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Anonymous #1

Should I confront my ex about her new guy?
    #27099490 - 12/20/20 02:59 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I know how stupid the title sounds, but hear me out.

When we broke up this woman insisted and insisted that there wasn't anybody else and that she wasn't in a moment of her life to have a relationship. Which made sense, she was having difficulties in her life.

I wouldn't mind the baldfaced lie if she hadn't insisted DURING THE ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP that honesty was suuuper imoprtant to her and that cheaters are assholes.

And now I see a picture of her with another guy, who I'm sure is not one of her friends since I'd met all of them up until we broke up. And now, not even 3 months later she's got a picture up with another guy in the photo.

Fuck this shit. Fuck her lying face.

I seriously wish this didn't piss me off as much as it did. Fuck me. Fuck feelings.

I feel like I should ask her about it, but no fucking good is coming out of that. At the worst I'm wrong and at best I'm right and I get to block her out of "revenge". I'm feeling  more angry and bad now than when she broke up with me.


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Invisibledrr
Female
Registered: 05/20/09
Posts: 8,444
Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27099504 - 12/20/20 03:06 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I’ve been through this. It sucks I know. But don’t bother. It will only make you feel worse to confront and talk to her about it.

Your best bet is to look for somebody new to take your mind off it.

Also, anything can happen in 3 months. My ex was with another guy like a week later.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
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Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: drr] * 2
    #27099531 - 12/20/20 03:22 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Wise men have often said that the best act of revenge is to live well.

It really is the choice IMO. If you love her, let her go. And if you don't? Well, do it anyway, for your own good and wellbeing.

Stay strong brother. This shit is fucked up but you'll be a stronger man for it in the long run.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleLynnch
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Registered: 04/29/09
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Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 2
    #27099663 - 12/20/20 05:00 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

It sucks bud, I know. "Its not the right time for me to be in a relationship right now" is a go to line to break up with people when you don't want to hurt their feelings.
She doesn't owe you any honesty or anything really now, you broke up. You will be way better off letting go, and moving on.


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OfflineTight Lunchbox
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Registered: 11/06/16
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Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27100089 - 12/20/20 10:49 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I understand where you're coming from, but bringing it up would be pointless, right? What you are going through sucks, and I know how you feel. Stewing in your emotions isn't good, man. You gotta try to move on from this.


--------------------
"it's all a joke between mom contractions and coffin fittings"


The most useful tool for noobs


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OfflineAldous
enthusiast
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Registered: 10/19/99
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Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: Tight Lunchbox]
    #27100342 - 12/21/20 05:47 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

You might also make it into a way of getting over her. If she's not that honest woman you thought you loved after all, be glad you got to know her for who she really is now, and move on thinking of all the future potential shit you dodged thanks to the breakup.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,689
Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27100385 - 12/21/20 06:35 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I feel like I should ask her about it, but no fucking good is coming out of that.



There you go. So don't confront her with anything. Ignore her and move on. Nothing good comes from confronting her, and in fact, nothing good comes from thinking about her in the first place. It's done, so get past it. Time heals all wounds. It does so a little quicker if you don't poke them.


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OfflineSugabearcrisp
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Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: koraks]
    #27100420 - 12/21/20 07:14 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Maybe she was being honest that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, maybe she just wants to date multiple people, hence the pics of 2 guys less than 3 months apart. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get out there and have casual relationships until you figure out what you want and need in a long term relationship.

Have you considered that the alternative would be she is alone and that might be rather selfish of you to expect?

Please consider that you will be essentially saying that was your expectation by "confronting" her with your perception that she was being dishonest.

Accept and move on. As jokeshopbeard said there is no better revenge then to keep on living your life.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: Sugabearcrisp]
    #27100519 - 12/21/20 09:01 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Aldous said:
You might also make it into a way of getting over her. If she's not that honest woman you thought you loved after all, be glad you got to know her for who she really is now, and move on thinking of all the future potential shit you dodged thanks to the breakup.



Yeah man, I'm glad about this.

I ended up confronting her about it in a relatively calm and rational manner. Got lied to again. I'm just mostly disappointed because I thought eventually we'd be able to be friends. Don't think that's a possibility now.

I'm glad I have a set of weights in the house, because I haven't been this furious in years and it gave me an outlet. Thanks to everyone for their solid advice <3

Quote:

Sugabearcrisp said:
Maybe she was being honest that she doesn't want to be in a relationship, maybe she just wants to date multiple people, hence the pics of 2 guys less than 3 months apart. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get out there and have casual relationships until you figure out what you want and need in a long term relationship.

