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Anonymous #1

New girlfriends
    #27094769 - 12/17/20 06:49 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Couple things for ya my anonymous friends. My anonymi?


I had a really intense first relationship. It lasted from age 13 ish to 27. She cheated. I cheated. We shoulda ended it when she first cheated on me at 19. I never was able to process that she cheated on me.

Its hard to explain but. I wanted her to be with another man. And then when she has both options of that man or me. She chooses me. I wanted to be picked over someone and I wanted it to be clear. But obviously she is a good person so she wouldnt cheat on me again. So we ended up just staying together and my paranoia just remaining there. I always thought she was cheating on me.

Hell fucked. Hell fucked. Dunno exactly how to explain it because it doesnt make sense the way I was thinking.


Anyways. All my relationships now tend to start off strong. And then the paranoia demon comes in. I'll be chatting with them on facebook. Hell lovely time. Good banter. Good connection. Lots of lovey dovey stuff being thrown at me. Exactly what you should get from a relationship. And while shes texting me she may go AFK for 15 minutes. 30 minutes. And in that time frame a friend of mine will become active. And I'll think "Fuck that FOR SURE means shes cheating on me with him".


All I've been able to do to hold a relationship down is refuse to put voice to these thoughts. I stew in this sticky hot goop that burns and drags me deeper and deeper. It confuses the mind. Lose track of perception. The paranoia builds on itself.

And eventually I just send a text like "I cant take the games. Gonna be single." Completely unprompted from the girl. All from things I think I've seen or "figured out".

And then a few weeks will go by. She will hell hate me (as she should for just up and leaving her). And I'll get drunk and text or call. And I'll do that a few times until she stops feeling pity for me and starts not liking it. And then we will never talk again.


All these women too. That Ive loved. I just cant see into their mind. I dont know if they are honest. I dont know if I'm being played. I cant ever know.




Sorry. I just saw someone make a post about how paranoid people like me should be avoided like the plague. I'm sorry if I'm toxic or whatever it is. I am not trying to be. I just want to trust again. I'm not a bad guy.


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Anonymous #1

Re: New girlfriends [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27094772 - 12/17/20 06:53 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Of all the people on this earth. My first girlfriend by far is the one I could stare into the eyes of and believe the most. Trust the most. Love the most.

I would walk into anything with her. We have been apart now for 5 years. It wasnt 100 percent dead until 2 years ago. It is definitely never going to be rekindled again. Sometimes.... things cant be undone.

To the void. To the void I say. I love you babe. You are my everything. I am so sorry for what I've done. What I was unable to fix. We are soulmates. And because of that I will forever be lost without you. And I accept that. I love you babe.


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Anonymous #2

Re: New girlfriends [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27094886 - 12/17/20 08:03 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I hate how romantic relationships depend on the internet now

I feel your pain brother, breakups are tough, keep improving yourself and learn how to be happy with yourself


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Anonymous #3

Re: New girlfriends [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #27110754 - 12/27/20 02:07 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Get some therapy. There is a lot you can learn about yourself,  where the fear of being cheated on comes from,  why you are afraid,  what it means to you,  really understanding the feelings you experience is the first step to recovering.  You aren't going to be like this forever if you work on it,  but be open to discovery,  be raw in it


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Anonymous #4

Re: New girlfriends [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27110769 - 12/27/20 02:17 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

To love is to take a risk.
A risk that you will lose it before death.

You will defeat all of your future relationships before they begin if you are unwilling to take the risk that you maybe hurt.

Nothing is certain.

Allow yourself the risk of being hurt and go into a relationship with hopeful love rather than a guarantee.

"Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"


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Anonymous #5

Re: New girlfriends [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #27114332 - 12/29/20 02:14 PM (3 years, 30 days ago)

Become secure in yourself and all will flow from that source.


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