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Socrateshroom
сталкер


Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 17 days, 10 hours
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DJ ED, we miss you brother! 5
#27066135 - 12/01/20 11:21 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hope you are doing well!
We miss your wisdom and banter.
And if you've been willing and/or able to trip recently, how'd it go?
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Kmacmo
The aborted pin



Registered: 08/14/19
Posts: 1,675
Loc: Central hemisphere
Last seen: 6 hours, 3 minutes
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DJ Ed always helpful and wise, a role model he is
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LosTresOjos
Humano

Registered: 09/18/18
Posts: 1,347
Loc: Hurling Through Space
Last seen: 2 years, 29 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Kmacmo]
#27066272 - 12/01/20 12:48 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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I hope you are doing well sir.
I hope he's doing well, it seemed as if he was having some issues at home from the last post i saw. But such is life as we must truck on.
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: LosTresOjos]
#27066330 - 12/01/20 01:11 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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He told me a couple days back he was ruminating a lot and processing things. He hopes to come back regularly.
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if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
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MindMeower
lawnmower for the brain



Registered: 05/10/19
Posts: 341
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: PrimalSoup]
#27066580 - 12/01/20 03:15 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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That guy is great, I always enjoy reading what he has to say ~
-------------------- M(e)owing minds
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: MindMeower]
#27066596 - 12/01/20 03:23 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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ruminating sounds like a drug is still active in his 3rd stomach, which is preferable to having had COVID or a car accident. I hope he is well.
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_ 🧠 _
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Socrateshroom
сталкер


Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 17 days, 10 hours
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: PrimalSoup]
#27067688 - 12/02/20 07:54 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
PrimalSoup said: He told me a couple days back he was ruminating a lot and processing things. He hopes to come back regularly. 
Happy to hear he's still sending signals out into digital space.
Hopefully the mushroom gods shine clarity on his journey.
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,333
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 4 minutes, 15 seconds
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Oh no! DJ ED is awesome! One of my favorites! Did he have a bad trip or something?
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Guys
I can’t believe the love I’ve just felt from you all; true brothers, you have really lifted my spirits. My wife left me on 26 October. I thought she was my soul mate. Married 20 years, together 37 years. I was 17, she 14 when we met at the under-18s disco, 18th December 1983.
It’s been a rollercoaster, people. It would be easy if I could stop loving her, but emotions aren’t that easy to turn off. The hardest thing to accept, which I hope will help me heal, is that she hasn’t loved me since we’ve been married!
But in terms of mushrooms; I think they have been telling me for a while, guys. I thought it was the negative vibes from lockdown. I had intense trip, after intense trip, followed by my first bad trip in 30 years. Thats] was round about April this year. I could never understand until a few weeks back how my wife could go to bed telling me “I’d be alright in the morning”. While I was suffering years for every passing second.
Hindsight is wonderful at explaining mushroom teachings. In the middle of it though, it was just too cryptic.
I’ll finish on a spooky note. A few weeks before my wife left, I was walking back one of my usual routes with my two labradors, nd I got a strang deja vu type feeling. It was like deja vu in reverse, like I was sensing something from the future. I stood still with the dogs, and just took in the strange feeling, tried to understand it it, and concluded something “big or significant” was going to happen here................My wife now lives a few feet from where I got the feeling.
Take care all, thank you for all the love. I think I need a sitter for my next venture - it is going to have to be a large one to get me back on the wagon 
DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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What this now means thoug, Socrateshroom, as my friends and family keep telling me, is that the world is my oyster, and I’m still only 54 years young (yes that was a harsh first ever birthday on my own last week!). So when all this lockdown ebbs away and normality begins to return, I’m free to travel anywhere in the world, including the US of A 
Mush love brother DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27068460 - 12/02/20 03:20 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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--------------------
if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: PrimalSoup]
#27068467 - 12/02/20 03:24 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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You are a star. Thank you.
Oh and people, the Pinocchio pic in my signature has gone; it was painted by the mother-in-law, so I thought it proper to return it, even though it is one of my favourite paintings in the whole, wide world
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,333
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 4 minutes, 15 seconds
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27068472 - 12/02/20 03:27 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Whoa! Thats wild man!
Im sorry about your wife leaving you. Thats so awful . But I am sure you had a psychic moment there when you had that strange insight from the future. 
A similar experience happened to me mid-trip with shrooms. I was inside "The Source" energy on one profound shroom trip when my girlfriend, who is now my ex-girlfriend, called me mid-experience and interrupted the experience: https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/24612990#24612990
It was like a perfect synchronistic message of "she's not the one for you, which is why she is interrupting this profound mushroom moment".
Its experiences like those that open my mind to the interconnectedness of everything.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Wow L_C, that is so similar to my bad trip earlier this year. I was trying to convey to PrimalSoup how the mushrooms had been telling me, and it had sort of influenced me. He initially mistook this for me leaving her, which was not the case.
I’ve had two or three of those strange moments in my life where you just sense something significant will happen where you are. Makes the hairs in my neck stand up thinking about it. A friend of mine dreamed about the zeebrugge ferry disaster, the night before it happened.
But for t least a year, and with the benefit of hindsight, the mushrooms have definitely been telling me she is not the one. Which I couldn’t understand and am still confused over; but look what’s happened....
Take care DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,333
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 4 minutes, 15 seconds
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27068515 - 12/02/20 03:47 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Amazing story. I struggled with the meaning of my experience but realized that she was not the one for me as she had interrupted a magical mushroom moment.
Shrooms have a powerful way of showing us what we dont want to see and feel.
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Socrateshroom
сталкер


Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 17 days, 10 hours
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed] 1
#27068527 - 12/02/20 03:56 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Holy crap DJ ED, I'm sorry to hear. It's awesome to hear from you again, although I wish you didn't have to suffer so.
Quote:
DJ Ed said: What this now means thoug, Socrateshroom, as my friends and family keep telling me, is that the world is my oyster, and I’m still only 54 years young (yes that was a harsh first ever birthday on my own last week!). So when all this lockdown ebbs away and normality begins to return, I’m free to travel anywhere in the world, including the US of A 
Mush love brother DJ Ed
You tell me when, and I'll be on the next plane to be your sitter!
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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I’ve been in pain and distress for 20 years. I’ve never been able to understand why: good job, good health, family, house, food, soulmate and wife. After years of not knowing I was depressed, I became clinically depressed with my wife. It coincided with two things. My daughter dying in 1999. Getting married in 2000. My subconscious knowing instantly that something was wrong in 2001; just moved to the Isle of Wight, reached out to my best mate; remember the conversation well. I was hurting back then, but didn’t know why.
I mentioned earlier hindsight. This coincides exactly with what my wife has now been honest about: that she stopped loving me when we got to the Isle of Wight in 2001.
So my subconscious has known all along. My conscious mind has not been able to work any of it out; sitting next to the woman you love yet still feeling lonely. Whilst all the time thinking she is your soulmate and why can’t you make her happy. Why doesn’t she laugh like she used to. Where are the cuddles.
The mushrooms started digging all this out of my subconscious and presenting it to me. But you all know, sometimes these “lessons” are all a bit too insane fairground ride style with mad jesters and elves type lessons!!!
Mush love DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Thank you
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27069320 - 12/03/20 05:27 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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glad you are OK
people are subject to change, so committing to the oath "until death shall we not part" fails more often than not, now that it is OK to be single.
if there is room in a relationship to be apart, there may be room for survival of a married couple to remain together in this changing world.
COVID has underscored this immensely as we spend our days and nights in one apartment and avoid socializing.
it's nearly impossible to press field aligned magnets together.
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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You’re absolutely on the money there, redgreenvines. We were never meant to live in such close proximity for so long.
When the fairy tales advertised “happily ever after”, it was true because people died very young.
I’m going to learn to love myself before even considering the notion of somebody loving me.
Mush love DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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LosTresOjos
Humano

Registered: 09/18/18
Posts: 1,347
Loc: Hurling Through Space
Last seen: 2 years, 29 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27069946 - 12/03/20 12:12 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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I had this strange belief that my wife and I had some sort of unspoken understanding. It caused us strife as I would assume we were on the same page. One night during the comedown of a trip I realized that I had created a delusion and that there was no way we had this magical connection. I had to learn to be open and direct.
Often times I think we just don't want to realize certain truths and will unconsciously turn from them as the potential horrors looms by. Just keep your head towards the horizon and yes, the world is your oyster. For all the cliche bullshit that comes with, it's true. Stay safe bud.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother [Re: LosTresOjos]
#27070237 - 12/03/20 03:33 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Thank you. Your words, and my empathy to your story really helps. The first time she broke my heart was in December 1986 when she told me she was seeing someone else. I’ve never been able to love another woman since, maybe that’s my problem, I’m wounded and can’t love anyone but her? I am still confused, everything is still very raw, nd I can’t work simple things out like: why did she keep coming back and keep leaving? Why did I keep dreaming of her when we were apart, and miserable when I was with her, yet never for one second consider the option of leaving her? 37 years brother. The mushrooms were seriously trying to show this to me, I just didn’t see it. I see it now.
Doesn’t stop the pain though brother.
I have a number of mantras I repeat throughout each day. This too will pass; you are stronger than this; choose happiness; everything will be alright...and so on
I’ll get there. I either need to learn to hate her, or to accept what has happened. At 54, it feels a heck of an age to start a brand new life, but might be what I’ve always needed. I’m trying to work out when and how I take my next mushroom dose. I think I am probably too messed up at the moment, too unstable to have a high dose breakthrough trip,
Too many decisions  Mush love DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother [Re: DJ Ed]
#27070239 - 12/03/20 03:35 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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My biggest worry is my two labradors. Max is 10 years old now and really suffering. I’m currently working from home, but probably come April next year, I’ll need to go back to the office. 300 miles away. I don’t know what to do. They’re my best friends and I can’t have them rehomed. Can’t have them split up either. I’m really really torn.
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother [Re: DJ Ed] 1
#27070706 - 12/03/20 08:26 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Damn man, woman, i'll tell you what...
I cant relate to the length but i can relate to wanting and trying to make things work with someone whole heartedly and feeling alone and uncared for in the whole process
Life is a struggle aint it?
Youre the man DJ
Keep it pushin and see what life throws your way. Cause not being with her is gonna open up opportunities and bring things into your life that otherwise woukd not be possible
Make them travels happen friend
Your time is now yours
That in of itself can be freeing and provide amazing
But this is just a young man's ramble
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother [Re: Enkidu] 1
#27071207 - 12/04/20 05:02 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Appreciate your words Enkidu. I agree every sentence 100% except the last one 
DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Socrateshroom
сталкер


Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 17 days, 10 hours
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother [Re: DJ Ed]
#27071372 - 12/04/20 08:05 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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It's always fascinating how we've become accustomed to the social structures imposed upon us.
DJ ED, thank you for sharing all of this with us, it really means a lot when someone is willing to be vulnerable with others.
First, I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter, it must have been devastating. And I'm sorry that you spent a large chuck of time with these ominous feelings looming over you, just to have it manifest the way it did.
Although I wish things were different in your situation, everything that happened led us, and the world, to your presence. And for that, I'm beyond grateful. You are one of the greatest people out there. And you have been a great influence on me since I started here. Although you may not see it, the force with which you have acted upon the world, and the events you have put in motion, are grand beyond the scale of imagination. You are a true manifestation of cosmic consciousness.
That being said, keep your head up high. You will be greatly challenged in the months to come. From the pain of such a loss to the devastation that such tears in the fabric of reality leave, there will be great struggle. But the world needs you my friend. The spark that you have ignited on these forums alone echoes through all metaphysical realms. And for those around you, I imagine the effect is even more profound.
Here's to your new journey in life! May wonder blossom in your wake.
--------------------
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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Quote:
Socrateshroom said: It's always fascinating how we've become accustomed to the social structures imposed upon us.
DJ ED, thank you for sharing all of this with us, it really means a lot when someone is willing to be vulnerable with others.
First, I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter, it must have been devastating. And I'm sorry that you spent a large chuck of time with these ominous feelings looming over you, just to have it manifest the way it did.
Although I wish things were different in your situation, everything that happened led us, and the world, to your presence. And for that, I'm beyond grateful. You are one of the greatest people out there. And you have been a great influence on me since I started here. Although you may not see it, the force with which you have acted upon the world, and the events you have put in motion, are grand beyond the scale of imagination. You are a true manifestation of cosmic consciousness.
That being said, keep your head up high. You will be greatly challenged in the months to come. From the pain of such a loss to the devastation that such tears in the fabric of reality leave, there will be great struggle. But the world needs you my friend. The spark that you have ignited on these forums alone echoes through all metaphysical realms. And for those around you, I imagine the effect is even more profound.
Here's to your new journey in life! May wonder blossom in your wake.

I’m at a loss for words, Socrateshroom; thank you.
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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I think I took a positive step today. I found out on Friday, 4 days ago, tht she’s already seeing another man. It got me focussed. So I spoke to her face to face today, for the first real time since she left. I did the first real manly thing I think I’ve ever done in my life. I forgave her unreservedly, I apologised to her for not making her happy, and I let her go. I encouraged her to spread her wings and be free.
It was gut wrenching. But I think it’s positive. I think I might try a dose of “red boy” cubensis I grew earlier in the year. You have to smoke three or four joints before it kicks in, so I know I wouldn’t lose my mind over my recent loss.
Ultimately mow people, I think I need a real macro dose to work my way through the loss of my life partner. But I’m scared.....
Life is such a long and complex journey. You really don’t know what is around the next corner, my friends. Try to enjoy the good times to the maximum, and realise that the bad times are only temporary.
Mush love DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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LosTresOjos
Humano

Registered: 09/18/18
Posts: 1,347
Loc: Hurling Through Space
Last seen: 2 years, 29 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27090988 - 12/15/20 06:33 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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DJ,
I don't really have anything to say. I read your comment about forgiveness and hate, and went to comment but saw you had already chosen the path of least resistance. You seem to be ahead of the curve buddy. So just keep at it. Things will get better with time.
As you know, life is a complex weave of something.
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Rat-a-Tat
Psychedelic Student



Registered: 07/11/17
Posts: 219
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: LosTresOjos] 1
#27091046 - 12/15/20 07:20 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hey DJ Ed - I’ve seen your posts around a bunch, thanks for sharing your story. One thing that you said that struck me was that you are going to focus on loving yourself before you think about someone else loving you. I would encourage you to not have this mindset. For 30 years I never loved myself. I was an addict, manipulator and not a horrible person, but not a good guy. I met my wife 5 years ago and she completely transformed me. She showed me what true love is, and through a lot of healing and her, I’ve learned how to love myself. Just saying - sometimes others can heal us, where we have tried 1,000 times to do it ourselves. Much love my friend!
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Socrateshroom
сталкер


Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 17 days, 10 hours
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27092132 - 12/16/20 12:54 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: I forgave her unreservedly, I apologised to her for not making her happy, and I let her go. I encouraged her to spread her wings and be free.
That takes a lot of courage. I commend you for your strength. Be proud of yourself for how you're handling everything. I, and most other people, would probably tell her off.
Quote:
DJ Ed said: It was gut wrenching. But I think it’s positive. I think I might try a dose of “red boy” cubensis I grew earlier in the year. You have to smoke three or four joints before it kicks in, so I know I wouldn’t lose my mind over my recent loss.
Ultimately mow people, I think I need a real macro dose to work my way through the loss of my life partner. But I’m scared.....
Do not be scared. You are such an incredible person and how you're handling this is unbelievably mature. Maybe it isn't the right time yet to trip. But there's one thing I learned from here
"If you wait until you are in a perfect state to trip, you'll either be waiting forever or come to find no need to trip".
Perhaps wait a bit longer, only you can decide. But if it calls to you, their summons are enough to make you ready.
--------------------
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Eugene Gesuale
Jar-Sniffer



Registered: 04/12/20
Posts: 1,920
Loc: The Basement
Last seen: 9 months, 13 days
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I am so glad to know I’m not the only one struggling with my spouse. I wish she could see the mushrooms for what they really are. She doesn’t understand how they have and will keep me from using heroin and meth again. We have 2 small children and I want to be alive to see them graduate and get married. I have been the one thinking about leaving her because I need mush cult to preserve my life a d sanity. Where do I turn from here. My depression won’t wait for the law to catch up like she continues to tout
-------------------- Everything in life is a trade-off. All posts made by this account are purely satirical in nature.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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My wife supported me fully; what that means with hindsight was she tolerated it!! I took her through all the research, books, videos, lots of conversation. Don’t know what to suggest,,maybe try talking to her about the research; stress your sanity and reasons for wanting to keep it to see your children mature.
Mush love DJ Ed
p.s. I’m seeing a counsellor next week; hoping to learn how to forgive, how to move,on from the past, and how to live in the present. I’m feeling optimistic after 2 months of hell
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Eugene Gesuale
Jar-Sniffer



Registered: 04/12/20
Posts: 1,920
Loc: The Basement
Last seen: 9 months, 13 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27094009 - 12/17/20 11:55 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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I have done all the above myself. She has threatened to take the kids and leave if I ever do it again. I am glad you are getting to talk to a professional. I am as well.
-------------------- Everything in life is a trade-off. All posts made by this account are purely satirical in nature.
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coAsTal
Friend


Registered: 04/04/06
Posts: 2,970
Loc: 8a
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27094993 - 12/17/20 09:35 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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I'm saddened to see this news Ed-- you have my prayers and positive hopes coming your way.
Quote:
DJ Ed said: I’m going to learn to love myself before even considering the notion of somebody loving me.
I would like to offer a thought on what you wrote above-- because maybe this was a partial cause of the marriage failing. You were both kids when you met-- it it possible you (and her) never fully developed your own sense of identity-- that sense of truly individual "you-ness' that you grow into and grow to love through trial and tribulation? It's that sense of knowing oneself, flaws to fantastic, and learning to love the person you are that allows for a true bonding of individuals.
It gives you strength, center, and a true ability to give yourself to another. Without that ownership of yourself-- that love of who and what you are on your own merits, you can never really give yourself to a soulmate, because you don't really have possession of that which you wish to give.
Sometimes, we mistake loving someone else for completeness, but the completeness must come first-- in being at peace with yourself and all that you are, before you can add that to another and reach a higher state together.
It will take time, but you are going to be OK-- and a better man tomorrow that you are today-- I wish you love and happiness, friend--
-------------------- I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the Heart's affections and the truth of Imagination-- John Keats Spore Trading List
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Outerbass
Stranger
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: coAsTal]
#27095162 - 12/18/20 12:41 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Does DMT help with breakups?
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Loaded Shaman
Psychophysiologist



Registered: 03/02/15
Posts: 8,006
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Last seen: 28 days, 4 hours
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--------------------
  "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance." — Confucius
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Nature Boy
Stranger than most



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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27095486 - 12/18/20 08:58 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: p.s. I’m seeing a counsellor next week; hoping to learn how to forgive, how to move,on from the past, and how to live in the present. I’m feeling optimistic after 2 months of hell 
Hey, brother:
I'm glad to see you are going to speak to a professional about your situation. Much good advice and loving vibes have already been offered ahead of me, but I do have one thing I'd like to add.
Back in college I was separated from a woman for whom I had great feelings. She went off hosteling across Europe while I remained stateside, occupied by my studies. We eventually broke up through a series of expensive long-distance collect-telephone calls that left me feeling like I had barbed wire in my heart, mind and stomach. This brought be in contact with one of the school counselors. He gave me an interesting perspective to consider which I offer to you now. He advised that I practice the adoption of the position in my mind that "The loss is all hers." But not in a mean-spirited way. This position helps to affirm your own self-worth.
Also, he pointed out something that I hadn't considered - that actually came true in the future! He pointed out that neither of us was dead, and that EVENTUALLY she would return home to the USA...which of course she did. By that time I had finished the didactic portion of medical school and was doing my internship and residency. We actually stared seeing one another again for a while...and SHE wanted to get married and start a family. In the wings, she had a guy (a Canadian) who wanted to marry her - but he was apparently a distant second choice.
Now it was MY TURN to put the brakes on. Did I want her back - "yes" with a capital "Y." But what could I offer her as a poor student?...so we never got married, and we parted (sadly) each aching over the situation. So...it's never over for sure unless one of you passes away. Things change...sometimes 180 degrees.
In the interim, reclaim your own power and belief in yourself. Once you have that, you'll be shocked how many positive things flow from that. We're all here pulling for you. We love you and want the best for you going forward - no matter what form that may take. You are such a valued member of this community that it is hard to imagine that the same is not true in all the other places in your life.
-------------------- All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: coAsTal] 2
#27096975 - 12/19/20 02:01 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Thank you coastal, appreciate your words. I think you hit the nail on the head; I have been searching my entire adult life for who I am and what it is that I want out of life. I will dig out a trip report I wrote in about October November 2019 after which I declared my depression was gone. I had a large dose and travelled back in time in my head to when I was 20. I thought I saw the real me and my real aspirations. They were to be a traveller following Hawkwind around their free gigs!
Since I was 21 I have been responsible for children; children I never intended on having (she was allegedly on the pill!!). Well my responsibilities have now all been removed apart from my two labradors. I’m looking forward to the counselling; I’m not going for counselling per se, but rather more to do with life coaching.
Take care all and thanks for the support DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Nature Boy]
#27096979 - 12/19/20 02:03 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Thank you nature boy, thank you all for the love.
I’ll report back next week after my first session 
DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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MetalSlug

