I recently brewed some ayahuasca as detailed in another post here.
I spent the day preparing a music playlist including Saami and Inuit traditional artists and random atmospheric songs I knew I liked. I figured it was finally time to add some music to my trips. As the sun set, I took out my two brews, and at 6:00 sharp I downed the rue/caapi combo brew. This was my first time with rue so I wasn't sure what to expect. About half an hour later I started to feel lightheaded and brought out the purge bucket I was warned to keep by me. I had planned to down the chacruna brew 45 minutes later, but effectively exactly then is when I got the overwhelming purge urge.
After that was through, I was briefly disappointed, as I thought to myself that I had just ruined my opportunity to trip, but my biology knowledge reminded me that there was no way the MAOI effects would be instantly gone, so I moved on to scarfing down the chacruna brew (which was quite an ordeal because mistakes were made in the brewing process). When I finally finished that I was rushing around to turn off lights and get ready for a trip I could feel fast coming on.
I got into bed and closed my eyes. I was taken over by a feeling of disappointment as the visuals were just barely perceptible, and unlike shrooms, there was no euphoric feeling (yet!). I remember my thoughts being strangely absent during this period. Over the next half hour the visuals did ramp up more, but I was interrupted by the purge urge yet again, despite my best efforts to fight it. And so I spent the next 20 minutes or so retching in the bathroom. I was nearly in tears, as I had heard somewhere that a purge at this stage might end the trip. I didn't realize how wrong I was on that point, as I felt the effects ramping up still as I staggered back to my bed.
At this point I became aware of distinct distortions in the music I was listening to. It would speed up, pitch shift, and skip like old CD walkmans. My head started to feel like it weighed a million pounds, and my limbs started to go numb. I started to feel terrified like I never had before. Every sound started to take on an electronic quality. I recall at one point I felt like I was in a maze forever with a threatening drum beat all around me (I later relistened to the song that was playing at the time, and this must have been less than 30 seconds real time). Eventually I figured that the source of my fear must be the music, so I reached out from under my blankets and shut it off. Everything suddenly became exquisitely silent for a few moments, before random musical hallucinations started up again.
Skeletons and skulls were surprisingly dominant in the visuals that followed, along with figures that seemingly only existed to laugh at me. I was pretty convinced this was going to be a bad trip through and through by now, but I actually managed to turn it around. Or maybe I had nothing to do with that, idk. I had to hold back my own laughter for the next while as I didn't want to wake the landlords upstairs, and I could just tell that if I started laughing I would not be able to stop it. I felt like all of emotions were like different children at this point, and I was different ones of them at different times, or I was a parent having to make sure they weren't getting out of line.
Around now the trip started to come down, and the disappointment started to creep back, because I felt that I hadn't experienced the ego-death I'd been hoping for (I'd honestly love to know from others if the feeling is unmistakable, or if I have experienced it and I just didn't realize). I looked at the time, and it had only been about 3 hours since initially taking the chacruna brew. From here on I had the strange experience of starting to trip again every time I started to drift asleep. This continued for the next 5 hours, as I came to terms with how intense the experience was. Ignoring the horrific acidity of my first-attempt brew, 10/10 experience.
-------------------- ------------------------------ smash that default network yo (but do it carefully)
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