all off and keep telling her that is a possibility. Is that true-ish? She is also seemingly afraid of being with you, for whatever reason.

You can go slow. Feel it out. Make small shifts. Find what feels safe and slowly open up. It sounds like it was a whirlwind of blowing everything up and just going full blast. This may be the fallout of that explosion. Maybe time to rebuild your house and slow it down and acknowledge how powerful your chemistry and connection is. Treat yourselves and each other gently. I don't think either of you are malicious.

I think you both need your own ground to stand on. What that looks like I don't know. But a way in which you feel complete and safe as yourselves, so that you can meet without fear of loss and need to control. Too many psychedelics too fast can snatch that away, for either of you. Staying entangled in new ways will also keep you from seeing each other as you are and keep weird games in play. 

I'm writing a novel here! 

If any of this comes across as judgmental, that is not my intention. As a fellow seeker and human being, I feel you. Obviously, your story touches me enough that I read the whole thread and also took the time to write all this to a complete stranger on the internet (not my normal behavior). I see myself in you. It may all be projection. I was once just as fucked by a deep relationship. It will change, which way I know not. Luckily all emotion moves and evolves if you let it.

And once again, I can have a lot of this wrong, and she may be completely batshit. In any case, it seems pretty clear like you both need space for at least a bit. She is supposedly with someone else, but wants to hang on to you, and it must be torture for you to keep trying to figure out WTF. So take a break, if that feels right.

You mentioned her spiral of self destructive behavior/self improvement/fix herself. I had the same feeling with my partner, like "Oh fuck, this is never-ending". Part of that I think is a twist that women get put on them in this patriarchy. It has to do with being perfect, never fucking up, and getting judged harder for most things. Fuck ups and mistakes become a personal failing for my partner. The thing I've also found with her is that she feels the world in such a different way than me. Everything is heightened. I love that about her. And also the highs are so much higher and the lows so much lower. I have learned to trust that I can be there in those lows and that I can be solid, non-judgmental, not have to save her, offer my observations, if she can hear them, and she will ride out of it. It may come back in a few days/weeks/months, but all of our shit tends to do that, until we have learned whatever lesson from it. I've also been able to share those fears with her, so we could talk about it. Secrets never work out for a good relationship.

It is easy to be confused in human relationships. It is easy to be confused in internal journeying. It is hard for me to acknowledge my own emotions and I would much rather put the problem on the world or anyone else. By looking at what I project onto the world, I can learn about myself. Both of you are learning from each other, and if that journey together ends now, you have still learned a shit-ton. Enough to keep integrating for years into your respective lives.

Take care of yourself, that is all you gotta do. Let her figure out her shit, while you figure out you. And thank you for reaching out for help on this forum. I am overjoyed that you got to experience that depth of relationship and communion. Shit like that makes life worth living. It makes me so excited about being human and helps me know that the possibilities are beyond my imagining. Deep, sexy, drippy, loving, connected, open, joyous, real, relationship is possible, maybe not with her, but at least what you have already shared sounds divine. At least you are one of the lucky ones who have had the courage to touch the divine, in love, with another being. And that is not for nothing.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: lots]
    #27180175 - 02/01/21 12:53 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27180258 - 02/01/21 04:02 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

She's a narcissist and you are hook line and sinker.  Get out now.  She will ruin your life.  Being intelligent and interesting doesn't make you a good person.  You are in heavy denial right now.  Divorce your wife and find a new chick; she isn't giving you any intimacy rn anyway.  Not even promising future intimacy


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27180611 - 02/01/21 09:50 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

OP, I can tell you aren't gonna do the right thing for yourself.

