Hey all!
Since my first post here describing my first trip on 3g of Cubensis, I've been experimenting with the same dosage to get used to all the different effects, in different conditions and periods of the day. I've done 5 trips in total (4 on 3g, 1 on 3.5g), all of them were very meaningful in their own unique way, but there are 2 that were very very special.
(got carried away and wrote too much, sorry :p)
The first one happened on one of my 3g doses. I entered on this trip with the intention of exploring my creativity, have a deeper understanding of the way I create and perceive things (this desire came from perceptions in the previous trips), so I got comfortable in my room, put some instrumental music, took the mushrooms at 15:40, started to feel something around 16:22. I was in my bed trying to get lost in the music when things started to change, the patterns on the ceiling started to shape a dancing silhouette, it kept dancing and fading on the ceiling, until it slowly transformed into something made of tentacles and half humanoid "crawling behind the reality", but it wasn't something scary as it sounds now, I was more curious than anything else. Then I started walking around the room with a million questions in my head and suddenly it was as if for every question I made to myself, something was answering me with stories, I almost entered "new worlds" where everything was pointing towards the questions I was making, it was sometimes enlightening, sometimes very confuse. Everything I could think of became story, I started to feel like I was just one more child playing in the garden of this Thing that was a great storyteller and loved to have the little ones there to listen. But then after many eternities, the night came, and I felt I was alone in that garden. Then the deep questions started to come and there was no one answering anymore. This was the most abstract-thinking part of the trip so I wouldn't know how I would start trying to describe, but after some time, I felt like the trip was over already. I wasn't getting visuals anymore, started to understand the real world again and etc. So i went to the bathroom to take a shower and go to bed. As soon as I enter the shower I felt some kind of presence, stronger than before, and as I look to the ceiling, I was having visuals again, and then I felt the need to close my eyes. When I did, I saw this thing that had an extremely alien looking, it was humanoid, like a cross between an elf and a grey, very tall and slim, big black eyes fulls of sparks, had a very androgynous face that kept morphing into 1000 faces in a second. I felt like it was something trying to "look like a human" the best it could to understand what I was, like it had a genuine curiosity, and I wasn't feeling afraid. For a moment, I felt like we swapped, and I was looking at my self for the Thing's viewpoint and I was totally alien to myself. I don't know how much long after that, I came back to myself and the trip was now slowly fading away, and even being super tired I almost couldn't sleep that night thinking about all this.
The other one was my last trip on 3.5g, and contrary to what I was expecting, the visuals here didn't became more absurd than before, but as soon as I confirmed I was seeing things, one of my walls appeared to be covered in strange symbols, like many tablets, each one with what looked like a "character" I guess, and they kept going from blue to yellow to some color I can't name. After the first visual shock, it was a much more contemplative trip I guess, I felt a clear separation of my body as if it were something I wear, not something I am. I started to get curious to see what the body would do without my intervention, like watching your Sim character live for himself for a moment. As soon as the night start to fall, I felt like there was some kind of very elusive "signal" being broadcasted to all living things, like a command for the things of the day to go to sleep, and the things of the night to wake up. So I watched my body "obey" that command, like an animal crawling to the darkest corner of the room and just waiting like an animal trying to get shelter and not get caught by something. You know when you suddenly wake from a daydream and realize you've been staring at a wall for 5 minutes not even been aware of the wall? I had something like that, but when I "wake", I felt like waking from a huge period of time where I didn't know if I was being myself or something else. And this started to happen again and again. I remember being concerned about "how will I know which one is the real one?", until a moment where I decided it wasn't important, felt like "no matter where i came from, i will go back there eventually". After this I started having a lot of thoughts about time and how time shaped things around me. I wrote many things that night but mostly too crazy to share I guess.
So, having that my first trip was very light and I got those 2 from the same amount (only +.5g on the last), I was surprised of how much same dose trips can vary in intensity from one another, and having basically the same setting. After this 5 trips in total, I feel like I'm missing something that I need to go deeper to understand. I want to try a higher dose of 4.5g to see how things go, but I don't know if it could be too much. I think I can handle it fine, but that can just be pride talking, and in the other hand, I feel like fearing a bad trip too much can ruin my exploration. I've already accepted that experimenting long enough, sooner or later I will go through one, and something that this last trip thought me when I was freaking out about time is that the kind of fear that I have to expect on a trip is not the kind of fear that we consciously have, so its a waste of time for the conscious mind to try to do anything about it. Consciously we can be scared of seeing monsters and scary things, but when I was there that night what scared me was a perception I was having about something very elemental to my everyday life.
Am I going the right direction here? I don't want to abuse the mushroom, but also don't want to stay on shallow waters forever when I feel there is something so huge on the other side of something just waiting for the curtain to drop.
Edited by illuminachos (11/01/20 11:16 AM)
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