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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27011357 - 10/30/20 12:53 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Nonagon Infinity said:
Just reach out to her whenever you feel like it. You can even text her the next day and say "I had a really good time yesterday," and see how she responds to that. If it's a positive response, maybe you can suggest a second date. For activities, it really depends on what you want to do with her. Just suggest something that you think would be fun to do together. No wrong answer there, really.



Exactly. Just a few casual texts over the next couple of days and then a spontaneous suggestion of some kind of fun, casual and random (as in, don't be predictable) activity goes down well every time IMO - if she's into you - and it definitely sounds like she is!!

Also, as per your quote by Jung; embrace failure at every turn, for therein lies growth, and we ALL need more of that!!!


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Offlineedgar1337
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #27012127 - 10/30/20 01:16 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Nonagon Infinity said:


My main piece of advice for you is to stop lying to yourself about being sober. You're not "sober"







No offense, but your clearly not acquainted with junky culture. "Sober" means your not strung out on the streets shooting dope. Sober means your no longer going in and out of jail and chained to the ball of your addiction. There is so much elitism over the word sober. You obviously have your own interpretation, thats fine. But it doesn't make either right or wrong.

Everyone has an opinion on what it means. But here is a solution... instead of telling people their version of the word sober is wrong, why don't we just roll with it and let everyone have their own interpretation?

I consider myself sober as in I'm not shooting heroin, robbing dealers, going in and out of jail, living in a bush anymore. Thats how I and everyone I know uses the word.


Edited by edgar1337 (10/30/20 01:20 PM)


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Invisiblepsi
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 1
    #27012150 - 10/30/20 01:30 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Terminology aside I think Nonagon's point was just to take care that you don't acquire a dangerous benzo addiction, if you have already had addiction problems.


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27012358 - 10/30/20 03:44 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
No offense, but your clearly not acquainted with junky culture. "Sober" means your not strung out on the streets shooting dope. Sober means your no longer going in and out of jail and chained to the ball of your addiction. There is so much elitism over the word sober. You obviously have your own interpretation, thats fine. But it doesn't make either right or wrong.




I don't think there's an interpretation difference, really. If you wanna call yourself sober because you're not out on the streets shooting dope, then that's fine with me. I can agree to that terminology. I still stand by what I said: it's not normal to be taking benzos before a date. It's a sign that you've got a drug problem. Maybe not as serious of a drug problem as a heroin addiction, but a problem nonetheless.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
Everyone has an opinion on what it means. But here is a solution... instead of telling people their version of the word sober is wrong, why don't we just roll with it and let everyone have their own interpretation?




I think you misread my comment. I'm not trying to tell you that your definition of the word "sober" is wrong. I'm just pointing out that taking benzos before a date is indicative of some sort of drug problem, and that it's best to be honest with your partner about where you're at as a person. If you still want to use the word "sober" to describe yourself, then that's fine, and I still think you're being honest so long as your partner understands what you mean by sober.

Personally, I would want to know if someone I went on a date with popped a benzo before the date started. That's really all I'm saying, man.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
I consider myself sober as in I'm not shooting heroin, robbing dealers, going in and out of jail, living in a bush anymore. Thats how I and everyone I know uses the word.



I think it's great that you're not living that lifestyle anymore.


--------------------
Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Nonagon Infinity] * 1
    #27012387 - 10/30/20 04:10 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I think the defensive attitude you display is more a sign of a problem than the actual taking of the benzo pre-date.

You've shown humility thus far, why stop now?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineJewstress
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #27015277 - 11/01/20 08:16 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I didn't read many responses but here is my two cents.


Breathe, and simply be.  I appreciate your honesty about your pride in the work you put into your health and body.  It sounds like you're finding in a sense, the you that makes you happy and the other girlfriend was the girl who was prior to that.


As a woman who procreated with an extremely attractive man, way out of what I thought was my league, I use to get extremely self conscious of all the women staring and complimenting him on his blue eyes, or how tall and built he was, he would smirk and I knew he loved the attention.


It took me about four years to realize that it's ok to let him get his moment of glory in public, because when we go home I was the one fucking his brains out and procreating with him.


You just gotta be patient.  I can understand from the womans side, but when i experienced it... it brought my insecurities to the surface when it comes to partner insecurities and I HAD TO WORK THROUGH THEM.


But don't like your ego and pride get in the way, my kids dad would use the peoples comments about him as a way to hurt me when we fought, it ruined things. "I could get any woman I want, look at me."  "I gave up my team for you, stop".  Blah blah blah..


Just don't let your changes go to your head, and understand insecurities play on both sides, and eventually it will work out.



