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Demonic_Chronic
The Plague Doctress



Registered: 08/10/08
Posts: 4,199
Loc: PNW
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I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt.
#27046350 - 11/18/20 08:22 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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I kinda wish I wasnt like this but I am so bitter at the world and I hate most things, not many things bring me joy anymore. I wish I found the joy and novelty that I used to in psychedelics, psychonautics and what not. I have no motivation to seek out new knowledge or try to better myself and I treat everyone around me like shit.
I really do want to be a better person, let me rephrase because I am a great person, one of the most legit people youll ever meet (a few old hands on here know this to be true) but I just feel like everything and everyone pisses me off, my 2 closest friends are bitches too lol so idk, maybe I am just a bitch.
Any tips? anyone here had this issue of just being excessively passive aggressive, annoyed and impatient with all of your interactions?
Thanks
-------------------- The Real violence, the violence that I realized was unforgiveable Is the violence that we do to ourselves When we are too afraid to be, who we really are.
 
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masspan
l'eclair


Registered: 07/26/08
Posts: 5,268
Loc:
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: Demonic_Chronic]
#27046404 - 11/18/20 08:53 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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this year has been one of the worst/hardest/weirdest years in most people's lifetimes, noone can say anything to other people about how it has affected them while it is on going, if you don't feel like the world is moving underneath your feet right now i have no idea what planet you are living on lol but anyways
if you are a 'cunt' as you surmise, i can't say, but your friends and family will tell you usually, your spouse will tell you if the police don't first, but i have no idea what your cuntly level is...you said your friends were bitches and i have no idea what that means
as a fellow '08 member, i give you the benefit of the doubt for not being a cunt, and we actually can and do change
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my mother said, to get things done, you'd better not mess with Major Tom...whose status is the baddest, everytime 'they' bless the apparatus
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: masspan] 2
#27046465 - 11/18/20 09:18 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Punch your friends in the face and go give a homeless person a cheeseburger. Problem solved
Edited by spirit_shadow (11/18/20 09:19 PM)
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Uzimyco
Searcher of information

Registered: 11/14/20
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: masspan]
#27046470 - 11/18/20 09:24 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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I’ll try to keep it brief:
There are two parts of your mind. The cerebral and the autonomic nervous system.
The cerebral is the portion the “you” you know exists. It is where all learning, knowledge and logic reside. It is this portion that you have capacity to access.
The “other you” is the one who controls the machine. It has virtually no access to the cerebral therefore has no intelligence in the true sense. It was in essence purely a computer and rules based at that. Increase heart rate, release hormones, start digestion etc.
There is a theory that just as humans attained sentient thought in the cerebral portion, that computer part (autonomic) gained some awareness as well. Unfortunately it never should have. As it has no real access to “intelligence”. It is in control of emotion and instinct. But doesn’t see into the knowledge and logic. It’s only outlet is stimulation from such emotion. It is like an uneducated child that can’t think. It can only cause trouble as it doesn’t even realize why.
We all struggle to balance what we know to be right. Wrong. Reasonable. Unreasonable, with this very powerful “mind partner” who really runs most of the show but consistently causes trouble as it is it’s only outlet is to stimulate itself with emotion and psychosomatic issues. It’s is broken. A mistake in the “human psyche”. Shouldn’t have ever garnered any awareness as it is completely counterproductive to the cerebral activity. It wears tirelessly on the logic side as you cannot control it just as you cannot raise your heartbeat or breathing rate at will however it can. It’s is bored with its daily chores and seeks stimulation in anxiety, fear, sadness and anger. They are powerful emotions and it’s the only tools it has. Unfortunately much more powerful than happiness.
You have allowed yourself to succumb to the broken computer that has gone rogue in the human mind. It’s not your fault. It’s a punishment for all of humanity. You must try to use the cerebral thought you have to relearn that it is nothing more than that snd try to ignore it to the best you can.
Nosce te ipsum. Latin for “know thyself”. You know who you are. Do not let a maladaptive broken machine drive you down the rabbit hole. I don’t believe it’s goal is malice although I can’t say for sure. You are the one who needs to tell that side of your mind you will not be swayed by it’s wasteful childish and worthless ways. Tell it to worry about what it’s role is. To keep the machine running right and stay out of your side of the building.
You will never “win” however you can learn to gain perspective. Don’t give up. That side won’t. But you’re much smarter. It’s ignorant. Stand strong
-------------------- Thankfully the US Constitution ensures that my rights don't end where your feelings begin
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searching



