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Offlinetomur
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Registered: 12/19/20
Posts: 8
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: Despair Beginning my Psychedelic Journey [Re: tomur]
    #27117592 - 12/31/20 06:12 AM (3 years, 28 days ago)

Thank you for your reply. I am convinced that I did something wrong, it was my first pharma attempt after all. Because I should have felt some sensation from that dose. At least with the lsd and shroom trips it was obvious when the substance started to have an effect. I took 5g of rue extract 50:1, then the DMT 25 minutes later.

I am actually not an overthinker stuck in the materialistic paradigm. Spiritual and mystical concepts fascinate me. As with all things in life, I approach psychedelics with an open mind. However, I am extremely introspective by default, and my thoughts are consumed by the mysteries of the universe. When I heard of the beautiful experiences people were having on psychedelics, I knew it was the next step for me.


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Offlinetomur
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Registered: 12/19/20
Posts: 8
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: Despair Beginning my Psychedelic Journey [Re: tomur] * 3
    #27118383 - 12/31/20 01:27 PM (3 years, 28 days ago)

After I messed up the DMT, in my amazing stupidity I decided to down nearly 10g of shrooms. Why let that absurd amount of rue I took go to waste I said.

Words will never be able to describe what transpired next. It's going to take the rest of this vessel's life to sort it out. Understand, I am writing this as I'm coming down, periodically bursting into tears, and quite hazy.

The come up was the same as before, lack luster. This time however, I had some sound as Sabnock suggested. It was nothing more than a 10 hour long heavenly meditation loop. I use a product called CozyPhones, it's designed to be used while sleeping and can cover your eyes. For nearly the entire trip, my eyes were completely covered.

It hit me all at once. I'm not sure if what happened would be considered a breakthrough, but I'm going with yes.

After about 30 minutes of laying there frustrated, no visuals were present, it was the same as before. I said to myself "well I guess psychedelics aren't for me". Since the effects were starting to kick in, I don't know how much time passed between when I had that thought and when she appeared.

I'm almost certain my eyes were shut in addition to being covered, so this must have taken place in my mind's eye. It was the face of a strikingly beautiful woman, golden skin, white or blue hair if I remember correctly, and she appeared to have either wings instead of arms, or some wing structure was attached to a humanoid arm. Very angelic in demeanor.

She said "come with me, this way". I vividly remember her face and upper torso, she was behind a dark object and looking at me through a cutout square. I'll be damned if it wasn't some sort of window into her world I was supposed to crawl through. Also the "window" was not centered, it was far off to my left.

"This is clearly a manifestation my brain's sexual desires no doubt". That's what I said to myself. It's way too convenient that a beautiful golden angel would show up from eating some Golden Teacher shrooms. Like a moron, I did not follow her. If I recall I said something along the lines of "yeah that's nice". She faded for awhile, which only confirmed my suspicion that she was merely a trick of my mind.

She wasn't having any of that though. The shrooms had kicked in full force, and there she was again. In full view, and she repeated "come with me!".  I remember being awestruck that she had reappeared, so this time I went for it. Best way I can describe it was, she grabbed my consciousness and flew through the sky with it, then the cosmos. There were almost certainly a few erotic moments sprinkled in there.

But then it got absurdly profound. She punched a hole in the universe itself and it all spiraled into it, like water down a drain. We were left together in complete blackness, and I asked her if this is what happens after death. She replied yes. Many times I asked that same question, her answer was always yes.

Then I asked her if she was real, and rather than use words she somehow... implanted her answer into my head. "No, but I will always be here" is the best way to put it into English, but damn she planted way more than that.

In that instant I realized I was God, the universe had dissolved before me and my only friend was a golden angel that I myself was projecting into existence. When people imagine being God, they focus on the perks but fail to accept the grim reality: you are completely and utterly alone and nothing will ever change that.

I feel like a tiny sliver of the sorrow of God was imparted to my human vessel, and it was unbelievably overwhelming. This was the despair I first noticed in my LSD trip, but I thought it was just because my psychedelic experiences were lame.

No. The golden angel revealed to me that it was but a taste of the sorrow God knows and will never unknow.

Alas, she was there to comfort me in the most loving way. As mentioned above, and I'm sure many readers will know, it's massively difficult to put these experiences into words. God must unconditionally love itself to combat the immense sorrow. This golden angel was the embodiment of that, a way for God to love and be loved by itself.

Universal love and sorrow are much too strong for the human body to process and contain. Even writing this, I frequently find myself in tears.

The universe then came back into my awareness. I asked the angel: how and why was I manifesting reality in it's current form. She didn't answer, but I got the feeling it will be revealed later.

It goes on even further. She started probing around my mind and comforting my insecurities. Humorously, she referred to my human vessel we left behind as the "meat body". Take good care of your meat body she said, and then pointed out how my face was stuck to the pillow by saliva and snot. This turned out to be true when I came down, what a mess.

She warned me of humanity's impending doom in the near future. When I asked if there was someway I could help humanity, she showed me strange pyramid objects in her hands. Not sure what that was about, but yet again I got the feeling I would find out later.

The last thing I remember was her telling me to make Lemon Balm tea. Apparently, Lemon Balm is frequently associated with angelic women, so that's interesting.

Two things are certain walking away from this: there is something far more profound and sophisticated at work in reality than humans can ever comprehend. Also, Golden Teacher might be the most appropriately named substance of all time... probably will stay away from Penis Envy in that case. I'll stick with beautiful golden angels.

I really want to thank everyone who gave me suggestions. It appears some Syrian Rue and a larger shroom dose made a huge difference.