I'm hiding this thread after posting this and I wish you luck but...my feeling is you're going to let this bitch (and I mean that in the harshest possible way) run you into the ground for years to come

I sincerely hope you man up and stop acting like a little bitch


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Offlinelots
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27180923 - 02/01/21 12:19 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks for considering all of that! I'm glad I wasn't totally off base and I had the feeling that you were in a space to hear the things that fit without getting defensive about the parts that didn't resonate, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered writing so much. Writing about relationship, love, sex, growth and self reflection was also the perfect thing to do while my substrate was in the pressure cooker!

Feel free to PM me. I don't mind having a public discussion either. It's up to you what feels right and safe.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: lots] * 1
    #27181031 - 02/01/21 01:17 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27184470 - 02/03/21 12:32 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

it'll never be amazing with my wife, but it'll be comfortable and sex



Have you ever been surprised before?


--------------------
Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27184620 - 02/03/21 02:02 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27186481 - 02/04/21 02:55 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

This thread just keeps giving. Thanks.  Good luck dude.


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27186489 - 02/04/21 02:57 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I actually made a move on my wife, she reciprocated, and we had sex for the first time in a year+.




Wow, I can't even imagine that, but it must have been a vulnerable experience for both of you.

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Immediately after the sex I knew we could never be together again. I'm going to look at setting up on my own for a while and work on myself I think.



I'm impressed you can know that from a single sexual encounter, but I believe you if that's how you really feel.

Never a bad idea to do your own thing for a while and get yourself sorted out.


--------------------
Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* *DELETED* [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27186549 - 02/04/21 03:20 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27186683 - 02/04/21 04:28 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I've never felt like that after sex *ever*.



Can't say I've felt like that, either. Sounds awful.


--------------------
Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27187379 - 02/05/21 04:03 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

yeah that seals the deal with no intimacy
Or forced intimacy at best


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27187429 - 02/05/21 05:14 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Interesting, I've heard this before :wonka:


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #27188738 - 02/05/21 08:15 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

It's funny because you are a disability hot shot; and I'm currently dating the girl who you claim was correct in being offended.  Turns out she just had baggage and me talking to her about it and being understanding wasn't something she expected.  I'm the "sweetest; for understanding WHY she ran off) [her words.]You can go crawl back into your sexless marriage of a hole now....your white knighting for a reason my guy

Final jab - I'm so glad I'm me and not you.  If I already have mental health issues as myself I would for sure off myself if I was as much of a winner as you!  Kudos you are a strong soul

Do you have any talents or anything beyond being existential and trollish on a message board?  You could call me a troll but the difference is I pay my whole life on the line here; you not so much.  And I still know how sad your existence is. 


Edited by theRealrollforever (02/05/21 08:18 PM)


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Anonymous #4

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: theRealrollforever] * 1
    #27188923 - 02/05/21 11:00 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Seriously this whole thread reads like 6 pages of cringe.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27189112 - 02/06/21 05:04 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

theRealrollforever said:
It's funny because you are a disability hot shot; and I'm currently dating the girl who you claim was correct in being offended.  Turns out she just had baggage and me talking to her about it and being understanding wasn't something she expected.  I'm the "sweetest; for understanding WHY she ran off) [her words.]You can go crawl back into your sexless marriage of a hole now....your white knighting for a reason my guy

Final jab - I'm so glad I'm me and not you.  If I already have mental health issues as myself I would for sure off myself if I was as much of a winner as you!  Kudos you are a strong soul

Do you have any talents or anything beyond being existential and trollish on a message board?  You could call me a troll but the difference is I pay my whole life on the line here; you not so much.  And I still know how sad your existence is. 



