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Invisiblevandago
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: IdiotCircusBoy]
    #27124193 - 01/03/21 03:28 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

I had a really good talk with my boss and employees. I actually really liked this thread for all the points of view. I can't always make the best decisions when my brain acts like it does. After a better way to approach him in regards, he was more than receptive to the issue. It was more so like I thought, just preconditions and not knowing how to word what he wants to say. I'm glad the situation resolved like it did.


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OfflineKyngwhatt
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: vandago]
    #27124199 - 01/03/21 03:33 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

can you elaborate on the conversation?


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InvisiblePsicomb
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: Kyngwhatt]
    #27124258 - 01/03/21 04:11 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

Lol.  Gotta Double down, as they say


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: Kyngwhatt] * 2
    #27124272 - 01/03/21 04:21 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

Quote:

Kyngwhatt said:
can you elaborate on the conversation?





My original approach was "bruh wtf?" And then upon reflection realized that he didn't observe himself as doing anything wrong. He just acknowledges difference he sees based on numbers and statistics. He wasn't exactly being racist, just going for the best sales. He even told me we can try out whatever stuff I want to see works. He mainly just didnt want me to order things that would go out of code. Really he was trying to help me and be comical. With my sense of humor he wasn't aware anything he said would cause me or anyone else actual discomfort. Instead of just kinda mentioning it to him, I saw his point of view and I think both of us learned a lot about each other.

I'm becoming more stable and secure every day. I worked really hard and dealt with so much pain to achieve this level of comfort. I don't want to watch someone else strip me of that when it's not deserved. Sometimes I need a collective opinion from like minds to ensure what I'm thinking is even real.


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OfflineMorphinTime
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: vandago]
    #27124386 - 01/03/21 05:30 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

I'm kind of suspicious about him just being about the statistics and just trying to be funny.  Maybe he had a change of heart though


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OfflineKyngwhatt
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: vandago] * 1
    #27124413 - 01/03/21 05:42 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

I think that says a lot about you. you were able to be reasonable and compassionate after all that shit was bothering you :congrats:


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: MorphinTime]
    #27124415 - 01/03/21 05:43 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

He may have needed to sleep on it. We are going through so many changes as a company. I can't say I word everything perfect. For example I swear by accident a lot, and I also say things like "dude" and "you guys" which can really piss certain people off. If no one catches up to me and says not only "wtf bruh" but "wtf bruh, you can't say that due to the fact that..."

And since it was discussed everyone has told me positive things about the overall attitude. I feel as tho a huge part of my job is conflict resolution at my level of expertise, and I shouldn't waste my bosses time unless I really think I have a positive solution.  I want to make sure the trust goes both ways between the two of us. We work really well together. Hes had to check me a couple times over rando things I've said that weren't necessarily wrong or intended on being offensive, but could come across that way.

My employees give me advice and opinions all the time. It helps us all grow collectively. With the diversity in our workplace, we will always have mild conflicts and that can easily remain mild if dealt with like adults.


I don't want to lose support right now either. Autism and winter depression are hitting hard right now, and I actually had to ask a few people for help making sure I don't mess up. I go through some really dark times that result in benzos and opiates. I don't ever want that again.


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OfflineMorphinTime
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: vandago]
    #27124475 - 01/03/21 06:24 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

Maybe all is well then, in which case, kudos.  But I have my own issues. Not autism, but effectively similar.

I still wouldn't trust the guy in your position, but if you feel comfortable now then that's what this thread was for, thread complete.  Good job, sir


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: MorphinTime]
    #27124505 - 01/03/21 06:38 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

I've got my own reasons to trust him to the extent you should trust any boss, and the same goes for distrust. We could both easily be immature and step all over the other one, but if I kept going my whole life like that, I'd just be even more doomed. I brought in my diagnoses from my doctor so I can help relay as to why issues like this cause me to over analyze and lose sleep. He genuinely looked like he felt terrible and apologized and said he never doubted my diagnose for a second. He said if there's ever issues in my head to just ensure when I tell him, I get a rational and solid point across.

He also pointed a huge huge English error I make all the time....which is "who the fuck is he"?. I never ever have focal points to my nouns...I just say he she them that those...I never give nouns their proper title and confuse the shit out of everyone. I never noticed I did that, and no one had ever told me. That's going to allow me to articulate my thoughts so much better. I didnt realize I was rambling to the point I was practically incoherent at times. I haven't been doing very well up until the last year of my life.


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OfflineMorphinTime
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: vandago]
    #27124531 - 01/03/21 06:51 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

Glad you're doing well. I don't understand about the the pronouns issue though, did you accidentally misgender someone or dude you us terms like "dude" a bit loosely and someone found that offensive?


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OfflineMorphinTime
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: MorphinTime]
    #27124537 - 01/03/21 06:56 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

Based on your post you maybe referred to a she as as he, but maybe not in person?  Don't sweat that. Girls at one of my jobs call me Girl all the time. Girl please.


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: MorphinTime]
    #27124561 - 01/03/21 07:14 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

Like I start every single conversation out without really giving the listener an idea of what I am even talking about.

For example.... "Did you hear what the guy said to me yesterday about her hat?"

