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Offlineedgar1337
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I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman * 1
    #26993015 - 10/19/20 01:35 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

When my girlfriend of 5 years dumped me via text message, I was broken. It didn't take long for the loneliness to hit. I soon decided I would make myself as appealing to women as possible, no matter how long that took or how much work it required.

3 years ago I got into body building. Now I'm at 9% body fat, have a 6-pack, sculpted arms, square pecs, strong glutes and legs, but it still isn't enough. I started tanning to get that nice olive colored Mediterranean tan (I'm Italian), then I started using facial cremes to get my complexion perfect. It still wasn't enough.

At the gym or grocery store I catch women checking me out all the time. I know that doesn't mean they are interested, just that they are just attracted to me. But it doesn't matter. I'm too much of a coward to approach any of them or initiate dialogue. I thought getting shredded would help boost my confidence. And some days I feel like a badass. But its not consistent enough to help. Most days, I still feel inadequate and unworthy of a woman.


Does anyone have any advice for me? I feel like I'm cursed, or have some unseen energy that women have an aversion to.



Obviously this thread makes me sound vapid and shallow, and I probably am. But the loneliness is so bad, I decided to improve the one thing I have control of; my bodily form. I don't care how vain I am, as long as it helps me find a mate. In a cruel twist of irony, I am consistently hit on or pursued by gay men. I have no interest in this, but its damn frustrating. If only, in Western culture, women were as forward as men in romance. Interacting with women I have no romantic interest in causes no anxiety or fear. But any women I have romantic interest/intentions with, I avoid like the plague. I don't want her to even know I exist. I fear doing or saying something that will disqualify me somehow, or make her think I am (insert undesirable trait.)



Then there is the fear of being seen as a misogynist or predator. I live in a super woke area. My University made all students take a "Sexual Harassment and Inclusion" test that was mandatory to enroll in the spring semester. In it, it explained that complimenting women, pursuing women romantically, and other seemingly innocuous dimensions of human sexuality are predatory and misogynistic. It gave scenarios, and asked how you would react and report them.

One scenario was a man telling a woman she had "beautiful eyes" - the question was "how would you intervene if you saw this happen?" which insinuates that such a compliment is so bad it warrants reporting to university officials. So now I have the fear that approaching women for romantic purposes will make me a "creeper" or "pervert." It feels hopeless. It makes me resent feminist dogma, and I feel alienated from women simply because I don't want to be labelled as some deviant for wanting an intimate relationship.


--------------------

"Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not."

-Carl Jung


"The current state of knowledge is a moment in history, changing just as rapidly as the state of knowledge in the past has ever changed and, in many instances, more rapidly."
-Jean Piaget


Edited by edgar1337 (10/19/20 01:40 PM)


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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 1
    #26993504 - 10/19/20 07:11 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

I literally dropped out last semester because I refused to do the Sexual Harassment and Inclusion" test.

I took a stand, I mean, how can they stop me from enrolling in my final year because of something that’s not even curriculum related?

Make it a class or something legit....but not this bullshit.  In the past 5 years this is the one thing I put my foot down on and said no.  It’s messed up.  I get that some people could benefit from the education on those subjects....but really....cmon.  What of those already raised and living with them in principle?!  Why can’t I enroll in classes unless I take a non curriculum class and exam?  Anyways...

Sorry for jacking your thread.  Keep looking man, go out on all the limbs and don’t avert from those you have feelings for - lean into it & see where it takes you after a while of practice.  We only have a short life & it really hurts to be lonely for so long, so get over whatever is in the way and do what you’ve got to do to find someone to love.  Just be you till there’s nothing left.  Don’t give up!


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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps


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Offlinefraki58
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: The Blind Ass] * 2
    #26994635 - 10/20/20 01:55 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Bro, if you are already ripped then start working on what's on your mind, if you seem interesting (cool hobbys, good chitchatting, avid listener, cool to hang out with) then you will find the one eventually, just, don't actively search for a relationship and it will come i promise. Being interesting is pretty much it, ripped or not (ripped is always better if it suits you and makes you hotter lol).
As to the sexual harassment deal, just flow with it, people are not always waiting someone to say something to them so they can report them to the uni. Just stay within the lines of common sense of course.
Feminism is coming and everyone should embrace it at some point, it seems bad because it puts in perspective all of the 'natural' man stuff and believes. If you are open, then man,woman it doesn't matter bro, we all people and that's what matters!

Hope this helps you, peace man, hope you find someone who makes you happy :wink:


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If any of the said above is incorrect, please correct me! Still learning here and constructive criticism is the best :smile:


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Invisiblenooneman
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 5
    #26994674 - 10/20/20 02:14 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
I'm too much of a coward to approach any of them or initiate dialogue.



This is your core problem right here. It has nothing to do with your looks, personality, etc. Your problem is just that you have difficulty talking to women. You just need to learn to talk to women. Don't just do this anywhere, try to find a socially acceptable place like a bar. You'll end up making a lot of mistakes and getting lots of rejection at first, but that's life, it's a learning experience and you'll get better over time.

Don't just compliment them, no one wants to hear that. Talk to them about actual stuff, anything, stuff you care about. Ask them about their day, their life, try to hold a real conversation with them about real topics. It's hard, but that's what you have to do.

You could totally stop body building and everything else you do, and instead just work on talking to women, and if you just did that you'd get 100 times more success than you are now. Your problem is literally just that you need to learn to talk to women.


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Offlineyeah
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: fraki58]
    #26995520 - 10/20/20 10:36 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

fraki58 said:
if you seem interesting (cool hobbys, good chitchatting, avid listener, cool to hang out with) then you will find the one eventually, just, don't actively search for a relationship and it will come i promise.




doubt


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: yeah]
    #26995521 - 10/20/20 10:37 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Doubt?


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineGeinstein
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26995529 - 10/20/20 11:19 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Easy fix your outlook on life
And actually talk to a women


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Nothing breads nothing


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OfflineBeardedWizard
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Geinstein]
    #26995530 - 10/20/20 11:21 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

3 to 4 grams krat gets me real chatty


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #26997010 - 10/21/20 08:50 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Check out this story by Kryptos, it should help guide you on a possible method to develop your woman-socializing skills: https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/26978584#26978584


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Offlineyeah
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #26997172 - 10/21/20 11:38 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
Check out this story by Kryptos, it should help guide you on a possible method to develop your woman-socializing skills: https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/26978584#26978584




I read that. Women don't really want to be talked to while they're working in my experience.
Just the other day a female coworker ranted about how she hates it...


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Edited by yeah (10/21/20 11:39 PM)


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: yeah]
    #26998303 - 10/22/20 04:45 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah, that is true but not universal. Ive had women flirt with me when they were working. Just depends on what mood they are in and if feels appropriate to flirt with a woman while shes working :shrug:

Once you can read body language and voice inflections, its pretty easy to tell when its appropriate or not.


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OfflineUranusslut
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 2
    #26998673 - 10/22/20 08:55 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Women probably find you attractive but that doesn't mean they are willing to make the first move. Speaking from experience good looking men can be intimidating as polite as they may be. My advice to you is just go for it but do it in a genuine manner.


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Offlineedgar1337
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: The Blind Ass] * 1
    #26998876 - 10/22/20 11:31 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

The Blind Ass said:
I literally dropped out last semester because I refused to do the Sexual Harassment and Inclusion" test.

I took a stand, I mean, how can they stop me from enrolling in my final year because of something that’s not even curriculum related?

Make it a class or something legit....but not this bullshit.  In the past 5 years this is the one thing I put my foot down on and said no.  It’s messed up.  I get that some people could benefit from the education on those subjects....but really....cmon.  What of those already raised and living with them in principle?!  Why can’t I enroll in classes unless I take a non curriculum class and exam?  Anyways...

Sorry for jacking your thread.  Keep looking man, go out on all the limbs and don’t avert from those you have feelings for - lean into it & see where it takes you after a while of practice.  We only have a short life & it really hurts to be lonely for so long, so get over whatever is in the way and do what you’ve got to do to find someone to love.  Just be you till there’s nothing left.  Don’t give up!



Yup, my university wouldn't let me enroll in the Spring semester unless I did it. It basically advocated a very aggressive and confrontational attitude, where you are supposed to confront someone who compliments a woman - or at least that is implied. If it is asking you HOW you would intervene, it is preemptively and covertly establishing that you are expected to intervene in every pedestrian romantic encounter you see.

One of the "warning signals" for sexual assault was a "man grabbing a woman's hand." So if you see some dude touch a woman, you should just assume he is trying to abduct and rape her, instead of the more likely possibility that they are an item. Its more woke "rape culture" dogma. An alternate dimension where its totally fine to profile and stereotype males as violent sexual predators, and men roam the campus looking for women to rape 24/7.