Lol. You started shit, I make one small comment and you start crying. And I'm the troll? Okay. How am I white knighting? How am I wrong because you're with her? Please, stop thinking. It's not working. You know.. the definition of insanity and all that :burke:

Next time you try attacking someone's character maybe try being of decent character yourself. I can't take you seriously. Wipe your tears, come back when you've grown up a little and figure out why this makes you so butthurt. Here's a hint: it's not me. And if I hadn't said it, do you think someone else might have? What was the response in the whole thread? Why is that one of my most upvoted posts? You're looking for a scapegoat, and someone to whine at. I'm not your girlfriend why don't you go act like an asshole to her like usual.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #27189822 - 02/06/21 02:11 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

I'm being an asshole to you because I've seen you cry on these forums for over a year and a half now every day.  You an opinionated asshat and couldn't even admit you were wrong.  Dude you are not good at anything.  You decided to try to troll me.  I'm sure the girl who wasnt my girlfriend is dating me now because I'm definitely an asshole to her As if you know this.  Why would she see me multiple times after, apologize, and tell me super personal things and then date me if I was a chad who was an asshole who was using her for sex.(after you popped in my thread being a snarky ****) 

Please shed some light on how you weren't the original troll misunderstanding, assuming, and trolling me even after I gave you matter of fact happenstance about the situation. I would greatly appreciate it.

I actually really like this girl; so straight up I got a problem with you trying to paint me in a negative light because you're ' discord gang'.  Get A life bro

Honestly to hold the opinion that anyone that thinks sex is vitally important to a relationship is 'shallow' you must be white knighting.  It's not a condemnation of anyone to have intimacy disappearz  sometimes it happens and it sucks. 

EDIT:

Can't believe I didn't even point this out but I was actually replying to the thread, you made a snarky comment TO ME that didn't have much to do with the thread at all.  Who started what?


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


Edited by theRealrollforever (02/06/21 02:20 PM)


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27189907 - 02/06/21 03:15 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

This exchange is because Larry has comprehension and ego problems


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: theRealrollforever] * 1
    #27191132 - 02/07/21 07:37 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

I've deleted the shit out of this thread because it's served it's purpose and I need to move on.

The advice has been useful.

After a lot of self-indulgent pitying and introspection, I think my sense of loss isn't so much about my ex, but about the future I thought I'd have with her. She was an easy avenue to such a place.

I'm going solo for a while, to work on myself and to decide what I want my future to look like, then I'll take steps to achieve it - rather than wait for someone to create it for me.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27191201 - 02/07/21 08:40 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

I gave you an opportunity to whine in my PMs. Please keep your whining to my PMs as no one wants to see you whine. But for the record, you don't know what a troll is. A troll isn't "Owie my fee fees" it's a coordinated effort to manipulate someone's reactions for your amusement. I didn't make any assumptions, I used the information you gave me to interpret and sympathize because you were clearly making a very biased statements without looking at it from her perspective. I'm not here to jerk you off and the OP said you wanted to be "roasted because it's what I need right now." There's a big difference. Please stop thinking you're going to hurt yourself. Please keep your crying to my PMs in the future, thank you.


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OfflineRoflspammer
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27191875 - 02/07/21 01:53 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I've deleted the shit out of this thread because it's served it's purpose and I need to move on.

The advice has been useful.

After a lot of self-indulgent pitying and introspection, I think my sense of loss isn't so much about my ex, but about the future I thought I'd have with her. She was an easy avenue to such a place.

I'm going solo for a while, to work on myself and to decide what I want my future to look like, then I'll take steps to achieve it - rather than wait for someone to create it for me.





I'm rooting for you brother


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Anonymous #3

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #27191919 - 02/07/21 02:10 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

And in a pathetic showing of complete pussy-whipped-ness..

OP deleted every post on this thread out of fear that the woman he's talking about might one day beyond immeasurable unlikelihood would find his postings about her even though: he shouldn't give two shits about what she thinks, she ran off to fuck other dudes and do drugs, wants him to not be mad at her for it so she doesn't have the pain she caused on her conscience (even though that's her problem and not his), and he acknowledges that he should cut off contact but for some reason wants to be a nice guy and can't bring himself to properly tell her to fuck off...

Anon1 - I believe you are better than this. If I'm wrong, I'm truly sorry for the bullshit you will inevitably allow yourself to be put through


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Anonymous #6

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27192803 - 02/07/21 11:52 PM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: .


