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OfflinePsilosopherr
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Any advice for living with a crippled partner?
    #27035502 - 11/12/20 04:03 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

My girlfriend is semi-crippled and sometimes it gives me second thoughts. I feel like a jerk for even thinking these thoughts but it just feels so limiting activity wise. But I want to try to make the most of it

Half of her body got fucked in an accident a 2 years back. Two spots in her leg give her trouble. She can walk normally, she seemed to be pretty normal until we went to a park recently. She could not walk very far at allll without getting full-on exhausted, and this was a small park. I mean, all of my girlfriends have been big, I'm accustomed to 'plain old not in good shape,' this is far more severe.

I'm just kinda bummed by the stuff we'll never be able to share. We'll never truly dance together, never go on outdoor adventures, never be able to really share a music festival experience fully.

And around the house it just feels limiting. Its a whole lot of watching tv and playing videogames. Admittedly I do a lot of tv and games when I'm alone, but its weird to not have that extra option of going for a walk/bike-ride to shake things up occasionally. What sort of activities do you do to fill in those gaps? I try to get her to play instruments with me or dance, or fish, garden, walk my property, etc but she's just never  into doing those things herself. I had to practically force a fishing pole into her hands and (half jokingly) make her do it, she's so resistant to doing new things its like wtf. I've invited her to several concerts, dance performances, etc and she'll never go. I understand if you dont like the band or dont like ballet but idk, if the roles were reversed I would've gone to every single one. Going to concerts of bands you don't like is fun. Your boyfriend wants to take you to an upscale dance performance maybe you should just fucking go and give it a try.

Any of you folks out there have crippled partners? How do you deal with, how do you try to make the most of your lives together in absence of those things

I've been tempted to bring up the idea of exercising/walking together to try to get her leg working better/get in shape. I feel a little weird doing that and I can tell she's probably going to need a push. If its only been 2 years since the accident and she went through a whole process just to walk at all, maybe now that she's been slacking for a while I could give her that push she needs to better functionality.

And also she's never tripped before so thats in the works. Hoping it'll have a positive effect on her outlook.


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InvisibleHartford
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Registered: 11/27/19
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Re: Any advice for living with a crippled partner? [Re: Psilosopherr]
    #27035538 - 11/12/20 04:21 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

She's probably self conscious about her situation so I wouldn't bring it up. I would get her some shrooms though, to help her to start dealing with her problems though.

If you want to go on a walk, do it. And she can have some time alone to process her feelings about not being able to.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Any advice for living with a crippled partner? [Re: Psilosopherr]
    #27035603 - 11/12/20 04:52 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

How long have you been together?


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflinePsilosopherr
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Re: Any advice for living with a crippled partner? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #27035665 - 11/12/20 05:24 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

little over a year


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OfflineMLPismyOPSEC
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Re: Any advice for living with a crippled partner? [Re: Hartford] * 2
    #27035704 - 11/12/20 05:45 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

It sounds like she is depressed from the accident and isn't coming to terms with her now being effectively disabled. I hope and expect that the mushrooms will help her mental state. I actually would bring up walking/exercising BUT being very careful to use very soft language so she knows that it's coming from a place of love. That it's killing you to see her give up and not want to try anything. You could try a passive approach, it will take a long time but i'm a fan of leading by example. Start going on walks by yourself, each time making sure to just ask "hey do you want to go with me?" If she says no, "okay no problem i'll be back in a few." There may come a time where she does say yes, you'll just have to be patient on both the yes and the walk. Every so often you could add "i'd really enjoy it if you came with me," or adding that you want to spend time with her. Pushing too hard will have adverse reactions.

You absolutely should not feel bad about having these thoughts. It's a tough thing to say out loud, and not many people would do it for fear of backlash, but i guarantee everyone who is in a tough situation has had the "what if" thought about simplifying their lives. Kids are easily the number one example. I would bet every dollar i've ever had in my lifetime that almost every single parent has had a passing thought of "how much easier would my life be if i didn't have kids?" Totally normal, and doesn't mean they are going to act on it.

