Last night I took shrooms for the first time since 2013 (search 1.75g mindfuck).
A little about me. I'm 30, an introvert mostly although I do get on with everyone I meet. I like to pick the good parts about people and focus on that, everyone has issues, but can almost always be explained by hardship.
I'm now a family man, genuinely very happy. A job I don't hate and feels rewarding. Down to earth Mrs and lovely little daughter. I consider myself a pacifist unless provoked. Never insult or fight. Boring, but tranquil. Non religious, but spiritual.
I see the mushrooms as exploration, as opposed to getting high.
I made a decaff coffee, literally crumbled 2g of homegrown cubensis into a cup and filled with recently boiled water. I let that sit for 15 minutes then stirred every 5 minutes until it had been brewing for 30 minutes.
After that I strained them through a sieve, squishing the bits with a spoon and chucked them away. Then filtered the remaining dusty bits out with some paper towel. Then made a warm coffee with the water.
At 1915 I started to drink it while eating a piece of toast, only having eating a very small meal since lunchtime. Drunk over the course of 15 minutes.
At 1930 I got some warm clothes on and went out for a walk. I put on some feel good 70s music and walked around my local area which I've lived my whole life. My town is safe and not to busy and it was dark and drizzling, so wasn't expecting to have to interact with anyone.
First signs of anything was about 20 minutes after finishing shroom coffee. I saw a gleam in my peripheral vision, but assumed it was just rain on my eye lashes reflecting light.
Stomped around for another 15 minutes feeling great and smiling listening to Stevie Wonder and Dolly Parton. Bliss started to kick in, I was walking fast, looking at my hands thinking they looked HD and movie like. I was thirsty and had already drunk my water so I walked home to get a drink.
After arriving home and getting a drink, i wanted to go straight back out, felt a little anxious and decided I was best to keep walking while coming up, so again walked out the door. This time, only 20 meters from home, the intensity of the trip went up and up.
The music began to overwhelm me and the wavy bright visuals began to intensify. Music started to distort and the vivid colours/zoomed vision was causing me to panic a little. Starting to feel out of my depth, I thought I could fight through it and think positive, but within seconds I had to turn around and return home.
I came in through my back gate and sat on a chair just outside my back door. I was just going to go inside and lie in bed, but the idea of my Mrs seeing me in this state made me anxious (she knew I was doing it and was OK, just didn't want to have to face anyone feeling like I did).
I spent 10 minutes or so walking between the chair and the gate, unable to make a decision about what to do and where to go. While sitting in the chair in the light rain, the garage at the end of my garden began pulsating and looking rather grand and temple like, in a overwhelming way, along with the leafless trees in my garden tripping my eyes out by multiplying and growing before my eyes.
Eyes open I saw heavy distortions and pulsating, I saw crazy geometric patterns and fractals, end of days sort of stuff. I was trying hard to just relax and go with the flow, but it was too much.
Luckily the garage is mine and I decided the best thing I could do was go in my garage with the door closed until I felt more settled. In a half panicky state I entered my garage and pulled the door closed.
Immediately the florescent light was overloading my senses, so I decided to turn it off to try and minimise stimulus. I then preceded to lie down on the rug that's on my garage floor.
So there I was, virtually catatonic, curled up in the fetal position on a dirty garage floor in the dark! 😂. My mind knew that I just had to wait it out now. My garage is within 5 meters of a public path and semi busy road, so I could hear people and cars occasionally, which kind of dragged me back to reality now and then.
The echoing/distortion of sound was crazy. Although I'm normally a little uneasy in the dark, the unlit garage felt like the safest place for me.
I took my jacket off to use as a pillow and the space just seemed to enclose on me, it felt like I was squished into a tiny space on the floor and if I moved and inch either way I would bump into things.
I managed to operate my phone, got onto Spotify and typed calming and just pressed play on whatever was the first thing on the list. I was fighting against the pull of the mushrooms for a while, then accepted to just focus on the music and hope for the best.
