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OfflineNOUS333
Stranger Than You
I'm a teapot

Registered: 12/26/15
Posts: 2,952
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
very confused..
    #27049057 - 11/20/20 02:43 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I told myself I wasn't going to make this post. Oh well.

So I'm very confused.  I met a girl like two years ago.  Maybe not quite two years but close.  I had just moved to my current location, I was very lonely and it had been at least a couple years since I had any attention from a woman if you know what I mean... actually, I had a little one/two night fling with this chick a couple months before I met this girl I am talking about now.  But, I had sex with this other girl like twice... had so much pent up sexual energy I did things I never could have imagined myself doing. 

Months go by and I am lonely again.  I guess I should say that other chick was definitely not for me.... but I meet this girl at work and she's having issues with her bf and shes lonely, and I end up telling her she can come back to my place and have a drink. 

We drink, we hangout, and it was either that first night or maybe we hung out within the next couple days after this and we end up kissing and when it was apparent I was about to fuck her she stops and says she doesn't want this to be a one night type of deal.  And in my head I'm like 'well, that's a deal breaker for me, sorry ma'am', but for those of you with dicks you know how hard it is sometimes to align your behavior with your right mind when you are seconds away from penetration.  I think I probably just said 'okay' and continued to bang her not really thinking much of it.

Well.. who ever the fuck said time flies was certainly right.  Here we are almost two years later and I was hanging out with this chick/screwing this chick, pretty much the entire time.  It was just easy if I have to be honest.  I feel like a piece of shit for all of this but I won't lie.  It was easy.  I did my own thing, went to work, lived my life, and this girl was just willing to come to my place whenever I made time for her, and continued to do so even when I would let her down and say I don't have time for a relationship.  She is the type of person who has a very hard time being alone with herself, to the point she would rather hang around a guy who really only wants sex instead of be alone. 

Well... lately I have been really thinking about my life and where I'm headed and I have had a strong desire to start working on myself, reflecting more, and I have a serious project I am working on I can't say too much about but I need to focus on that and I really have been feeling like I don't have time to have this girl moping around my house smoking pot every morning. I also need everything to be clean in my place or I cannot even think straight and this chick leaves the place looking like a tornado hit it. shit everywhere. I have been through real struggles in my life and just shit that makes me appreciate simple cleanliness and shit that has instilled discipline in me and this girl does not have that whatsoever. 


SO, I told her this isn't going to work the other day.  She was finally starting to speak up about how I never talk about feelings and shit and said if I don't start she couldn't do it anymore.  And I think she was surprised when I just told her how I felt, that this shit isn't working for me anymore.  I'm depressed cause I am not focusing on my life as much as I need to etc etc.

Now.  you(and I) would think that it wouldn't be very hard letting her go but, it is.  I don't know if I ever have cried as much as I did when she was leaving for the 'last time'.  Like bro... she just stopped and looked around my place and broke down crying and said "I don't want to go, I don't feel like I belong anywhere else"......Idk why but that tore me apart inside.  Like what have I fucking done.  I was just looking for a fuck and she was just looking for another person to be with... and we let it go this long and now my home is practically her home.  Even though I was primarily interested in the sex and I didn't really talk about feelings and shit I think I probably treated her better than any man has ever treated her. 

And I have to say, at times I got off on treating her like a serious girlfriend... I even bought her flowers on several occasions.  I grew to really like seeing her smile and I loved making her happy.  Like I always had in the back of my mind that one day it would have to end but I had no one else and I still have no one else in my life... it was just nice being able to make another person happy.  Now that she's gone I find the same battle going on in my head that was always raging when she was here.  The battle between this voice in my head that actually loves her, and the voice in my head that knows she is not who I ever intended to end up with.  Like, rationally thinking I cannot stand this girl to be honest... but do I love her? Absolutely.  I have never told her I love her, but I think she knows. 

Honestly it was apparent in the sex if you ask me.  I have never had sex with a woman and felt what I felt when I had sex with this girl.. like you always hear about two people having sex and becoming one and shit and I never experienced that until this girl. 

I also never had a woman be so selfless and do anything for me... cook for me, whatever I wanted. 

And again, I'm just confused.  I go back and forth between rational and irrational thoughts. I know if I told her to come back tonight, I would have sex with her and then feel like a total fucking loser for inviting her back.  I would wake up in the morning and try to get shit done and she would be here being clingy as fuck and annoying the piss out of me.  All her little personality flaws that I hate would annoy me and piss me off and I would wonder how I ever questioned my decision to get rid of her.

But the irrational side of me just pictures her being way cuter than she actually is, really sweet, innocent, undeserving of the pain I am putting her through, telling myself I'm being too judgmental or selective and what if I never find anyone better and regret this for the rest of my life. 

Then the rational side of me chimes in like, but what the fuck is she ever gonna do for you bro? she brings nothing to the table besides pussy and breakfast? 

I'm truly caught up.  I feel so fucking bad knowing shes probably just sitting in bed not showering, depressed as shit. 

I feel like I need to just find another girl to have sex with just to see how I feel after that.  See if I feel this confused still after fucking someone else.  I guess that sounds fucked up but I feel like I would know then. 


Well, not sure if anyone will read all of this but if you did, thanks.  Not sure if anyones advice will really mean anything cause it is hard to judge another persons relationship over the internet but I'll definitely consider any opinions.


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OfflineHalfGinger
Only learning

Registered: 12/13/18
Posts: 131
Last seen: 3 months, 10 days
Re: very confused.. [Re: NOUS333] * 2
    #27049194 - 11/20/20 03:56 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

It sounds very complicated, and I really don’t know any advice to give. But I get ya man. Love and life is messy. It does sound like you have some personal growth to achieve, so maybe your just not truely ready to commit to her, maybe never will be. Though it also sounds like she also needs to grow some as well. It does seem like you let it drag on a little too long, so some kind of bond was formed. I don’t know what to say really. I hope she comes around to understand how you are feeling. Understanding can be the root of a great growth opportunity. Find solace in the fact that you have compassion for how she feels too. That is a sign of a good person. You guys may just need a break. Then again maybe it is over. I wish for you a measured approach to how you handle it. There still lives a way to end it with peace, it just may take time and thought to find a way to express yourself in a way that will allow her to empathize with you. I wish you and her the best, whatever the outcome of this moment may be. Good vibes your way brotha


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Offlineenzofilo
Noob
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/19/20
Posts: 141
Last seen: 2 months, 20 days
Re: very confused.. [Re: HalfGinger]
    #27056038 - 11/24/20 07:03 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

You're doing the right thing bro. These feelings of unhappiness are temporary.

It seems to me you know what you want when you say "she brings nothing to the table but pussy and breakfast" and she is not what you want.
Pursue your goals, keep working on yourself, you'll get there and she'll be a thing of the past,a nice memory.

Sometimes we make these portraits of people in our heads which are way nicer than in real life bc we tend to remember the positive aspects of people only, especially when it comes to romantic relationships.
It's difficult to move on but it's necessary. You can do it man, you're going the right way. If you call her and get with her again it's likely you'll end up regretting the second you cum.

Best wishes NOUS333


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