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Invisible1234go
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: GreenHorns]
    #27022972 - 11/05/20 10:11 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
But... deathbed wishes man.

That's a pretty scared and hallowed thing right there.

I'd want mine to be honored no matter what by my bestie. That's true friendship that is.





I see it differently.  I wouldn't call up the family, and just blurt it out.  But yeah, if I was asked if I knew anything so that my friends family could have some closure...I'd give it up, and I know my dead friend would understand.


I agree with this...

Quote:

GreenHorns said:
@jsb but any wish that conceals truth due to personal shame? Idk it seems to be an impulsive and poorly thought out decision from the requestor based on adrenaline. If given time to consider the thought do you think they would they feel the same way?




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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: 1234go]
    #27022978 - 11/05/20 10:14 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

If family was truly close then they would respect his wishes.

Edit: can you tell them the situation honestly? That you cant tell them*


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Edited by spirit_shadow (11/05/20 10:14 AM)


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: 1234go]
    #27022985 - 11/05/20 10:16 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

1234go said:
Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
But... deathbed wishes man.

That's a pretty scared and hallowed thing right there.

I'd want mine to be honored no matter what by my bestie. That's true friendship that is.





I see it differently.  I wouldn't call up the family, and just blurt it out.  But yeah, if I was asked if I knew anything so that my friends family could have some closure...I'd give it up, and I know my dead friend would understand.


I agree with this...

Quote:

GreenHorns said:
@jsb but any wish that conceals truth due to personal shame? Idk it seems to be an impulsive and poorly thought out decision from the requestor based on adrenaline. If given time to consider the thought do you think they would they feel the same way?






Bullshit if I was your dead friend I'd come back and punch you in the kneecap :house:


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Invisible1234go
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #27022990 - 11/05/20 10:18 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

spirit_shadow said:
If family was truly close then they would respect his wishes.






That's just silly.  We're talking about some drugs here...

If my friend died of asphyxiation while jerking off to some animal porn...I'd keep his secret.


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: 1234go]
    #27023002 - 11/05/20 10:25 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

No it's the real selfishness in the room. They want someone who is not them to conform to their wishes just so they can feel better.

Edit: and if the family wasnt pressuring to know then you would be selfish for telling.


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Edited by spirit_shadow (11/05/20 10:27 AM)


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OfflineGreenHorns
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: Asante]
    #27023003 - 11/05/20 10:27 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Well personal integrity and good judgment need to be honored as well when going about all aspects of daily life that we are privileged enough to still live. Consider now if your friend was alive what thier wish would be. Unburdening of loved ones or concealment of a personal treasured fact? I think one must respect a dying wish but recognize if said wish is unreasonable, immoral or insensitive. The thoughts of an aged or dwindling mind don't tend to be entire.

@spirit_shadow sorry we see things so differently on the topic. Obviously there's a lot of situational matter to consider case by case but I've buried enough friends to personal feel we need to live and die honestly.


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: GreenHorns]
    #27023006 - 11/05/20 10:28 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Keeping a secret is not lying.


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OfflineEzuma
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: Sugabearcrisp]
    #27023007 - 11/05/20 10:28 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Nope I'm not going to jail for a dead guy


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Invisible1234go
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #27023011 - 11/05/20 10:29 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

spirit_shadow said:
No it's the real selfishness in the room. They want someone who is not them to conform to their wishes just so they can feel better.

Edit: and if the family wasnt pressuring to know then you would be selfish for telling.





You have a point, but that's family.

If I knew the family was crazy, and might disown the dead son over a little drug use...I might reconsider.  However, if I knew that it'd bring them closure, and peace...I wouldn't hesitate.  Once again...I know my friend wouldn't hold it against me.


Edited by 1234go (11/05/20 10:35 AM)


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OfflineSugabearcrisp
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #27023059 - 11/05/20 10:55 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I think families keep cause of death hidden frequently. My wife's childhood friend died of a brain aneurism at 43 which is the story they went with. It was true but incomplete as the aneurism was caused by a speedball. I had a 2nd cousin dead at 36 from massive coronary caused by an enlarged heart from 2 decades of heavy opioid use which of course is not talked about.

Quote:

spirit_shadow said:
If family was truly close then they would respect his wishes.