Registered: 09/05/20
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27097080 - 12/19/20 05:20 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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I met someone about twenty years ago, had kids, then broke up after about 7 years. Since then its been on for a year/ off for a few years. Can't live with them and can't live without. This last time 'off' after another kid was the worst, two heartbreaks.
They say it doesn't get any easier, you just learn to live with it. I like to think perhaps its her emotional instability/borderline personality pushing people close to her away. And on my part I write my mistreatings on stone instead of the sand to be washed away.
Thanks for sharing.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: MetalSlug]
#27098055 - 12/19/20 04:15 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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That actually means a lot; you’ll never know the nerves you’ve touched. She was my gypsy, I was ALWAYS scared of losing her. 37 years of pain, heartache nd worry dude! She had a difficult childhood, and I don’t think she can get close to people. Not for long. I’ve always known it. It’s unbelievable she stayed with me for so long. I was cutting way above my weight with her.
Take care DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


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Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: coAsTal] 1
#27098082 - 12/19/20 04:41 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hey coastal, that trip report I mentioned from a while back, relating to trying to work out who the hell it is I am and what the hell it is I want out of life, well it was FRIDAY 7th December 2018. Couldn’t find the trip report so here is from my journal:
Last night took 4.1g B+. Plan was to lock myself in the conservatory then Ann could relax. Took at 6:02pm and by 6:40 they were coming on really strong. Started feeling incredibly uneasy like I was bordering on a bad trip. Decided to sit with Ann so opened door and went in living room but Ann was upstairs wrapping presents with Hannah. So I came back in the conservatory but left the door open. I spoke to the mushrooms. I told them that I’d accept anything they threw at me. Then I told them I’d come for help so why didn’t they help me. I told them I wanted to find the real me. It eased off enough for me to start thinking lucidly. Parts of me were really scary. But I found with my clear intention that it was much easier to steer the trip into finding me and my soul. Then put on Hawkwind - Space Ritual with the headphones on. Got under the quilt, with white sage burning and my autism lamp going. It was AMAZING! I felt like I was 20 again. Same hopes and aspirations, same frustrations, same anger. It felt great. It felt like me. I realised that the me now is the same me as then. Hard to put into words how it felt to feel 20 years old again. I discovered that my true nature is a traveller following Hawkwind around at their free gigs; speaking my mind and sticking up for myself. It was how I felt before life got complicated and I got really depressed. With my 20 year old soul in perspective, I realised depression is bollocks! Told it to fuck off. I’ve realised that depression is a choice, so I am choosing not to be depressed anymore. My Boundless CFX vaporiser has just arrived. Get off the fags and smoke weed healthily. Plan also if possible is to reduce weed usage so that I use it when it really helps; and feels really awesome, like last night. Hawkwind were / are the real deal.
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Socrateshroom
сталкер


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Posts: 1,840
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27098114 - 12/19/20 05:12 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Welcome back to hyperspace friend!
As a result of my trips, I have this recurring post psychedelic experience that goes like this:
I'm doing something innocuous, like driving to work or just sitting around at home drinking coffee, and a moment of bliss washes over me. It only lasts for a fraction of a second, although in that space it feels infinite. And there, I am surrounded by a belief that transcends all of my pain, ego, fear, etc.
I realize that I have lived countless lifetimes, experienced unmatched suffering and unrivaled love. I have died a million times alone, in torment. And just as many times I have died graciously, at peace. I will go on to live a million more, to suffer without end, to love and be loved, ad infinitum. And suddenly, I feel minute, my ego shrinking, my essence emerging. I am nothing, unnoticeable, in the face of my timeless lives. And for a brief moment, I touch the face of God. The heart of Buddha.
It doesn't cure my mortal pain. But perspective eases the pressure from the unavoidable pain of existence.
I am glad you are gaining the perspective you need. Hopefully, in your new travels, I may meet you again, like I have in all of my other lifetimes.
--------------------
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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
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Man, i need to fucking trip
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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Socrateshroom
сталкер


Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
#27098189 - 12/19/20 05:59 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Enkidu said: Man, i need to fucking trip
Me too, haven't had a proper trip in 2 months. Had 1g last weekend to test my PE grow, but it was a bit underwhelming. My ego has just had the best of me lately as I'm really struggling with some vices.
Either way, we need to get on board!
--------------------
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Outerbass
Stranger
Registered: 12/16/20
Posts: 80
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I'm into the red pills and brutal truth.
Almost 70% of women instigate breakups/divorce
Women love chads and certain alphas. Usually non chads and non alphas can only get women by compensating and finding a woman willing to settle. But they still long for chads and alphas, and will split at a moments notice. They tend to stay with you until they find one, then it's over in a moment. I use alpha in a derogatory way, they tend to be dumb brutes that most males avoid based on cost benefit. We don't need them.
Women need men but don't love them. Men love women but don't need them.
She never loved you, I'm not saying that to rub it in, but I don't believe in living in imaginary worlds.
Don't ever force it with a woman. If she doesn't hang around without any effort on your part don't ever consider her.
Ignore women.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Outerbass]
#27098955 - 12/20/20 08:45 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Outerbass said: I'm into the red pills and brutal truth.
Almost 70% of women instigate breakups/divorce
Women love chads and certain alphas. Usually non chads and non alphas can only get women by compensating and finding a woman willing to settle. But they still long for chads and alphas, and will split at a moments notice. They tend to stay with you until they find one, then it's over in a moment. I use alpha in a derogatory way, they tend to be dumb brutes that most males avoid based on cost benefit. We don't need them.
Women need men but don't love them. Men love women but don't need them.
She never loved you, I'm not saying that to rub it in, but I don't believe in living in imaginary worlds.
Don't ever force it with a woman. If she doesn't hang around without any effort on your part don't ever consider her.
Ignore women.
This very lesson I am currently loving brother. She didn’t love me, and it was me that was compensating. I’m taking on board everyone’s great advice and working through this chapter. I am trying to adopt the mindset that the loss is all hers.
Take care DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27099353 - 12/20/20 01:35 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Woman i tell you what...
All they do is set traps and we the prey
Got em!
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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jdawg333
Stranger
Registered: 08/22/18
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
#27099654 - 12/20/20 04:53 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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honestly very cool to hear that you used to be a hawkwind fan. I am around 20 and just getting into a lot of psychedelic music. on an unrelated note during a lot of my emotional trips this song feels like it connects me to my future self somehow so it's sort of interesting lol
Edited by jdawg333 (12/20/20 04:54 PM)
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


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Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: jdawg333]
#27108171 - 12/26/20 01:58 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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When I used to take LSD many years ago, I thought Hawkwind were the perfect psychedlic band. With mushrooms though, I find them the best come up music, but not necessarily for the peak.
Going back to OP’s original thread, I’ve made a huge step forwards on Christmas Day. I spent the day with my sister’s beautiful happy family. This has given me a target to aim for. It has shown me how happy and fulfilled having a happy family can make you.
Additionally, my ex-wife “challenged” me on Christmas Eve to kill myself. It really did hurt, and it almost gave me the impetus that I have needed for about 40 years to actually go through with it.
Did a bit of reading yesterday, and it does not seem that uncommon for people to not want to live anymore, but who are also too scared to die. It feels like she has confirmed to me her true colours, when I have only suspected for years. It really does feel now that at last I can move on.
Read a great saying yesterday which really fits what has just happened and been said to me: “To know and not to do, is not to know.”
Mush love people, DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,657
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27108193 - 12/26/20 02:27 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hi Ed,
love you brother.
- TBA
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Nature Boy
Stranger than most



Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 8,241
Loc: Samsara
Last seen: 2 months, 5 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27108272 - 12/26/20 05:42 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said:
Additionally, my ex-wife “challenged” me on Christmas Eve to kill myself. It really did hurt, and it almost gave me the impetus that I have needed for about 40 years to actually go through with it.
Did a bit of reading yesterday, and it does not seem that uncommon for people to not want to live anymore, but who are also too scared to die. It feels like she has confirmed to me her true colours, when I have only suspected for years. It really does feel now that at last I can move on.
Read a great saying yesterday which really fits what has just happened and been said to me: “To know and not to do, is not to know.”
Mush love people, DJ Ed
Glad you had a good, seemingly uplifting Christmas...and I really like the quote. Wise words, for sure.
As to the ex - man, oh, man... If she said what you say she did, that's a legit, actionable crime in ANY country. If she texted it to you or anything similar (where you have actual hard evidence) you should get an order of protection forbidding her from any future contact with you. NOBODY - especially someone who might be vulnerable to such sentiments should have to put up with shit like that in their lives.
Many, many people on the Shroomery love you and will celebrate the day you move on and find happiness. It WILL happen.
-------------------- All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.
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Socrateshroom
сталкер


Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 17 days, 10 hours
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27108287 - 12/26/20 06:13 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: Additionally, my ex-wife “challenged” me on Christmas Eve to kill myself. It really did hurt, and it almost gave me the impetus that I have needed for about 40 years to actually go through with it.
What the shit!?!?!?!? What the hell is wrong with her!? Unbelievably heinous. I’m glad you have the wisdom to keep your head above water when people like her exist.
As you can see, this entire community loves you! So I challenge you to live. To love yourself as much as we do.
Quote:
DJ Ed said: Did a bit of reading yesterday, and it does not seem that uncommon for people to not want to live anymore, but who are also too scared to die. DJ Ed
Can confirm. I’m at a point in my life where, on many days, I yearn for the sweet release of death. But I’m too afraid to do it myself and I’m generally afraid of the unknown that is death. But I’m trying to fix the source of that pain.
--------------------
Edited by Socrateshroom (12/26/20 06:13 AM)
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Nature Boy]
#27108290 - 12/26/20 06:19 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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I cannot tell you all how much your kind and supporting words have supported and uplifted me. I only came back on here about 18 months ago, with the intention of paying back the community for the wonderful results I was getting from home grown mushrooms; skills developed with help and advice on here. And trips helped with guidance from here. I really do owe the community more than words.
Nature Boy; she said it to me over the phone. I don’t know if she was calling my bluff; but regardless, she has never understood me, and I reckon has suspected I’m a coward or half a man sort of thing for never having gone through with it. I have felt that way more than once in my lifetime. But no one who has not sunk that low they are just waiting to die. Nobody can understand what it feels like not to want to live anymore but being to frightened to die!
I don’t think I need to hate her or get any kind of justice from her now. That’s what I mean by the veil lifting. I think I can now move on, be the person I was always meant to be, and not spare too many thoughts about the past. I’ve seen the truth of our marriage, and why I have felt so low with her for almost 20 years.
I was walking the dogs today in the woods and taking great pleasure from feeling the air in my lungs, the sound of the stream, the smell of the leaves, and the ache in my legs 
Mush love all, and all the best for 2021. DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Quote:
Socrateshroom said:
Quote:
DJ Ed said: Additionally, my ex-wife “challenged” me on Christmas Eve to kill myself. It really did hurt, and it almost gave me the impetus that I have needed for about 40 years to actually go through with it.
What the shit!?!?!?!? What the hell is wrong with her!? Unbelievably heinous. I’m glad you have the wisdom to keep your head above water when people like her exist.
As you can see, this entire community loves you! So I challenge you to live. To love yourself as much as we do.
Quote:
DJ Ed said: Did a bit of reading yesterday, and it does not seem that uncommon for people to not want to live anymore, but who are also too scared to die. DJ Ed
Can confirm. I’m at a point in my life where, on many days, I yearn for the sweet release of death. But I’m too afraid to do it myself and I’m generally afraid of the unknown that is death. But I’m trying to fix the source of that pain.
You are, and always will be, a soul mate. 100% agree, Socrateshroom, it has really shocked me. I haven’t wanted to see the truth for years, I have buried my head in the sand, I have made all sorts of compensations to make the marriage work, and I have spent many years trying to work out what was causing my misery.
Don’t get me wrong, I know I have some more ups and downs to come; I’ve 37 years of brainwashing to address. But now I’ve “seen the light”, I believe I have found the hope I have ALWAYS been searching for.
I am suddenly feeling your pain brother; please message me if you want to take this offline. DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Eugene Gesuale
Jar-Sniffer