I'm not going to blame culture for my own failures, but if their goal was to alienate men from women, it worked. I'm afraid of even approaching women with romantic intentions, lest I be labelled a predator for not wanting to be alone.


--------------------

"Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not."

-Carl Jung


"The current state of knowledge is a moment in history, changing just as rapidly as the state of knowledge in the past has ever changed and, in many instances, more rapidly."
-Jean Piaget


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Invisibletrees
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 1
    #26998928 - 10/23/20 12:18 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

edgar1337 said:


Does anyone have any advice for me? I feel like I'm cursed, or have some unseen energy that women have an aversion to.







Just work on your only problem, your compulsive fear. You should try meditating on subjects such as; how your fears are irrational, dumb even, you can laugh at yourself about it, try to imagine vividly how what its like to just not give a single shit and be fearless when talking to women. How laugh and be at ease. Talking about anything at all. Really imagine yourself doing it like that in your head, and keep these thoughts percolating in your head for days or weeks or for months without forgetting it, and keep putting yourself in positions of talking to any people in general, while keeping in mind how you dont need to worry about anything. Keep reaffirming in your head that every little things gonna be aiite when talking to women or anyone. Theres no risk at all youre not putting yourself to the test or anything, ever. Thats one way to start rewiring your brain

That wiring of the brain to compulsively fear IS the unseen energy that everyone has an aversion to. Very few women care or select a guy based on the level of his physique.

It seems the most important thing when meeting new women is that they feel completely at ease when interacting wth you. Your current but crushable problem probably puts you at the furthest most opposite end of the spectrum in that regard


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Anonymous #1

Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 3
    #26999339 - 10/23/20 09:03 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Man this really speaks to me. Feel like it’s me making the OP.... your fear is 100% what you need to work on to overcome this. And others said, there will be lots of rejection. It’s tricky too, cause women can give so many mixed signals. As can guys for that matter. I’ve been unintentionally celibate for a long time, and that’s been the number one source of dissatisfaction & unhappiness in my life. I’ve recently decided to embrace it. I’ve lived a life searching for things outside of myself to make me happy & bring me peace.....and that’s never worked out. Sex & relationships are also outside of myself. I’ve decided that my goal now is to find this peace & happiness within myself, and eschew the pursuit of romance & sex. My biggest fear is that I’d get everything I want & feel that I need in life & still be unhappy. A relationship is the last of the things that I haven’t obtained....and lo behold, I’m unhappy. I feel that its more likely that I could find love, and still be in the same boat than it is that my life will suddenly be great. If I can’t find this within, I’m not gonna find it with someone else. So that’s where I’m at with it all. But if you’re trying to find love, it’s that fear & the negative self-talk, second guessing, etc...that you need to overcome. If you don’t, you’ll be in this same predicament for years. And the longer it goes on, the harder it is to break out of it.


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Offlineyeah
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26999568 - 10/23/20 11:36 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Have you lost your sex drive or something? It's pretty hard to be at one with the universe when your body is sending you signals that you severely need to nut...


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Anonymous #1

Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: yeah] * 1
    #26999619 - 10/23/20 12:12 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

No I haven’t, but success with this requires being at peace with the acceptance of, but not clinging to thoughts & feelings. Obviously not something that’s easy, but in the long run would be worthwhile


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Offlineedgar1337
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26999912 - 10/23/20 03:08 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah, I feel you. It can be easier to just accept it and tell ourselves we don't need it, or should find other things.

Mixed messages is an understatement. Most women, to an extent, engage in sexual signalling all day (as do men, albeit differently.) Western culture has ended up where many women's self-esteem is dependent on their sexual desirability and ability to draw the male gaze. This results in women sending body language/non-verbal cues out constantly, now referred to in evolutionary psychology as Sexual Signalling/Broadcasting.

Men interpret this to mean that she is receptive to a sexual relationship with them personally, but it usually just means that she is insecure and needs to affirm her worth by getting you to respond to her signals. Most women send out signals that men deem objectively intended to arouse sexual desire, but again, just because a woman wants a man to desire her does not mean that she is open to doing anything.

Men tend to be more straight forward. I think this is why there is so much confusion in the dating world, and why "leading someone on" tends to come from women. Men pathologically misinterpret female body language and make the fundamental attribution error; attributing a personal, internal trait or event (like a crush) to a behavior instead of external happenstance/circumstance (like self-affirming, self-esteem boosting, "safety" behavior that makes one feel more comfortable with themselves.) I think thats also why men often say women "play games." In a sense, sexual signalling is a game. But men play it as well, its not a sex-linked behavior.

I'd blame it on culture, but I already know why it happens. I should be able to navigate this. I study psychology, I already know this stuff, but in the moment its like I forget all my knowledge and revert to idiocy. Good luck my friend. I hope things change for you, and myself for that matter.


--------------------

"Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not."

-Carl Jung


"The current state of knowledge is a moment in history, changing just as rapidly as the state of knowledge in the past has ever changed and, in many instances, more rapidly."
-Jean Piaget


Edited by edgar1337 (10/23/20 03:11 PM)


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26999923 - 10/23/20 03:15 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

yeah said:
Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
Check out this story by Kryptos, it should help guide you on a possible method to develop your woman-socializing skills: https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/26978584#26978584




I read that. Women don't really want to be talked to while they're working in my experience.
Just the other day a female coworker ranted about how she hates it...




Define: Talked to

You really can't sit down for a chat with someone at work. They are working. They need to do their jobs.

This is why I picked cashiers (and while I'm not longer actively pursuing due to covid, still chat up cashiers whenever I can). You can't actually talk to them without holding up a line and pissing more people off. What you can do, however, is trade a few quips. You are a paying customer, and by social convention, you are required to spend a certain amount of time digging around for a wallet with a dumb look on your face while the lady in front of you waves the things you want to purchase in front of a beepy thing. Then there is another dance involving plastic objects and other beepy things, all of which takes...what, 30 seconds? By social convention, this dead time during the transaction can be filled with silence, or some form of appropriate public social interaction.

My process was 3-4 total interactions: First time I see her, while I'm waiting in line, I find an accessory to compliment. That's kinda related to the sexual harassment thing above, too. You CANNOT compliment physical attributes. "Nice tits" is not a compliment. Usually, cashiers have a uniform, so complimenting clothes is kinda dumb. Something like a ring, a bracelet, a hair clip, an unusual hair color, that's a decision and an extra effort that was consciously made. Therefore, "I like your hair clip/color/style" and "nice ring" are both valid compliments. Stay away from necklace and belt buckle compliments. Personally, I think hair accessories is easiest. So, figure it out in line, make your transaction, say it casually, and go on about your day. If you get positive acknowledgement, cool. Or, any break from the dead eyed fake happy expression that most customer service workers seem to acquire that isn't openly hostile is good, really.

Step two: Next interaction, since you got positive acknowledgement from step one, is to expand on that compliment that you should definitely still remember, and ask about it. Did the hair clip change? Is it now a ponytail? Did the bracelet disappear? Those are easiest: "Oh, no [accessory] today?", she'll say something, pay attention, "oh, that's cool", and continue about your day. Otherwise, "why the [accessory]?" This time, in addition to being positive, it needs to be useful information. Ideally, something that you can draw a contrast with. You can repeat step 2 once, maybe twice more, but if you haven't gotten any kind of information, I usually take that as an intentional go away.

Step three: Now, you should have enough information to be able to present a clear choice: ponytail or hairclip? This color or that color bracelet? Working register or self checkout? Almost anything, really. At this point, if you get a good response, which could include any sort of enthusiasm, maybe she recognized you, you enter the one time only portion of step three. On step three days, I have my number written on postits in my wallet. So, while putting my card back in my wallet, I can hand her my number and say something like "speaking of choices" or "tell me more" or whatever. Then you go about your day.

Then you sit and wait. If you get a text from a new number, and you've waited until the end of covid like a responsible adult, you've got a lady trying to talk to you in your phone. Probably. I guess it depends on how much texts from unknown numbers you normally get.

Now, the beauty of this is the dead time of normal social interaction while at a cash register. Everything up to the moment you're handing her your number is within the bounds of normal social interactions. That's why you're asking about bullshit like hair ties. It doesn't matter. It's all small talk. It should not feel weird, and if it does, it means you need to practice your common small talk. It will probably improve other aspects of your life as well. Honestly, you can practice that part whenever there is a dead time interaction with another person. This is a great skill. Small talk, practiced to the level of confident semi-sensical rambling of bullshit will get you pretty far in life.