Edit: can you tell them the situation honestly? That you cant tell them*




Thinking about this I would level with a spouse, but I don't think I would tell the truth to the kids, I would leave that decision to the spouse.


@greenhorns I really respect your opinion and am coming around to the realization that keeping it hidden is not harm reduction. :hug:


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OfflineTripsurfer
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: Sugabearcrisp] * 1
    #27023074 - 11/05/20 11:06 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

If you make sure he lives, his family need never find out :shrug:


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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: Tripsurfer] * 2
    #27023093 - 11/05/20 11:22 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

It's a pretty shitty thing to burden people with...the moment of death is when you should make peace with those around you, not saddle someone with a burden while you cop out and die! It's like someone thanking you in advance for a major task and leaving the room before you can say no. Your moribund ass might never consider the implications and unforeseen consequences that someone else will have to live with for the rest of their life.

As someone stated above, if it was simply embarrassing like autoerotic asphyxiation I'd just leave out the details, but if it was an overdose, I might be inclined to tell them, and perhaps give some insight as to what led them in that direction. Their parents, for instance, might have to do some soul-searching if they were abusive and found that out.

Interesting topic! There's not really one clear answer here and I think everyone's perspective is pretty valid.


Edited by THT (11/05/20 11:24 AM)


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: THT]
    #27023206 - 11/05/20 12:35 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

THT said:
It's a pretty shitty thing to burden people with...the moment of death is when you should make peace with those around you, not saddle someone with a burden while you cop out and die! It's like someone thanking you in advance for a major task and leaving the room before you can say no. Your moribund ass might never consider the implications and unforeseen consequences that someone else will have to live with for the rest of their life.

As someone stated above, if it was simply embarrassing like autoerotic asphyxiation I'd just leave out the details, but if it was an overdose, I might be inclined to tell them, and perhaps give some insight as to what led them in that direction. Their parents, for instance, might have to do some soul-searching if they were abusive and found that out.

Interesting topic! There's not really one clear answer here and I think everyone's perspective is pretty valid.



I'd respect my friend until I die and if the family couldnt understand then well, that really wouldn't be my problem. It would be something only they could work out internally.


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OfflineTHT
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #27023261 - 11/05/20 01:06 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I'm just thinking that it might give them some closure, or time to change their ways, if they knew something they did may have set my friend on that path. If I said he just spontaneously died and, let's say he had young siblings, the parents might be able to prevent it from happening again by changing the way they interact with their kids.

That's a pretty specific case though, it's tough because you don't want to betray someone's dying wish.


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Invisible1234go
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #27023272 - 11/05/20 01:14 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

spirit_shadow said:
I'd respect my friend until I die and if the family couldnt understand then well, that really wouldn't be my problem. It would be something only they could work out internally.





Quote:

THT said:
There's not really one clear answer here and I think everyone's perspective is pretty valid.





Let's celebrate diversity, spirit.  :hug:

:loveheart:


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: 1234go]
    #27023279 - 11/05/20 01:20 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

1234go said:
Once again...I know my friend wouldn't hold it against me.



I'd be hella upset if I could look down from above and see that a friend betrayed my dying wish.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
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Invisible1234go
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #27023297 - 11/05/20 01:32 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

That's unfortunate, to hold something like that over another even in death. 

If I were the dead guy, and saw that my friend "betrayed" my dying wish...I'd know he did it for good reason, and I'd try my best to understand his position.


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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: Sugabearcrisp]
    #27023301 - 11/05/20 01:36 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I'd have lied about that shit even if he didn't ask me to


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: 1234go]
    #27023460 - 11/05/20 03:22 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

1234go said:
Quote:

spirit_shadow said:
I'd respect my friend until I die and if the family couldnt understand then well, that really wouldn't be my problem. It would be something only they could work out internally.





Quote:

THT said:
There's not really one clear answer here and I think everyone's perspective is pretty valid.





Let's celebrate diversity, spirit.  :hug:

:loveheart:



:notsureif:


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Invisiblenooneman
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Re: Your best friend just died what do you do? [Re: Sugabearcrisp]
    #27023479 - 11/05/20 03:32 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I'd tell the medics and the doctors and everything, but when the family asked, I'd just say he clutched his chest and fell over and seemed to have a heart attack. I'd take him to the hospital myself and be 100% honest with the docs and everything.


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