Home | Community | Message Board

Original Seeds Store
This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
Anonymous #1

I’m so utterly fucking miserable I literally want to scream
    #27105783 - 12/24/20 12:47 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

My emotions waver btw frustration, apathy, and outright misery.

I’m close to 40 never been in a serious relationship haven’t had sex in almost five years, the few friends I had pretty moved on don’t associate with me. I’m closed off, not attractive, have a decent job but pretty much miserable at work everyday. I’m in this dark hole I can’t climb out of. I have a close family member that’s going through some really dark times and I feel like I can’t even help because I spend everyday fantasizing about killing myself.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblePsicomb
Male User Gallery


Registered: 01/13/18
Posts: 4,635
Loc: the womb
Re: I’m so utterly fucking miserable I literally want to scream [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27105792 - 12/24/20 12:54 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

If the only thing keeping you physically tied down is your job I would honestly think about giving yourself a "serious change", whatever that may mean for you. Like a seriously hard reset. For me, travel and moving cities have been valuable, valuable chapters of my life.  Just a thought, as it has helped me before.  I hope something changes for you.


Edited by Psicomb (12/24/20 12:55 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleMr.GuessWork
Stranger
 User Gallery
Registered: 03/30/13
Posts: 4,563
Re: I’m so utterly fucking miserable I literally want to scream [Re: Psicomb] * 2
    #27106078 - 12/24/20 03:36 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

That is textbook depression, and I'm guessing you made the OP on a particularly bad day. Give yourself a pat on the back for reaching out. That takes guts every time even though it's almost always a good decision; the world's crazy like that. If you're comfortable posting more info about what's been bothering you, then it might be easier for people to get more insight into your problem and give better advice.

As for feedback on the OP, I'd suggest that you try to take some time to reflect on things that are bothering you. I'm not sure if your trapped or what's going on in your life, but if you need to think about suicide to make yourself feel better, then something in you life needs to change. The hard part is figuring out what needs to change and how to change it.

On the emotional front of this internal battle, I suspect that you are unconsciously being unfair to yourself. It sounds like you brain is trying to solve your problem with all those Freudian defense mechanisms that always go on in the background. Those defense mechanisms work okay most of the time for most people, but when something eats at you deeply over a long time and you don't know how to fix it, then those defense mechanisms can get out of balance and go on rampage by attacking everything in sight, including your good qualities or harmless vulnerabilities. That sucks because attacking your good qualities makes them seem like bad ones, and because it would be way more productive to direct your anger and hostility only toward whatever has been slowly fucking up your life. If you spend some time tying to learn about the psychology behind depression, then you might get some insight into what's going on in your head, and how to start to get more control over it. A psychologist might be helpful there, but there's no shame in doing your own reading.

I think the suicidal ideation is attractive because it feels like a very direct and doable solution to an extremely complex motherfucker of a problem. Violent fantasies generally have that advantage, and they're useful because they give a clear sense of control over situations that desperately need a solution. The suicidal fantasy is a sort of misdirected violent fantasy where you achieve a sense of control by falling inline with your overactive defense mechanisms. When those defense mechanism aren't so overwhelmed, you might fantasize about smashing your boss's face in when you have a bad day at work, and that can be an okay starting point for understanding workplace troubles and developing a better solution to the problem. Continued productive fantasizing about smashing the bosses face in may lead to a fantasy where a person becomes comfortable with making demands or threatening to quit, and those are way more effective ways to get what you want. The fantasizing also helps tease out the nature of the problem by experimenting with different approaches to solving it. Unproductive fantasy leads to dependence on it for relief, and that can snowball into suicidal stuff.

On a serious note, if the fantasizing about suicide starts to become planning or action, then go to a psych hospital and get help. It's another one of those decisions that takes guts every time even though it's almost always a good decision. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure you can figure out how to get past this if you keep at it and keep experimenting with things other than suicidal ideation when you're desperate. Sooner or later you'll find a good option that can cut through even the darkest depths of despair.


Anyway, it's always nice to see brutal honesty in an OP. I enjoyed the candor :smile:.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Anonymous #2

Re: I’m so utterly fucking miserable I literally want to scream [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27109348 - 12/26/20 04:48 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I feel like killing myself every day. Sometimes I will enter almost a psychosis where I tell myself out loud I'm gonna blow my fucking brains out or I'm going to kill myself. I repeat it to myself multiple times. I put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger once but it just snapped. I didn't know if there was anything in it or not but that's where I was at. Sadly that's where I still am because I refuse to work on myself. I don't think I can without help. I isolate myself so I don't have to tell anyone how I feel. I genuinely can't wait until I die and that is sad. Don't be like me.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Anonymous #1

Re: I’m so utterly fucking miserable I literally want to scream [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #27111933 - 12/28/20 09:43 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I’m in a similar boat because I’ve lost what few friends I do have and I’m pretty isolated when not working. Even when at work I barely socialize unless I’m absolutely forced to. So the only thing keeping me sane is fantasizing about my death everyday.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Anonymous #3

Re: I’m so utterly fucking miserable I literally want to scream [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27112060 - 12/28/20 11:05 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I feel similarly. I even take it a step further and take tons of pills before I sleep and i hope i don't wake up every day


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineMelantriz
Registered: 12/29/20
Posts: 13
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: I’m so utterly fucking miserable I literally want to scream [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #27113832 - 12/29/20 09:37 AM (3 years, 30 days ago)

Dear Anonymous #1 #2 #3
I am so sorry to read what you are experiencing.
Unfortunately I do know how you feel exactly, going through it and being obsessed about killing myself when the dark feelings are there and overwhelming me. It's like drowning in an ocean full of negativity and the only thing to change seems at that moment to be killing myself.
Have you all the chance to reach out to someone of the medical system or a therapist? Is there anything you all can think of that brings some light on it that's like the rescue boat and pulling you out?

I hope you will all manage to fight and win that fight - I hope that for myself too.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Lost in Fantasy World silversoul7 1,716 12 12/17/03 04:13 PM
by silversoul7
* Discouraged: My fucking mother in-law, college, etc. MOTH 1,423 6 06/10/04 12:27 AM
by MOTH
* The raving lunatic thread!
( 1 2 all )
quarkyquasar 4,069 35 10/28/04 03:55 PM
by Fucknuckle
* I am miserable.... reflectedlight 1,276 12 11/20/03 07:40 PM
by DatDaNK420
* Quitting smoking, oooooh aaaaah!! Breathe in, breathe out...
( 1 2 3 all )
Lightningfractal 6,885 46 12/28/04 07:21 PM
by roselyn
* I fucked up.
( 1 2 all )
MOTH 3,522 32 05/18/04 08:29 AM
by DreaMaTrix
* Fucked up hospital experience *Updated* Should I sue??? Bi0TeK 1,994 15 03/19/04 11:07 PM
by Bi0TeK
* Observable Fuck-up.
( 1 2 all )
PDU 4,748 23 03/24/17 07:44 AM
by Thisisthehardest

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: CherryBom, Rose, mndfreeze, yogabunny, feevers, CookieCrumbs, Northerner
335 topic views. 0 members, 2 guests and 4 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.023 seconds spending 0.007 seconds on 15 queries.