Registered: 04/12/20
Posts: 1,920
Loc: The Basement
Last seen: 9 months, 13 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27108315 - 12/26/20 06:53 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Life is a precious gift that although we are unable to earn (choosing to be born) we are able to give away (choosing to die) This leads me to live in such a way that I don’t take anything for granted. Decide today, to use the negative experiences you have undoubtedly been put through, to change the way you react to the other 90% of what happens to you and around you that’s against your will(outside of your control) to remain unchanging, unwavering, at the core of your being. And never let circumstances alter your core belief system. What you know to be true. What you know to be pure and right. Love you bro.
-------------------- Everything in life is a trade-off. All posts made by this account are purely satirical in nature.
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coAsTal
Friend


Registered: 04/04/06
Posts: 2,970
Loc: 8a
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27108322 - 12/26/20 07:04 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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When two people pull a rubber band in opposite directions, when it finally breaks both hands get stung.
There's a lifetime of hurt and regret that you are each individually dealing with right now. I wish I could say that it was a surprise that she lashed out in the most hurtful ways she could imagine, but it's not, really.
Pain is dealt with in many ways, and it's not uncommon to see some people try and replace that pain of loss with a kind of strength that they deal out to the world as hostility.
She does not know that she is actually dealing in weakness-- and that today you are the one holding the strength that she does not have inside.
For you to look past her attempted hurtful actions and see that she is just a person trying to make herself feel better somehow by doing things that she truly thinks will crush you... brother that makes you more than strong. It makes you wise.
Pain that is physical is easy to isolate-- there is an obvious cause and that can be avoided. Emotional pain is like a color-- it can invade every room you live in, think in, work in, and more. But when you recognize that those colors aren't actual harm, just memories you don't want to lose-- they become what they really are again-- one small bit of the magnificent spectrum of life. It takes all colors to make up our world view, and as you move forward every day you will integrate this moment into a new framework that you will grow to love.
I am not ashamed to say that I have felt that ultimate low... the quiet, utter chaos of self-worthlessness and the deceiving allure of assigning everything pointless. I stood on the precipice of dealing myself the ultimate eternal sacrifice.
There was a period of years in my youth-- now twenty years past-- that I believed with all the fibers of my thoughts that I had, and would find, absolutely nothing to live for. Nothing to contribute. And never would I deserve love.
It was a series of small changes that pulled me from that quicksand- I began to remove dirty foods from my body, because why not? If I wanted to die then why not see how I felt with only clean food? And I felt a little better.
I began to take supplements to optimize my nutrient levels in addition to the cleaner food, because why not? Why not see if the balance could be further restored in the machine I was thinking about shutting off forever. And I felt a little better.
I began to pick up heavy things and putting them down-- just a little here and there, because I actually felt like I wanted to feel more fit in this body. Because I had made myself feel a little better quite a lot by then, and I found that I wanted more of it. And I never stopped feeling a little bit better. Every day. Month. Year.
Before I knew what I had done, with these small, slow, and seemingly arbitrary steps, I had walked so far from the darkness that I was surprised to discover that I was firmly in the light again, and that I was not the same person that had started the small steps before.
This is a continuation of the journey you are on-- and she will walk her own. You will remember the things that you loved, and you will miss them. But never mistake that loss for a permanence-- because as you move forward you will fill in those holes with new, fresh life-- and you will be a whole again. And you'll feel a little better too.
-------------------- I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the Heart's affections and the truth of Imagination-- John Keats Spore Trading List
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: coAsTal]
#27109323 - 12/26/20 04:29 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Thank you so much.
The Shroomery has repaid my love to the community, than more love than I could have ever hoped for. What goes round truly does come round.
Thank you everybody. You may be digital, but so are psychedlic trips. You are all my soul mates.
On that note, nd I realise my mindset is probably not appropriate. But I’ve decided for my first week oof work since February, and since old wifey left the nest, fuck it, I am taking a super large dose. I’m leaving nothing to chance. 6g fresh Amazonian tea ice cubes in a pina colada.
I’m ringing my best mate tomorrow daytime, he’s in Germany for a few years unfortunately. But in case anything goes really south with tomorrow nights plans, I want to talk to him about what Ann said, I want people to know. I want karma to exist. I don’t consciously wish harm on people. But when 95% of my town and surrounding area now see me as enemy #1, I want the truth to eventually get out. ]if that makes any kind of sense to anybody? Am I being a bit sick, twisted maybe?
Regardless, that’s where my heads at,exactly 2 months after Hahahaha so called life partner, 37 years, walked out.
All being well, I’ll post a trip report Monday probably Tuesday.
Mush love people DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27109522 - 12/26/20 06:30 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Me and my ex broke up recently and we have a 10 month old daughter and shes pregnant with my second child
I cant fucking stand her
Angry as fuck at her any time we interact
Your story just makes me feel that same anger and hate toward yours
Like fuck you
Thats i how i feel
I have so much anger toward my ex
Idk how you say the positive things you do
I want to fucking scream at mine
I know i shouldnt or whatever and i should be all love and kindness or whatever but just thinking abiut me makes me scream fuck that in my head and i want ti aay worse things to be honest.
Theres absolutely no denying it.
I blame her for so much especislly constantly robbing me of and being the source of me losing my peace
Guess its me idk
But idk i just was thinking about hoe different our reactions are
Where you are somehow choosing and trying to take the route of love im consumed in anger toward her.
Maybe a good trip would help resolve that. I just dont know how its possible
Fuck her. And i want to say much worse
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu] 2
#27110011 - 12/27/20 03:29 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Now it’s the cold hard light of day, my intentions to have a large dose tonight are starting to wane and I’m thinking now of a manageable 3g dose instead.
Don’t be fooled by my loving words, I have so much bitterness and hurt, betrayal, shock, confusion. But after the other night when I was effectively standing on the edge of the skyscraper wanting someone to talk me down and she said why don’t you go and jump! That has resulted in some anger.
But I have felt like this for so many years that now my suspicions have been confirmed, the hurt still remains. I am really trying to choose the path of forgiveness and acceptance simply as the least painful route forward. I have been advised that although hatred does make you feel better in the short term, it is not the opposite of love; it is an equally powerful emotion that will keep your ex- at the forefront of your mind and will keep you in the downwards mental place.
What has been helping to an extent (but not when I’m really low to be honest) is the realisation when I am sat on my own suffering, it is literally only me that is suffering. She does not give a flying fu...... I am trying to detach myself from these feelings so that I, and I alone, can heal.
I wish you all the love in the world Enkidu, stay strong brother. DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27110190 - 12/27/20 06:22 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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You as well man
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu] 1
#27110381 - 12/27/20 09:20 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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love and sex (procreation) is a bigger force than we are: while subject to seduction and appreciation and other aspects of coming together, as people, we are often sloppy, goofy, idiosyncratic, illogical, smelly, dirty, lazy, and defensive, and sometimes we are also ugly.
to make something more out of a relationship than a temporary opportunity to share smiles, food, and gametes, takes a lot of effort and a view that frames family values.
such a perspective could have roots in our childhoods, and caring about that (childhood's formative importance) is the highest of all family values. I.e. what we do with and around our children has long lasting impact on who they become.
When I hear about hating one's spouse using twenty different phrases each packaged with powerful curses, I can relate to the defensive frustration that a person can consistently cause just by being themselves.
However, when I hear that children are involved, I move into a more tactical mode. How to take this thing forward with the least negative impact being transferred into their growing minds.
True, we are not responsible for what is in others' minds, including our own children's minds, but, we are somewhat responsible for conditions that we are part of (like the marriages etc.) which when dissolved may leave toxic residue that will extend beyond our own lifetimes.
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_ 🧠 _
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: love and sex (procreation) is a bigger force than we are: while subject to seduction and appreciation and other aspects of coming together, as people, we are often sloppy, goofy, idiosyncratic, illogical, smelly, dirty, lazy, and defensive, and sometimes we are also ugly.
to make something more out of a relationship than a temporary opportunity to share smiles, food, and gametes, takes a lot of effort and a view that frames family values.
such a perspective could have roots in our childhoods, and caring about that (childhood's formative importance) is the highest of all family values. I.e. what we do with and around our children has long lasting impact on who they become.
When I hear about hating one's spouse using twenty different phrases each packaged with powerful curses, I can relate to the defensive frustration that a person can consistently cause just by being themselves.
However, when I hear that children are involved, I move into a more tactical mode. How to take this thing forward with the least negative impact being transferred into their growing minds.
True, we are not responsible for what is in others' minds, including our own children's minds, but, we are somewhat responsible for conditions that we are part of (like the marriages etc.) which when dissolved may leave toxic residue that will extend beyond our own lifetimes.
As always redgreenvines, thank you for all your input. You are so insightful, and I always appreciate reading your thoughts.
The biggest resonator in your above post was literally “family values”.
You see, I spent Christmas afternoon with my sisters family, having a lovely carefree family meal. The atmosphere was harmonious, we were comfortable in each other’s company, and I felt privileged to be invited into their circle.
I have not had that family atmosphere in my adult life. I have craved it. But I have never experienced it. I come from a family of six. Sunday dinner was always special and holds a large part of my heart.
When you get one of those “fuck it” moments in life, like loss of a loved one, loss of a limb, loss of a marriage etc. For a while, you realise what is important in life. All those daily stresses and strains, all those little worries; they all go out of the window and you realise their importance is negligible. I saw that on Christmas Day; the veil was lifting after my life partner encouraged me to die, then I sat with a happy loving family.
Life is a blessing. Friends and family should be treasured. You should treasure the air in your lungs and the food in your fridge.
Self pity is a waste of a good life.
I am sending all the love in the world out to our community. Feel the vibes, take the strength, reciprocate the love.
Mush love DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27110489 - 12/27/20 10:26 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Yeah i tried to make things work with my ex the last year and a half for the simple fact that i felt holding my family together was of the utmost importance. and idk that our differences can be reconciled or not or what is in the best interest of my kids, together or not.
This is the second time shes broken up with me while being pregnant.
We seem to hate each other atm.
Idk if we hate each other or not. Or just at the moment.
Ive never really felt she was committed to making things work and the only reason they have worked this long was because of me not giving up.
I feel like she only sticks around for as long as it is of benefit to her
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
#27110506 - 12/27/20 10:36 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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And i am angry at her and resent her for not being a partner and blame her for us being incapable of being a family because she is too selfish and self centered and unwilling to work at it or do anything that doesnt benefit her or serve her self interest
And she just seems to think im some sort of asshole and blames me
Idk maybe im wrong
Sorry to derail your thread op
Back on topic
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
#27110514 - 12/27/20 10:41 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Im sorry just one more thing.
I suspect the only reason i am so angry with her and have such strong emotions toward her about all this is because at the same time i do love her and wish and wanted things to work.
Polarity at its finest.
Mr ed i cant even inagine devoting my whole life to someone then having them turn on me like that.
Fucking cruel.
Bad enough to feel as if youve spent a coupke years let alonr your whole life with someone you thought was your partner to find out oh its just some bullshit
Fucking bullshit man
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
Edited by Enkidu (12/27/20 10:43 AM)
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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
#27110520 - 12/27/20 10:44 AM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Better off without her.
Least it happen now and you can get this time for you.
Use that shit man. Enjoy it doing everyrhing you couldn't with her around
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu] 1
#27110732 - 12/27/20 01:53 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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do your best to be available to your kids, and know also that hormones radically alter a woman's psyche in most cases going into pregnancy, then around month 5 she is perfect, then after birth it's very hard to get any level feeling as the hormones shift for breast milk production and slowly settle to a baseline as the child is weaned.
it is like a bad sequence of weird drugs for 20 months to have a child if you are a woman, but most seem to find it is worth it.
maybe just get a small chair and a whip and stay in your corner. You have been reduced to sperm in jeans, and you need to have clear boundaries.
--------------------
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Eugene Gesuale
Jar-Sniffer



