Hi Shroomery
I have been on and off the website for a number of years and glad to be posting again
I will get to the point of the trip report but to get to the point I need you to indulge me with some background to get to the trip.
Apologies for such a long post
The Past
I have been taking a number of psychedelics regularly more times i can remember for past decade and longer but always in a social or party setting mostly to have a good time laugh and admire some crazy visuals with no desire for insight or to gain any introspective knowledge even though it's inevitable at times to wonder how, why or who we are. I can barely remember much about my experiences apart from a few profound moments on L which ultimately led me to realizing I have gotten all I could from it.
I shortly followed into some number of years with some number traumatic life issues which left me anxious and in doubt about what the future will hold which often follows with a loss of a close one. Within these years I didn't go near any psychedelics.
Like anything time heals all and slowly you move into a better times.
The Present
Fast forward to 2019 the present its time for learning and growth.
It has been a number of years since I have taken psychedelics. I take 2g dry on an empty stomach with a friend, we have been having a good day, trip is going well 15min or so to come up, usual wavy and lots of colours. I feel good and the music is good I decide to smoke a blunt and this is where it all went down hill, I entered the dreaded loop of thought that kept repeating and repeating crazy shit to my self to the point I couldn't control it. I stood up walked to the door and all of a sudden just collapsed and started twitching on the floor at the time it was very scary. My friend panicked and ran to me to see if I was ok, I had clearly just whited out. We decided to walk it off and walk home and that was that. I feel this was the start of the lessons I needed to learn to grow as a person and understand with psilocybin how much you NEED to respect it. I can only presume or rather how I feel it's because I am much older now and have dealt with a lot of trauma where as previously i was young and it was a time and place thing.
I didn't let this experience ruin it for me, although I have smoked a lot less weed since then. I have always been an avid smoker for years but maybe like once or twice a month now in a social setting it hasn't really agreed with me after that trip which is a shame but i actually feel better for it.
Couple a months later around December I had another experience with a bunch of friends at same dose, it was very enjoyable at the end of the night everyone wanted to go out and party but i left to go home as my time, I was done and I needed to meditate with a smile. This lesson was all about not pushing your self and enjoy the time you have had. I felt great after this.
Skip forward to about 3 months prior to writing this. This probably my most profound experience with mushrooms to date which is why I am writing this. Hopefully some of you can relate or give insight on the experience.
A few days prior I had this sudden need to take a big dose of mushrooms it was really weird I felt this massive urge to get to that place I don't know how to describe but this trip needed to happen. My friend who I have tripped with a number of times was down so we where set.
I don't think anything could have prepared me for this day.
It was a beautiful August afternoon we sat in the park, no one about it was perfect. Another friend decided to join us which in hindsight was a good idea as you will see. Anyway we took 4g dried, chewed and swallowed. 5min later it started to hit, I swear I have never came up off anything so quick in my life it was lovely and warm, I was looking up at the sky and started to see fractals in front of my eyes like that weird vale you start to see and uncover. Then all of a sudden i got a really overwhelming feeling in my body similar to MDMA it was quite distracting and my focus was on that and how I can relax but I couldn't. I need to note i did a about 100 mile on my bike a over the past week I feel some how it was bringing out and pain or feeling in my muscles. Anyway at this point i went for a walk as I needed the toilet everything started to become liquid flowing slowly the park I was in is very nice lots of greenery very good sitting. I stood in the bush and for the life of me couldn't piss and this started to freak me out a bit so I had to say to the guys I need to go home and sort my self out (brings me back to the point of my other friend being here). So I jumped on my bike which probably wasn't a good idea at the time looking back, but I wasn't about to walk. Instantly I was off free flow on my bike with no pain in my legs like they knew it was so natural riding taking me home through all the undergrowth of all the trees that where neon glowing with light running through every leaf and I'm in total disbelief how amazing nature was.
It took me what seemed like forever to get home but in reality must have been about 10min if that and I guess at this point about 45min has past been since taking the dosage. So this idea was half good half bad, it was horrible to be in doors and out of nature but what was about happen I didn't want to be outside but then again it may not of happened if I just took my self off to a much secluded place and meditated. This is 100% one of the lessons I learned from this. So I make it home I run to the toilet and take a piss, id been so fixated getting to the toilet I hadn't taken a min to look at everything indoors. I look up and the world around me is raised everything is moving so fast I can barely open my eyes its so intense at the point, body, mind and the world around me is a vale of broken fractals. I walk to the kitchen I am forced to the ground with my eyes shut at this point I was coming up to the peak. I had a very loud whistling noise in my ear and all these writings and glyphs swirling around me with tentacles in a light fractal world that was very profound and colourful shooting me through time and space, its all very vivid even now. I could hear a voice or rather feel it than a physical sound. This thing is channeling me all kinds of messages at this point its a complete overload of insight, "do this, its ok you need to relax, take it all in, don't fight". But I couldn't grasp it as my physical body felt disgusting and sore and I couldn't fully let go and this made the whole experience at this point uncomfortable/panicky and what seemed like a bad trip but it wasn't. It was just a lesson to be learned as I feel with all "bad trips". I stayed on the floor coming in and out of this transcended world which would shift completely within multi dimensional spaces in what seemed like hours but was only a short period of time maybe an hour, I couldn't tell you. I manage to get up off the floor after sometime which was kind of a snap decision out of nowhere. I had stick my head in some water as I was burning up but It was time to get moving again. I managed to change clothes some how and get on my bike and make my way back to my friends.
I appreciated this ride so much and how beautiful everything was around me and that I managed to go to a place that was so profound that I didn't think was possible and come out the other side, I felt amazing. I managed to meet my friends back at the park, they got a bit worried that I never texted back after the text "you have left your emotional baggage with us" referring to my back pack, which I found quite fitting. Funny enough my friend had experienced similar visuals but not to the extent to my journey referring back to what he likes to call them "squid gods" and "guardians". Since id had been making formal decisions for my self for the past so many hours it was my job to get them up off their ass and go to another surrounding. There's a beautiful part of the park with huge forestry like trees and lucky enough a jazz band was playing it was perfect. at this point everything started to comedown to what was a normal trip or rather a wholesome level of understanding. I felt so much love for what I had went through. We stayed for an hour or so before going to a grassy hill across a lake to watch the sun go down.
I have no perception how long the trip lasted but it was a very quick come up and after such an intense peak the comedown was so sharp. This was probably due to such a contrast of consciousness.
I was totally disappointed in my self for not letting go and working through my experience and enjoying fully how beautiful it was, but I totally understand that was the lesson I got from that. I need to let go of things you can't control in life and work through it. Resistance can sometimes make things worse and cause more pain for your self.
I have had a couple of trips since which have been totally about reflective insight, laughing and talking.
I love how you feel for weeks after.
The Future
As I said previously with age I feel my outlook and use of psychedelics has changes dramatically with more profound experiences. I have so much respect for psilocybin, its not to be taken light hearted as it will knock you on your ass literally! I don't think to say it "fixes" your mental health is correct and can be misconstrued but it does help you answer questions you need for insight to work on your mental health or trauma and build.
Thanks if you made it to the end of this!
Take care Shroomery
Edited by aflex45 (10/29/20 07:56 PM)
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