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #27192891 - 02/08/21 12:55 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

ahahah man, I love your no bullshit responses.

I have a lot of friends in various psychedelic communities, and this was all fairly outing. I have a project in mind that will need some of their cooperation. Why potentially look like a dick when I don't have to?

I haven't had any contact with ex for 10 days, and I won't have any in future, I'm done. I've been brutally honest with her, so I can't see her reaching out any time soon, if ever.

The more distance between last contact, the more clarity I'm gaining. I was too caught up in myself previously, but I'm not one to re-tread old ground.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #27192894 - 02/08/21 12:55 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks Dude. I've already learnt a lot tbh, and feel much better for it. I'm going to keep exploring though.


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InvisibleJim Nemo
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27193152 - 02/08/21 06:59 AM (2 years, 11 months ago)

I'm very glad you found a/the path away from her.
That was the only option to reduce harm.

Following this thread partially was like watching an accident - i couldn't keep my eyes of from it

I like your idea of sorting yourself out for a little while.
Do that and eventually return to the partnership-game with strength regained!

All the best wishes for you!


--------------------
When the acid trip is over, you gotta come back to mother blues...


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Jim Nemo] * 1
    #27232331 - 03/01/21 04:33 PM (2 years, 10 months ago)

Over a month no contact and it's insane what such a length of times does to ones perspective! At this point, I seriously can't imagine wanting to speak to her again.

I've been doing activism again and reconnecting with old friends. Fitness plans are still going awesome, down 15kg now - I've also been reading heavily into Stoicism. It's awesome, and something I'm going to actively practice. It should stop me getting into situations like this again!


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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27253138 - 03/14/21 10:38 PM (2 years, 10 months ago)

Stoicism saved my life.

Think big.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: The OCB]
    #27256710 - 03/17/21 05:22 AM (2 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

The OCB said:
Stoicism saved my life.

Think big.




I've been seriously deep in Stoicism of late - but... I've now discovered Epicureanism too and it seriously resonates (there are areas I don't agree with, but I think they originated due to the socio-political influences in Athens at the time).

I think I need to build my own philosophy of life that bridges Stoicism, Epicureanism, Secular Humanism and Buddhism (obvs with psychedelic sprinklings)  :breakthrough: :laugh:


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InvisibleLynnch
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Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27256719 - 03/17/21 05:35 AM (2 years, 10 months ago)

I heard there was a new cult forming in this sub, how do I sign up?


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Anonymous #3

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Lynnch]
    #27256783 - 03/17/21 06:59 AM (2 years, 10 months ago)

Oooooooooooh what new cult!? I want in!


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Anonymous #6

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #27257157 - 03/17/21 10:40 AM (2 years, 10 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: .


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #27257446 - 03/17/21 01:21 PM (2 years, 10 months ago)

Ahah, I am totally up for starting a new cult (it's on my things to do list :wink: ). Seriously though, I've been thinking about getting a place to run retreats, which might, or might not be psychedelic in nature - but fuck full of connection and philosophy.

I have no idea what's going on in the cult :laugh:. Just before NC, I know they were doing a drive for new residents and they got to full capacity (16). They are also doing 'political' and 'social' things in their local community and looking at creating wider societal change (it won't happen). This seems to be them appeasing my ex because they want her to stay, and she gets to drive them along in creating commune goals and doing things of 'worth'.

We actually briefly text a week back. She let me know she was OK, but she's now in a full on relationship with friend-guy, and that she's not ignoring me, but we can't really be friends for now due to that. It seemed to be the final kick I needed to totally move on tbh. I'd be mildly interested to see how long it lasts though, considering how it started, and being cooped up together 24/7 with 15 other people in a really small commune (it's a building with no land)...


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27305079 - 05/12/21 01:24 AM (2 years, 8 months ago)

Man, things look very different two months on. Had zero contact with her, and never intend to contact her again. I removed her from all SM and deleted her number months ago.