Registered: 04/12/20
Posts: 1,920
Loc: The Basement
Last seen: 9 months, 13 days
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You are wise beyond your years redgreenvines
-------------------- Everything in life is a trade-off. All posts made by this account are purely satirical in nature.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu] 1
#27110867 - 12/27/20 03:31 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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I’m feeling your pain Enkidu, I can empathise brother. My advice would be to start really pampering your wife, right now. Do not compensate to keep her,trust me that is a non starter. Be yourself, follow your dreams. But I know you love her and I know you love your child and unborn child. So start pampering her, start interacting with her, start listening to her without talking.
Love, life, nd family is so special. You have to try. It is not too late, you are both still young and both alive.
Mush love DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27110899 - 12/27/20 03:57 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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Thank you DJ
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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pesa



Registered: 06/13/20
Posts: 599
Last seen: 2 hours, 5 minutes
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
#27111478 - 12/27/20 11:38 PM (3 years, 1 month ago) |
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not much of a talker mostly reading, but man oh man "there is a not a man who got married and made a conscious decision of killing his wife you are not married if you have not done that" eddie murphy.
there are three mindset of women one when they are on menses that is one face they wear and things get out of hands and most fights happen because women emotions work on different level. two when they are pregnant and two souls in one vessel it becomes beyond complications they get stuck on loops and you see another type of face.
and the mindset you love and fall in love with the mindset that made you get married, the very thing the moment to be "family" that face.
trip on your anger and i mean take the highest dosage you can and trip on this emotion you will see things and be more angry go as far as it can take you till you reach to point where you do not need anger anymore and see being the "glue" the very "element" that was holding all this together it fade away because you got tired and you should be, end of anger is emotional exhaustion.
relax mate its not a big deal you got this bring her under control and you know very well how to do that you got kids and she is selfish remind me which women you meet who was not selfish self loving? its in very nature knowingly unknowingly we all do that and deny the truth. we all leach from one another our parents starting from home, but it make us the bigger men we keep giving out till have nothing but void, dont be that guy. you wanna love then start with your vessel and end with your children's in between is amazing trip, make her come around and if she don't
love and kindness is not your problem being so emotionally disturb, so deeply hurt, a man needs to make a decision either change the mindset of ex or move on be good friends for sake of kids, love is emotion its not one way road it flows both direction, along the way she forgot you thats painful to know how she can forget? if she remembers good enough if she don't let it go, kids are kids mate and thats what matter the rest let it be a bad trip a bad memory a splinter in mind we all trip for reasons love you.
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Veggiesandhemp
Strainger

Registered: 12/08/20
Posts: 77
Loc: Cascadia
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: pesa]
#27113195 - 12/28/20 10:17 PM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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Grateful to witness the community here!
DJ Ed and ENKIDU I wish you both a healing an transformative 2021..... I kn now 2020 has been quite disruptive to many, myself inculded.
I highly suggest the book by Thich Nhat Hanh "Anger" it changed my life and brought much relief and understanding.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Thanks for the suggestion, Veggies, I’ve just ordered it from Amazon, will be with me within 10 hours 
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Thanks DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Nature Boy
Stranger than most



Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 8,241
Loc: Samsara
Last seen: 2 months, 5 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27113497 - 12/29/20 05:02 AM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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I love that you are being proactive in your efforts to deal with adverse (but temporary) circumstances. So much, if not all suffering takes place within our heads.
I hope reading that book provides you with perspective and relief from your grief and anger. Better days are ahead, for sure, but just remember the path is not straight or level.
-------------------- All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.
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D3_Myc
Weeb Trash



Registered: 05/06/18
Posts: 4,399
Loc: Year Zero
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Nature Boy]
#27113514 - 12/29/20 05:22 AM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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Love you brother,
I thought my wife leaving me was the worst thing in my life.. turns out it was the best thing. I ended up in a much better place financially, emotionally and with someone who cared for me more deeply.
It’s rough at first but it def gets better. We are all here for you homie.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: D3_Myc]
#27113588 - 12/29/20 06:47 AM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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Thank you Nature Boy, and thank you D3monic. Slowly getting there. I have only really felt a small amount of anger, and that has been this week; the anger has been fuellling me being proactive. My life partner of 37 years telling me to kill myself on Christmas Eve was a bit of a game changer 
Check out the signature pics, D3monic; I got my psychedlic safe place sorted; 2 days after she walked out! Don’t actually need it now, as it’s only me and the two dogs. £15,000 feels a bit of a kick in the teeth, but....... I’ve turned it into a Dolby 7.1 movie room with 55” telly 
The Hobbit in 3D and Dolby 7.1 is effing phenomenal. Hellraiser was a bit scary on my own though 
Mush love DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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D3_Myc
Weeb Trash



Registered: 05/06/18
Posts: 4,399
Loc: Year Zero
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27113603 - 12/29/20 06:56 AM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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It looks freaking awesome Ed, No hellraiser and mushies!
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Socrateshroom
сталкер


Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 17 days, 10 hours
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27113774 - 12/29/20 08:58 AM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: Check out the signature pics, D3monic; I got my psychedlic safe place sorted; 2 days after she walked out! Don’t actually need it now, as it’s only me and the two dogs. £15,000 feels a bit of a kick in the teeth, but....... I’ve turned it into a Dolby 7.1 movie room with 55” telly 
Space is looking awesome!!

Did you end up taking that big trip?
--------------------
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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No, my sister and bestie talked me out of it. Although I was feeling empowered at having seen the light, I’ll not lie, I’m still fragile as hell. I find my subconscious now making excuses for her trying to get me to kill my self. Being realistic, even though I know I have made my mind up, I still have 37 years of brainwashing to reverse, or ideally just let go. So I jumped at the excuse that my “set” is pretty mashed up at the minute. I know a large dose would probably help me accelerate the letting go.
Believe me with this; the mushrooms have been telling me to leave her for years. I can now fully integrate so many lessons they gave me. They were too cryptic in real time;,yes hindsight is a wonderful gift, but I am convinced from various trips what their particular messages were. One theme was being taken back to the 20 year old me that had just had his heart broken for the first time by the ex. For fuck;s sake people, how clear could they have made it. I thought they were helping my depression. They were, but I didn’t realise the message was actually leave your wife, you were happy back then.
So I’m hoping I have the bottle to dose tomorrow night. I have 55ml Mazatapec extract; 2ml = 1g. Thinking of doing a full bottle, 10ml, 5g 
I’ll let y’all know  DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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D3_Myc
Weeb Trash



Registered: 05/06/18
Posts: 4,399
Loc: Year Zero
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27114170 - 12/29/20 12:35 PM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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A lil early but once the heart ache passes just gotta find you a tight young lil wook girl to drop with 

Though at our age ... 😤
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pesa



Registered: 06/13/20
Posts: 599
Last seen: 2 hours, 5 minutes
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27114202 - 12/29/20 12:53 PM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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Congratulations on your new freedom, clarity of thought and wonderful years to come and lol "For fuck;s sake people, how clear could they have made it. I thought they were helping my depression. They were, but I didn’t realise the message was actually leave your wife, you were happy back then."
mushrooms does that i thought i was having ocd under mushroom till i realize leaving my old life and job was the best decision i made.
Dj ED you got this and the trip report is going to be amazing
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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: pesa]
#27114433 - 12/29/20 03:09 PM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: D3_Myc]
#27114628 - 12/29/20 05:04 PM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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Wow dude she is fit. I feel liberated, wow, I have al these experiences to come. Friggin Nora, there hope.
Mush love DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: pesa]
#27114630 - 12/29/20 05:06 PM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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I’m determined, 5g liquid psilocybin extract. Could be wild, could be scary. I know one thing, it will be life changing and will certainly make me think (for thousands of years) through my marriage and what is now left for me.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Wish me luck people.........
DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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D3_Myc
Weeb Trash



Registered: 05/06/18
Posts: 4,399
Loc: Year Zero
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27114634 - 12/29/20 05:13 PM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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Positive vibes
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coAsTal
Friend