Look at a life long journey, not instant gratification when it comes to love.


--------------------


😇


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InvisibleFiery
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27016105 - 11/01/20 05:40 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman




I'm not the most handsome, not in the best shape, and yet every(intimate) relationship with women I've been in with has been the woman going for me.

The ones where I was going for the woman did not become intimate.


Make of it what you will, but just be yourself and things will come in time as they are.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Jewstress]
    #27016158 - 11/01/20 06:05 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Well said Jewtress! :takingnotes:


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337] * 1
    #27017629 - 11/02/20 02:26 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

psi said:
Quote:

At one point she said "good looking and socially awkward people like us" - which seemed like a low-key way to tell me she was attracted to me, or worst case a nice way of telling me I'm weird by prefacing it with a compliment.




I'd say that's a very good sign. Not just because of the compliment but because she apparently sees your social awkwardness as something she has in common with you.




Nah, its a good sign because it's an "us" not a "you and me". That's one thing I picked up on early-if a date is going well, it switches to "us" and "we" pronouns. Implies a single unit. A coupling, you might say. I started intentionally adding it to my vocabulary, and my dates got better.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
I didn't want it to go on and have her secretly want to leave, so I thought it best to just end it early to avoid overstaying my welcome.




Nah man, don't do that. Go get lost in the moment or whatever. Girls love talking for hours on end. The last thing you want to do is be so cautious she thinks you're not into her.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
I'm not good with dating, don't know how anything works and definitely did not want to "invite" her home like some player




There are plenty of places to go besides restaurants and your house. This is why I like nature walks. Just...walk somewhere, and talk.

Quote:

edgar1337 said:
so I said "ready to go?"



:rofl:

So, how about this: Go on google maps, and start looking for trails and parks around you. Then bust out the route planner and find yourself a nice loop that's 3-5 miles. Or a 3 mile line. For bonus points, go near the end ahead of time and find a nice secluded area slightly off the trail that has a great view of the sunset. It's gotta be close to the end because walking in the dark is creepy. Then figure out the timing of walking the entire route. Then add a little bit more time to play with. I'd also skip the benzo. Yeah, you'll be nervous, but the next time you'll be a little less nervous.

As far as your whole mindset, it seems like you're coming from the direction of not losing. You need to change that and play to win. It's like chess. You're gonna lose a few pawns. It's better to make a few mistakes and leave an impression than to make no mistakes and leave no impression at all.

Oh and if you do make it to the sunset without getting slapped, then

t=79


Edited by Kryptos (11/02/20 02:26 PM)


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OfflineRaniyah
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Kryptos] * 2
    #27018627 - 11/03/20 02:52 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I don't think women are only intrested in physical appearance when finding a man. So, think carefully and find out why you cannot build a relationship. Avoid bad points and try to make a relationship


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Offlineedgar1337
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Raniyah]
    #27057530 - 11/25/20 05:47 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Just an update. After going to lunch with her (which went really well), strong eye contact, incessant compliments, she even verbally said "good looking awkward people like us need to stick together" - so basically saying she was open to a friendship.

I texted her to ask if shed let me take her on a date and she totally ignored me for a week, then eventually had some BS excuse about a family tragedy. Some time later I texted her again and asked if she wanted to hang out as friends sometime and she basically shut me down with some cookie cutter "this isn't the right time" kind of excuse.

Wtf?

I dont understand it. Im starting to think it was all some game for her, or maybe just a pity thing where she met me out of pity or something. A complete u-turn for no apparent reason. I want to know why, but I cant contact her anymore because she obviously has no interest and I'm not going to be that pushy doosh bag movie archtype guy.

Women are so confusing. They say one thing, but mean something entirely different. If I were to tell a women she was so beautiful and I wanted to see her again and had super strong body language, it would just be because thats what I was actually thinking/doing. But with women it seems like there is so much conflict, confusion, mixed messages, games, or even possibly manipulation.

Another girl I know from back when I hit up, we hang up and she starts talking about how lonely she is, how she loves to gives bjs, hasnt felt a man in ages, blah bah. So the second time we kick it were in my room and she starts talking about how much she wants to fuck, so I say, "okay, do you want to?" And she goes completely silent, it got awkward, and she left shortly after. Later that night she sent a text saying she wanted to take it slow.

Again... WTF?

Who talks about needing sex right now, so bad, omg im so horny, then clams up and pretends like they are celibate till marriage prudes when you respond to their pleas for passion? And this is with a woman way out of my league who has shown intense interest in me. She should be easy pickings, as terrible as it is to say that, but even that went to hell. More games. More confusion. More mixed messages.