From the harassment angle: and ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, the way I figure you have one try. You can hand her your number once. If she's cold and distant leading up, I usually take that as a go away. No answer is an answer. She didn't lose your number, and she didn't forget that you gave it to her. Of course, any "no" leading up to that moment is also an answer. From then on, I don't take any steps to avoid interactions, but I keep them entirely professional.

Doing this in a bar, or other overtly social location, I find harder because you need to be able to string it all together in one interaction, and be able to expand on it on the fly. Now sure, I can monologue at length about certain topics, but they're usually not all that small-talk-y. It's a good way to build comfort talking to girls overall, though. When covid is dealt with, go to a bar and bullshit back and forth with a few tables.

Keep it friendly and light. Don't get desperate, and don't lash out after a rejection. After all, female friends are a great source of hot singles in your area, and you'd rather the girl telling them about the great guy she met instead of the creep she met.

By the way, here's a fun study:

56% of women would say yes to a rando walking up to them and saying "I've been noticing you around campus, I find you very attractive, would you go on a date with me tonight?"

Of course, this study is fairly old, and since it's a psychological study from the 70s, the test subjects are undergrads, being the cheapest and most reliable source of subjects for scientific trials. Real life results may skew a little lower.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Kryptos]
    #27000294 - 10/23/20 07:09 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Very detailed "system" you have there. A Gentleman's method :thumbup: :strokebeard:

And yeah, my definition of "talked to" as in "conversed with", "verbal interaction", even with small talk subjects.

Thats a pretty interesting study. I wonder how things have changed over the years....


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #27000754 - 10/24/20 02:17 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
A relationship is the last of the things that I haven’t obtained....and lo behold, I’m unhappy.



A relationship will not make you happy, though. Happiness isn't something you can obtain as a result of something like a relationship. Happiness comes and goes in life, like the change in the tides or the weather.

If you spend your life searching for a relationship, thinking that it will bring you happiness, you are setting yourself up for a very rude awakening when, one day, you wake up to realize that you are in a relationship... but you're not happy.

"Be careful what you wish for. You might get it." - Alan Watts

Remember that attachment breeds suffering, as Buddha tried to teach us all.


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Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Kryptos]
    #27000764 - 10/24/20 02:46 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Kryptos said:
From the harassment angle: and ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, the way I figure you have one try. You can hand her your number once. If she's cold and distant leading up, I usually take that as a go away. No answer is an answer. She didn't lose your number, and she didn't forget that you gave it to her. Of course, any "no" leading up to that moment is also an answer. From then on, I don't take any steps to avoid interactions, but I keep them entirely professional.




I read your whole comment about your system for interacting with cashiers. I agree that it's not harassment to make compliments and to give out your number (that is, to give it out once - definitely don't continue pursuit if you've been rejected). So, you're not doing anything wrong from a moral standpoint, I guess. I think the worst case scenario is that it makes someone feel uncomfortable, which isn't necessarily harassment depending on the context. Still, I think the idea that your actions might be making someone uncomfortable is worth your consideration...

That said, this is why I, personally, don't approach cashiers or people who are working in retail or in the service industry: it's not a great foundation for a relationship. If you're just trying to have casual sex with someone, I guess this is a valid method. It's just a numbers game, and if you keep at it for long enough, one of those cashiers will send you a text eventually. However, if you're trying to develop a meaningful, romantic relationship with someone, I think it's best to just forget about approaching women and instead focus on yourself and the things that you are passionate about.

Which of these two hypothetical situations sounds healthier?

1. I gave out my number to like ten different cashiers strictly because I thought they were cute. Almost all of them either ignored me or verbally rejected my advances. However, eventually, one of them sent me a text. We started talking, one thing led to another, and she's my partner now.

2. I go out Salsa dancing on Tuesdays because I love doing it. It makes me feel alive, and I love the community that it brings together. I have a passion for it, and it's something that I look forward to every week regardless of who's there. A few months ago, there was a new woman who showed up for the weekly meetup. She and I started talking about salsa dancing, initially, because we're both very passionate about it. However, I also started to discover that she and I had a lot of other things in common as well. One thing led to another, and she's my partner now.

Obviously, #2 is healthier. The beginning of the relationship in #1 is based on persistence and mutual attraction alone. It's superficial. The beginning of relationship #2 is based on shared passion, community, mutual traction, surprise, and probably more. it's authentic.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: if you really want to live a satisfying life, you should focus on Salsa dancing (or whatever your passion is) instead of perfecting a system for asking out cashiers at grocery stores. Obviously, I can't guarantee that you'll meet the woman of your dreams just by going to a salsa dancing meetup, but even if you don't, at least you're spending your time here on Earth doing something that you love doing. You can't lose with salsa dancing :smile:


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: fraki58]
    #27000808 - 10/24/20 04:57 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

fraki58 said:
Bro, if you are already ripped then start working on what's on your mind, if you seem interesting (cool hobbys, good chitchatting, avid listener, cool to hang out with) then you will find the one eventually, just, don't actively search for a relationship and it will come i promise.




That’s bullshit. If you aren’t trying then most of your opportunity never materializes.

If confidence is your goal, I suggest a six month stint on Prozac or other SSRI. There is something about those drugs that work well for people who lack confidence due to social anxiety and shyness.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Nonagon Infinity] * 3
    #27000885 - 10/24/20 07:27 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Nonagon Infinity said:
Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
A relationship is the last of the things that I haven’t obtained....and lo behold, I’m unhappy.



A relationship will not make you happy, though. Happiness isn't something you can obtain as a result of something like a relationship. Happiness comes and goes in life, like the change in the tides or the weather.

If you spend your life searching for a relationship, thinking that it will bring you happiness, you are setting yourself up for a very rude awakening when, one day, you wake up to realize that you are in a relationship... but you're not happy.

"Be careful what you wish for. You might get it." - Alan Watts

Remember that attachment breeds suffering, as Buddha tried to teach us all.




I know.....that’s what I was saying in that post. Obtaining all of those other things didn’t bring me happiness, nor do I believe a relationship will. Which is why I’ve changed tactics in life. I identify strongly with the Buddhist notion of desire & attachment leading to suffering, and life being suffering. My hope is to free myself of this & the cycle life/death/rebirth. At the end of the day what I really want is lasting happiness & peace.....and that can only come from within.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #27005666 - 10/27/20 03:30 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Just an update, I texted a girl I knew from high school and she sounded excited to meet. Her facebook profile says she's with someone, but she said via text she is single. Not sure what to think about that. We have a time/date planned at a restaurant to hang out. She's super hot, so I'm starting to get paranoid thinking its just some scam or prank. I don't even know why I'm posting it here. Probably because I have no one else to tell.

I don't have any expectations as to what will happen or where it will lead (or rather IF.) But I'll definitely be taking a benzo so I don't ruin it by stopping breathing and being totally quiet like some weirdo. Now I'll be a nervous wreck for the next few days. But I figure even if it fails miserably, hopefully I can distill a lesson or two from the experience.

ANY ADVICE would be appreciated.

Hopefully it doesn't turn out like the last high school girl I hit up; all her profile pics were 5+ years old and she gained "250 pounds", had a 3 year old son, mental health issues (suicide attempts and major depression), acne issues, skin flabs, etc etc. When I last saw her she was at least a 9/10. She kept going on about how honest she was, but didn't tell me how much she changed until after I set the date. Felt terrible about flaking and ignoring her, especially because she probably got her hopes up. But then again dishonesty right off the bat is an ill omen if ever there was one.

So far it seems like a LOT of women lie on their social media/dating profiles. There should be mandatory time stamps.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 1
    #27006141 - 10/27/20 11:31 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
Just an update, I texted a girl I knew from high school and she sounded excited to meet. Her facebook profile says she's with someone, but she said via text she is single. Not sure what to think about that.




Probably doesn't mean too much. Lots of people don't really use Facebook these days.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
But I'll definitely be taking a benzo so I don't ruin it by stopping breathing and being totally quiet like some weirdo.




:whattefuck2: Just go sober, dude. Be yourself. Being nervous is part of the experience of dating.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
ANY ADVICE would be appreciated.




Be yourself, go sober, don't have any expectations about where this is going.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
So far it seems like a LOT of women lie on their social media/dating profiles. There should be mandatory time stamps.



A lot of men lie, too. Lying about who you are to sweeten up your online image isn't a gendered thing.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27006315 - 10/27/20 01:00 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

I would advise not to take a benzo and be yourself. U dont have to stress hard about it, its just a date. Also as you said, maybe things have changed for her and she doesnt look like her profile pics anymore :shrug:

Just show up on time, be yourself, a little nervousness is fine, once u start talking, Im sure you will feel more comfortable.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27006537 - 10/27/20 02:55 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Nonagon Infinity said:

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
So far it seems like a LOT of women lie on their social media/dating profiles. There should be mandatory time stamps.