Registered: 04/04/06
Posts: 2,970
Loc: 8a
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27114639 - 12/29/20 05:14 PM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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-------------------- I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the Heart's affections and the truth of Imagination-- John Keats Spore Trading List
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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: coAsTal]
#27114709 - 12/29/20 06:07 PM (3 years, 30 days ago) |
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Hope it brings you serenity brother
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27114952 - 12/29/20 09:01 PM (3 years, 29 days ago) |
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Must be about at the afterglow now... 
Quote:
DJ Ed said: They were too cryptic in real time;,yes hindsight is a wonderful gift, but I am convinced from various trips what their particular messages were. One theme was being taken back to the 20 year old me that had just had his heart broken for the first time by the ex. For fuck;s sake people, how clear could they have made it. I thought they were helping my depression. They were, but I didn’t realise the message was actually leave your wife, you were happy back then.
'Cause you know, they bring the message, but you still have to figure out what it means.
--------------------
if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
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MindMeower
lawnmower for the brain



Registered: 05/10/19
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: PrimalSoup]
#27114992 - 12/29/20 09:26 PM (3 years, 29 days ago) |
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I have read about what has happened and damn, that is rough... May the coming years be way better and enjoy that trip ~
-------------------- M(e)owing minds
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D3_Myc
Weeb Trash



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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: MindMeower]
#27115670 - 12/30/20 08:01 AM (3 years, 29 days ago) |
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Good morning, hope you’re feeling renewed and empowered.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: D3_Myc] 1
#27115919 - 12/30/20 10:21 AM (3 years, 29 days ago) |
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Early evening here in the uk. I’m just about to take some liquid Mazatapec extract. Think I’m gonna chicken out on the heroic dose and go for 3 maybe 3.5g. Been absolutely bricking it all day!
See ya on the other side DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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coAsTal
Friend


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27115932 - 12/30/20 10:25 AM (3 years, 29 days ago) |
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Nature Boy
Stranger than most



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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: coAsTal]
#27116228 - 12/30/20 12:44 PM (3 years, 29 days ago) |
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Good idea on dialing it back. Hope it is what you need - and maybe also what you want. The two often are quite different. ...and pleasant journey, brother.
-------------------- All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.
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LosTresOjos
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Nature Boy]
#27116251 - 12/30/20 12:55 PM (3 years, 29 days ago) |
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The last time i went on a trip i was looking at 5g dry. it was daunting. While i poured my self some oj as chaser i was seriously rethinking the whole thing. I had to implement the strategy that the mushrooms showed me. Just be calm and allow things to flow. So while i had a few moments of peace i furiously chewed them down.
I have to push my courage to the limit every time i dose. Its weird because it seems to require more and more courage each time.
We're just waiting for the results here.
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Eugene Gesuale
Jar-Sniffer



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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: LosTresOjos]
#27116257 - 12/30/20 12:58 PM (3 years, 29 days ago) |
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Good vibes brother
-------------------- Everything in life is a trade-off. All posts made by this account are purely satirical in nature.
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SynKyd
ctrl-alt-delite



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Good luck buddy. Mushies with life changes can definitely help you gain some closure, in my experience. Onward and upward!
-------------------- New inclusive poop emojis from Apple!
   
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: SynKyd] 1
#27117433 - 12/31/20 01:42 AM (3 years, 28 days ago) |
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What can I say? Mushrooms never cease to amaze me. At times I’m sure they are self-aware! Anyway, here’s what happened, though I’ll keep it brief, haven’t had my second morning coffee yet!!!
So I had decided I needed a “heroic” dose to ensure I had no control and I could,let the mushrooms tear my soul open to find what is really holding me back. But I chickened out a few days ago. Reset and decided yesterday was the day.
So I dug out a bottle of Mazatapec alcohol extract: 10ml which was equivalent to 5g dry. Absolutely scared and or apprehensive all day yesterday. It drove every thought. So in order to calm the nerves, I decided 2.5g was more sensible given my current “set”
Squirted 2ml from syringe into my mouth and it tasted absolutely vile. My lips went numb and mouth became very oily. Took stock for a few minutes trying to decide if it had gone off and I was about to poison myself. Pressed on and had the full 2.5g. Anyway within 20 minutes absolutely nothing at all. So I had another gram. Still nothing, so I drank the entire bottle: 5g. After 60 mins, still feeling barely nothing at all.
So dug out some frozen fresh Mazatapec tea. Had two ice cubes so another 3.6g on top of the 5g.
Fuck me guys, it was instant! Within a minute, an extremely fast come up started nd I knew immediately I’d made a boo boo!!!
I have never experienced such a fast come up, such strong open eye visuals off cubensis, and such an out of control ride.
So what did I do? I rang the ex! To be fair, she was great and just spoke enough gentle words for me to stop panicking and settle into the experience.
And what a strange trip it was. None of the usual patterns, or flow from one phase to the next.,each phase seemed to be out of sync from normal trips. It was all over the place. All very powerful and all very confusing.
But I did make some huge revelations:
1. My ex doesn’t want me to die and in fact still cares for me. 2. Nothing lasts, not even love and marriage, everything is transient. So with that thought, I concluded I was actually blessed to have spent so many years with my ex wife. 3. I can move forwards now while at the same time remembering fondly my memories with the ex wife. I have worked out that I don’t need to hate her for me to move forwards in life.
Not the normal after glow this morning, I think it was just a bit too strong lol. Feels like my brain is completely drained of hormones!
I have had 2 of those ice cubes in the past and my thoughts were: I must take 3 ice cubes next time, as 3.6g was not quite enough to go over the cliff. So the 2 I took last night must have somehow combined with the 5g extract already in my system. It was definitely not an 8.6g trip, but it was also definitely a lot more than a 3.6g trip.
You have to laugh people; I have a lifetime making these elementary mistakes. But at least I’ve survived to tell the tale. And I feel much more comfortable now having had almost a year off mushrooms to take the plunge again. Let’s get January out of the way where I’m planning to stop drinking, stop smoking, and stop smoking cannabis.
I think 2021 could be a good year.....
Mush love DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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MindMeower
lawnmower for the brain



Registered: 05/10/19
Posts: 341
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27117452 - 12/31/20 02:17 AM (3 years, 28 days ago) |
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This sounds like it was still a good experience, good luck and happy end of old year and great upcoming new one ~
-------------------- M(e)owing minds
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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: MindMeower]
#27117499 - 12/31/20 03:34 AM (3 years, 28 days ago) |
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Makes me think about how life brings us inward and teaches us lessons
Learning love and happiness without need of external circumstances seems a recurring one
Hope you enjoy your coffee
I have been feeling a trip myself
Maybe over new year break
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
#27117510 - 12/31/20 03:44 AM (3 years, 28 days ago) |
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I’m slowly coming round and slowly piecing together what happened and what I learned. Another big theme last night was that happiness comes from within. I’m taking these lessons with me into the future......
It’s minus something outside and it’s snowing again; off into the woods down by the stream shortly to walk through the crunchy undergrowth with my two labradors and feel the cold elements on my skin. Life is a gift, I want to cherish every moment I have left.
Mush love DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27117511 - 12/31/20 03:45 AM (3 years, 28 days ago) |
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Love it man
Sounds like you had a good one 
Those ones are the best
Enjoy the come down and the rejuvenation of the soul
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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Veggiesandhemp
Strainger

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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
#27117542 - 12/31/20 04:50 AM (3 years, 28 days ago) |
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2020 was get the lint out of your pockets 2021 is year of the golden ox! Let's welcome that gold and fill up your pockets.
sounds like some great realizations on your journey.
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Nature Boy
Stranger than most



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WOW!!!!! What great revelations and conclusions! I am truly, truly happy for you. Whenever you need to...if the message fades, come back to this post to refresh those important words you wrote. What a great, uplifting send off to 2020 and start of 2012.
Beautiful, man...just....wow.
-------------------- All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Nature Boy]
#27117690 - 12/31/20 07:34 AM (3 years, 28 days ago) |
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This thread has been amazing, Shroomerites  The amount of love and support, and empathy; well, it’s saved my life. And an inadvertent 8.6g trip last night has really dissected my soul. I’ve learnt some great lessons in one extremely intense 4.5 hour trip: I’ve integrated two years worth of previous trips lessons, I’ve learned nothing lasts,,and that happiness comes from within.
I think my new life, the one I should always have followed but was too pressured to conform, begins tomorrow. I’ve just composed the following to the ex-wife. Might strike a few chords, but basically it’s the story of my last 20 years.
=======
About Depression from my perspective. I’ve worked it all out, Ann. You know me, analysing everything to death! Well I got there through a few low points which forced me to reset, and a few shock events that made me take stock of life. I’m not depressed Ann, even though I was diagnosed, I wasn’t depressed.
I’ve known all along that you didn’t love me, or felt the same way as me, but I’ve chosen to bury my head in the sand because I’ve always wanted you. Over the years I became blind and frustrated. It was affecting me as we moved to the IOW. I have never got over Delicia’s death, Ann, and I still haven’t cried. It needs to come out soon. It was clear from the video I watched where the change happened, and it was her death. Being honest with you, I began to resent you; I have been forever racked with guilt about leaving Sue while she was pregnant, then about not being there to prevent the death. Every anniversary a little bit more of me dies inside. So because I wasn’t getting the attention I wanted from you, I was angry that my sacrifices were for nothing. I did it to myself Ann, that’s the real tragedy.
I’ve realised I’m not the settling down type; we should have stayed friends for life rather than becoming lovers and ruining it! If we could ever become (platonic) friends again, I’d welcome it.
So the point of this text, and I would love your unbiased feedback, is what the mushrooms have been teaching me, as I’ve used them to understand and try to combat my “depression”. The mushrooms have dissected my subconscious and shown me some really cryptic things. But a few of the things they showed me now make perfect sense. I’ll explain.
Two years ago I had a breakthrough trip where I travelled back in time to the 20 year old me. I listened to Hawkwind, decided my path in life was as a traveller, hugging trees, protesting against roads, free festivals, tents, you get the drift. So I decided that depression was a choice, and told it to fuck off. I didn’t take anymore mushrooms for 11 months until October 2019 as I had no need, the bad feelings were gone. But it started creeping back into my psyche after we got back from the IOW. And since then the trips got more intense, more horrible, and eventually that bad trip.
I thought the mushrooms were teaching me about depression,,and this did help me. But I completely misunderstood the messages. You see, they kept taking back to times after you broke my heart in December 1986 and before I went with Sue sometime in 1987. With hindsight, it’s crystal clear, Ann:-
They were telling me: “Leave Ann, you were happy after she left and before you went with Sue. Follow your dreams, and be free.” The bad trip in April that seemed to last a thousand years was repeatedly shoving that message down my throat and I chose to not believe it, that’s probably why it was such a bad trip because I resisted. You have to trust the mushrooms.....
We were never meant to be, love. Not as lovers. We should have got it out of our system, had a few one night stands, a few drinks, then moved on as mates. That would have been awesome. Then we could have gone through life occasionally bumping into each other and having a wild few weeks each time!!
So it’s all slowly starting to make sense, Ann. I wasn’t clinically depressed. I was making myself miserable over you. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with my brain, contrary to what Dr Stevenson said to me in Stevenage. It’s like a fog has lifted Ann.
This is why I can accept that our relationship is over. And I can fondly remember our many years and memories together. And I can look forward to a brighter future. I hope yours is too. I really am going to carry forward the thought that I am really blessed to have been graced with your company for so many years.
I also meant what I said earlier, about keeping a platonic relationship. Not just now, but at some point maybe. I could bump into you and a boyfriend in the pub, and quite happily sit and have a laugh with you both.
What did you think of the video?
P.
And link to the video: The Last Thing You’ll Remember
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

