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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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Anonymous #1

Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED*
    #27111214 - 12/27/20 07:17 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: Ex move in similar circles - so could be identifying

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OfflineHikeadellic
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27111237 - 12/27/20 07:30 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I'd move on and start living as if I was single. I would be ok with occasional contact but very regular contact right now is a red flag for me

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InvisibleLynnch
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Registered: 04/29/09
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Hikeadellic]
    #27111297 - 12/27/20 08:11 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Commune? Or drug cult? She chose access to drugs over you.. cool, cool, uhhh, cool. Sorry, that's the super cynical take.

Man, there's no good answer here. I wouldn't worry about being friendzoned, you've already been friendzoned. And that is meaningless anyway. Relationships are just fluid like that. I have several once lovers/now friends that I keep in occasional contact with. Maybe we'll meet again and something will happen, maybe we won't. It is what it is.
If it hurts too much, pull back. If you miss her, get in touch.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Lynnch]
    #27111539 - 12/28/20 01:30 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*

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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27112170 - 12/28/20 12:17 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*

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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27112623 - 12/28/20 03:53 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

The easiest thing to do would be to cut off contact completely, and move on and forget about her. ..I don't expect you to do that, and in your shoes, I doubt I would either. It's just gonna hurt for a while.

Gotta say man.. You mention family obligations, while she flies away on a whim. You seem much more grounded than she is. It's hard to say what someone who is 'finding themself' using lsd and mdma may do. She might have an epiphany that she's meant to be with you, or she might decide to fly off to a different country again. You may have to accept that she's a comet that only comes into your life every so often.

She wants to stay in touch.. but is giving you the option to leave.

How long are you willing to wait for her?

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OfflineRoflspammer
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Lynnch]
    #27112825 - 12/28/20 06:00 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Yikes-- psychedelics are not the answer to the universe. With that, she's apparently flying off to go be away from the many rich responsibilities of life in the pursuit of "expanded consciousness." That's my take at least-- you gotta figure out what is good for you-- someone who is looking to expand their mind through drugs might not be someone you're looking to build a stable future with... or maybe you are? Up to you

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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Roflspammer] * 1
    #27113519 - 12/29/20 05:32 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*

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Onlinemycot
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27114028 - 12/29/20 11:24 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

You've done the right thing in the end.
You should have cut it off and hung up the phone (metaphorically speaking) when she gave you that celibate rap. Told her she could give you a call when she was ready for something. All that other stuff is just BS stringing you along. You can still give her the option of making that call.
Anyway. :cheers:

Edited by mycot (12/29/20 09:41 PM)

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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: mycot]
    #27114248 - 12/29/20 01:18 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

That's rough man. But yea, don't spend your life waiting.

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Offlinepatapon333
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Lynnch]
    #27115545 - 12/30/20 06:53 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

contacting with toxic people will never develop in something good. Always is better to stay alone than with bad company :smile:


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Offlineanatomality
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: patapon333]
    #27115561 - 12/30/20 07:07 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Move on, if you're ready.
or
Contact her until you're ready to move on.

I doubt you'll get much out of contact other than reasons to move on.
Paradoxically, that might be what you need to move on properly.


--------------------
“The strength of a person's spirit would then be measured by how much 'truth' he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he needs to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.”

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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: anatomality]
    #27120170 - 01/01/21 11:11 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Due to the fact that you're experiencing pain which I've felt before I have some advice.  You sound competent.

If you were more calculated and cold with your emotions my advice would be slightly different here, but I have a pure play that really cannot backfire if you do not adhere from the plan.

Step 1: Tell her straight up that its a bit hard for you right NOW, let her know without waxing poetic what she meant to you.  Then tell her that as the pain gets easier you will reach out again because a bond like yours could stand any test....please throw some Disney stuff in here (does not matter if you believe it, much better if you don't.)

Step 2: Actually stop talking to her.  Move on, find another woman.  Develop feelings for other woman.  Enjoy life.

Step 3: You feel like a new man.  Life doesn't hurt.  Getting up in the morning is no longer a fight, you bounce out of bed.  Relationship new woman is going great and that cool.  Reach out to X and tell her how much you missed here and how her friendship meant a lot.  Tell her you really would like to stay in touch and ask how shes doing and all that friendly polite banter.  Avoid the whole past lovers thing.  Just great friends staying in touch when you speak to your ex, or at least that's your angle.  Don't go phising for information upon speaking to her.  Let the interactions be platonic in their nature.

Step 4: She will ask at some point if you're with someone, maybe fast or maybe a little later.  Don't lie, also don't embellish.  Let her know you enjoy your life, and without ever actually saying it you've friendzoned her and she will know it deep down.  She will hate it.  It will eat her up and she will attempt to throw "game" (women not so great at this lol) at you until you respond.

Step 5: Remember your promise to yourself about what you wanted, remember your emotions how you felt and what motivated you.  Now you can go ahead and incorporate her into your life or you can just kind of painfully keep her in limbo until she gives up and goes back to the commune?

I can't tell you whats right or what you really should do.  I just know that the above method does indeed work if you have the stomach for it my friend.  Good luck whatever you do.

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OfflineThe OCB
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: The OCB]
    #27120174 - 01/01/21 11:13 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Oh the celibate part is game and a lie.  She is hedging her bets with you.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: The OCB]
    #27135305 - 01/08/21 01:34 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*

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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27135790 - 01/08/21 05:02 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Well shit. Can't say i'm surprised. At least you're not stuck in limbo, waiting and wondering.

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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27136676 - 01/09/21 12:40 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Ah, I think that's it for me. I'll just fade out, not be an ass, but not initiate anything. I mean, pretty much two weeks after we split, her telling me she still loves me and now she's already sleeping with someone else. I feel more disappointed than hurt tbh, but it's a sign it's done.



Acceptance, kindness, growth. Sounds like you're on a good path :smile:


--------------------
Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door

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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27136703 - 01/09/21 01:12 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*

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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27136758 - 01/09/21 02:50 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

What kind of response are you expecting?
What kind of response are you hoping for?

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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I stay in contact or remove myself from her life? *DELETED* [Re: Lynnch]
    #27136780 - 01/09/21 03:35 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: As per previous reason? *shrug*

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