Have you considered that the alternative would be she is alone and that might be rather selfish of you to expect?

Please consider that you will be essentially saying that was your expectation by "confronting" her with your perception that she was being dishonest.

Accept and move on. As jokeshopbeard said there is no better revenge then to keep on living your life.



Yeah, I probably made a fool of myself yesterday, but it helped me realize I needed to cut her out completely from my life. No social media or anything like that like I was before. And you're right, it's not something I considered and definitely was selfish, especially considering I'm going out on tinder dates and shit all this time. I guess I was just angry an illusion I'd put so much faith in was broken.

I think my biggest mistake was taking what she said at face value, that I'd done nothing wrong in the relationship and that she was breaking up with me because she didn't want me to wait, which I interpreted as there being an opportunity of us getting back together.

Thanks again everyone :heart:


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,689
Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #27100540 - 12/21/20 09:17 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I'm just mostly disappointed because I thought eventually we'd be able to be friends.



Understandable. But you know, it's been only 3 months, emotions are evidently still running high - so right now, any friendship will at best be a strained one. Don't exclude possibilities in the future - although my guess is that you'll probably have grown apart by then and won't bother getting back in touch.

Don't hang onto the past.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: koraks]
    #27100871 - 12/21/20 12:50 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I hope it changes man, she was fun to hang with. But it really fucked with me that she'd lie like that when I'd be fine with the truth. I kinda get it because she's not big into confrontations and probably didn't wanna hurt me, but it really surprised me from her when she was so pro-truth and said it all the time.

It also fucked with  me that she was fine just being friends right away. I've been on the other side, but shit, didn't realize how shitty it felt, especially because I know the level of indifference you need to be able to do that.

I'm glad I talked to her. Said some stuff I probably should have said before, maybe would have changed some things if I had. But the past is the past, and I'm feeling a lot better today than I was yesterday. I was fucking raging, it was scary and I felt like a teenager again. I'm just grateful it's been years since I've flown off the handle like that.

Fuck breakups, man.

:feelsbadman:


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Offlinelowbrow
Paddy Time!!!!
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Registered: 09/12/08
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Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27107794 - 12/25/20 07:21 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

They always tell you there aint somebody else, and there always is.


--------------------
Amanita86 said:
Sui is trying to mod right now.  Kinda like a newborn calf tryin ta stand fer the first time ain’t it..


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Offlinetryptkaloids
Learner
I'm a teapot


Registered: 02/08/15
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Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: Tight Lunchbox]
    #27120877 - 01/01/21 06:11 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Tight Lunchbox said: Stewing in your emotions isn't good, man. You gotta try to move on from this.



Let your anger out, and then let it go.  -avatar aang

A lot can happen in 3 months, one can truly learn a lot about themselves and get over significant emotional hurdles in that time.

Also, they might not even be like that. I take pictures with chicks I meet all the time, because they love it and posting a selfie together helps them remember me.

I know it sounds cliche and perhaps drawn out but the best thing you can do is start working on yourself. Socialize more, pick up a couple hobbys.  Preferably ones that can bring in extra cash (who doesn't like that?)
And then stop comparing yourself to others.

I find for me, jealousy comes from my ego's hidden desire to compete.  I think "why is it so easy for her/him to attract people" "if I'm as attractive and cool as people say why arent I included/noticed/appreciated?" "What do they have that I dont have" "why am I the miserable one?" And I get stuck in a spiral until something takes my mind off it or until I remember that these are useless questions and I don't have a future, or a past, I just have right here, and right now. The present is all I have control of. Then I ask myself what I can do right now to be better than I was yesterday


--------------------
"Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage
Flowchart for Recommended plan of action.
Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms
Use the Damn search engine
After you know what you're doing, take a break 
Pick a book, Make some chips!
Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
 


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Offlinetryptkaloids
Learner
I'm a teapot


Registered: 02/08/15
Posts: 12,647
Loc: Exact Center
Last seen: 19 minutes, 51 seconds
Re: Should I confront my ex about her new guy? [Re: Tight Lunchbox]
    #27120887 - 01/01/21 06:15 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Also, you can help others. I came to this forum to make my own thread, but after giving advice I feel much better.

You have more wisdom in you than you know but it won't come out until you start thinking from other angles


--------------------
"Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage
Flowchart for Recommended plan of action.
Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms
Use the Damn search engine
After you know what you're doing, take a break 
Pick a book, Make some chips!
Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
 


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