That sentence can not properly be dissected into anything other than "what guy? And who is she? What fucking hat?"

I didnt realize when I talked it made people actually have to sit and decipher my words. I'm always just so stoned I think the dumb shit I say is profound. Apparently its confusing at best.


Edited by vandago (01/03/21 07:29 PM)


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OfflineMorphinTime
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: vandago]
    #27124587 - 01/03/21 07:25 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

That's cool, as long as you don't mean to be offensive to others you can usually talk it out if miscommunication occurred. Can kinda suck at first, just be genuinine and let it play out though.  Can't help ya when it doesn't actually play out fine though, that does happen and it sucks


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OfflineMorphinTime
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: MorphinTime]
    #27124594 - 01/03/21 07:28 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

I have Schizotypal Personality Disorder.  I'm not too bad at being social, but sometimes I am.  Can be quite difficult


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: MorphinTime]
    #27124609 - 01/03/21 07:34 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

Since I started getting a much more sober mindset, my brain doesn't cope as well verbally.


Part of my decision making in how to go about this "issue" ( just did it again. By issue, I'm referring to the OP, not my wet brain )stemmed from another co worked coming directly to me about saying "goddammit" all the time. To me that word is the same reaction word as "ouch" or "woah"...to this individual I was damning both of us to hell everytime I bumped into something. I never would have noticed had he not talked to me about it like an adult. He even point out that he mentioned it several times lightly and had to figure out the best way to approach me so it wouldn't be a workplace issue he had to deal with.


Edited by vandago (01/03/21 07:42 PM)


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OfflineMorphinTime
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: vandago]
    #27124658 - 01/03/21 08:07 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

Ah, I use "goddamit" every day, emphatically, as it has the punch I need to deliver, since I live around mostly folks with some sort of Christian background, that is actually why it's so effective.  I live in place where that's only acceptable to say sometimes, you have to read the room, which is where I tend to fail, socially.  I often make the mistake of thinking it's socially acceptable to say when it isn't. That's ok though no one is going to kill themself because you said that, no matter how outraged they present themselves to be. It's alright


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: MorphinTime] * 1
    #27124670 - 01/03/21 08:13 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

It's not alright if I say it so much its causing someone to dread my existence and pray for me. I would say its meaningless out in public, but when I'm in the workplace and someone is forced to be around me, I want that interaction to be as painless and smooth sailing as possible. I don't have to react and blurt out something, let alone make that something blasphemy. Though it is just a word to me, its hell to someone else.


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InvisibleIdiotCircusBoy
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: vandago]
    #27124683 - 01/03/21 08:22 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

Dude, work is work.  Ya gotta always wear a different face there than when you're at a bar with your friends.  It's like not cursing around kids.  Just takes practice.  Problem is when you get too comfortable with the people you work with, and let shit slip.


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OfflinePsion
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: vandago]
    #27124725 - 01/03/21 08:42 PM (3 years, 25 days ago)

yeah, i'm not so sure if "dude", "guys", and "bro" are really something that should count as offensive, despite being gendered - because in a way, they're often used as non-gendered terms. i've often heard girls using it, even to other ladies, and i've often heard guys addressing each other as "ok ladies!" or "ok gals!" for humor.

i realize the term started off as gendered and it also can be used as such, but just as how gay used to mean happy and now is used to mean guys attracted to other dudes (and to a lesser extent, same sex attraction in general, though gals tend to prefer their own term i believe, for better distinction), words just tend to get yoinked away from their original purpose as culture develops over time. you can fight it, but it's very rarely successful and just easier to roll with it usually.

on the other hand, misgendering someone deliberately, such as calling a trans person by the wrong pronoun - that shit is intentionally bigoted and doesn't fly by any standard of decent morality, "scientific definitions of sex" be damned. (P.S. - you're wrong. science says so. you might want to have a look at recent scientific journals, or ask an actual sex psychologist or specialist in the field, so they can give you a verbal dressing down for being a jackass.)

obviously you can't make everyone happy at all times, but intent is important with these things, as is communicating and calmly discussing everyone's feelings on these matters. (well, as calmly as possible at least.) so long as people are not trying to hurt each other with their words, and discussing how to avoid such deliberate wounds, things run smoothly in the workplace. other than, of course, the times uncomfortable topics are necessary for the benefit of the person made uncomfortable, such as discussing how they might improve their productivity (or not be such a racist. :wink:)


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OfflineMorphinTime
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Re: My bosses blatant racism in the workplace is actually making me uncomfortable [Re: vandago]
    #27124781 - 01/03/21 09:06 PM (3 years, 24 days ago)

Quote:

vandago said:
It's not alright if I say it so much its causing someone to dread my existence and pray for me. I would say its meaningless out in public, but when I'm in the workplace and someone is forced to be around me, I want that interaction to be as painless and smooth sailing as possible. I don't have to react and blurt out something, let alone make that something blasphemy. Though it is just a word to me, its hell to someone else.





I get you. Blasphemy is such a powerful word in itself, I mean, imagine what it must feel to experience that. You seem like you care a lot for the way others feel.  You've probably made immense progress if you have autism for real, awesome dude!


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