Edited by DJ Ed (12/31/20 08:37 AM)
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Socrateshroom
сталкер


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27117864 - 12/31/20 09:40 AM (3 years, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: Another big theme last night was that happiness comes from within.
The lesson we learn over and over, only to forget it when it matters most. Glad you made that oops and had overcome the challenging experience.
I know 2021 is your year!
--------------------
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Nature Boy
Stranger than most



Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 8,241
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Walt Whitman gave some of the best words to live by. I quote:
"This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body."
-------------------- All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: MindMeower]
#27119323 - 12/31/20 09:17 PM (3 years, 27 days ago) |
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Hey, you ended up actually having the trip I was gonna recommend! 
Always good to go big when you have stuff to sort out.
--------------------
if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: PrimalSoup]
#27138448 - 01/09/21 08:37 PM (3 years, 19 days ago) |
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Hope it turned out OK. 
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Nonagon Infinity
Mycologist



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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27138623 - 01/09/21 10:00 PM (3 years, 18 days ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: Guys
I can’t believe the love I’ve just felt from you all; true brothers, you have really lifted my spirits. My wife left me on 26 October. I thought she was my soul mate. Married 20 years, together 37 years. I was 17, she 14 when we met at the under-18s disco, 18th December 1983.
It’s been a rollercoaster, people. It would be easy if I could stop loving her, but emotions aren’t that easy to turn off. The hardest thing to accept, which I hope will help me heal, is that she hasn’t loved me since we’ve been married!
But in terms of mushrooms; I think they have been telling me for a while, guys. I thought it was the negative vibes from lockdown. I had intense trip, after intense trip, followed by my first bad trip in 30 years. Thats] was round about April this year. I could never understand until a few weeks back how my wife could go to bed telling me “I’d be alright in the morning”. While I was suffering years for every passing second.
Hindsight is wonderful at explaining mushroom teachings. In the middle of it though, it was just too cryptic.
I’ll finish on a spooky note. A few weeks before my wife left, I was walking back one of my usual routes with my two labradors, nd I got a strang deja vu type feeling. It was like deja vu in reverse, like I was sensing something from the future. I stood still with the dogs, and just took in the strange feeling, tried to understand it it, and concluded something “big or significant” was going to happen here................My wife now lives a few feet from where I got the feeling.
Take care all, thank you for all the love. I think I need a sitter for my next venture - it is going to have to be a large one to get me back on the wagon 
DJ Ed
Sounds like you're dealing with such a huge transition in a really productive way. Acceptance is one of many steps towards healing.
You've been a positive influence on me, if that helps you feel better
-------------------- Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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I’ll repeat what I said in my first reply, people; it has been a rollercoaster of an emotional ride. Up one day, down the next three!
What can I say about the “8.6g” trip from last week? Well first of all it cannot have been a full 8.6g trip, not after over 6 months break. I think the first 5g I took in liquid form must have done something, but needed the additional 3.6g to kickstart the psychedelic part of the come up.
Anyway woke on New Year’s Eve felling bloody amazing and feeling some clarity at last. I felt like I’d turned a corner: I’d concluded that rather than needing to hate my wife and our memories to move on, I could actually move on still loving our memories and just downright grateful for the time I’d managed to spend with my wife before she left.
Well there was another game changer! My wife came down that evening, given my sudden complete acceptance, to be “open and honest” with me and getting everything out on the table.
Well what came next I was not expecting. First of all she wasn’t open and honest but gave me just enough to be able to work it out myself. She admitted everything when I put it to her the following day.
Basically, the real love of her life, her soul mate, dumped her twice, before she ended up coming back to me 22 years ago. She never stopped loving him. “Accidentally” tracked him down on Faceboook, he was available, and off she went.
I really don’t know how this has changed things, but suddenly it feels real, and suddenly it feels like I can never go back to her.
So this last week, it has felt worse than it has since she left. I have got so angry I had to ring most members of my family for them to talk sense into me. I have been getting feelings of revenge, hate, anger etc. Not good emotiins at all. And I have said some really vicious things to her. Lying in bed at night unable to sleep with multiple visions of the love of your life laughing and joking with HER love of her life. It has really hurt me beyond words, and the worst feeling for me is knowing that she is really happy, head over heels in love, and not suffering one iota!
I’ve now made a promise to my sister never to contact the ex again. My new guitar turned up this week so I’ve been learning to strum again (my Spanish guitar was first Christmas present off the ex, so I had to give it away).
Where I’m getting to people is, no matter how useful that last trip was, I was not in possession of all the facts; ie. the lying, the cheating and the adultery. I am gripped with such hate. At times I feel I could,punch her in the effing face! So I need another large dose now to then work through my new emotions.
It would be nice to turn off the hate, but to be honest, in the short term, it seems to be keeping those painful emotiins down.
Do any of you people have any advice for how I should prepare for my next trip? What intentions I should set? What dose I should go for?
Mush love people, take care, DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Nonagon Infinity
Mycologist



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Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27139438 - 01/10/21 10:23 AM (3 years, 18 days ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: Basically, the real love of her life, her soul mate, dumped her twice, before she ended up coming back to me 22 years ago. She never stopped loving him. “Accidentally” tracked him down on Faceboook, he was available, and off she went.
Man, that sucks so badly I don't even know what to say, man. Hope you're getting through this okay.
-------------------- Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door
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MindMeower
lawnmower for the brain



Registered: 05/10/19
Posts: 341
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It might be worth to channel out the anger and negativity through something productive. That is more or less what I have ended up doing when something significant has happened. Massive cleanup and sorting of everything around the place is one thing I have been doing.
-------------------- M(e)owing minds
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27139821 - 01/10/21 01:12 PM (3 years, 18 days ago) |
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IME tripping isn't about what you know, it's about what you feel. And more than that, the "therapy" is about how you feel ABOUT how you feel.
Mushrooms are emotional amplifiers, that's why trips are such effing rollercoasters of terror and ecstasy.
And you were seriously messed with. Since you can't change other people, you can only change how you react to that.
It sucks for sure, but a lot of life sucks. Which is why psychedelics are helpful. They show you all that shit from a perspective that allows you to do something about the suckiness.
But hang in there. Healing takes time.
edit You're asking if you trip how much to take, to get to where you want to be. Treat it like any other time you want to find out the effect except here you're looking to get right with the spiritual realm (because that's what can fix this for you). So go big, then wait, go bigger, until it works right. Don't fear it. The mushrooms marked you early on and you can always find safe harbor again. It can take awhile but you can get there.
--------------------
if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
Edited by PrimalSoup (01/10/21 01:21 PM)
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coAsTal
Friend


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27139953 - 01/10/21 02:33 PM (3 years, 18 days ago) |
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Real talk?
I think you might consider putting down the psychedelics for awhile, because dealing with this kind of traumatic life experience will require a lot more than a "revelation" or "epiphany".
What I mean to say is-- there's nothing new for you to learn in repeated altered states here-- at least not this soon after the event. You already tripped hard once. You're more angry now than before-- and you have reason to be. That new anger can be dangerous if spun out of control during a powerful trip. What if you lost control of your faculties and called your family, or others, screaming vitriol and burning more bridges? It seems unwise to me if you're so upset-- from a purely safety point of view.
You already know what happened to your relationship, and you're realizing the how's and why's. You're angry. That really does make it final in a way that's far more hurtful than some kind of abstract separation. It's part of the process of severing ties, and it hurts. But what is the expectation of gain/enlightenment with yet another mega-trip if, when you return to baseline, you are still angry and hurt.
I say this with all love and respect to your terrible situation-- but brother, there are no mystical shortcuts to free you from the hard responsibility of working through this life event, and coming to terms with it over time. It's just going to suck. I don't think mushrooms are going to make the road to recovery any easier at this point-- I think they might provide an escape from them... or they might make your situation far worse if you did something under their influence that you regret when you come back.
Just one man's opinion-- and I want nothing but good things for you my friend.
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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: coAsTal] 1
#27139984 - 01/10/21 02:48 PM (3 years, 18 days ago) |
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Sometimes i think we need to just feel that shit for a while and not fight it.
Like a trip.
Id get out as much as possible but idk with times like these.
My best medicine is living my best life, alone if it must be.
Nature, coffee shops, books, exercise.
Treat yourself out to dinner. So many people out there living life all with their own problems and struggles.
For me sometimes i feel better just getting out and seeing other people going about with their life.
Books on knowledge and wisdom of living.
Long walks deep into nature and the quiet of the wind and birds and trees and animals with no man. Just me and my solitude with nature.
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: PrimalSoup]
#27140056 - 01/10/21 03:27 PM (3 years, 18 days ago) |
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Quote:
PrimalSoup said: IME tripping isn't about what you know, it's about what you feel. And more than that, the "therapy" is about how you feel ABOUT how you feel.
Mushrooms are emotional amplifiers, that's why trips are such effing rollercoasters of terror and ecstasy.
And you were seriously messed with. Since you can't change other people, you can only change how you react to that.
It sucks for sure, but a lot of life sucks. Which is why psychedelics are helpful. They show you all that shit from a perspective that allows you to do something about the suckiness.
But hang in there. Healing takes time.
edit You're asking if you trip how much to take, to get to where you want to be. Treat it like any other time you want to find out the effect except here you're looking to get right with the spiritual realm (because that's what can fix this for you). So go big, then wait, go bigger, until it works right. Don't fear it. The mushrooms marked you early on and you can always find safe harbor again. It can take awhile but you can get there.
Thank you so much, PrimlSoup.
I am going to ask my a]sister to sit for me next weekend, so that I can go large, and to ensure that if it is really challenging, I don’t ring the ex, and she can guide me.
My “8.6g” trip the other week really didn’t feel like it; it felt more like a really really intense 3.6g trip. I transcendence. No time dilation. No real afterglow. But I got clarity and I found acceptance in my soul. I felt really strong. So strong I contacted the ex, we had loads of texts, and she ended up coming round for a few hours.
We drank wine, smoked marijuana, listened to Chemical Brothers. It was just like being married. She was “open and honest”. And eventually I worked out the facts.
And the bit of afterglow that I had. Well it stopped there and then. I do need to process this new information. I need to get back to a state of peace; I really cannot her, or more correctly, I’ve really had enough of feeling down.
Take care DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: coAsTal]
#27140065 - 01/10/21 03:32 PM (3 years, 18 days ago) |
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Thank you, what you say makes perfect sense to me.
But I’m currently living in a completely irrational, emotion led universe!
I’ve been afraid to take the mushrooms most of last year. I know they bring me solace. I am getting to the end of my tether with the down days lasting so much longer than the up hours!
Don’t know bud, think I’m desperate. I need to remove the constant thought; “I can never be ha[psy without her”. It’s such a desperate hopeless thought.
So I’m really thinking a good 5g session guided by my very loving sister, could help me wrench the memories of my ex from my soul, and help me reconcile my emotions back towards a state of acceptance and of peace.
Thank you for your thoughts , I’ll report back as and when DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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coAsTal
Friend