Registered: 06/08/11
Posts: 4,128
Last seen: 5 months, 23 days
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: Uzimyco]
#27046586 - 11/18/20 11:38 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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I feel similar. I feel like over the last 6 years I just became a grumpy old man. I'm not old either. It's just that when you experience nothing but problems in life and no fun, no play, it gets to me after a while. Bah humbug. There's nothing I want to buy, nothing I want to do. I feel like the best years of my life are behind me. I went to college and partied and hung out with friends all the time. Now all that's left for me is to work, come home and work some more on the house. Why? I really don't know. What am I working towards? I'm having a kid soon and I guess I should be excited about that. I kind of am but I never had kids before so I don't know what I should be excited about. I guess that sounds pretty shitty of me to say. But I have this idea that my life is over soon and I will never have free time and will never be able to do anything fun again.
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,599
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 2 hours, 3 minutes
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: Demonic_Chronic]
#27046598 - 11/18/20 11:59 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thats a tough one!
Personality is really stable over time. My only advice is to take large doses of psychedelics one in awhile and hopefully the intense psychedelic experience will help soften your ego a bit.
And perhaps spending more time in nature, such as hikes and adventuring, will make you feel more at peace with yourself.
Also, if you dont practice mediation, now is a good time. Mediation has shown to have a lot of positive mental effects.
Hope this Helps
-------------------- "What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth 🌎🌍🌏
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Sterben



Registered: 09/22/07
Posts: 2,227
Loc: Netherlands
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
#27046606 - 11/19/20 12:09 AM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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This is how i see it. you are a cunt. and thats ok. the two people you chill with deal with your cuntness and support you so dont be so cunty to them. but also never trust anyone cause if they betray you then youll go back to being a cunt plus a lot more that will end up pushing good people out of your life. so be a cunt but dont hurt anyone and be kind to your two firnds but dont trust fully so your are not betrayed
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Uzimyco
Searcher of information

Registered: 11/14/20
Posts: 58
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: searching] 1
#27046881 - 11/19/20 08:18 AM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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I urge you to read the post I made above yours and read it carefully.
I’ll further clue you in since I have 2 children. I will steal something said to me from my father many years ago.
“Having children will be the best thing in your life while simultaneously being the categorical worst thing in your life.”
You’ve entered a different life phase now snd it’s not always fun. Not by a long shot. I share thoughts like yours. I use the information I posted above to understand why thoughts are generated with such negativity. But I do maintain that above all else, my purest function on this earth now is to ensure the well being of my children. If you think as such you will always maintain the satisfaction that if done right, you’ll have achieved the greatest thing that can be accomplished. At the end of the road nothing much will have made a difference. So enjoy what you can along the way. Your successes nor your failures will mean anything when you reach the end. The love and admiration of your child or children however will be eternal. For those without children, then simply the satisfaction that you did the best you could and enjoyed what was done, will serve the same purpose. Allowing the negative to twist your mind is again a maladaptive function of the brain. It is the antithesis of knowledge, reason and sentient thought. Accept the understanding that good and bad within yourself is simply a perception. Feeling like life has ended is not real not fake. It is the emotion driving you to a counterproductive place wrongfully, because it has nothing better to do.
You are the one who can flip that switch. It’s not easy. It takes work and time. But the knowledge of where it starts as I’ve provided is the beginning. Now it’s all up to you. (Secret: you’ll be ok. You’ll slip in and out of highs and lows as you battle the “monster” within. But if you stay the course, you’ll see things with more clarity. It is all a mindset. That’s it. Perception. That’s it. Don’t look at life being over. Look at what is about to be and what you can do with it.
-------------------- Thankfully the US Constitution ensures that my rights don't end where your feelings begin
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Grungeman17



Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 1,438
Loc: usa
Last seen: 8 hours, 7 minutes
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: Uzimyco]
#27046939 - 11/19/20 08:57 AM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Mental health has came to a head in 2020, and if the whole situation exacerbates and crests fully into a economic decline for big groups, Thats when shit really starts getting ugly. I have had mental issues plague me this year, nothing that took me out the game, but I have to sometimes cut off thought loops and recognize when i'm in a not so good thought process. I've seen alot of shit like everybody else. I never let other peoples experiences deminish my own in that light. I feel like I have travled the full mental spectrum encluding psychotic break. Had a near life ending experience, lucky to survive a major accident with an 18 wheeler. Mom and grandma died the same year. Dads always been gone. I smoke weed for relief and our staunch Governor was just voted back in that will likely NEVER legalize or change the law as long as he holds posistion. Ive did 8months in jail in a small white racist town over a few gs...I've had thoughts and even legitamate plans that if anything were to ever happen to my family and left with what I have, that I would wait and stock these cops after a drunk night at their favorite bar or local a catering event and I would murder them on their way out, ultamatly wait for a perfect time to kill as many of them as I could. I started recognizing these psychotic thoughts and know that it would lead about to the end of my life. So I do my best not to think about that scenario and just keep out of trouble and keep my kid safe. I wood work, I do the myco and cacti... sometimes sports cards and heavy metal. You have to counteract these negative thoughts with positive actions. Don't be idle.
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Demonic_Chronic
The Plague Doctress



