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Sweatpants
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Registered: 10/20/20
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Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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Healing dissociation
#26994660 - 10/20/20 02:06 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Greetings all! Let me start by saying psychedelics changed my life. I’m eternally grateful the experiences they gave me. They showed me childhood traumas during my many experiments with various substances and set me upon a path of healing and creating greater meaning in my life. That said, I haven’t had a trip in over three years.
Now onto my point. I am a 27 year old male. Last year I had a major life transition that led me to having depersonalization, panic attacks, and constant anxious tension. My parents moved across the country, the only family I am close to. I moved to a new city where the only person I knew was the girl I was dating, but the relationship came to an end. And although I had been drifting apart from childhood friends for a while, me moving really accelerated the distance between us. I got a job before moving to my new city but didn’t form any significant friendships. Simply put I have embarked on a new chapter in life which has left me being all alone. I can intellectually accept the changes, but I am experiencing significant emotional distress over this life transition.
Lately the symptoms have been getting better. The panic attacks have lessened in frequency and intensity but I am still dealing with mild feelings of generalized anxiety and dissociation. I feel disconnected from the outside world and sometimes I don’t feel real. These feelings and the thoughts that accompany them have been extremely distressing and have dramatically impacted my quality of life. My body tells me I am facing a threatening situation when there is none.
My question to you guys is, would tripping help me uncover and heal from what is causing my dissociative symptoms? Or would psychedelics plunge me into unmanageable dissociation or even psychosis? Has anyone here tripped with depersonalization and found it to ease their symptoms? Or should I follow my therapist’s advice and use SSRI’s? I would plan to use Psilocybin for this experiment- either microdosing or between 2 and 3.5 grams for a full trip. Healing from child abuse was one thing but this is a whole new beast. I will be grateful for any responses.
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redgreenvines
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: Healing dissociation [Re: Sweatpants]
#26994728 - 10/20/20 02:39 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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This is a difficult time for people in general - isolation is pervasive; but to be so alone that your mate is gone, your friends are gone, your parents are gone, well it can really feel isolating (- will mushrooms help with those feeling and the memories that intensify those feelings? - it will probably expand them - even more if you fixate).
I think loneliness used to be the scourge of old age - do mushrooms help with loneliness in old age? - I do not think this is part of any studies. any oldsters I know either steer clear of psychedelics or don't have a loneliness problem
At least you have a job, anonymously but effectively, you are engaged in some way with your environment - that can be a plus in your mind set. the loneliness, however, detracts from mindset.
My guess is that you were less lonely in previous trips, and you enjoyed yourself.
As you are alone, and lonely, I would hesitate to take more than half your previous minimum normal dose. I would not expect the shrooms to fix any problem, but at half your previous minimum normal dose you may be interested and amused in the foibles of the world, and should not get into any trouble.
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Socrateshroom
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Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
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Last seen: 17 days, 11 hours
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As someone who worked in the pharmaceutical field, I'll say if you can stay away from SSRI's, do so.
If, however, taking them would prevent you from doing something drastic, then take them. You want to make sure you can put yourself together, no matter the process.
I struggle greatly with loneliness. But as redgreenvines stated, it's a weird time for everyone. Just last year, someone in your situation could go out and plant social roots in a new place. Yet, at this current moment, you either can't or there may be significant risk doing so.
I'd say first and foremost, reflect on the current state of the world. Realize that you are not alone in your situation and that most of us are being held away from important things due to lockdowns and such.
When it comes to mushrooms, it's highly personal. Some people will respond positively taking a dose while having an existential crisis. Others will hit the panic button and have a trip to hell.
Micro-dosing could be effective but it will take time and experimentation to find the dose/frequency that works best for you. A larger dose could bring quicker relief, but not without risking a trip to hell.
So I'd agree with this:
Quote:
redgreenvines said: I would hesitate to take more than half your previous minimum normal dose. I would not expect the shrooms to fix any problem, but at half your previous minimum normal dose you may be interested and amused in the foibles of the world, and should not get into any trouble.
Set yourself a day, if you can. Spend it in nature if possible. Put the technology down for the whole day. Come back early evening and take a trip on a lighter dose and see how deep you can go.
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Sweatpants
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Registered: 10/20/20
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Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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So you guys think these problems are from loneliness and not some kind of deep-seated unconscious turmoil?
Edited by Sweatpants (10/21/20 11:33 AM)
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Socrateshroom
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Re: Healing dissociation [Re: Sweatpants]
#26996270 - 10/21/20 12:07 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sweatpants said: So you guys think these problems are from loneliness and not some kind of deep-seated unconscious turmoil?
Well we probably can't tell definitively from just the few paragraphs you wrote here. And we probably aren't "qualified" to make any legitimate diagnoses.
What I will say is that I've struggled with loneliness my entire life. It has lead to incredible suffering, addictions, dumb choices, etc, all in an attempt to mask the pain.
Loneliness can be quite debilitating. And you can have friends, family, etc around you and still suffer from loneliness. It seems to be a combination of physical loneliness (not having a partner, family, friends, etc within your vicinity to have real meaningful interaction with), emotional loneliness (maybe having people around but not having anyone around you actually connect with) and spiritual/metaphysical loneliness (feeling lost amongst yourself irregardless of who is around you).
I've battled with all 3 for most of my life. I've had just my parents around, and didn't have many friends nor a romantic partner for most of my life. Furthermore, I spent most of my years in a metaphysical loneliness, feeling like I don't fit in to reality itself.
All of these got worse at the beginning of the pandemic. But once I realized that this loneliness manifested such terrible feelings and behaviors in me, I could begin to work on it. And the pandemic brought into perspective how lucky I am, even if all I had was this community to help myself not feel so lonely.
So I make due with I have and work to try and fill my world, and that of those around me, with as much beauty as I can, to mitigate the collective suffering.
So find an online community, if you can't make physical connection.
Learn to connect with yourself on a deeper level. I find that ditching technology and getting into a good book, going for a nature walk or taking psychedelics helps me feel whole in myself and for that duration the loneliness disappears.
Learn to accept that we are all, in some way shape or form, alone. We live lives that are, generally, so cognitively separate from others that we might as well be all alone on a strange planet. Revel in the beauty of that. And we can all be lonely, together.
Now, none of this is a diagnosis. It may be that you have a multitude of issues going on (likely since we all deal with many problems at once in our lives) and different issues play a different role in your suffering.
You should either do deep self-reflecting work or, if you can, seek therapy so you have someone to talk through it all with you.
Or you can PM me anytime and get anything you'd like off your chest. Just note, I am not a licensed professional and anything I say is a matter of my opinion.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: Healing dissociation [Re: Sweatpants]
#26996278 - 10/21/20 12:12 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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all that turmoil is loneliness mixed with anger. each facet of it wants to be accepted you can do it with shrooms, but it's kind of first in line, so until you find dignity and serenity in having your justified feelings you may not have a loose and friendly trip.
BTW having accepted your feelings does not mean you should act on them, i.e. do not go buy guns and shoot your parents; just come to terms within yourself about your history and your feelings about it.
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Sweatpants
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Registered: 10/20/20
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Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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Wow these responses were surprisingly very helpful. I started seeing a therapist about 4 months ago, which has helped, but dissociation seems to be a very understudied condition. I suppose I’ll wait a while for any psychedelic usage and continue working on non-drug methods to help resolve these feelings first. Cannot thank you guys enough for the responses.
Also- I never felt to be of any harm to myself during this episode. Surprisingly it didn’t come with much depression. I just felt uprooted in life because everything had changed all at once around me. With all their unique insights, psychedelics always helped me in the past so that’s what posed me to ask the question.
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