A lot of men lie, too. Lying about who you are to sweeten up your online image isn't a gendered thing.




Actually
there is some new research by Jonathon Haidt about social media and gender disparities. Women are far more likely to use Instagram filters, photoshop, or otherwise alter their physical feature.

Is it sex-linked? No. Men have done it before too, no doubt. But the current body of data demonstrates that women are far more prone to manipulation of their public image.


--------------------

"Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not."

-Carl Jung


"The current state of knowledge is a moment in history, changing just as rapidly as the state of knowledge in the past has ever changed and, in many instances, more rapidly."
-Jean Piaget


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27006612 - 10/27/20 03:44 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
Actually there is some new research by Jonathon Haidt about social media and gender disparities. Women are far more likely to use Instagram filters, photoshop, or otherwise alter their physical feature.




Instagram filters, photoshop, and physical appearance aren't the only sorts of lies people tell on the Internet, though. I think all people lie about themselves on the Internet. I would suspect that men are more likely to lie about their height than women are, for example. Then again, I'd have to see the study...

Speaking of: Do you have a link to the research paper you're talking about? I couldn't find it, even with some googling.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
Is it sex-linked? No. Men have done it before too, no doubt. But the current body of data demonstrates that women are far more prone to manipulation of their public image.



Again, if I don't see the study you're talking about, I don't think I can just agree with you on that. Your statement depends heavily on how you're defining "public image"


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27006773 - 10/27/20 05:21 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Check out "Coddling of the American Mind" by Jonathon Haidt, and he has some lectures online about his social media meta-analyses. Its raw data from social media-active teenagers and children. As is always the case with science, correlation is not causation. It doesn't mean its definitively true, just that the data indicates it is a female-centric behavior. His podcasts on Joe Rogan Experience also delve into the gender disparities in how we represent ourselves to the world.

Haidt is basically the current Freud; he has rose to fame as one of the greatest contemporary psychologists. Especially after his Moral Foundations paradigm, and his study in political polarization and other hot-topics. He currently is a professor at NYU, but his work and knowledge extends far beyond the podium.

And this is a pretty pedestrian truth. Do women put more time into getting themselves ready in the morning? Usually yes. Do they spend more time preening or attending to their appearance? Also yes. Do they spend more free-income for aesthetic purchases like makeup and clothing? Yes. This is common sense, and very culture-related. I am not making moral attributions by saying it is good/bad right/wrong, just that it is a persistent theme in Western culture. It is also not an unreasonable logical assumption that this translates to the digital world too - and women's care about their appearance translates onto social media too.


--------------------

"Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not."

-Carl Jung


"The current state of knowledge is a moment in history, changing just as rapidly as the state of knowledge in the past has ever changed and, in many instances, more rapidly."
-Jean Piaget


Edited by edgar1337 (10/27/20 05:26 PM)


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 1
    #27007007 - 10/27/20 07:19 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
And this is a pretty pedestrian truth. Do women put more time into getting themselves ready in the morning? Usually yes. Do they spend more time preening or attending to their appearance? Also yes. Do they spend more free-income for aesthetic purchases like makeup and clothing? Yes. This is common sense, and very culture-related.




But that's not what you said, originally. Your original statement was that women are more likely to lie on their social media and dating profiles than men are, which is very different from saying that women put more of an effort into altering their appearance than men do. I will agree that women spend more resources on their physical appearance than men do, but to draw the conclusion from this fact that women are more likely to lie on the internet than men are is bogus.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27007086 - 10/27/20 08:00 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

I think its OK to take a benzo man, it might help you see what its like when youre not freaking out. Think of it as a tool. Obviosuly keep in mind that you dont want to be on benzos for every opportunity.

Some advice for the event, keep a smile on your face, not smiling at all can be 100% detrimental, and remember; no proving yourself, its not an exam, just hanging out and exploring life.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: trees]
    #27010846 - 10/29/20 05:21 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I FUCKED UP. I took a benzo like 6 hours prior and started stumbling and slurring my speech. I thought I had a tolerance. Guess not. By the time of the date, I was (mostly) sobered up but still not sober. I was functioning normally, just with social inhibition and no fear.

We ate at a restaurant, and spoke about a lot of different things we both have a passion for. She seemed engaged in the conversations. At one point she said "good looking and socially awkward people like us" - which seemed like a low-key way to tell me she was attracted to me, or worst case a nice way of telling me I'm weird by prefacing it with a compliment. She did make numerous "you look great!" comments, but those are usually automated responses dispensed to anyone who is sober. I'm not good with dating, don't know how anything works and definitely did not want to "invite" her home like some player, so I said "ready to go?" (after talking/eating for ~75min) I didn't want it to go on and have her secretly want to leave, so I thought it best to just end it early to avoid overstaying my welcome.

She said we should "definitely" hang out again. I don't know what she wants, an intimate relationship, a trip buddy, platonic friend, etc. I'm afraid to make my romantic intentions known, lest I lose the chance to at least have a platonic trip buddy.

She laughed hard at a "joke" that wasn't even meant to be funny, she held eye contact the whole time, and she wasn't checking her phone or looking around (signs of bordeom.) Body language and other things indicate a willingness for interaction and prosocial behavior. But I don't know what to do next.

SUGGESTIONS?


She is super fucking hot so there is no doubt that she has other men pursuing her, so I feel a sort of time pressure to make a move before someone else does. At the same time, I don't want to push it and come off as some player who is just trying to get her in bed. How long should I wait before I reach out to her? What should I suggest we do?


--------------------

"Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not."

-Carl Jung


"The current state of knowledge is a moment in history, changing just as rapidly as the state of knowledge in the past has ever changed and, in many instances, more rapidly."
-Jean Piaget


Edited by edgar1337 (10/29/20 05:23 PM)


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 2
    #27010943 - 10/29/20 06:27 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Keep exploring the relationship and see how it develops!  This is just the beginning man!  Great part of life!


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Edited by The Blind Ass (10/29/20 06:28 PM)


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #27011055 - 10/29/20 07:43 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

The Blind Ass said:
Keep exploring the relationship and see how it develops!  This is just the beginning man!  Great part of life!



How long should I wait before trying to take her out to do something? It feels like the beginning of the end. I feel like if she desired me, she would have tried to take it a step beyond a luncheon. Ugh I hate this. I keep running "what if" scenarios, and of course, the worst-case what-if scenarios.

I think at this point, I am just going to divorce myself from the fear of failure. I'm going to reach out to women I've known to try and score dates. If I get declined, it'll hurt my self-esteem. But maybe that will strengthen it. If I stay in this fragile state where even the idea of rejection gives me pause, I've made myself into a pussy.

I think this is the kind of thing you NEED to fail at, at least just to learn how to live with rejection, and learn that nothing is a sure thing. Logically, there was nothing about our "date" that did not scream amicable. Reading body language is more difficult when your nervous, but the things I did catch were tell-tale signs. And yet, I have a gut feeling that this romantic encounter will lead to nowhere.

I'm probably obsessing over it. Ugh.


--------------------

"Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not."

-Carl Jung


"The current state of knowledge is a moment in history, changing just as rapidly as the state of knowledge in the past has ever changed and, in many instances, more rapidly."
-Jean Piaget


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 1
    #27011069 - 10/29/20 07:59 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Failure makes you learn how to hone how you handle future relationships.  It’s part of the journey.  Think of how many people have been rejected multiple times but still find someone eventually.  It just goes with the territory.  Just keep going.  It’s weird and nerve wracking but one day you’ll look back and see it was actually good times.  At least, that’s how it’s been for me.  Then you find a good individual who you can connect with either instantly or over time and without so many illusions in the way - things just happen naturally, and that’s the really good part.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 1
    #27011110 - 10/29/20 08:35 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

edgar1337 said:

How long should I wait before trying to take her out to do something? It feels like the beginning of the end. I feel like if she desired me, she would have tried to take it a step beyond a luncheon. Ugh I hate this. I keep running "what if" scenarios, and of course, the worst-case what-if scenarios.






See if you can keep some light hearted careless humerous texting going for a couple days and hint that you enjoy her company and at some point offer 'what does she think of doing something again whenever, no specified date', let her soot back at that. Could lead to hanging out that day/night


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: trees]
    #27011160 - 10/29/20 09:29 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

At one point she said "good looking and socially awkward people like us" - which seemed like a low-key way to tell me she was attracted to me, or worst case a nice way of telling me I'm weird by prefacing it with a compliment.