Registered: 04/04/06
Posts: 2,970
Loc: 8a
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
#27140163 - 01/10/21 04:41 PM (3 years, 18 days ago) |
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We're all here for you-- no matter what. I know you will find the right way through this for you, and we'll all still be here on the other side of the storm.
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Nature Boy
Stranger than most



Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 8,241
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed] 1
#27140182 - 01/10/21 04:51 PM (3 years, 18 days ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: Basically, the real love of her life, her soul mate, dumped her twice, before she ended up coming back to me 22 years ago. She never stopped loving him. “Accidentally” tracked him down on Faceboook, he was available, and off she went.
And he'll dump her a third time in fairly short order when she starts "being herself" with him. She'll crack up emotionally, and by that time you will have healed and have moved on.
You heard it here first. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Love 'ya. Remember, we're your family too. If you need us, we're here 24/7.
-------------------- All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.
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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Nature Boy] 1
#27140196 - 01/10/21 05:01 PM (3 years, 18 days ago) |
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Hope you have a good trip man
I second the "good riddance"
-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



Registered: 11/17/09
Posts: 13,568
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: coAsTal] 1
#27140250 - 01/10/21 05:32 PM (3 years, 18 days ago) |
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Quote:
coAsTal said: I say this with all love and respect to your terrible situation-- but brother, there are no mystical shortcuts to free you from the hard responsibility of working through this life event, and coming to terms with it over time. It's just going to suck. I don't think mushrooms are going to make the road to recovery any easier at this point-- I think they might provide an escape from them... or they might make your situation far worse if you did something under their influence that you regret when you come back.
No shortcuts but mushrooms can take you straight through the heart of trauma and out the other side, a process which will admittedly be more painful second by second then just taking your time - but a lot easier when you get it all out.
Take the battery out of the phone and hide the phone. Make it so you can't call people up and vent to them. Just you and the elephant in the room. The elephant is just you anyway and OP is a divided self seeking some sort of reunion right now. Mushrooms in high doses put you in touch with the spiritual realm and that's what can do the healing, and often in unexpected ways (they don't just fix you they fix what's around you as well).
--------------------
if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: PrimalSoup] 2
#27141605 - 01/11/21 09:36 AM (3 years, 17 days ago) |
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Thank you all for so much love and support, it has really been helping me stay focussed. My counsellor, the first who has spoken any sense to me in 15 years worth of counsellors, said it as it is. There are no meditation or Buddhist shortcuts to heartbreak; nothing can remove that acute pain. So all the distraction techniques do work to well distract you from your thoughts, but this is dealing with the symptoms not the cure.
It’s just like anti-depressants which may work for a while but only subdue the symptoms of depression. At some point you have to come off those meds and face the causes of the depression.
So in terms of the heartbreak, I have at some point got to face and address the emotions and thoughts in order to reach acceptance and forgiveness (not sure of that last bit anymore but hey, let’s see.....).
So that’s why I’m sort of convinced a mystical mushroom journey will force me to face these emotions. No choice. Hopefully job done in one hellish evening.
My dad said it best this morning, and strangely has made me feel so much better about the future. He very rarely criticises somebody, but when he does you listen. He simply said: “I just wouldn’t talk to her again, (DJ Ed) If she can do this to you, then she’s obviously not a nice person.”
That somehow makes it so much easier not to want her back. And it’s the wanting back which causes the pain. I may be onto something......
Take care everyone, and mush love DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

Edited by DJ Ed (01/11/21 09:49 AM)
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Nature Boy
Stranger than most



Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 8,241
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed] 1
#27142633 - 01/11/21 08:13 PM (3 years, 17 days ago) |
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Time heals all wounds. Tincture of time is the cure.
N.B.
-------------------- All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Nature Boy]
#27143411 - 01/12/21 09:25 AM (3 years, 16 days ago) |
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I love tinkering with time
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_ 🧠 _
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Nature Boy
Stranger than most



Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 8,241
Loc: Samsara
Last seen: 2 months, 5 days
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Yeah, that Salvia REALLY "tinkers" with time in a serious way...and I mean SERIOUS with a capital "S" way. I know you love it, but man, it makes me fear (it's an age thing) like I'm having a stroke as it's coming on. Scares the bejesus out of me every "time." Consequently (although legal in my state) I just can't go into that headspace but once every few years when the urge becomes overwhelming.
It's mindfuckery at its most extreme...and I'm not up for it much anymore. I'd feel safer and better on 300ug of legit, clean LSD.
-------------------- All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies. Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit. Note well: Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend. If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.
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Psicomb



Registered: 01/13/18
Posts: 4,635
Loc: the womb
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed] 1
#27144526 - 01/12/21 07:27 PM (3 years, 16 days ago) |
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I hope you find yourself feeling stronger than ever after you process all this. I'm just now reading this thread; your vulnerability is inspiring Ed.
Much luv dude
--------------------
When we constantly pull things apart trying to see how it works, we may end up with only an understanding of how to destroy something - nick sand
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Psicomb] 1
#27145414 - 01/13/21 09:13 AM (3 years, 15 days ago) |
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Thank you. Somehow I have turned a huge corner on Monday morning talking with my dad. I don’t know how, and I do know that deep down inside me I want her back, nd probably always will. 37 years! But it’s suddenly stopped hurting and I’m thinking of the future.
My dad is laid back. In fact he’s almost horizontal. He always sees the good in a situation, or is practical about it, and he always sees the good in people. His few simple words have had such a profound effect on my psyche.
He said; “I just wouldn’t talk to her again, son. If she can do this to you then she’s not a nice person.”
I do wear my heart on my sleeve; I’ve always been conscious of that. Almost as though I’m lesser than others I deal with because they always seem so mature, so grounded. But I’ve got to the stage where I’ve had enough,and I’m now working to get to the state, I am enough. So to be honest, I’m proud I wear my heart on my sleeve. I hope this thread can help others. That’s why I came back here, to give back 
I watched an 11 year old camcorder tape I made of me playing guitar ready to put on YouTube. Watching it back I suddenly realised: “I bloody well love that dude, he’s awesome” 
Take care DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Nonagon Infinity
Mycologist



Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 756
Loc: Polygondwanaland
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed] 1
#27145462 - 01/13/21 09:35 AM (3 years, 15 days ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: He said; “I just wouldn’t talk to her again, son. If she can do this to you then she’s not a nice person.”
+1 on your dad's advice from me as well. Cutting off contact with an ex is a very healthy thing to do. It's not easy, though. It's like quitting a drug.
Sure is a transformative experience, though
-------------------- Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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very empowering, and very few pangs afterwards. less than I would have imagined, if you are cutting relations for any good reason.
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_ 🧠 _
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Enkidu
"No-Such-Person"


Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
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-------------------- Within You , Without You
      
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Loaded Shaman
Psychophysiologist



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Posts: 8,006
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Last seen: 28 days, 4 hours
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed] 1
#27148829 - 01/14/21 11:16 PM (3 years, 13 days ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: Thank you. Somehow I have turned a huge corner on Monday morning talking with my dad. I don’t know how, and I do know that deep down inside me I want her back, nd probably always will. 37 years! But it’s suddenly stopped hurting and I’m thinking of the future.
My dad is laid back. In fact he’s almost horizontal. He always sees the good in a situation, or is practical about it, and he always sees the good in people. His few simple words have had such a profound effect on my psyche.
He said; “I just wouldn’t talk to her again, son. If she can do this to you then she’s not a nice person.”
I do wear my heart on my sleeve; I’ve always been conscious of that. Almost as though I’m lesser than others I deal with because they always seem so mature, so grounded. But I’ve got to the stage where I’ve had enough,and I’m now working to get to the state, I am enough. So to be honest, I’m proud I wear my heart on my sleeve. I hope this thread can help others. That’s why I came back here, to give back 
I watched an 11 year old camcorder tape I made of me playing guitar ready to put on YouTube. Watching it back I suddenly realised: “I bloody well love that dude, he’s awesome” 
Take care DJ Ed
Dude you're far and away my favorite poster this morning! !
--------------------
  "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance." — Confucius
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epilectric
tea sipping


Registered: 06/28/06
Posts: 1,023
Loc: Vienna
Last seen: 9 hours, 10 minutes
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anybody know where he's been? offline for >1 month...
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Northerner
splelling chceker


Registered: 07/29/12
Posts: 14,141
Loc: FNQ
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: epilectric] 2
#28112762 - 12/26/22 10:19 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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He's barely posted this year.
Maybe life is just getting in the way.
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
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Orioncat
C student of the Golden Teacher


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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Northerner] 1
#28113376 - 12/26/22 08:58 PM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Interesting that this is an old thread but I was kinda wondering the same thing myself...
-------------------- Things I've learned so far: Death with consciousness can be boring. Balance is important. Set intentions, not expectations. Sad trips can be helpful as well as challenging trips. Stick with your first dose. We learn more when we listen rather than speak. Be kind. The small moments in life that tend to go unnoticed are sometimes the most beautiful.
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epilectric
tea sipping


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Posts: 1,023
Loc: Vienna
Last seen: 9 hours, 10 minutes
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Northerner]
#28113677 - 12/27/22 07:06 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Northerner said: He's barely posted this year.
Maybe life is just getting in the way.
hopefully 🙏
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Socrateshroom
сталкер


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Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: epilectric]
#28114811 - 12/28/22 08:01 AM (1 year, 1 month ago) |
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Hey all, thanks for coming back to this thread.
DJ Ed, brother, we all miss you. While I haven’t been around much either this year, I wanted to let you know I still think about you, and the wonderful community here, daily.
If you read this I hope everything is unfolding positively for you. I’ve been going through my “dark night of the soul” lately so I know life can really pull us away from the things we love.
Anyway, just a reminder DJ Ed, you’re a huge and important part of the community here!
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