I am cursed. Thats 2/2 women I failed with and both had explicitly confessed their interest and attraction. THeir  body language was intense, and I'm pretty good at reading it, but they both were overtly signaling in such a way that you could tell they wanted you to know. WHat is it all, some fucked up game? Do women just randomly change their minds constantly? Or am I doing something wrong?

Its the same with dating apps. Tons of interest from beautiful women, but it never leads to anything. The chatting always ceases. Its like God WANTS me to be alone in my life right now, for whatever reason.


--------------------

"Mistakes are, after all, the foundations of truth, and if a man does not know what a thing is, it is at least an increase in knowledge if he knows what it is not."

-Carl Jung


"The current state of knowledge is a moment in history, changing just as rapidly as the state of knowledge in the past has ever changed and, in many instances, more rapidly."
-Jean Piaget


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Invisiblepsi
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27057539 - 11/25/20 05:58 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Maybe it wouldn't be so terrible to contact her (the original woman) once more for a post-mortem. Sort of a "I get that you're not really interested, and I'm not trying to change your mind, but I'd appreciate any feedback you might have for me. If not, no problem, all the best."


Edited by psi (11/25/20 06:22 PM)


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Invisiblepsi
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: psi]
    #27057589 - 11/25/20 06:22 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Another girl I know from back when I hit up, we hang up and she starts talking about how lonely she is, how she loves to gives bjs, hasnt felt a man in ages, blah bah. So the second time we kick it were in my room and she starts talking about how much she wants to fuck, so I say, "okay, do you want to?" And she goes completely silent, it got awkward, and she left shortly after. Later that night she sent a text saying she wanted to take it slow.

Again... WTF?

Who talks about needing sex right now, so bad, omg im so horny, then clams up and pretends like they are celibate till marriage prudes when you respond to their pleas for passion? And this is with a woman way out of my league who has shown intense interest in me. She should be easy pickings, as terrible as it is to say that, but even that went to hell. More games. More confusion. More mixed messages.




Maybe it was a test and you failed (somehow showed annoyance about her changing her mind.)


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InvisibleFiery
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: edgar1337]
    #27058044 - 11/26/20 01:29 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

edgar1337 said:

Who talks about needing sex right now, so bad, omg im so horny, then clams up and pretends like they are celibate till marriage prudes when you respond to their pleas for passion? And this is with a woman way out of my league who has shown intense interest in me. She should be easy pickings, as terrible as it is to say that, but even that went to hell. More games. More confusion. More mixed messages.







Seriously, this is why I only get with women who want what I want.


Stop torturing yourself. And just move on. I'd much rather masturbate than be subject to some sick fantasy of psychotic women.

And for the record, most women are crazy , except a few and they are sexy as hell.


I'd rather die happy than be in some twisted reality all because of sex. Sex makes men do terrible things and it's not their fault all the time, most of the time, or all the time.



Just give it up and let the women come to you.. AND THEN DENY THEM. Give yourself the pleasure of sexual gratification of purpose.


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OfflineZef2Def
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Fiery]
    #27058831 - 11/26/20 02:09 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Hmm... I wonder why you guys can't find decent women.


--------------------
- One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter -


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Offlineblackhawk
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Zef2Def]
    #27059011 - 11/26/20 04:35 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Does not showing interest help?

Her: "Damn, looks like it's just us two and I'm sooo horny, I'm ready to wet the wick right this second, batter dip the corn dog if you catch my drift."

You: "Damn, that sucks. Sounds like you need a ride home. I'll call a cab."


--------------------


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: blackhawk]
    #27062621 - 11/29/20 08:46 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Exactly what's above bro.  You could have jumped her bones instead of contractually having sex lmao
She'd NEVER be in your room; alone with you; talk about being horny ; and not want you to take over.  You killed it with..." ok so do you want to?"

Like 000001111100101010 it's not like computers bro


--------------------


sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Invisiblech0ppie
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: theRealrollforever] * 1
    #27062629 - 11/29/20 08:51 AM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

theRealrollforever said:
Like 000001111100101010 it's not like computers bro




That's '7978' in decimal, for those others desperately needing to know :thumbup:


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #27063095 - 11/29/20 02:14 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

theRealrollforever said:
You killed it with..." ok so do you want to?"



I completely agree with this statement. It belies a huge misunderstanding of how women operate. There's 0 romance or charm in the way you approached that situation.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Invisiblech0ppie
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Re: I'm handsome, a body builder, and STILL can't find a woman [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #27063483 - 11/29/20 06:00 PM (3 years, 1 month ago)

How do women work? It's like magnets..nobody knows :confused:


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