I'd say that's a very good sign. Not just because of the compliment but because she apparently sees your social awkwardness as something she has in common with you.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: psi] * 1
    #27011177 - 10/29/20 09:42 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

100% what psi said. Also we should definitely hang out again is obviously a good sign. Same with laughing at a joke that you didn't really mean to be funny. 

Be cool and see how it plays out, ask questions and get to know her. She probably doesn't know exactly what she wants with you at this point either. How your follow up dates go will decide that for her. From what you said though, she is absolutely into you.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 1
    #27011289 - 10/29/20 11:32 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
I FUCKED UP. I took a benzo like 6 hours prior and started stumbling and slurring my speech. I thought I had a tolerance. Guess not. By the time of the date, I was (mostly) sobered up but still not sober. I was functioning normally, just with social inhibition and no fear.




Told ya :frown:

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
or worst case a nice way of telling me I'm weird by prefacing it with a compliment.




Usually, I take someone telling me I'm weird as a compliment, but that's just me. Obviously, it depends on context, but usually when a friend tells me I'm weird it means that I just stand out, which is nice.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
She did make numerous "you look great!" comments, but those are usually automated responses dispensed to anyone who is sober.




My main piece of advice for you is to stop lying to yourself about being sober. You're not "sober" if you need to pop a benzo a few hours before a date. That's not normal behavior, tbh, and it doesn't sound like you have a prescription for this stuff (I'm drawing that conclusion from your comment about tolerance). Judging from the context here, it sounds like you were once addicted to much more serious drugs, and this woman was telling you "you look great" because you quit using said drugs. I know this might sound harsh, but I think the whole story of you being sober now is bullshit if you're still popping benzos. I don't mean to sound judgmental or anything, but it sounds like you still have a bit of a problem with drugs, and it sounds like you might need a wake-up call in that respect. I've been there, too, man. I understand.

In my opinion, the foundation of every healthy relationship is held together by respect and honesty. If you're not being honest about your drug usage, you could be setting yourself up for a really bad time here.

I don't mean to be completely negative here. For the record, it's pretty clear from your description that she likes you, and she'd probably go on a second date with you if you suggested it. All signs point towards that direction. I'm just saying that it sounds like you still have some personal issues you need to sort out, and it's important that you either address them before you continue dating, or you be upfront with her about what's going on with your life.

On a side-note: if you take benzos whenever you have a significant event coming up in your life, you are heading down a slippery slope. Life is full of significant events, and do you really want to get yourself in a situation where you need to be barred out to feel normal? Just food for thought...

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
How long should I wait before I reach out to her? What should I suggest we do?



Just reach out to her whenever you feel like it. You can even text her the next day and say "I had a really good time yesterday," and see how she responds to that. If it's a positive response, maybe you can suggest a second date. For activities, it really depends on what you want to do with her. Just suggest something that you think would be fun to do together. No wrong answer there, really.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27011357 - 10/30/20 12:53 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Nonagon Infinity said:
Just reach out to her whenever you feel like it. You can even text her the next day and say "I had a really good time yesterday," and see how she responds to that. If it's a positive response, maybe you can suggest a second date. For activities, it really depends on what you want to do with her. Just suggest something that you think would be fun to do together. No wrong answer there, really.



Exactly. Just a few casual texts over the next couple of days and then a spontaneous suggestion of some kind of fun, casual and random (as in, don't be predictable) activity goes down well every time IMO - if she's into you - and it definitely sounds like she is!!

Also, as per your quote by Jung; embrace failure at every turn, for therein lies growth, and we ALL need more of that!!!


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27012127 - 10/30/20 01:16 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Nonagon Infinity said:


My main piece of advice for you is to stop lying to yourself about being sober. You're not "sober"







No offense, but your clearly not acquainted with junky culture. "Sober" means your not strung out on the streets shooting dope. Sober means your no longer going in and out of jail and chained to the ball of your addiction. There is so much elitism over the word sober. You obviously have your own interpretation, thats fine. But it doesn't make either right or wrong.

Everyone has an opinion on what it means. But here is a solution... instead of telling people their version of the word sober is wrong, why don't we just roll with it and let everyone have their own interpretation?

I consider myself sober as in I'm not shooting heroin, robbing dealers, going in and out of jail, living in a bush anymore. Thats how I and everyone I know uses the word.


Edited by edgar1337 (10/30/20 01:20 PM)


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Invisiblepsi
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 1
    #27012150 - 10/30/20 01:30 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Terminology aside I think Nonagon's point was just to take care that you don't acquire a dangerous benzo addiction, if you have already had addiction problems.


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27012358 - 10/30/20 03:44 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
No offense, but your clearly not acquainted with junky culture. "Sober" means your not strung out on the streets shooting dope. Sober means your no longer going in and out of jail and chained to the ball of your addiction. There is so much elitism over the word sober. You obviously have your own interpretation, thats fine. But it doesn't make either right or wrong.




I don't think there's an interpretation difference, really. If you wanna call yourself sober because you're not out on the streets shooting dope, then that's fine with me. I can agree to that terminology. I still stand by what I said: it's not normal to be taking benzos before a date. It's a sign that you've got a drug problem. Maybe not as serious of a drug problem as a heroin addiction, but a problem nonetheless.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
Everyone has an opinion on what it means. But here is a solution... instead of telling people their version of the word sober is wrong, why don't we just roll with it and let everyone have their own interpretation?




I think you misread my comment. I'm not trying to tell you that your definition of the word "sober" is wrong. I'm just pointing out that taking benzos before a date is indicative of some sort of drug problem, and that it's best to be honest with your partner about where you're at as a person. If you still want to use the word "sober" to describe yourself, then that's fine, and I still think you're being honest so long as your partner understands what you mean by sober.

Personally, I would want to know if someone I went on a date with popped a benzo before the date started. That's really all I'm saying, man.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
I consider myself sober as in I'm not shooting heroin, robbing dealers, going in and out of jail, living in a bush anymore. Thats how I and everyone I know uses the word.



I think it's great that you're not living that lifestyle anymore.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Nonagon Infinity] * 1
    #27012387 - 10/30/20 04:10 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I think the defensive attitude you display is more a sign of a problem than the actual taking of the benzo pre-date.

You've shown humility thus far, why stop now?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineJewstress
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #27015277 - 11/01/20 08:16 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I didn't read many responses but here is my two cents.


Breathe, and simply be.  I appreciate your honesty about your pride in the work you put into your health and body.  It sounds like you're finding in a sense, the you that makes you happy and the other girlfriend was the girl who was prior to that.


As a woman who procreated with an extremely attractive man, way out of what I thought was my league, I use to get extremely self conscious of all the women staring and complimenting him on his blue eyes, or how tall and built he was, he would smirk and I knew he loved the attention.


It took me about four years to realize that it's ok to let him get his moment of glory in public, because when we go home I was the one fucking his brains out and procreating with him.


You just gotta be patient.  I can understand from the womans side, but when i experienced it... it brought my insecurities to the surface when it comes to partner insecurities and I HAD TO WORK THROUGH THEM.


But don't like your ego and pride get in the way, my kids dad would use the peoples comments about him as a way to hurt me when we fought, it ruined things. "I could get any woman I want, look at me."  "I gave up my team for you, stop".  Blah blah blah..


Just don't let your changes go to your head, and understand insecurities play on both sides, and eventually it will work out.



Look at a life long journey, not instant gratification when it comes to love.


--------------------


😇


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27016105 - 11/01/20 05:40 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman




I'm not the most handsome, not in the best shape, and yet every(intimate) relationship with women I've been in with has been the woman going for me.

The ones where I was going for the woman did not become intimate.


Make of it what you will, but just be yourself and things will come in time as they are.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Jewstress]
    #27016158 - 11/01/20 06:05 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Well said Jewtress! :takingnotes:


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 1
    #27017629 - 11/02/20 02:26 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

psi said:
Quote:

At one point she said "good looking and socially awkward people like us" - which seemed like a low-key way to tell me she was attracted to me, or worst case a nice way of telling me I'm weird by prefacing it with a compliment.




I'd say that's a very good sign. Not just because of the compliment but because she apparently sees your social awkwardness as something she has in common with you.




Nah, its a good sign because it's an "us" not a "you and me". That's one thing I picked up on early-if a date is going well, it switches to "us" and "we" pronouns. Implies a single unit. A coupling, you might say. I started intentionally adding it to my vocabulary, and my dates got better.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
I didn't want it to go on and have her secretly want to leave, so I thought it best to just end it early to avoid overstaying my welcome.




