So much to digest mentally and emotionally but overall I had a positive trip.
I, like others, turned to mushrooms for help with depression. I took 4 grams in caps that I made and when I started to notice the effects coming on, I put on a video of fish that I found on YouTube. Scuba diving is something that I enjoying doing as I find it very relaxing. Breathing underwater really emphasizes the "focus on the breath" aspect of mediation.
Within minutes, I developed a case of the giggles that turned into uncontrollable laughter; it was pure euphoria. The setting that I had created was incongruous with the laughter. I looked over at my dog Norman who clearly was not as amused I was. In fact he looked quite concerned. He wasn’t used to me laughing and neither was I.
I let my mind wander and I recalled stories of people who ended up in the ER and that caused more uncontrollable laughter, The thought of me trying to explain how serious the situation was while laughing uncontrollably was yet another incongruity.
At some point, I called a friend and tried to explain that I couldn’t stop laughing and tried to explain the dilemma that I created in my head about the ER. It was at this point that I realized that if other people were around, I’d be the annoying guy that wouldn’t shut the fuck up. My friend is well aware of my battles with depression and after we ended the video phone call She sent me a text say that she liked the happy version of me.
I’ve since gone back through my phone and the various apps I frequently use and apparently I contacted several other people who know my history well and that I’ve started growing mushrooms. Safe people that I trust. Again the same incongruity theme played itself out. Reaching out to people via text, I finally understand how context is lacking in electronic communications. The phrase "I’m ok but..." must have been very distressing for the receiver of that message. All the while I’m still laughing so uncontrollably that I can’t type complete or coherent sentences. Trying to reassure someone that I’m ok, when they never had any reason to think I wasn’t ok became a cyclical dilemma. Images of the Anti-drug scare videos from the 60s and 70s began to surface. Oh my god, I was the guy that was often depicted as the hysterical maniac who’d lost his mind to drugs. I found myself laughing uncontrollably in the dark and to an outside person, I likely did look like the guy in those videos. Laughing at things they could not see.
My stomach is sore from laughing. I’ve never laughed so much in my entire life. My soul thirsted for laughter and it was quenched. I’ll have to reach out to a few people and clean up some messes that were made but nothing irreparable I’m sure.
Things that I realized during this journey: 1. A trip sitter is mandatory 2. Electronics are off limits.
My journey started at 8;00 PM last night and I finish this note at 4:05AM. Thank you for reading.
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