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OfflineTurvenuija
Up shroom creek without a paddle

Registered: 11/07/18
Posts: 190
Last seen: 18 days, 8 hours
I'm planning to take 5g in silent darkness tonight, but I haven't been alright recently.
    #27026283 - 11/07/20 08:09 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Okay hi, weird post incoming. My relationship with mushrooms has been very volatile this year and I've had more "bad" or rather unhelpful experiences than good ones. In 2019 my trips were mostly good experiences but something changed when I spent some months sober to rest from tripping frequently and relapsed into a worsening depression.
I have developed some sort of mental block that happens when I trip, it appears as an entity that acts as a dull looking blanket that hides the visions of my trip (I mean that entity is still a vision and very real feeling one, it just doesn't do or show me anything meaningful or helpful and it won't go away despite trying suggestions kindly given to me in a previous thread). I don't know what it is or what to believe, it might be just a trick of the mind that has been reinforced over time or something else, whatever. It prevents me from getting these mystical experiences that changed my mind for the better when I first started dabbling in shrooms. This time mushrooms haven't helped me to even begin recovering from depression. It has been the opposite, it's demoralizing and sad to see that the one thing that actually once helped with depression and brought me joy is now letting me down over and over.

Now, to the point of the thread. Despite having no luck with mushrooms, the worst of this depressive period is behind me now and I've been feeling alright recently. I am not giving up on tripping, I've seen how they can turn a losing battle completely around, the risks involved are worth taking. To step back in to the ring for another round, I've decided to cut out music and spend this 5g trip in dark silence alone (in a different place than usual to change things even more) in case I somehow subconsciously associate having the mind block with the same albums I keep using over and over (I have imagined it saying "dude you've seen this type of vision too many times already, move on to something else"). Honestly 5g (they're liberty caps...) is a biiig dose and it might be wise to lower it considerably. I used to handle high doses well and I thought low doses aren't worth taking, but that might no longer be the case.

Any words of caution or suggestions to how I should approach this situation? Anyway thanks for reading my blog.


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Offlineimperialshipworker
drone colony janitor
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 06/26/20
Posts: 18
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: I'm planning to take 5g in silent darkness tonight, but I haven't been alright recently. [Re: Turvenuija]
    #27026296 - 11/07/20 08:16 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Namaskara

Since you believe in entities, I'll talk assuming those type of things are real.

The entity is attached to you and causes you problems.  It could be that he or she represents a mental block.  It could be a manifestation of depression, or an addiction you're unaware of.  I have an entity wrapped around one of my chakras.  He's not a negative being necessarily but is negative to me, as I cannot raise my energy above that chakra.  IMO it's a manifestation of negative thinking patterns.  I've been going really easy this year, and focused more on getting out of this negative situation, because all of my experiences have resulted in the same feeling over and over again like this... They go from this is how it could be to "HEY!" "WAKE UP!" "THIS IS WHAT IT IS!" "DEAL WITH IT FIRST!"

So if you want my advice just microdose until you can elevate your positive thinking to where it needs to be.  Despite what Stamets says, I MD .2 every day.  Has done wonders, but neither it nor tripping have relieved the shitty aspects of the situation I'm in.  Only you can do that.


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OfflineTurvenuija
Up shroom creek without a paddle

Registered: 11/07/18
Posts: 190
Last seen: 18 days, 8 hours
Re: I'm planning to take 5g in silent darkness tonight, but I haven't been alright recently. [Re: imperialshipworker]
    #27026346 - 11/07/20 08:46 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Basically, mushrooms have filled my world view with uncertainties. I don't have the power to know what is real and what isn't, as far as I'm concerned the things I see while tripping are about as real as anything else my mind experiences. I mention entities because I experience entities, in the end I only have vague assumptions about reality.

I also think that the mind block has to do with depression, besides that my depression has manifested in my visions. They've become more scary and ugly, colored in deep blacks and reds that easily sour the mood of the trip entirely. This mainly happens during the come up, things clear up if I can distract myself long enough and not spiral into a horror trip. Then during the peak the mind block happens just when things are getting good and I'm falling into trance. The mind block might be manifestation of things left undone and my mind isn't comfortable descending deep into a trip without taking care of more important things first, like looking after my health better or getting in better shape mentally. Or maybe it's my ego rejecting what I'm seeing and hides it.


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OfflineLosTresOjos
Humano
I'm a teapot
Registered: 09/18/18
Posts: 1,347
Loc: Hurling Through Space
Last seen: 2 years, 29 days
Re: I'm planning to take 5g in silent darkness tonight, but I haven't been alright recently. [Re: imperialshipworker]
    #27026848 - 11/07/20 01:18 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

ooooh, Yeah.

I'm not sure they believe in entities like you do there buddy.

Op: Be confident and secure in your own thoughts. If you are not sure then you are not sure. Its ok. Thats why we ask questions.
You can bank of the fact that no one has it figured out. And if they say they do, then thats a red flag of bullshit.


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OfflineskOsH
Functionally dysfunctional
 User Gallery


Registered: 07/03/19
Posts: 1,372
Loc: the PNW
Last seen: 1 day, 16 hours
Re: I'm planning to take 5g in silent darkness tonight, but I haven't been alright recently. [Re: LosTresOjos]
    #27026865 - 11/07/20 01:30 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I mean, have these other trips where you saw entities also in total darkness?

The mind loves to play tricks with the eye. Just do it sober one time and really make it dark, and look into the darkness

Just amplifies it on psychedelics. Maybe do the majority of the trip with an eyemask on and focus on the CEVs and the things you wish to fix that way.


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