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OfflineEnkidu
"No-Such-Person"
Male

Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27109522 - 12/26/20 06:30 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Me and my ex broke up recently and we have a 10 month old daughter and shes pregnant with my second child

I cant fucking stand her

Angry as fuck at her any time we interact

Your story just makes me feel that same anger and hate toward yours

Like fuck you

Thats i how i feel

I have so much anger toward my ex

Idk how you say the positive things you do

I want to fucking scream at mine

I know i shouldnt or whatever and i should be all love and kindness or whatever but just thinking abiut me makes me scream fuck that in my head and i want ti aay worse things to be honest.

Theres absolutely no denying it.

I blame her for so much especislly constantly robbing me of and being the source of me losing my peace

Guess its me idk

But idk i just was thinking about hoe different our reactions are

Where you are somehow choosing and trying to take the route of love im consumed in anger toward her.

Maybe a good trip would help resolve that. I just dont know how its possible

Fuck her. And i want to say much worse


--------------------
Within You , Without You


:mushroom2::levitate::mushroom2:


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OfflineDJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
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Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK Flag
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu] * 2
    #27110011 - 12/27/20 03:29 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Now it’s the cold hard light of day, my intentions to have a large dose tonight are starting to wane and I’m thinking now of a manageable 3g dose instead.

Don’t be fooled by my loving words, I have so much bitterness and hurt, betrayal, shock, confusion. But after the other night when I was effectively standing on the edge of the skyscraper wanting someone to talk me down and she said why don’t you go and jump! That has resulted in some anger.

But I have felt like this for so many years that now my suspicions have been confirmed, the hurt still remains. I am really trying to choose the path of forgiveness and acceptance simply as the least painful route forward. I have been advised that although hatred does make you feel better in the short term, it is not the opposite of love; it is an equally powerful emotion that will keep your ex- at the forefront of your mind and will keep you in the downwards mental place.

What has been helping to an extent (but not when I’m really low to be honest) is the realisation when I am sat on my own suffering, it is literally only me that is suffering. She does not give a flying fu...... I am trying to detach myself from these feelings so that I, and I alone, can heal.

I wish you all the love in the world Enkidu, stay strong brother.
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineEnkidu
"No-Such-Person"
Male

Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27110190 - 12/27/20 06:22 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

You as well man :heart:


--------------------
Within You , Without You


:mushroom2::levitate::mushroom2:


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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu] * 1
    #27110381 - 12/27/20 09:20 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

love and sex (procreation) is a bigger force than we are:
while subject to seduction and appreciation and other aspects of coming together,
as people, we are often sloppy, goofy, idiosyncratic, illogical, smelly, dirty, lazy, and defensive, and sometimes we are also ugly.

to make something more out of a relationship than a temporary opportunity to share smiles, food, and gametes, takes a lot of effort and a view that frames family values.

such a perspective could have roots in our childhoods, and caring about that (childhood's formative importance) is the highest of all family values. I.e. what we do with and around our children has long lasting impact on who they become.

When I hear about hating one's spouse using twenty different phrases each  packaged with powerful curses, I can relate to the defensive frustration that a person can consistently cause just by being themselves.

However, when I hear that children are involved, I move into a more tactical mode. How to take this thing forward with the least negative impact being transferred into their growing minds.

True, we are not responsible for what is in others' minds, including our own children's minds, but, we are somewhat responsible for conditions that we are part of (like the marriages etc.) which when dissolved may leave toxic residue that will extend beyond our own lifetimes.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineDJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
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Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
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Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: redgreenvines]
    #27110454 - 12/27/20 10:09 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

redgreenvines said:
love and sex (procreation) is a bigger force than we are:
while subject to seduction and appreciation and other aspects of coming together,
as people, we are often sloppy, goofy, idiosyncratic, illogical, smelly, dirty, lazy, and defensive, and sometimes we are also ugly.

to make something more out of a relationship than a temporary opportunity to share smiles, food, and gametes, takes a lot of effort and a view that frames family values.

such a perspective could have roots in our childhoods, and caring about that (childhood's formative importance) is the highest of all family values. I.e. what we do with and around our children has long lasting impact on who they become.

When I hear about hating one's spouse using twenty different phrases each  packaged with powerful curses, I can relate to the defensive frustration that a person can consistently cause just by being themselves.

However, when I hear that children are involved, I move into a more tactical mode. How to take this thing forward with the least negative impact being transferred into their growing minds.

True, we are not responsible for what is in others' minds, including our own children's minds, but, we are somewhat responsible for conditions that we are part of (like the marriages etc.) which when dissolved may leave toxic residue that will extend beyond our own lifetimes.




As always redgreenvines, thank you for all your input. You are so insightful, and I always appreciate reading your thoughts.

The biggest resonator in your above post was literally “family values”.