Registered: 08/10/08
Posts: 4,199
Loc: PNW
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: Grungeman17]
#27047762 - 11/19/20 05:40 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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I appreciate the responses
-------------------- The Real violence, the violence that I realized was unforgiveable Is the violence that we do to ourselves When we are too afraid to be, who we really are.
 
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SARAtonin
Violent Dreams


Registered: 09/28/11
Posts: 15,935
Loc: Deutschland
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: Demonic_Chronic] 1
#27047764 - 11/19/20 05:42 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Omg I didn’t realize you like Ashnikko
-------------------- God kills indiscriminately and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are none so like him as ourselves. Want to join a cult? Click for details…
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Demonic_Chronic
The Plague Doctress



Registered: 08/10/08
Posts: 4,199
Loc: PNW
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: SARAtonin] 1
#27047768 - 11/19/20 05:43 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Shes the hottest thing since sliced bread, I am OBSESSED with her haha. and hope you've been well! long time no chat!
-------------------- The Real violence, the violence that I realized was unforgiveable Is the violence that we do to ourselves When we are too afraid to be, who we really are.
 
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SARAtonin
Violent Dreams


Registered: 09/28/11
Posts: 15,935
Loc: Deutschland
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: Demonic_Chronic] 1
#27047772 - 11/19/20 05:44 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Demi-Devil, Demon, Little Gargoyle Girl 
Come by sometime!
https://discord.gg/qWDX9hKj
-------------------- God kills indiscriminately and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are none so like him as ourselves. Want to join a cult? Click for details…
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masspan
l'eclair


Registered: 07/26/08
Posts: 5,268
Loc:
Last seen: 3 minutes, 51 seconds
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: SARAtonin]
#27047988 - 11/19/20 07:55 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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so you two know each other, is DC a cunt Sara?
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my mother said, to get things done, you'd better not mess with Major Tom...whose status is the baddest, everytime 'they' bless the apparatus
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Uzimyco
Searcher of information

Registered: 11/14/20
Posts: 58
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: Grungeman17]
#27048089 - 11/19/20 09:24 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Grungeman17 said: Mental health has came to a head in 2020, and if the whole situation exacerbates and crests fully into a economic decline for big groups, Thats when shit really starts getting ugly. I have had mental issues plague me this year, nothing that took me out the game, but I have to sometimes cut off thought loops and recognize when i'm in a not so good thought process. I've seen alot of shit like everybody else. I never let other peoples experiences deminish my own in that light. I feel like I have travled the full mental spectrum encluding psychotic break. Had a near life ending experience, lucky to survive a major accident with an 18 wheeler. Mom and grandma died the same year. Dads always been gone. I smoke weed for relief and our staunch Governor was just voted back in that will likely NEVER legalize or change the law as long as he holds posistion. Ive did 8months in jail in a small white racist town over a few gs...
I don’t think you’ve said anything that is unreasonable based on the circumstances we’re all being forced to deal with. As a matter of fact the darker thoughts you’ve had I’m sure are commonplace to a degree. I am quite mystified that so many “bad” things have not taken place.
Most important I believe is you exhibit strong self awareness. Your post illustrates it well. To me that means 2 things:
1) You have the tools to captain the ship and that’s 80% off the top. A good thing.
2) Strong, profound self awareness seems to be a quality of questionable value. It is something I deal with and it sounds as though you’re the same. Introspective analysis generally means you’re mind is the type that is always running to find the answer, solve the problem and similar. I am well acquainted with such thinking. I do know however it makes you even more susceptible to trouble.
You simply need to harness the power of introspective analysis. The same wiring that lets you see, accept and articulate your deep feelings is the same wiring that can be used to see the irrational causes. I get your mind. Wanting to exact revenge on those that you feel has wronged you is quite human. Yet knowing the result is likely the end and results in virtually the opposite of the original goal.prevents the act.
I say again. It’s not easy. It’s like a skill that has to be leaned and practiced. But I think you’ve got the goods. You’re going to be ok. The troubles you’ve endured don’t sound easy at all. But still. The cerebral will tell you that sinking due to the loss of loved ones should never result in the devolution of ones self. It should be considered an insult to the ones who have passed. If these people cared for you they would not want you to succumb to the loss beyond what is typical.
My most simple advice to begin; when you feel the thoughts that are so categorically self destructive try to remind yourself that the cerebral is not involved. Speak in your head snd remind yourself that you will not be manipulated by the other side. You know it’s devoid of logic as you stated- certain actions will ensure your demise. Know one thing. Nothing stays the same ever. This time will pass.
-------------------- Thankfully the US Constitution ensures that my rights don't end where your feelings begin
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searching