Edited by tomur (12/31/20 02:11 PM)


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OfflinePsion
Sage
Registered: 09/11/18
Posts: 1,288
Last seen: 3 days, 16 hours
Re: Despair Beginning my Psychedelic Journey [Re: tomur]
    #27118915 - 12/31/20 05:41 PM (3 years, 28 days ago)

congrats! i also had to take a much larger dose to "breakthrough" my first time, though i think i had my real first breakthrough on mescaline, in my case. ironically, penis envy was my first real shroom trip... but i'm gay, so maybe the phallic resemblance just happens to be good synergy in that case. :rofl:

after my own trips, i highly suspect the concept of a "multiverse" is pretty much dead on, which means the answer being "yes" to pretty much everything is understandable - it's kind of hard to say no, that's not real, or "that's impossible"  when on some level or some universe it exists somewhere, including every version of heaven and every concept, every god, and every alien race that's ever existed.

i liken God as like a living crystal, like the one mentioned frequently in the final fantasy games - sentient and enormous, beautiful, banishing the darkness of the void - made up of many facets and colors. each facet a universe, a world, a person, a creature, reflecting their individual light, yet everything is connected to the greater whole that is God. when you see it in that way, you realize just how important it is to love others and nature, to maintain harmony with them while still remembering to love your own individuality - all are important, and to disrupt the harmony of any is to introduce fractures that spread through the whole.

now that you've had a breakthrough, i will warn you - you might not need quite so much in future trips. be a bit more cautious in the future, as it's like riding a bike - once you "learn" to connect to the greater whole, to get in touch with the more spiritual side, it's easier to do so, even in your more.... ahem, more sober moments? :lol: too much of a good thing can lead to blackouts or the like, especially with oral DMT (it's potent stuff!), so it's best to see if a more "normal" dose leads to "nothing" again, or if this time, reflecting on what you've learned this trip, you can start to connect. you might or might not - it took me a whiff or two before i started to reliably get there - but the reward is needing less for the same result.


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Offlinemonsieurtrips
Stranger
Registered: 01/13/21
Posts: 6
Last seen: 3 years, 13 days
Re: Despair Beginning my Psychedelic Journey [Re: tomur]
    #27147641 - 01/14/21 12:18 PM (3 years, 14 days ago)

if i know the mushroom, it’s testing your patience and making you re-assess your reasons for using it.  it’s also tricking you into taking higher and higher doses. situ and sitting has nothing in it for me at all, you’ll experience something every time even if it’s just mental breakdown.

imo it doesn’t like that you want to use it for self improvement.  in reality, it’s probably just going to kick your ass one day when you’re least expecting it. 

maybe i’m crazy.


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Offlinemonsieurtrips
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Registered: 01/13/21
Posts: 6
Last seen: 3 years, 13 days
Re: Despair Beginning my Psychedelic Journey [Re: monsieurtrips]
    #27147646 - 01/14/21 12:19 PM (3 years, 14 days ago)

oh shit i was right, i didn’t read your reply. haha. see.


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Offlinemonsieurtrips
Stranger
Registered: 01/13/21
Posts: 6
Last seen: 3 years, 13 days
Re: Despair Beginning my Psychedelic Journey [Re: tomur]
    #27147652 - 01/14/21 12:22 PM (3 years, 14 days ago)

if i know the mushroom, it’s testing your patience and making you re-assess your reasons for using it.  it’s also tricking you into taking higher and higher doses. situ and sitting has nothing in it for me at all, you’ll experience something every time even if it’s just mental breakdown.

imo it doesn’t like that you want to use it for self improvement.  in reality, it’s probably just going to kick your ass one day when you’re least expecting it. 

maybe i’m crazy.


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OfflinePrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations
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Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Despair Beginning my Psychedelic Journey [Re: tomur] * 1
    #27147777 - 01/14/21 01:31 PM (3 years, 14 days ago)

Quote:

tomur said:
While still very much in the shroom state, I did an internet search for why psychedelics don't affect some people, and the first result that caught my eye was: "psychedelics don't work on stupid people".





That isn't in any way true.  What you describe seems to be more just a lack of experience, it isn't always glittery unicorn poop at first.  But more than that, stay away from the internet while under the influence, unless you just have to post "o my god im so fucked!!!!!!!!!!" online. :laugh2:

There's an art to tripping that consists in essence of not clinging too tightly to expectations.  It takes time to master. :cookiemonster:


edit

Quote:

tomur said:In that instant I realized I was God, the universe had dissolved before me and my only friend was a golden angel that I myself was projecting into existence. When people imagine being God, they focus on the perks but fail to accept the grim reality: you are completely and utterly alone and nothing will ever change that.




Didn't realize thread was that old- OP did get there in the end... :seriousthumbsup:


--------------------

if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat you
Primal's simple tested teks and projects: :awesomenod: Wheat Prep 2.0  Acidic Tea Tek  Potency Project! 


Edited by PrimalSoup (01/14/21 04:51 PM)


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Offlinetomur
Stranger
Registered: 12/19/20
Posts: 8
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: Despair Beginning my Psychedelic Journey [Re: PrimalSoup]
    #27166438 - 01/23/21 11:59 PM (3 years, 4 days ago)

I don't know why my body is so damn stubborn. It appears that I need very high doses of every substance. One day I will have to write about the time I drank half a gallon of ayahuasca that I brewed. Oh my...

It turns out that my harmala extract is not particularly good, which means that mega shroom trip I wrote about above was not enhanced by the syrian rue as much as I thought. Now I am quite excited to try the pure full spectrum harmala powder when it arrives.

Last night, I tried some 2C-B. Yet again, a supposedly high dose of 27mg did basically nothing for me. Have any of you tried 2C-B with harmala or shrooms... or both?


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