Lying there, my senses disappeared, occasionally I could hear the music playing and just kept thinking 'follow the story' of the music, basically just holding on for dear life. Between the notes of the music seemed like minutes of silence, listening to it the next day it was a flowing piece of tranquil music, but at the time the notes were years apart.
Then I just wasn't... Anything anymore.
I can't describe the next stage, just bizarre and otherworldly. My body ceased to exist, limbs, hands, eyes no longer physical, nor concepts, they just didn't exist. I was just a floating fleeting consciousness inside another space.
Occasion imagery like swirling 3 dimensional patterns, Cheshire smiles and the odd feeling of a familiar eternal space. This bit is so vague I'll just move on for the sake off clarity.
For the next 2 hours I was just gone. I want to say nothing made sense, but nothing existed to make sense. Nothing WAS, therefore nothing needed to make sense.
Eventually I started realizing I WAS again. Very confused, at this point everything was meaningless, but it existed again. Time, space, emotion, pain and pleasure were all concepts, but I was incapable of understanding them.
I looked up from my prone position and could see a strip of light from the streetlights coming under the garage door, I remember realizing I understand what light is. A few times I drifted back and forth between knowing I was me and floating back into the void.
At one point I was lying on my side and knew I needed a piss, but I didn't understand how or what that was, so I ignored it, but the feeling keep grabbing me. The thought of going inside was impossible. I considered pissing myself, but opted for kneeling to the side and pissing on the floor, then back to my pillow and back into oblivion.
Eventually, the concept of space and time began to return. I knew where I was and that I was on mushrooms. Over the course of a few minutes I started to understand things again. I started rocking my legs in a soothing motion which felt extremely comforting, the image of my young daughter rocking herself to sleep flashed through me and i understood why she does it.
After a while I realised I was cold, so decided to stand up and put my coat back on. I stood there for minutes just silent and bouncing slightly to warm up, everything was slowing building back together in my mind. Reminded me of an animal when it wakes up from being tranquilized, just standing in the dark.
Checking my phone I was I had a message from my Mrs asking if I was OK. I wanted to text back that I was fine and safe, but over thought my reply and just sent 'ill explain later, love you xxx'.
After 5 or so minutes I realised what had just happened and although still flakey, everything was coming back. I looked at the time on my phone and it was 2200, which surprised me for some reason. Despite it feeling like I was gone for eternity, it also seemed to be over fast. Over the course of 10 minutes I went from catatonic to aware and almost ready to go back inside.
I rolled a cigarette and smoked it in the dark contemplating what just happened, then decided I was capable to function in front of my Mrs again.
As I opened the garage door the light outside was beaming and magical. Going from the darkness of the garage to the night outside was shocking, I wasn't expecting it to seem so bright.
I started smiling in awe, looking around my garden as I was walking back inside I was speechless. I repeatedly stopped, cocking my head in puzzlement and amazement.
Entering though the backdoor into my kitchen the light was soothing and calm. I walked in and said hello to my Mrs and just stood smiling, she asked if I was OK to which I replied how bizarre and confusing it all was. She said I seemed OK considering so I assume my perception of me being near baseline must of been correct.
I was trying to articulate what had happened, but after a few moments realised I couldn't, she went off to bed and I stayed up for a while until the buzz wore off. Went to sleep no problems and slept for 5 hours, woke up feeling fine. Did crash around lunchtime and had a nap, but still felt good.
Already decided that I must be sensitive to mushrooms, can it be a coincidence that both times I've trip hard as fuck on an average dose? Home grown cubes.
Anyone else know what I mean by a familiar space deep inside the trip that feel eternal?
So that was a long read, hopefully some of you made it to the end. I wanted to share for myself and for anyone else who is interested.
Any comments, observations or questions are welcome. Not sure what anyone would have to add, but I feel like talking about it.
Thanks for reading, happy tripping.
-------------------- One Way Street
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