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OfflineAsanteA
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A question about friendships and generosity.
    #27050321 - 11/21/20 01:14 PM (5 days, 23 hours ago)

Suppose you had a friend who was generous of character. He gives you this, he gives you that, then the other thing, and the other thing too, and he's being consistently, through the years, considerably more generous than you.

How would you react to that?

How would you feel about that?

I don't mean ideally but in reality.

What response and attitude would that evoke in you?


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Offlinemorrowasted
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: Asante] * 2
    #27050344 - 11/21/20 01:35 PM (5 days, 23 hours ago)

Depends on the person. If [s]he a lot richer than I am, I would think his or her behavior is par for the course, ethically.

If he is broker than I am, I wouldn't accept the stuff to begin with.


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OnlinegeokillsA
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: Asante] * 1
    #27050359 - 11/21/20 01:50 PM (5 days, 23 hours ago)

I would be very grateful, and I imagine it would encourage me to embellish my own generosity, in whatever ways I were able.

Somewhat related news that happened back in 2013, but recently became open knowledge...

Quote:

Source: Huffpost

George Clooney Explains Why He Gave 14 Close Friends $1 Million Each
By Carly Ledbetter


It’s a tale that seems straight out of Hollywood. Mostly because it is.

George Clooney has finally confirmed that he once gave 14 close friends $1 million each, corroborating the years-old story in an interview with GQ published Tuesday in honor of his being named the magazine’s Icon of the Year.

The actor’s close friend and Casamigos business partner Rande Gerber first relayed the story about the suitcases stuffed with cash back in 2017, but this is the first time the famous prankster has opened up about the gift himself. And luckily for his friends, it wasn’t a prank ― just an incredible way to say “thank you.”

“Amal and I had just met, but we weren’t dating at all,” Clooney told GQ, recalling his mindset in 2013. “I was a single guy. All of us were aging. I was 52 or something. And most of my friends are older than me.”

“And I thought, what I do have are these guys who’ve all, over a period of 35 years, helped me in one way or another,” he said, listing everything his friends had done for him.

“They helped me when I needed help over the years. And I’ve helped them over the years. We’re all good friends,” he said. “And I thought, you know, without them I don’t have any of this. And we’re all really close, and I just thought basically if I get hit by a bus, they’re all in the will. So why the fuck am I waiting to get hit by a bus?”

So Clooney got a van with “Florist” painted on the side of it ― naturally ― and picked up the cash from a location in Los Angeles that housed “giant pallets” of money.

Alongside “a couple of security guys that were shitting themselves,” the actor stuffed the goods into 14 Tumi suitcases ― a plan that seems straight out of one of his “Ocean’s Eleven” heists.

After getting the money together, Clooney said, he asked his friends to come over the next day.

“And I just held up a map and I just pointed to all the places I got to go in the world and all the things I’ve gotten to see because of them,” the director told the magazine.

“And I said, ‘How do you repay people like that?’ And I said, ‘Oh, well: How about a million bucks?’ And the fun part about it was: That was the 27th, the 28th of September,” he said. “A year later, on the 27th of September, just by happenstance, was the day I got married.”

Gerber spoke about the incredible experience on MSNBC’s “Headliners” show in 2017.

“George begins to say, ‘Listen, I want you guys to know how much you’ve meant to me and how much you mean to me in my life,’” Gerber said. “‘I came to LA, I slept on your couch. I’m so fortunate in my life to have all of you and I couldn’t be where I am today without all of you. So, it was really important to me that while we’re still all here together, that I give back. So I want you all to open your suitcases.’”

The businessman said that all of Clooney’s friends were “in shock” after seeing their million-dollar cash gifts, which the actor said he’d already paid the taxes on, as well.

“One [friend] was working at a bar in Texas at the airport, trying just to support his family,” Gerber said. “Rides a bicycle to work every day. I mean, these are guys that took care of George and now he’s giving it all back.”

Gerber, who is married to Cindy Crawford and has his own successful business ventures, said he tried to give the money back to Clooney at the time ― but the actor wasn’t having it.

“I pull him aside and said, ‘I absolutely am not taking this million dollars,’” he added. “Immediately George goes, ‘I’m just going to make one announcement. If Rande doesn’t take the million dollars, nobody gets’” their money.





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OfflineStudy The CNS
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: Asante]
    #27050371 - 11/21/20 02:05 PM (5 days, 22 hours ago)

I wouldn't let it get to that point. You can feel when someone isn't mindful of reciprocity. I can understand if someone is disabled and in financial chaos who cannot keep a friendship balanced and healthy. I cannot deal with it if their entire self is about just themself.


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OfflineHikeadellic
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: Study The CNS]
    #27050426 - 11/21/20 02:50 PM (5 days, 22 hours ago)

I think that friends should help each other. Does it have to be an exact 1 for 1 quid pro quo? No. But its the intention that matters the most. If someone's been good to me I want to return the favor one way or another


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OfflineEzuma
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: Hikeadellic]
    #27050432 - 11/21/20 02:56 PM (5 days, 22 hours ago)

Quote:

Hikeadellic said:
I think that friends should help each other. Does it have to be an exact 1 for 1 quid pro quo? No. But its the intention that matters the most. If someone's been good to me I want to return the favor one way or another




more or less this, I'm not the most thoughtful person at times but I would want to reciprocate at least.

how i would feel depends on the circumstances, but if they were too generous I might feel like I was taking advantage of them, which would nag at me. Some people are just very generous though and wont accept generosity themselves (one of my aunts is like that) which I just accept for an odd quirk.