Life itself is really good. I've got so much going on right now, and I'm in the best shape of my life. I have some really exciting things planned for this summer, and I'm pretty much active and out every day. I even got a promotion at work.

A weird side effect of all this, perhaps the Stoicism, and a new found sense of direction and confidence, is loads of good sex! It's insane. I have no interest in romantic relationships right now, and I'm totally open with my intentions of just wanting decent sex with no complications - sooo many girls are up for this. I've had more sex with more people in the past two months, than I have in the past 20 years.

And yes, I know sex can be a hole to fall into, but I've set boundaries, I'm really open with my hook ups, and it's balanced by the rest of my life.

So, things are good :manofapproval:


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Anonymous #3

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27305332 - 05/12/21 07:34 AM (2 years, 8 months ago)

Woo-hoo! :freewilly:
:fuckyeah:  :hellyeah:  :ohyeah:


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InvisibleLynnch
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Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #27305571 - 05/12/21 10:33 AM (2 years, 8 months ago)

Man, it's amazing what opens up when we let go of things that ain't working.
Get it bro! Hope you're bein safe :lol:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Lynnch]
    #27360091 - 06/23/21 12:20 PM (2 years, 7 months ago)

This like a nearly 6 month update?!

Still no contact, and no desire for contact. I'm in a really good place too.

I've built up new connections and friend groups, and I have zero desire for romantic relationships.

I'm exploring what could be called relationship anarchy. I've got 4 people I regularly sleep with, communication is key, and clear boundaries. If feelings arise, we cool it off. It's insane. I've met one woman who is a total sub and loves to be dominated - she's really into pain play and constriction. She's also really open to being lead on a drug awakening, so I've introduced her to G, K and we have some tripping planned. Another is totally into the kink scene - she plans on taking me to some kink and swingers clubs when they open again.

If I have to thank my ex for something, it's the pain of the breakup really causing me to experience a period of intense self reflection. It's amazing how being authentic, and true to ones values and desires, opens so many doors.

Either way, life is good ;p


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OfflineThe Mycologist
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Registered: 05/06/16
Posts: 3,024
Last seen: 29 days, 8 hours
Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27360096 - 06/23/21 12:23 PM (2 years, 7 months ago)

:leocheers:


--------------------
"That you are here—that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.”
― Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass
:acidfire::tmckenna:


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Anonymous #3

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27360584 - 06/23/21 07:26 PM (2 years, 7 months ago)

:fistbump:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #27408256 - 07/30/21 09:23 AM (2 years, 5 months ago)

And boom - cutting off contact with my hook-ups! ahah.

Laid it right out from the beginning that we can hook-up, but I had no interest in romantic situations. Clear boundaries, and clear communication and then the game playing starts. They get attached, and they want more. Rather than talk this through, they go the attempted jealousy route, fucking other people etc. I am absolutely fine with this, and tell them that, and that doesn't go down well.

It's weird how it went weird with each of them at around the same time.

I've come to the conclusion that most people aren't emotionally balanced enough to explore poly-based sexual situationships. Two of them wanted to explore poly, and this then reduces down to wanting exclusivity.

For now, I'm done, I'm going to focus on my life and hobbies for a while - life is pretty awesome right now.

It's been a blast all!

To add a twist, still NC with my ex, but happened to see her updated business photo (mail shot thing I hadn't blocked) and... man, she's looking really bad. Sallow skin, bags under her eyes, lost her glow. If that's the best she looks that she'd use it for business stuff... Living in a drug fuelled party cult doesn't seem conducive to good health - who'd have thunked it? In a fucked up way, it made me feel better about how awesome my life is ahah.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27408528 - 07/30/21 02:08 PM (2 years, 5 months ago)

As a medical professional, I will confirm that drugs are bad mmmK?


Edited by Anonymous (07/30/21 02:09 PM)


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