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Anonymous #1

Anxiety is ruining my life
    #26948536 - 09/21/20 09:40 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I need to cent about my anxiety. It is at an all time high. I have wound up in the hospital about 4 times from it. It starts with me not being able to sleep and slowly freaking out about stuff. I have tons of bills to pay, house to keep up, job, family problems (major problems), and now my health is declining. I have seen every kind of doctor and they all blame my past drug use and have thrown every drug at me thats not really controlled. Zoloft. Abilify, Rispiridone, vitamin B, depakote, vimpat, topomax.

I just saw my neuro today and doctors always give me anxiety and he said he wants to keep me on depakote and zoloft. I said they make me feel like shit and he said thats what will happen. WTF. I had 2 seizures before from fucking tramadol and kratom so doctors think I need to be on seizure meds and they have drained the life out of me.

It comes in waves. I’ll wake up and be instantly bored but im too tired/lazy now to do shit or cant cuz covid. now me psych is saying this is all mental and I have no seizure activity so now im scared I’m fucked into being on seizure meds. at this point I almost want to just self prescribe myself benzos but I know that route is not a good one but neither is waking up after a panic attack and people freaking out saying you went off the walls.

my anxiety is mainly about me losing stuff. My family has had bad addiction and that led to close family stealing my valuables prob upwards of 5x. I used to have jewelry but not anymore. 5k ring stolen. memorabilia stolen. money stolen. identity stolen.

last time I woke up in the hospital from a panic attack I couldnt find my wallet and started to freak out in the hospital but they locked it away and never told me. everytime I wind up hospitalized they force me to do days and days of testing it absolutely sucks. i forsure am a hypochondriac and always think I’m going to get sick from others at the hospital.

Covid has also put me in a shit situation. I’m at my parents getting better and my cars fucked rn so I cant drive to work and they just called me back. Soon as covid hit my brain switched into panic mode. I know a lot of people who are over concerned and they make me crazy listening to them talk about QAnon shit

I bent the knee and accepted I had anxiety. What makes me more mad is people say “you need to learn to control your anxiety” I’m like you think I want to be constantly paranoid. I’m glad I can mentally handle this cuz most people I feel would fly way off the deep end in my shoes. 

tl:dr

my anxiety is at an all time high. stressors are at a peak and I’m on so much medication I cant even function without 4 cups of coffee. Doctor said the medication will fuck with me so I really just wanna stop it all but I can’t cuz then I could wind up hospitalized again. fuck


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Anonymous #2

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26959690 - 09/29/20 03:42 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I'm sorry to hear that story, I hope you get well.

Anxiety is a bitch. I've had it all my life, although nowhere near as badly as you have described and also a different form. I have "health anxiety", where I worry something is wrong with me. It is often triggered when I feel my heart racing or beating too hard.

A psychologist I spoke to said that anxiety can almost be classified as, "a hyper-sensitivity to bodily sensations", but that doesn't seem to be what you have.

His advice to me was not to try and "control" the anxiety, but just to accept it. To realize it's just a feeling, it will pass, and note that nothing ever bad comes of it.

One thing I have noted is that it is very closly related to alcohol consumption, and usually the next day. I don't mean I have to have a really bad hangover (although that will almost certainly trigger it), just a few beers is enough to make an anxiety attack noticebly more likely to occur the following day. Whether that's a "come down" from the "alcohol high" (alcohol actually works on the same pathways as anti-anxiety drugs, benzodiazapams, so that would be understandable), or if it's just the uncomfortable bodily sensations or something psychological (knowing that alcohol is bad for your health), but it's probably a mix of all of the above.

I know that's probalby not particularly helpful in your case, but I do empathize.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26962579 - 09/30/20 06:20 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Have you ever considered that your diet may be making your anxiety worse? I know for a 100% fact, for me, diet is everything. No carbohydrate or very low carbohydrate is something you might want to do some research on. There are a lot of threads on reddit about people that have done the diet and it eliminated most, if not all of their anxiety.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26968087 - 10/03/20 06:58 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Do you exercise regularly?