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Invisibletrees
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: Ezuma]
    #27050446 - 11/21/20 03:09 PM (5 days, 21 hours ago)

I usually tell them they're being extremely generous and it's not necessary. I've experienced too many times people trying to use their generosity as a tool against me

There's a normal level of generosity though that I try to pay forward when given the opportunity


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OnlineNortherner
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: Hikeadellic] * 2
    #27050449 - 11/21/20 03:14 PM (5 days, 21 hours ago)

I tend to give a lot to my friends, but not in a money sort of way. I like to give gifts of food and drink, drugs, plants, hospitality. I don't expect anything in return, I don't want friends to feel like they owe me anything for something I gave freely. I like to care and see them happy and comfortable.

If people give me stuff it's great, I just accept it graciously. It's an insult to place expectations on gifts both given and received.

When I was a student I was poor and I had friends who were much better off than I was, they looked after me in the same way. Now I'm older and financially secure it's good to be able to look after others. Just because I'm not giving back to the same people is irrelevant.


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OnlineInnerWisdom
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: Northerner]
    #27050478 - 11/21/20 03:37 PM (5 days, 21 hours ago)

at first this would be a little odd and evoke feelings of guilt i guess, maybe a little anger as well as the friend is making me quite uncomfortable. then perhaps I could accept that they are like that after serious discussions.
in the end I would be grateful.
I do find it unnecessary though, all this gift giving. I assume that in this scenario the friend is giving more than just birthday presents or christmas presents or whatever is typical in their culture.

What makes you think of such a scenario?


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Offlinesearching
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: InnerWisdom]
    #27051189 - 11/21/20 11:27 PM (5 days, 13 hours ago)

I think if it's more than just buying dinner or little things like that then it becomes awkward in a way and I wouldn't like it.  It puts a sort of guilt on you that you owe them or something. Even if the person says no it's fine you don't have to repay me there would be a feeling of debt. Friendship is not about gifts of physical things it's about the relationship. I can understand giving gifts for holidays or even the odd special occasion but if it's too expensive it gives a weird feeling. There are exceptions of course. If someone is really in need and the gift giver has the means to help them then it's a different story.

It's also suspicious if someone you just met immediately starts giving gifts for no reason. In my experience when that happens they're trying to use it to get something in return. I even had a guy like that start stealing from me.


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: searching]
    #27051276 - 11/22/20 12:24 AM (5 days, 12 hours ago)

I would find something money couldnt buy and give it to said friend and say "top that" :ruggedwink:


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OnlineInnerWisdom
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: searching]
    #27051978 - 11/22/20 01:06 PM (4 days, 23 hours ago)

Yeah that would be so odd if someone you just met started giving gifts left and right :sammy:


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InvisibleCrazy_Horse
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: Asante]
    #27053616 - 11/23/20 11:10 AM (4 days, 1 hour ago)

I would kick his ass for making me feel bad.


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OnlineInnerWisdom
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: Crazy_Horse] * 1
    #27055201 - 11/24/20 11:42 AM (3 days, 1 hour ago)

Honestly I would be like WTF man, are you trying to bone my mom?


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OfflineTHT
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: InnerWisdom]
    #27055272 - 11/24/20 12:12 PM (3 days, 44 minutes ago)

Quote:

InnerWisdom said:
Yeah that would be so odd if someone you just met started giving gifts left and right :sammy:




One of my good friends is a hopeless dipshit for doing this type of thing. For instance, he gave $5500 to a buddy he'd just met within the year or so to help him startup his tanning business, but it fell through due to COVID and then he asked me if I could go over and help him reposess the guy's tanning beds! I told him no way, and he comes back whining about how I'm just making excuses. Yeah no shit dude!

The truth is: this guy is socially retarded, and the same lack of judgement that led him to this situation is enough for me to believe he could've half-wittingly led me into a situation where I'm getting shot-the-fuck-at...tanning salon is right down there with tattoo parlor as far as sketchy businesses go. He's never offered to throw even a nominal amount of money at me and I don't bug him for any, ever, even though he has quite a bit to his name.

Because he doesn't know how to foster interpersonal relationships, he has no real social network, and it's like he thinks he can earn peoples' trust or something by throwing excess generosity at them when he's only met someone, but OF COURSE PEOPLE EXPLOIT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM and it never works...who would trust someone doing that? When I bring this up to him, he goes into denial mode, saying it was a one-off mistake but doesn't see it as a pattern of behaviour. This is a guy who has a kid now with a bitch he knocked up after they broke up because she was too clingy and insane; she fucking DOMINATED his stupid ass and he still can't see the pattern. Fucking sad. I've had to distance myself because he's generally an awkward goof who fucks up social situations, but I also feel bad because he's been my friend for half my life.

****
TL;DR: Don't be that goof who gives handouts to people you barely know without understanding that it'll often shape peoples' perception of you as an easy mark.


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: A question about friendships and generosity. [Re: Asante]
    #27056029 - 11/24/20 08:59 PM (2 days, 15 hours ago)

Quote:

Asante said:
Suppose you had a friend who was generous of character. He gives you this, he gives you that, then the other thing, and the other thing too, and he's being consistently, through the years, considerably more generous than you.

How would you react to that?

How would you feel about that?

I don't mean ideally but in reality.

What response and attitude would that evoke in you?





How would you react to that?

I would be suspicious and ask him why he's so generous.

How would you feel about that?

I'd feel like he wants something from me.

I don't mean ideally but in reality.

In reality this fictional character has been murdered in a brutal way by the super-vilain.

What response and attitude would that evoke in you?

Paranoia and murderous rage.


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