Registered: 06/08/11
Posts: 4,128
Last seen: 5 months, 23 days
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: Uzimyco]
#27048117 - 11/19/20 09:53 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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You gave some great advice here and articulate your thoughts well. I totally relate to the type of thinking you and grungeman describe. At least we know we're not alone. What's surprising to me is not everyone thinks like this. Not everyone analyzes the error in their own thinking. It's very obvious to see in people like Kanye west and Donald trump. They seem like they have no self awareness, and they use it to their advantage. It's probably the reason why they became successful. I can't imagine doing something and having no self doubt.
Back on topic, I've noticed that even when I realize my situation isn't really that bad my mind still doesn't want to let things go. It's like my mind wants to be mad about something and find the unfairness in everything. It's really just like you explained that there is a part of the mind that craves the emotional struggle. I've never heard the theory you were talking about though. I'll have to read more about it.
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,599
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Last seen: 2 hours, 3 minutes
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: SARAtonin]
#27048137 - 11/19/20 10:18 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
SARAtonin said: Demi-Devil, Demon, Little Gargoyle Girl 
Come by sometime!
https://discord.gg/qWDX9hKj

Perhaps if Demonic_Chronic joined the Discord, her moods might improve
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Apollyphelion
Dungeon Master/Princess(1009)


Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 16,757
Loc: Festival of Deaths
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: LogicaL Chaos] 1
#27048196 - 11/19/20 11:19 PM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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I think everyone appreciates kindness as much as people appreciate meanness there are plenty of people out there who equate meanness with confidence and power being driven and focused It is easy to meet people who equate kindness with weakness and considering other people as poor form towards ones own future. and guess what it actually gets these people ahead.
You can actually get quite far despite neglect, betrayal, meanness, thievery, etc. In some ways, Americans come in two camps, Dont be a pussy or dont be an asshole I identify for with the dont be an asshole camp. I have no choice but to progress thru life thru this very simple lens of dont be an asshole.
Most of this world hates my fucking guts at most, and consider me a freak at least I'm a generally happy person though cause at least the world is tiny,.
One thing you could do, is hunt down people who in your view have it objectively worse than you and see how and if they have happiness and how do they search for it
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"I'm looking at you looking at it" SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL PLEASE! www.youtube.com/apollyphelion Creator of the World's Worst Comic Book
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: Demonic_Chronic]
#27048256 - 11/20/20 01:08 AM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Apollyphelion said: It is easy to meet people who equate kindness with weakness and considering other people as poor form towards ones own future.
Made me think of this:
Quote:
Eric Hoffer said: Rudeness is the weak person's imitation of strength.
As I firmly believe that being a good, kind, compassionate and non-judgmental person takes more strength, effort and determination than to work on the default of only being out for oneself.
Quote:
Demonic_Chronic said: Any tips? anyone here had this issue of just being excessively passive aggressive, annoyed and impatient with all of your interactions?
I was this way through my late teens/early twenties. Not passive in my aggression however; extremely full on with it. I got to the point where it lost me friends, girlfriends, jobs, my driving license, my freedom (through being arrested) and god knows how many opportunities.
Then I had a moment of clarity when I recognized just how much I had lost and I just decided to stop. It was as simple as that. And I progressed in my life because I learned that 'you have to learn what you're not, before you can learn what you are.
A big help was also in meeting a woman who is the wisest I know, and who took me into her home and treated me like a son; with understanding and questioning that caused me to self-reflect. From that time I knew that what I wanted to strive for in this life was wisdom, and acting in the manner in which you describe is the very antithesis of acting from wisdom.
So there's that.
Easy as it is - and also empowering as it can feel - to be a cunt; it's certainly not a way of being which will bring goodness into your life. Karma is definitely a thing, and the nicer you are, the nicer the world will treat you:
Quote:
Arthur Rubinstein said: I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,961
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Re: I'm Coming to terms with the fact that I am a total cunt. [Re: Demonic_Chronic]
#27048344 - 11/20/20 04:25 AM (3 years, 2 months ago) |
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What if you try phasing in doing one none-cuntlike thing a day?
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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