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InvisibleEternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance
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Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
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Trip report 2005 * 1
    #26985859 - 10/14/20 07:22 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

This is a trip report of a magic mushroom trip from over 13 years ago that I've never written down or really talked about it so I thought why not share.

The year was 2005 and it was my last year of high school and had been experimenting with psychedelics quite a bit. Before this trip, I had only done anywhere from 1 gram to 2 and half grams. Tonight we would be doing 3-3.5 grams of cubensis mushrooms in my parent's home while they were away from vacation.

Setting: My parents home. My friends (we'll call them Derrick and Andrew for anonymity sake) would be joining me and my twin brother was in the house but we didn't expect him to interfere with our trip. We told him ahead of time that we'd be tripping that night and to be cool about it.

So we eat the mushrooms and we're hanging out in my basement bedroom. Derrick and Andrew take 3.5 grams and I take 3 grams. Around 6 pm our friend Alice drops by the house to return something (can't recall what it was, perhaps my bong) and we had just started to come up. It was hot in the house and we were all sweating and I could swear I could see the "sweat waves" in the air. I returned back downstairs and we started a music playlist going. I set up a playlist of about 5 hours of music for the night beforehand and it would play in the background through the night.

Derrick suggested that we play on my videogame system, the Nintendo GameCube. So I loaded up this racing game called F-Zero GX. I'm usually really good at this game but after about 5-10 minutes, playing becomes more difficult. This is when my brother comes downstairs to join us. I'm not thrilled about it but I don't let it effect me - he knows I am on mushrooms so I have nothing to hide and can just experience the mushrooms. As we were playing, I started to feel like my hands were melting into the controller, a very uncomfortable feeling. Also, I could hardly play the game at all - I would think that I was playing well and then I'd "come to" and realize I was smashing into the same wall over and over making no progress whatsoever in the level. It was hilarious but also scary because I knew the trip was getting more intense.

At this time we were listening to the Allman Brothers Band and the songs sounded completely chaotic. I couldn't tell whether the song was in the beginning, middle or end and it was also just sensory overload - there were too many things going on at once and I started to panic. This is when the trip kicked into high gear.

"I'm having a bad trip" I said. I went to the washroom and splashed some water on my face. It didn't relieve the terror at all. I was pacing around the basement and decided to stay in my room and go with the flow of the music. My friends and brother were still in the living room playing the video game when I started feeling more intense waves coming on. My body load was getting difficult to become comfortable with - this was way more intense than I could have imagined - and now my ego was starting to slip away. The dimensions of my bedroom made no sense - distance and shape had utterly changed. What I used to see as straight lines and curves - for example, experiencing a room as a box, was no longer - it was like I had never seen my bedroom before now. I realized the folly of scientific investigation and had some strong realizations about the limitations of science.

I felt more grounded to reality strangely than ever before. My consciousness felt sacred - the mushrooms forced me into this pose that made me feel like I was one of our noble native ancestor or something like that. Just a sacred being instead of this kind of degraded brainwashed modern psyche which I normally hold. My normal identity was slipping away.

I was trying to hold on to my identity, my memories, my personality... it all started to escape me. What's my name? What's my address? Who are my parents? Who am I? I had the verbal answers but they were becoming meaningless. It seemed that everything I had in my life was a product of my imagination and illusory. At this point I was crouched on top of my bed with my head in my hands trying to gain some kind of control but the waves were getting so huge now that I knew I couldn't hold on much longer. Somehow it happened... the final wave swept me, my ego became the size of a pinhole and fell away.

The chronology gets a bit muddled here. I can't recall if this happened before or after my ego was killed but I remember my mind trying to comprehend what the mushrooms were showing me but my mind kept getting killed by paradox. I kept envisioning some kind of paradoxical one-sided object which is impossible but yet somehow I was comprehending it. I also became aware of the unipolar nature of reality - I kept repeating "Everything is Nothing. Nothing is Everything. Everything is Nothing..." apparently I was doing this for a long time and I was just mumbling into a pillow and my friends couldn't understand what I was saying. My friends had joined me at this point - Derrick was feeling the mushrooms just as hard as I was and we were sharing the same consciousness. Andrew sat in a chair laughing at us, having no idea just what dimension me and Derrick were in.

I remember as my ego washed away, I merged into an infinite ocean of bliss. I was no longer "EternalCowabunga" and at one point I was not experiencing anything at all. There was no one there to experience, I had become experience itself. I would come in and out of this which was terrifying and blissful at the same time. I was in a dimension that I couldn't describe in words - the only word that I could use was "ineffable" which is strange because I had never used that word for anything before. We had entered a dimension of impossible mystery. Using words to describe things seemed to sully the reality I was experiencing.

Around this time, my brother entered my room. He knew I was tripping but he had no idea how powerfully - he had never touched a psychedelic, not even marijuana. He walked into my closet and stayed there for a minute or two. He was trying to trip me out. He came out of the closet with a toy gun with ping pong balls loaded and walked up to me and started shooting them in my face. He seemed to be hoping for some kind of reaction, but I literally sat completely still and didn't even flinch as the ping pong balls bounced off my face. I was experiencing infinite peace, what did I care? I felt like if all of humanity was in my bedroom, my love would have been enough to bathe everyone there.

My brother stayed in the room for I'm not sure how long. I recall, in my altered state, feeling immense pity and compassion for my brother. I could see that he had so much growing to do and that it would be often painful. I also was acutely aware of how the Ego worked. I later thought of an analogy - it was like a snake and the ego thinks that it is the head of the snake leading the rest of the body, having no idea that not only is it not the "head" but that it's at the mercy of the rest of the body - the rest of the body, or the Self, doesn't make an identity for itself - that's the ego's job yet the ego really has no control.

My brother eventually went away. I was still tripping incredibly hard and I hadn't moved from the spot I was sitting in for at least an hour or two. My limbs felt so heavy but as I was coming down I was able to stretch and massage which was relieving. Derrick and I talked at length about the trip and the questions it left us with. We wondered about the path of humanity and where it was all leading. We smoked a big joint and Andrew asked if we should go outside to smoke it. I was in a state of no desire and told him it didn't matter if we smoked inside or outside. So we smoked the joint in my room. The music had been playing all night but the trip had been so intense that I didn't even notice it for most of peak. I wanted to stay forever in that wordless realm, that when Andrew asked if we should open a window I recall saying "don't call it a window!" I wanted to stay in this sacred space but I knew I couldn't.

My ego returned, but changed. I felt traumatized and healed at the same time. I had dropped years of conditioned beliefs and I felt like things would never be the same. It still felt like I had imagined all of my reality but I was okay with going back - it was necessary. I can't say exactly how things had changed. I definitely felt like I was no longer afraid of death. I got some sleep and woke up the next day exuberant. I had the instinct to go talk to my brother, but my friends advised against it. My ego must have been coming back...


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Edited by EternalCowabunga (10/14/20 08:30 PM)


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