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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: BANANA.MAN]
    #26978815 - 10/10/20 04:55 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

After re-reading your OP, I would say that the ghosting becomes "bad behaviour" when you make solid plans aka, they become a "flake". Its even worst if you spend time with them and then just up and disappear.

I just wish some of these ladies would send something, anything at all, no matter how vague or obscure.


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Offlineyeah
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Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: Kryptos]
    #26980818 - 10/12/20 01:57 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

shit man I don't really like hitting on girls I don't know at all whatsoever. I just can't by myself when I do it, everything I say ends up being forced


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: yeah] * 3
    #26980836 - 10/12/20 02:49 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

yeah said:
shit man I don't really like hitting on girls I don't know at all whatsoever. I just can't by myself when I do it, everything I say ends up being forced



After my most recent experience with "actively dating" (read: approaching a woman online or in-person with the intention of developing some kind of romantic relationship), I think I'm done with it for a good while. I would love to be in a romantic relationship with someone, but I'd rather have it arise from friendship, shared interest, and shared experience than from the fact that I had the guts to hit on them or "swipe right".

I definitely know what you mean by things feeling forced when you approach someone you don't know with that kind of intent. There's an expectation there about it developing into a specific type of relationship, and that expectation is either going to be met or not. Even if it is met, it doesn't feel like there's much of a foundation to it other than your own expectation and willingness to take a risk. Kinda loses a lot of the romance when I look at it that way.


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #26982288 - 10/12/20 08:04 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

The point isn't the romance, it's the experience. That sounds super shitty, but bear with me:

None of the girls I'm talking to are what I would really consider, shall we say, "long term relationship potential. And I make that pretty clear, in my interactions. I am pretty open about the fact that there is no long term potential, it's just fun while it lasts. Which, for me, is about as long as covid. Or maybe a year, tops. Whichever comes first.

That's what I meant earlier by improving your talking to girls skills and having sex with girls skills. These are actual skills that you can practice, so when that perfect girl comes along in a romantic moment, you at least kinda know what you're doing. Then you can act like Ryan Gosling, and not the bumbling foil he defeats in that rom com she likes.

And drop the apps. Apps don't work, unless you are an extremely good looking dude willing to rent a professional photographer to adventure for a day. The less attractive you are, the more you want to spend on a pro.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: Kryptos]
    #26982432 - 10/12/20 09:04 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Kryptos said:
And drop the apps. Apps don't work, unless you are an extremely good looking dude willing to rent a professional photographer to adventure for a day.



I completely agree that apps don't work, but not for the same reason; one simply isn't going to find a quality partner on an app.

Sure it's possible to find someone to fuck, to hang around with for a bit and have a bit of fun, but any relationship that comes from those things is tainted, and will not be a high quality relationship.

People being their best selves don't use apps. IMO.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Offlineyeah
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Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26983204 - 10/13/20 11:19 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Sure it's possible to find someone to fuck




haha yeah totally

>.>


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: yeah] * 2
    #26983852 - 10/13/20 06:32 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I think it's something like 1 in 5 male users will ever have sex on a dating app, and 7% will have sex with more than one person they meet on a dating app. Plus, the kind of guys that can get laid on tinder can usually get laid off tinder as well.

Partner quality I think is a symptom of this phenomenon. Simply put, the kind of girl that can't get anyone better than you on a dating app is...well. Not to play into sexual stereotypes, but even the most attractive dudes will dick down some random mediocre girl if he's bored and horny.

I don't think dating apps are a bad thing, they're just...basically commodification of sex according to supply and demand principles. It's like sex capitalism. You're either in the top 15%, or you're in poverty.

The flip side of this is as more people flock to dating apps and tech for social interaction, the easier it gets to meet women in person. Nobody fantasizes about meeting a charming stranger on an app. Those fantasies about charming strangers are basically the only reason book stores still exist.

If dating apps work for you, then by all means, plow ahead. If dating apps don't work for you, your options are (a) hire a pro photographer that knows what they're doing to make you look better, or (b) stop using dating apps and focus on approaches that don't rely entirely on looks. I hear bookstores work great. I've always wanted to chat up a hot girl in a bookstore, but I've never tried. Yet.

I guess a corollary to my advice when it comes to the women of the shroomery (hah! we all know that this is the internet, where men are men, women are men, and teens are FBI agents): I'm sure you've found that it's incredibly easy to find a guy to sleep with on a dating app, but none of them ever want to stick around, and the ones that do are...meh. My advice is meant to apply to you ladies as well. Chat up the cute guy working checkout. Or go say 'hi' to basically any dude you want. No matter what happens down the road, if you give him a compliment he'll probably remember you for the next year or more.


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Anonymous #2

Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: Kryptos] * 1
    #26995656 - 10/21/20 02:39 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

I was just basically ghosted after a 2 and half year relationship. It really hurting me. I know i gotta be a better person but i dont even know what to work on now....


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OfflineKryptos
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Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: Anonymous #2] * 1
    #26996502 - 10/21/20 02:21 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

I suggest picking up cardio. Go run a mile. Do it again tomorrow. The rest of your free time? Anything, as long as it isn't drugs or alcohol. Go read a book. Go play a video game. Go run another mile. Don't go out if you live in the US.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: Anonymous #2] * 2
    #26996508 - 10/21/20 02:25 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
I was just basically ghosted after a 2 and half year relationship. It really hurting me. I know i gotta be a better person but i dont even know what to work on now....



I feel your pain brother. Having 0 closure after giving so much of yourself to someone is probably one of the most horrible things that can befall us in this life, aside of sickness and death.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26996997 - 10/21/20 08:39 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
I was just basically ghosted after a 2 and half year relationship. It really hurting me. I know i gotta be a better person but i dont even know what to work on now....




Sorry to hear that. Thats just fucked up, especially after a 2.5 year relationship....some people have no remorse for ghosting and it makes me sick...


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Anonymous #2

Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #26997212 - 10/22/20 12:43 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

I am trying to just move on but this grief is not fun. Thank you guys for the support


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: When Is it OK to Ghost People on Dating Apps? [Re: Anonymous #2] * 1
    #26997227 - 10/22/20 01:14 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
I am trying to just move on but this grief is not fun. Thank you guys for the support



The grief might not go away for a long time (if it ever does at all). However, you will still live one day at a time and, as you get more and more experience under your belt, you will find that the grief becomes less significant when compared to everything else going on in your life. They say that time heals all wounds. I know that's a cliche, but it's definitely rung true for me when it comes to grief over the loss of my most cherished relationships.

Take care, brother. This, too, shall pass :smile:


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