You see, I spent Christmas afternoon with my sisters family, having a lovely carefree family meal. The atmosphere was harmonious, we were comfortable in each other’s company, and I felt privileged to be invited into their circle.

I have not had that family atmosphere in my adult life. I have craved it. But I have never experienced it. I come from a family of six. Sunday dinner was always special and holds a large part of my heart.

When you get one of those “fuck it” moments in life, like loss of a loved one, loss of a limb, loss of a marriage etc. For a while, you realise what is important in life. All those daily stresses and strains, all those little worries; they all go out of the window and you realise their importance is negligible. I saw that on Christmas Day; the veil was lifting after my life partner encouraged me to die, then I sat with a happy loving family.

Life is a blessing. Friends and family should be treasured. You should treasure the air in your lungs and the food in your fridge.

Self pity is a waste of a good life.

I am sending all the love in the world out to our community. Feel the vibes, take the strength, reciprocate the love.

Mush love
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineEnkidu
"No-Such-Person"
Male

Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27110489 - 12/27/20 10:26 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah i tried to make things work with my ex the last year and a half for the simple fact that i felt holding my family together was of the utmost importance. and idk that our differences can be reconciled or not or what is in the best interest of my kids, together or not.

This is the second time shes broken up with me while being pregnant.

We seem to hate each other atm.

Idk if we hate each other or not. Or just at the moment.

Ive never really felt she was committed to making things work and the only reason they have worked this long was because of me not giving up.

I feel like she only sticks around for as long as it is of benefit to her


--------------------
Within You , Without You


:mushroom2::levitate::mushroom2:


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OfflineEnkidu
"No-Such-Person"
Male

Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
    #27110506 - 12/27/20 10:36 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

And i am angry at her and resent her for not being a partner and blame her for us being incapable of being a family because she is too selfish and self centered and unwilling to work at it or do anything that doesnt benefit her or serve her self interest

And she just seems to think im some sort of asshole and blames me

Idk maybe im wrong

Sorry to derail your thread op

Back on topic


--------------------
Within You , Without You


:mushroom2::levitate::mushroom2:


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OfflineEnkidu
"No-Such-Person"
Male

Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
    #27110514 - 12/27/20 10:41 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Im sorry just one more thing.

I suspect the only reason i am so angry with her and have such strong emotions toward her about all this is because at the same time i do love her and wish and wanted things to work.

Polarity at its finest.

Mr ed i cant even inagine devoting my whole life to someone then having them turn on me like that.

Fucking cruel.

Bad enough to feel as if youve spent a coupke years let alonr your whole life with someone you thought was your partner to find out oh its just some bullshit

Fucking bullshit man


--------------------
Within You , Without You


:mushroom2::levitate::mushroom2:


Edited by Enkidu (12/27/20 10:43 AM)


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OfflineEnkidu
"No-Such-Person"
Male

Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
    #27110520 - 12/27/20 10:44 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Better off without her.

Least it happen now and you can get this time for you.

Use that shit man. Enjoy it doing everyrhing you couldn't with her around


--------------------
Within You , Without You


:mushroom2::levitate::mushroom2:


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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu] * 1
    #27110732 - 12/27/20 01:53 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

do your best to be available to your kids, and know also that hormones radically alter a woman's psyche in most cases going into pregnancy, then around month 5 she is perfect, then after birth it's very hard to get any level feeling as the hormones shift for breast milk production and slowly settle to a baseline as the child is weaned.

it is like a bad sequence of weird drugs for 20 months to have a child if you are a woman, but most seem to find it is worth it.

maybe just get a small chair and a whip and stay in your corner. You have been reduced to sperm in jeans, and you need to have clear boundaries.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineEugene Gesuale
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Registered: 04/12/20
Posts: 1,920
Loc: The Basement Flag
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: redgreenvines]
    #27110746 - 12/27/20 02:03 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

You are wise beyond your years redgreenvines


--------------------
Everything in life is a trade-off.

All posts made by this account are purely satirical in nature.


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OfflineDJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
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Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK Flag
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu] * 1
    #27110867 - 12/27/20 03:31 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

I’m feeling your pain Enkidu, I can empathise brother. My advice would be to start really pampering your wife, right now. Do not compensate to keep her,trust me that is a non starter. Be yourself, follow your dreams. But I know you love her and I know you love your child and unborn child. So start pampering her, start interacting with her, start listening to her without talking.

Love, life, nd family is so special. You have to try. It is not too late, you are both still young and both alive.