If you love her and want to make it work, you will find a way. Again, just be very tactful and ease into it. You cannot make her change her ways, it has to come organically from her. Is she overweight and was she before the accident? If so, it will make it more difficult because she may not have had the motivation to do physically strenuous activities, that will be a tough hill to climb. Excuse the poor choice of words! lol


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OfflinePsilosopherr
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Re: Any advice for living with a crippled partner? [Re: MLPismyOPSEC]
    #27042293 - 11/16/20 01:57 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Hey thanks man, I really appreciate you taking the time.

I'm pretty sure she was thin before the accident and yeah she is now overweight. Turns out the accident was 4 years ago, not 2.

We'd been going through a rough patch but we had a really good talk last night, resolved all the other issues we'd been having and then she happened to organically bring up that she was pushing herself to (pardon my french) 'be on top' in bed more to try to get her leg more accustomed to it.

I was going to take your advice and just invite her on walks but that gave me the perfect opening so I just outright asked her if she'd be into working on her leg more/going on walks and she was totally open to it. Serendipity strikes again


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InvisibleStudy The CNS
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Re: Any advice for living with a crippled partner? [Re: Psilosopherr]
    #27043782 - 11/17/20 12:16 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Sort of related:



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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Any advice for living with a crippled partner? [Re: Study The CNS]
    #27047070 - 11/19/20 10:23 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Are you attracted to her? 
The thing with cripples (for me) is that they will slowly wither away or the opposite (become obese) and I can’t deal with that.  I would advise you to move on unless you guys are deeply in love and have an active sex life.  Otherwise I think it’s just two people living together to avoid loneliness.  If that’s what it is be glad you enjoy her company.  I dated someone I had to carry up and down the stairs (she was borederline totally disabled; helped her get into and out of shower etc) because of a blood clotting disorder; and some other serious injuries; I was in denial like you are.  The relationship was doomed from the moment she lost the ability to walk around a park like you said.  There is a difference between bad shape and cripple.  My two cents is that it’s NOT SELFISH to want to have someone to SHARE life with.  You know what you want deep down; but you are comfortable in your routine.


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sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


Edited by theRealrollforever (11/19/20 10:25 AM)


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OfflinePsilosopherr
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Re: Any advice for living with a crippled partner? [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27047242 - 11/19/20 12:05 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Yeah I'm very attracted to her and we have almost all the same fetishes

I mean, she does everything for herself. She has me/her son fetch a lot of things for her around the house but other than that she's totally independent.


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Invisibleilus
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Re: Any advice for living with a crippled partner? [Re: Psilosopherr]
    #27048290 - 11/20/20 02:21 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Why don't you get a heavy duty wheelchair for park stuff and outdoor stuff?


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Offlineparadoxlost
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Re: Any advice for living with a crippled partner? [Re: ilus]
    #27048483 - 11/20/20 07:39 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Get a life insurance policy out on them. That way if they're pissing you off you can look at them a be like, well this is worth 10 mil.


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[quote]koods said:
Asante, I don’t think we should have any sympathy and should celebrate the deaths of antivax/antimask activists. They are responsible for far more American deaths than al Qaeda ever was. Every time one of them dies ther movement of death is weakened.ut[/quote]

[quote]koods said:
Chasing variants with vaccines is a dumb idea[/quote]


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OfflineRobZombie68
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Re: Any advice for living with a crippled partner? [Re: Psilosopherr]
    #27054575 - 11/23/20 08:11 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

My wife isn't handicap, but she's always been fit.  Well, since gyms closed and she now works from home, she has sat all day, every day since March and I seen the difference it made, physically.

So in September I bought a badass Bowflex and threw it right in our living room, I now wake her up at 4am every morning to get in a hour workout before work, she loves it now that she got into it...


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