Nah man, don't do that. Go get lost in the moment or whatever. Girls love talking for hours on end. The last thing you want to do is be so cautious she thinks you're not into her.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
I'm not good with dating, don't know how anything works and definitely did not want to "invite" her home like some player




There are plenty of places to go besides restaurants and your house. This is why I like nature walks. Just...walk somewhere, and talk.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
so I said "ready to go?"



:rofl:

So, how about this: Go on google maps, and start looking for trails and parks around you. Then bust out the route planner and find yourself a nice loop that's 3-5 miles. Or a 3 mile line. For bonus points, go near the end ahead of time and find a nice secluded area slightly off the trail that has a great view of the sunset. It's gotta be close to the end because walking in the dark is creepy. Then figure out the timing of walking the entire route. Then add a little bit more time to play with. I'd also skip the benzo. Yeah, you'll be nervous, but the next time you'll be a little less nervous.

As far as your whole mindset, it seems like you're coming from the direction of not losing. You need to change that and play to win. It's like chess. You're gonna lose a few pawns. It's better to make a few mistakes and leave an impression than to make no mistakes and leave no impression at all.

Oh and if you do make it to the sunset without getting slapped, then

t=79


Edited by Kryptos (11/02/20 02:26 PM)


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OfflineRaniyah
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Kryptos] * 2
    #27018627 - 11/03/20 02:52 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I don't think women are only intrested in physical appearance when finding a man. So, think carefully and find out why you cannot build a relationship. Avoid bad points and try to make a relationship


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Offlineedgar1337
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Raniyah]
    #27057530 - 11/25/20 05:47 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Just an update. After going to lunch with her (which went really well), strong eye contact, incessant compliments, she even verbally said "good looking awkward people like us need to stick together" - so basically saying she was open to a friendship.

I texted her to ask if shed let me take her on a date and she totally ignored me for a week, then eventually had some BS excuse about a family tragedy. Some time later I texted her again and asked if she wanted to hang out as friends sometime and she basically shut me down with some cookie cutter "this isn't the right time" kind of excuse.

Wtf?

I dont understand it. Im starting to think it was all some game for her, or maybe just a pity thing where she met me out of pity or something. A complete u-turn for no apparent reason. I want to know why, but I cant contact her anymore because she obviously has no interest and I'm not going to be that pushy doosh bag movie archtype guy.

Women are so confusing. They say one thing, but mean something entirely different. If I were to tell a women she was so beautiful and I wanted to see her again and had super strong body language, it would just be because thats what I was actually thinking/doing. But with women it seems like there is so much conflict, confusion, mixed messages, games, or even possibly manipulation.

Another girl I know from back when I hit up, we hang up and she starts talking about how lonely she is, how she loves to gives bjs, hasnt felt a man in ages, blah bah. So the second time we kick it were in my room and she starts talking about how much she wants to fuck, so I say, "okay, do you want to?" And she goes completely silent, it got awkward, and she left shortly after. Later that night she sent a text saying she wanted to take it slow.

Again... WTF?

Who talks about needing sex right now, so bad, omg im so horny, then clams up and pretends like they are celibate till marriage prudes when you respond to their pleas for passion? And this is with a woman way out of my league who has shown intense interest in me. She should be easy pickings, as terrible as it is to say that, but even that went to hell. More games. More confusion. More mixed messages.

I am cursed. Thats 2/2 women I failed with and both had explicitly confessed their interest and attraction. THeir  body language was intense, and I'm pretty good at reading it, but they both were overtly signaling in such a way that you could tell they wanted you to know. WHat is it all, some fucked up game? Do women just randomly change their minds constantly? Or am I doing something wrong?

Its the same with dating apps. Tons of interest from beautiful women, but it never leads to anything. The chatting always ceases. Its like God WANTS me to be alone in my life right now, for whatever reason.


--------------------

"Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not."

-Carl Jung


"The current state of knowledge is a moment in history, changing just as rapidly as the state of knowledge in the past has ever changed and, in many instances, more rapidly."
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27057539 - 11/25/20 05:58 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Maybe it wouldn't be so terrible to contact her (the original woman) once more for a post-mortem. Sort of a "I get that you're not really interested, and I'm not trying to change your mind, but I'd appreciate any feedback you might have for me. If not, no problem, all the best."


Edited by psi (11/25/20 06:22 PM)


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: psi]
    #27057589 - 11/25/20 06:22 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Another girl I know from back when I hit up, we hang up and she starts talking about how lonely she is, how she loves to gives bjs, hasnt felt a man in ages, blah bah. So the second time we kick it were in my room and she starts talking about how much she wants to fuck, so I say, "okay, do you want to?" And she goes completely silent, it got awkward, and she left shortly after. Later that night she sent a text saying she wanted to take it slow.

Again... WTF?

Who talks about needing sex right now, so bad, omg im so horny, then clams up and pretends like they are celibate till marriage prudes when you respond to their pleas for passion? And this is with a woman way out of my league who has shown intense interest in me. She should be easy pickings, as terrible as it is to say that, but even that went to hell. More games. More confusion. More mixed messages.




Maybe it was a test and you failed (somehow showed annoyance about her changing her mind.)


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InvisibleFiery
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27058044 - 11/26/20 01:29 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

edgar1337 said:

Who talks about needing sex right now, so bad, omg im so horny, then clams up and pretends like they are celibate till marriage prudes when you respond to their pleas for passion? And this is with a woman way out of my league who has shown intense interest in me. She should be easy pickings, as terrible as it is to say that, but even that went to hell. More games. More confusion. More mixed messages.







Seriously, this is why I only get with women who want what I want.


Stop torturing yourself. And just move on. I'd much rather masturbate than be subject to some sick fantasy of psychotic women.

And for the record, most women are crazy , except a few and they are sexy as hell.


I'd rather die happy than be in some twisted reality all because of sex. Sex makes men do terrible things and it's not their fault all the time, most of the time, or all the time.



Just give it up and let the women come to you.. AND THEN DENY THEM. Give yourself the pleasure of sexual gratification of purpose.


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OfflineZef2Def
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Fiery]
    #27058831 - 11/26/20 02:09 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Hmm... I wonder why you guys can't find decent women.


--------------------
- One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter -


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Offlineblackhawk
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Zef2Def]
    #27059011 - 11/26/20 04:35 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Does not showing interest help?

Her: "Damn, looks like it's just us two and I'm sooo horny, I'm ready to wet the wick right this second, batter dip the corn dog if you catch my drift."

You: "Damn, that sucks. Sounds like you need a ride home. I'll call a cab."


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: blackhawk]
    #27062621 - 11/29/20 08:46 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Exactly what's above bro.  You could have jumped her bones instead of contractually having sex lmao
She'd NEVER be in your room; alone with you; talk about being horny ; and not want you to take over.  You killed it with..." ok so do you want to?"

Like 000001111100101010 it's not like computers bro


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Invisiblech0ppie
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: theRealrollforever] * 1
    #27062629 - 11/29/20 08:51 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

theRealrollforever said:
Like 000001111100101010 it's not like computers bro




That's '7978' in decimal, for those others desperately needing to know :thumbup:


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27063095 - 11/29/20 02:14 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

theRealrollforever said:
You killed it with..." ok so do you want to?"



I completely agree with this statement. It belies a huge misunderstanding of how women operate. There's 0 romance or charm in the way you approached that situation.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Invisiblech0ppie
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #27063483 - 11/29/20 06:00 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

How do women work? It's like magnets..nobody knows :confused:


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: ch0ppie] * 1
    #27063996 - 11/30/20 05:24 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

We do know the wrong side of a magnet will actually REPEL another magnet; people are much the same :burke:


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27064406 - 11/30/20 11:28 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

yep it's an asymmetric dance
I've definitely learned the hard way that you can't really show interest in a woman because once they know they already have your approval or some shit their panties dry up in an instant
ya gotta keep them thinking you couldn't care less so they keep trying to get said approval
:shrug:


--------------------


Edited by yeah (11/30/20 11:28 AM)


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: yeah]
    #27064688 - 11/30/20 01:42 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

This is true.  This chick is begging for my attention now.  Before when I was just being straight up interested she would always be busy; string me along, etc.  ima close this one out and be proud of myself I didn't get sucked into her attention seeking bullshit.  By close out I mean nail it


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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InvisibleFiery
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27064741 - 11/30/20 02:12 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

theRealrollforever said:
ima close this one out and be proud of myself I didn't get sucked into her attention seeking bullshit.  By close out I mean nail it






Riiiiiiiggghhhttt. Good luck foreal though.


Ok, let us know how that goes.






And I agree. Men are emotionally messed up sometimes, but women take the cake for most crazy . I mean I was with a crazy woman for a while because the sex was good, but then shit got real crazy.


Men just tend to ignore emotions and feelings and women get caught up in twisted emotional games like it's a damn sport. I run away fast from women like that. 