When my anxiety is through the roof I workout or run until I simply have nothing left in the tank to feed the anxiety. It's borderline self destructive but it works in a pinch and is better than self medicating with destructive substances.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #26968483 - 10/04/20 02:32 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I don't think that's self-destructive at all. I run and exercise a lot too and find it does wonders for anxiety. If I do a week or two without working up a sweat I definitely feel more anxious and am more prone to anxiety attacks.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26968963 - 10/04/20 11:33 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Hate to be this guy...

But, have you tried weed yet?

I can get pretty bad anxiety/depression sometimes, the current apocalyptic global landscape doesn’t help much. But, got myself legal and for whatever reason, getting high helps me a ton.

YMMV


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Anonymous #6

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #26969499 - 10/04/20 05:10 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I would never recommend weed for axiety,
shroom microdosing maybe?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #26978747 - 10/10/20 04:01 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks guys. Yes I have a medical card but my doctors always say my drug tests were POSITIVE if I used marijuana and this is frustrating. I do smoke but haven’t been able to consistently. Some strains make me more paranoid so I need strong indicas.

My anxiety has gotten a lot better now I am sleeping better. The seizure meds are really strong and I sleep almost 10 hours easily. I used to sleep 6 hours. If it wasn’t for covid shutting everything down I’d be pretty screwed right now. My psych just lowered my seizure meds because of the tiredness.

My motivation has slowly crept back but there’s nothing for me to do. I need to change my diet and work out really bad.

My anxiety is similar to health anxiety because it starts with getting stuck in a thought loop. It’s hard to explain really. When I first had the seizure the doctors freaked me out and said I might have a brain tumor so the PTSD is real. I was also hospitalized at the peak of covid and saw some crazy stuff.

Since I don’t have real seizures I’m not happy about being stuck on seizure meds that make me feel tired. I really need to get off this stuff but that’s almost impossible based on my doctors opinion.


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Anonymous #7

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26980057 - 10/11/20 01:52 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Society is a trap. Why Are we made to believe that working all the time to pay bills every month to keep up with life is how everyone is supposed to live. That ideology was invented to keep us down and is the root of all of life problems. I wish we could live in a world free of this kind of stress. Especially now that so many people are unemployed and things are getting worse, every person whose dug into a lifestyle of paying bills is struggling. A billess society would be great


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Anonymous #1

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #26983534 - 10/13/20 03:10 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah not being able to work has really messed my life up. I was on top of all my bills now I’m scraping by it sucks.
I hate these meds makes me think id be better off without them.

I am not against medication but I just don’t understand why I fee so shitty on this stuff


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Anonymous #8

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26983582 - 10/13/20 03:48 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

You would almost have to be crazy not to have anxiety. The thing that calms me down is that I understand that I'm going back to non existence. Nothing in life actually matters and it's all temporary. There's no reason to worry about anything.


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Anonymous #9

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26983612 - 10/13/20 04:06 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I’m telling ya bud... it is a bitch. I deal with extreme amounts of anxiety on a daily basis. All the way from major life issues to petty worthless shit. The only thing I know to say besides all the cliche stuff is: live moment to moment. Don’t worry about the future or the past. Not even 2 minutes. Just make it through the moment however you’ve got to without being self-destructive. Youll make it man. Just keep pushing.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #26984343 - 10/14/20 12:18 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks man that’s what I’ve been doing. It is so trivial sometimes it scares me. Like I’ll just randomly get anxious and think about stupid stuff. I want to live moment to moment but life seems to only favor you when you have a plan.

I think my primal anxiety dna is working overtime. theres no need for this level of anxiety in todays world. ugh


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Anonymous #7

Re: Anxiety is ruining my life [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26984745 - 10/14/20 09:12 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Alota people are feeling the same way right now, OP. People are drepessed and going nuts and getting into drugs and alcohol for the simple fact theres nothing better to do right now with all this quarantine crap. We all struggling. Be strong


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