Mush love
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineEnkidu
"No-Such-Person"
Male

Registered: 07/09/16
Posts: 10,698
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27110899 - 12/27/20 03:57 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Thank you DJ :heart:


--------------------
Within You , Without You


:mushroom2::levitate::mushroom2:


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Offlinepesa
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Registered: 06/13/20
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Enkidu]
    #27111478 - 12/27/20 11:38 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

not much of a talker mostly reading, but man oh man "there is a not a man who got married and made a conscious decision of killing his wife you are not married if you have not done that" eddie murphy.

there are three mindset of women
one when they are on menses that is one face they wear and things get out of hands and most fights happen because women emotions work on different level.

two when they are pregnant and two souls in one vessel it becomes beyond complications they get stuck on loops and you see another type of face.

and the mindset you love and fall in love with the mindset that made you get married, the very thing the moment to be "family" that face.

trip on your anger and i mean take the highest dosage you can and trip on this emotion you will see things and be more angry go as far as it can take you till you reach to point where you do not need anger anymore and see being the "glue" the very "element" that was holding all this together it fade away because you got tired and you should be, end of anger is emotional exhaustion.

relax mate its not a big deal you got this bring her under control and you know very well how to do that you got kids and she is selfish remind me which women you meet who was not selfish self loving? its in very nature knowingly unknowingly we all do that and deny the truth. we all leach from one another our parents starting from home, but it make us the bigger men we keep giving out till have nothing but void, dont be that guy. you wanna love then start with your vessel and end with your children's in between is amazing trip, make her come around and if she don't

love and kindness is not your problem being so emotionally disturb, so deeply hurt, a man needs to make a decision either change the mindset of ex or move on be good friends for sake of kids, love is emotion its not one way road it flows both direction, along the way she forgot you thats painful to know how she can forget? if she remembers good enough if she don't let it go, kids are kids mate and thats what matter the rest let it be a bad trip a bad memory a splinter in mind we all trip for reasons love you.


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OfflineVeggiesandhemp
Strainger
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Registered: 12/08/20
Posts: 77
Loc: Cascadia
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: pesa]
    #27113195 - 12/28/20 10:17 PM (3 years, 30 days ago)

Grateful to witness the community here!

DJ Ed and
ENKIDU
I wish you both a healing an transformative 2021..... I kn now 2020 has been quite disruptive to many, myself inculded.

I highly suggest the book by Thich Nhat Hanh "Anger" it changed my life and brought much relief and understanding.


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OfflineDJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
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Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Veggiesandhemp]
    #27113383 - 12/29/20 01:56 AM (3 years, 30 days ago)

Thanks for the suggestion, Veggies, I’ve just ordered it from Amazon, will be with me within 10 hours :thumbup:

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Thanks
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflineNature Boy
Stranger than most
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Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 8,241
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Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27113497 - 12/29/20 05:02 AM (3 years, 30 days ago)

I love that you are being proactive in your efforts to deal with adverse (but temporary) circumstances.  So much, if not all suffering takes place within our heads.

I hope reading that book provides you with perspective and relief from your grief and anger. Better days are ahead, for sure, but just remember the path is not straight or level.


--------------------
All submitted posts under this user name are works of pure fiction or outright lies.  Any information, statement, or assertion contained therein should be considered pure unadulterated bullshit.  Note well:  Sorry, but I do not answer PM's unless you are a long-time trusted friend.  If you have a question, ask it in the appropriate thread.

                                                                               


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InvisibleD3_Myc
Weeb Trash
I'm a teapot


Registered: 05/06/18
Posts: 4,399
Loc: Year Zero
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: Nature Boy]
    #27113514 - 12/29/20 05:22 AM (3 years, 30 days ago)

Love you brother,

I thought my wife leaving me was the worst thing in my life.. turns out it was the best thing. I ended up in a much better place financially, emotionally and with someone who cared for me more deeply.

It’s rough at first but it def gets better. We are all here for you homie.


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OfflineDJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
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Registered: 09/04/16
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Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: D3_Myc]
    #27113588 - 12/29/20 06:47 AM (3 years, 30 days ago)

Thank you Nature Boy, and thank you D3monic. Slowly getting there. I have only really felt a small amount of anger, and that has been this week; the anger has been fuellling me being proactive. My life partner of 37 years telling me to kill myself on Christmas Eve was a bit of a game changer :eek:

Check out the signature pics, D3monic; I got my psychedlic safe place sorted; 2 days after she walked out! Don’t actually need it now, as it’s only me and the two dogs. £15,000 feels a bit of a kick in the teeth, but....... I’ve turned it into a Dolby 7.1 movie room with 55” telly :awesome:

The Hobbit in 3D and Dolby 7.1 is effing phenomenal. Hellraiser was a bit scary on my own though :shocked:

Mush love
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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InvisibleD3_Myc
Weeb Trash
I'm a teapot


Registered: 05/06/18
Posts: 4,399
Loc: Year Zero
Re: DJ ED, we miss you brother! [Re: DJ Ed]
    #27113603 - 12/29/20 06:56 AM (3 years, 30 days ago)

It looks freaking awesome Ed, No hellraiser and mushies!


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