Zero BS. Zero lies, zero fakeness, zero emotional games. :themoreyouknow:


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Invisiblech0ppie
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: yeah]
    #27065218 - 11/30/20 06:55 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

yeah said:
yep it's an asymmetric dance
I've definitely learned the hard way that you can't really show interest in a woman because once they know they already have your approval or some shit their panties dry up in an instant
ya gotta keep them thinking you couldn't care less so they keep trying to get said approval
:shrug:




Sad to say I've experienced similar. Nice guys finish last.. Apparently they're less interested the more you try :confused:


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27070734 - 12/03/20 08:56 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Webster! I was wondering where you were.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #27071541 - 12/04/20 10:20 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

tyrannicalrex said:
Webster! I was wondering where you were.



I don't think so. Webster was a total 'bro', edgar actually has brains.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleMr.GuessWork
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #27072095 - 12/04/20 03:24 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

theRealrollforever said:
You killed it with..." ok so do you want to?"



I completely agree with this statement. It belies a huge misunderstanding of how women operate. There's 0 romance or charm in the way you approached that situation.





I think this points towards what's been going wrong in a revealing way. Chicks are obviously checking you out and trying to start intimate relationships with you. You've been getting some pretty heavy handed hints when they tell you things like "you look good"; that's an invitation to start/continue flirting. It seems like you've done a good bit of thinking about your anxiety around dating or whatever the hell kids are calling it these days, and you've definitely succeeded with figuring out how to be sexy and attractive. The next part is where you're struggling, and I think you're anxious because you know you don't understand what should happen next or what the expectation should be. It's good to think about this stuff intellectually, as your current successes nicely demonstrate, but in order to maintain an interest and develop a relationship, you need to find a way to integrate your thoughts and feelings into the interaction in a way that works with her feelings and expectations. When you said "ok so do you want to?", you disrupted her chain of thoughts and feelings and made her panic about how to respond to a heavy handed sexual advance instead, and that disrupted the nice conversation you were having about sex. A more natural\supportive response would have been to continue the conversation by relating to her feelings and experience with some of your own feelings and then leave an indirect opening for her to explore further. After she talking about what she missed about the sex stuff, you could have followed up by sharing feelings and fantasies that complement hers. She misses sex and intimacy and wants to talk about it? Then close your eyes and share a fantasy about how nice it feels to cuddle with someone in the dark, how it feels to hold somebody close and be able to let them go for a moment and be surprised when they grab you back for more. That might be a bit aggressive, and IRL I'd transition the conversation more gradually, but the conversation needs to continue if you want it to lead to sex. If it's going well then she'll bump up the sexiness in the conversation and maybe make an advance herself. When the tone and expectations of the conversation change more slowly and gradually, then there are lots of opportunities to change the subject or bail out entirely, and it's harder for either person to get startled when the expectation\invitation for sex becomes more explicit and unignorable. If you're feeling anxious about what to say or how you feel, I'd suggest you do some fantasizing about that part of the encounter. Reading romance novels can be informative too, since they can give some insight into a female perspective of a sex fantasy. Those novels like to build anticipation, and that can give you a better feel for what leads up to the sex part of the sexual fantasies. Building Anticipation helps set expectations.

Foreplay in all things, even conversation.


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Offlinemycot
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Mr.GuessWork]
    #27074328 - 12/05/20 10:24 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

So your handsome and a bodybuilder.
You might even have a big dick.
None of that matters.
You got lots of cash ?
Now you're talking.


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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27129783 - 01/06/21 06:39 AM (3 years, 22 days ago)

Man that sounds tough. I've heard about the kind of ridiculous "sexist education" that goes on in US universities and it sounds really quite insane. It shouldn't be legal to have such dogma mandated in universities. I'm an ex-Feminist myself, I was quite unhappy as a feminist and now actively oppose the dogma that poisons the minds of many young women just starting out in the world. It sets them up to be treated like children their whole lives, and interferes in their relationships with men. Feminism claims to be about female sexual "empowerment" but also expects a kind of puritanism from men. I was brought up to value my body and not just give it sexually to randomers. One-night stands are considered the pinnacle of female empowerment but it cheapens the body even more than prostitution. In a hedonistic sense it's okay because it was "fun" to do so, but it's a very high risk activity, often not as much fun as expected and in the end you're giving your body to someone who is not yet known as husband/father material. I'm not saying young women should not have sex as and when they like, but it's not all it's cracked up to be.

So, avoid university women. Not all will be taken in by the feminist thing or accuse you of rape for looking at them, but it's hard to tell and I will be advising my own sons against looking for love in college/university. Honestly I would suggest looking for women who go to church or appreciate more traditional life, or who have at least not been subjected to the Feminist religion. In my experience they are easier to get along with than young feminists, aren't as stuck up about sex and have a better understanding of the male-female relationship. My own relationship has been a hundred times better since I quit feminism and started exploring spirituality and traditional marriage advice.

Bodily form is not the only thing to focus on, unless you want a woman who is vain herself and cares only about that. Masculinity is communicated in other ways - make sure you hold yourself with good posture. Have a worthwhile mission or ambition to which to dedicate yourself, that's actually very attractive to women. A man who has no mission or ambition (outside of desiring a woman or wife) will bore a long-term partner. Whether us women like to admit it or not, we find value in ourselves by partnering with a man of value (which is a lot more than just pecs and high salary). You have to value yourself in a meaningful way. People seem to either love or hate Dr Jordan Peterson but I think there are a lot of young men living better lives because of his advice, could be worth trying.

I imagine it's quite difficult to meet women at the minute, what with covid shite and all. Here we're not allowed to leave our homes unless "essential" or meet with other households unless "essential" and limited to 6 people and there's no social groups, church or any kind of gathering permitted. Masks mandatory indoors in public places, you can't even flirt!


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Offlineyeah
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Tattersail]
    #27132589 - 01/07/21 10:14 AM (3 years, 21 days ago)

Quote:

Tattersail said:
Have a worthwhile mission or ambition to which to dedicate yourself




This one is hard for me. Ambition has never been part of my nature... I have a good heart (which at the end of the day seems to not count for anything with women) and there's things I've stuck with throughout life, mainly martial arts... but that's just a pass time. I could try my hand at being a coach and I'd like to do it, but the opportunities for it are so slim in a capitalist society.

Hopefully I'm not doomed to be a loveless, low value male.


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OfflinePotDaddy
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: yeah]
    #27133151 - 01/07/21 02:51 PM (3 years, 21 days ago)

Quote:

yeah said:
Quote:

Tattersail said:
Have a worthwhile mission or ambition to which to dedicate yourself




This one is hard for me. Ambition has never been part of my nature... I have a good heart (which at the end of the day seems to not count for anything with women) and there's things I've stuck with throughout life, mainly martial arts... but that's just a pass time. I could try my hand at being a coach and I'd like to do it, but the opportunities for it are so slim in a capitalist society.

Hopefully I'm not doomed to be a loveless, low value male.




We had a saying in college, Nice guys finish last and SHY GUYS don't get laid!

Dude get some confidence. Honestly sometimes all it takes is the confidence to walk up to them and ask them out while smiling. Not creepily though.
If you are in as good shape as you say then have some pride in that just don't be one of THOSE guys.

Having a good heart Does count if you find the RIGHT one. Sadly too many young ones think money is most important.


Best of luck. Hang in there.


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Offlineyeah
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: PotDaddy]
    #27133196 - 01/07/21 03:12 PM (3 years, 21 days ago)

I think you have me confused with the OP because I never said I was in great shape


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OfflineTattersail
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: yeah]
    #27143342 - 01/12/21 08:19 AM (3 years, 16 days ago)

Quote:

yeah said:
Quote:

Tattersail said:
Have a worthwhile mission or ambition to which to dedicate yourself




This one is hard for me. Ambition has never been part of my nature... I have a good heart (which at the end of the day seems to not count for anything with women) and there's things I've stuck with throughout life, mainly martial arts... but that's just a pass time. I could try my hand at being a coach and I'd like to do it, but the opportunities for it are so slim in a capitalist society.

Hopefully I'm not doomed to be a loveless, low value male.





I suppose ambition on it's own isn't the valuable thing - it's the other things that go with it, like dedication, commitment, self-sacrifice, self-mastery, etc for your goals (doesn't have to have the end point of running a martial arts club if that's not of much interest to you). A dedicated routine in your training, goals of reaching the highest Dan in your art form, or just perfecting your skill at whatever level you're at. I have a lot of pride in my husband for achieving his first Dan and the level of commitment he had towards it. He's stopped now as he saw it pointless going any further with jujitsu and wants to try other sports. Plans may change, that's okay.

A good heart is worth a lot, and many years of martial arts is a valuable achievement.

I think part of the problem is that many young women are unavailable to Love. They don't want to tie themselves down early in their careers, give up their freedom, think about starting families, or carrying any weight beyond their own desires to ornament their own lives. Feminism teaches women to centre themselves, blame men for their failures, and almost never mentions love - the most valuable thing us humans can experience. So even if you're a great man, its going to be hard because the dating pool is much reduced. Many women have ridiculously high expectations also, as if all men should be flawless in every way.

I wish you luck in finding Love with a woman who values you (and not just for your looks, money or status!)


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Offlineyeah
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Tattersail]
    #27144731 - 01/12/21 09:32 PM (3 years, 15 days ago)

Love would be cool. What I could really use as a quick fix is just some intimacy but that goes back to what you said about women and their standards

my city has about 100k more single men than women, too
honestly it feels hopeless
I've been trying to give my number to girls at their work while I shop like Kryptos said but I don't think it's gonna work


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Edited by yeah (01/12/21 09:45 PM)


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: yeah]
    #27144812 - 01/12/21 10:47 PM (3 years, 15 days ago)

Quote:

yeah said:
I've been trying to give my number to girls at their work while I shop like Kryptos said but I don't think it's gonna work



I doubt that would ever work. The trick is to get their number, not just give up your own.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleFiery
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Tattersail]
    #27145075 - 01/13/21 05:24 AM (3 years, 15 days ago)

Yeah, feminism is similar to racism. It contains blaming or hating people you probably know nothing about, and usually blindly, without any more information.

I'm all for empowering women, but I see feminism as just another form of control. Controlled by men? Well now you're controlled by women.


The solution in a relationship? Zero control- only goals. Love is an emotion, which a person can trick themselves into feeling without even realizing it's not real. Fooling yourself into love is dangerous and so many people fall into that trap.

Goals are real and obtainable and you can build a relationship of love on that.


One problem here is that as a blanket statement, women associate sex with love WAY more than men do. But sometimes it's the opposite.

A major important thing for a relationship is communication and honesty. At a certain point in life you'll realize sex is just a physical release of nerve endings in the body.

Relationships built on only sex ALWAYS fail- either that or both parties live a life of lies. You have to have trust and goals, which combined with sex = intimacy.


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Fiery]
    #27145508 - 01/13/21 09:57 AM (3 years, 15 days ago)

Quote:

Fiery said:
I'm all for empowering women, but I see feminism as just another form of control. Controlled by men? Well now you're controlled by women.




:whateverhuman:


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InvisibleLynnch
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Nonagon Infinity] * 1
    #27146070 - 01/13/21 02:42 PM (3 years, 15 days ago)

I think if a chick lists "feminist" in their dating profile, it's probably because she's sick of dating pushy douchebags and is trying to scare them away. Feminist can mean a lot of things- sex positive feminists may have opposing views to SWERFs or TERFs. So going on about how "feminists believe blah di blah" or are to blame for all dating problems is just talking out of your ass.

Traditional/conservative/christian types are way more stuck up and uptight with 'conditions' that must be met. Girls that wont kiss you unless you're committed. :shake:


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #27146364 - 01/13/21 05:52 PM (3 years, 15 days ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

yeah said:
I've been trying to give my number to girls at their work while I shop like Kryptos said but I don't think it's gonna work



I doubt that would ever work. The trick is to get their number, not just give up your own.




It works. It's definitely less successful than getting their number, but there are times when asking a girl for her number is very inappropriate/pushy, while giving out your number is almost never inappropriate.

The trick is to make her want to contact you first. That's not nearly as easy.

Then again, that's going to end up being the trick either way. If you get her number and she doesn't want to be in contact, she's just going to ignore you or give you the standard "haha" "ok" "yeah lol" non-responses.

If they do contact you after you give them your number, then going on a date from there is a no-brainer. You'd basically have to actively try to fuck it up to fail.


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InvisibleAlimash

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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 4
    #27146975 - 01/14/21 01:58 AM (3 years, 14 days ago)

I’m no ladies man I’ll preface this with that but I’ve never not been in a relationship since I was fourteen and that’s because I’ve never chased, what worked for me was looking at women more like friends or an equal not a prize or a goal, i never had the goal of sex but the goal of friendship and that’s always gotten me laid. Work hard for a life you’d be happy to live alone and someone will want a piece, they always do. Goodluck my friend.


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Offlineyeah
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Alimash]
    #27149387 - 01/15/21 09:05 AM (3 years, 13 days ago)

I think I just had a girl tell me I'm hot for the first time ever and she lives in another country

Quote:

Alimash said:
I’m no ladies man I’ll preface this with that but I’ve never not been in a relationship since I was fourteen and that’s because I’ve never chased, what worked for me was looking at women more like friends or an equal not a prize or a goal, i never had the goal of sex but the goal of friendship and that’s always gotten me laid. Work hard for a life you’d be happy to live alone and someone will want a piece, they always do. Goodluck my friend.




yeah that's cool and all unless online dating or cold approaching are your only options for meeting women


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: yeah] * 1
    #27149472 - 01/15/21 10:02 AM (3 years, 13 days ago)

Don't you ever go out with the soul intention of just meeting people?

Obviously in COVID world this wouldn't work but before that was our reality I could hardly go to a busy place without getting talking to a group of people and making new friends.

The trick is to learn to enjoy talking to anyone, and to look for any opening or opportunity to start conversation.

I didn't become skilled at this until I was in my thirties, but I'd wanted to be skilled at it for many years beforehand, as I'd always been envious of those I'd seen who could do it.

Point being, you can do it if you decide you really want it, and getting to be good with women is a wonderful side effect/bonus.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Offlineyeah
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #27149561 - 01/15/21 11:11 AM (3 years, 13 days ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Don't you ever go out with the soul intention of just meeting people?





Nope. I pretty much only go out to train, shop, and walk. I don't even know what I'd go "do" if I was just trying to meet people.
I don't drink and all the good shows are in LA.
My new gym I train at has a lot more girls than the other gyms I've been at. I don't want to have a bad reputation at the gym for making them uncomfortable though so my mindset is to just be there to train. But now that I have that going for me and I just make friends with people there's always that possibility like you and others have said.

But there's also this:



The girl I just mentioned though is pretty cool even if it's just a long distance thing were doing. She got me feeling some kind of way but I'm trying to remain skeptical in case it comes to an end or whatever.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: yeah]
    #27150180 - 01/15/21 05:26 PM (3 years, 13 days ago)

Quote:

yeah said:
My new gym I train at has a lot more girls than the other gyms I've been at. I don't want to have a bad reputation at the gym for making them uncomfortable though so my mindset is to just be there to train. But now that I have that going for me and I just make friends with people there's always that possibility like you and others have said.



A gym is an amazing place to meet people. Once you start seeing the same people regularly, nod/smile whenever you see them again. Once the introduction is made that way, start a conversation at the first opportunity; ask for a spot or perhaps even find out if/when they're training the same muscle group you're doing so that you might be able to train together at some point.

It literally is one of the easiest places to make new friends IMO. When I first moved here three years ago the gym was where I founded my whole friend group; to the point that we'll all (about a dozen of us, the 'core group' there) be hanging out after the gym tonight; eating pizza, drinking, smoking cigars, etc. Hell, when I make new friends outside of the gym I'll invite them to the gym to meet my gym friends!!

I've been so inspired by the community that can spring up around a gym that I've decided I'll be opening a gym myself one day!!

As for that graph - which looks like a very silly piece of confirmation bias to me - because after all, there's always plenty of single people, everywhere you go. As long as you're good at meeting people, then you'll meet who you need to meet. I've road tripped all across this country and I've met more single women women than I can count (and got involved with plenty of them too...)


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Offlinemycot
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #27152583 - 01/17/21 01:58 AM (3 years, 11 days ago)

Wow, that's a crazy map.
I wonder why single women dominate on the east ooast ?


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: mycot]
    #27153741 - 01/17/21 03:34 PM (3 years, 11 days ago)

Probably a bunch of other confounding variables.

Quick look at median age shows that the east coast is generally older than the west coast, and women have longer life expectancy. Note that they're counting "singles 20-64" in that chart. So I'd guess there's a lot of lonely old ladies.


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Offlineyeah
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27161049 - 01/21/21 09:52 AM (3 years, 7 days ago)

Edgar, all I can tell you is that based on this recent experience with a long distance lover...

just fucking move to Brazil. Rio or Sau Paulo.
if a girl likes you over there you will know
it's just American women, bro

fuck em


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Edited by yeah (01/21/21 09:53 AM)


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