5g of Psilocybe cubensis - Full breakthrough mystical experience - Trip Reports

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ikshana
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Registered: 10/06/20
Posts: 4
Last seen: 1 month, 21 days

5g of Psilocybe cubensis - Full breakthrough mystical experience

4
#26972170 - 10/06/20 01:05 PM (3 years, 6 months ago)

Eight days ago I took a little over 5 grams of dried Psilocybe cubensis and this is my story.

Background
I’ve been on a spiritual journey for about 3 years. Preparation to my spiritual path included the recreational usage of drugs such as MDMA and Ketamine. Especially Ketamine opened my heart and mind to the possibility of different realities and a k-hole about 3,5 years ago cemented my unwavering belief in a “universe”. Since that time I’ve occasionally experimented using drugs for spiritual growth or let’s better say spiritual curiosity. Meditating on keta brought me to a certain depth but never fully satisfied me. I’ve also tried smoking DMT a couple times but never reached a breakthrough experience. Part of the journey has also been a wonderful 4-day ayahuasca ceremony, where I was shown all the love the universe has to offer. I’ve also had one very strong LSD experience where I lost all sense of reality but it was neither spiritual nor introspective. A couple of “normal dosage” LSD and mushroom trips were rather exhausting because I was often stuck in thought loops, especially towards the end of the trips. During all my trips, apart from the ayahuasca and the strong LSD trip, I was completely by myself without a trip sitter, therefore it was hard for me to get myself out of the thought loops or any other negative thinking. Not getting anything out of my trips I stopped for almost a year.

The call of the heroic dose of mushrooms has been with me for close to two years and was continuously getting louder. At first I realized the voice in my head with a certain dread since I did not think I was brave enough for such a wild ride. The voice got louder though and I couldn’t ignore it for too long. I knew I had to jump in at the deep end.

Preparations
A couple of months ago I changed my eating habits, leaving away as much grain as possible but turning to green vegetables and healthy fats (=pescetarian ketogenic diet). Along with that I stopped drinking coffee, cut back dramatically on all the sugar and alcohol had not been a big part in my life. So from a dietary perspective I was pretty well prepared for my trip. Still I followed that diet even more rigorously the last 7 days leading up to the big day.

I knew I needed a trip sitter for such a high dose so I asked my partner if she would take on the responsibility, which she gladly did. So we discussed basic trip sitting rules the day before and I also explained how I saw her role and at what point I wanted interaction. There’s a deep soul connection between us, so being physically apart during trips was never good and always produced a feeling of separateness. So although this was my trip, I also wanted to do it in the same room she was present.

On the day of my trip we slept in a bit longer, followed by a morning tea, reiki energy cleansing of the room, yoga and a final meditation. I was prepared as one could be but also freighted as hell, seeing the 5 grams layed out in front of me. Although I’m not too fond of the taste of mushrooms I decided against taking it as a tea but wanted to consume it more “raw”, so I slowly chewed up all the mushrooms. Then I wrapped myself up in a blanket on the sofa next to my girlfriend who was reading a book and closed my eyes. They remained closed for the largest part of my trip. It was 01:35pm, Sunday, September 27th.

The Trip
I’ve read reports where trippers described the come-up at such a high dose as being hit by a bus. So I was prepared for a swift lift-off. But nothing of that sort happened. Half an hour passed and I still didn’t feel any different. Then a very deep relaxation and gratitude for my life and the universe set in. But in a very subtle way. Nothing too euphoric, just a deep gratefulness, reminding myself of a similar feeling I had during my ayahuasca trip. Memories of that trip kept coming up. Even to the point where I continuously told myself not to live in memories but to create a new experience at this moment of time. I became more tired and slowly I drifted off into a half sleep. I can't account for everything during that phase but I remember asking somebody in my half-dream if this was it. Am I really going to get away with such a mild trip, I asked a couple times. I was satisfied with any outcome, even a little relieved that nothing crazy was happening. A voice asked me that it was up to me if I wanted to go deeper or not. It was a clear and direct question posed to me: “do you want to go deeper?” To which I immediately agreed.

And deeper I went…

I immediately felt something pulling me into myself, into my psyche. My ears closed as being under water and I was sucked into the darker parts of my psyche. Initially it was a frightening feeling since I’ve been there during other trips and it can be quite challenging. (I remember one trip where I wanted to make myself a bread and while holding a knife I did not look at the knife in a normal way but I was pulled towards the darker side of a knife, thinking about what power that knife gave me, and how I wanted to test boundaries.) Resisting the pull was of no use either, it was simply too strong. So I surrendered (it was a conscious decision though) and was pulled deeper. It’s difficult to explain what now went on. I was not really comfortable in my skin. Externally I started sweating and moving about on the sofa. I somehow was still resisting something. I had the urge to take off my clothes, I had the urge to jump off the sofa and beat my chest like an ape. I had the urge to scream for this trip to end. But instead of succumbing to each urge I said: “I’m past and beyond that. Can we please skip this part and get on deeper”. It was like an elevator going into the abyss. There were many dark floors where the elevator stopped, waiting for me to get off. I refused to get off at each of them and simply carried on the elevator ride into the deep. But it was not an abyss waiting for me. It was death. I felt death around the corner.

It was at this moment that I realized this trip was way beyond my control. I had lost all touch with reality. There was a small realization that I was tripping and how preposterous I could have been to think that this was going to be an easy trip. I also realized that this trip is way beyond anything I could have imagined or prepared for. Thoughts that were gone the second they came up. Time distortion was huge and I knew I was in for the long haul. It was so overwhelming and overpowering that I knew I had to fully surrender. But surrendering meant dying. Surprisingly this did not frighten me. A sense of gratitude for the life I had lived overcame me. Death pulled me and I was at peace with myself. But I knew I was not alone and so I reached over to my girlfriend and asked her to hold my hand. I told her that it’s pulling me and I need to leave. I told her that eventually all (high-dose psychedelic) trips must follow the same pattern, there is no escape for any of us. She lovingly held my hand and told me that I must follow the call and she wishes me the best trip. She repeatedly told me to let go. Her reaffirmations were so full of love, not worrying at all, so I realised everything must be fine. It helped me to further relax and simply fully surrender to what was happening. I knew I was dying. At this point the strength of the trip came in waves. Some moments where words actually somehow made some sense or at least carried a meaning, followed by moments where I lost all sense of reality and ego. Again death was looming at the front door. During this wave I knew I could not stay alive. Again I told her I need to go. I remember the thought “fuck, whatever I did, I overdid it. This is literally the end”. But I didn’t want to worry her so I kept the thought to myself. I told her I loved her but I’m leaving. I closed my eyes, felt my last breath and stopped existing. This was my death in the most realistic way possible.

What followed cannot be put into words. I was not in another universe but in another reality or dimension. No earthly concepts had any meaning here. No physical laws have any meaning. Time has no meaning. It is not something that the human mind can grasp and I believe that anything I experienced that did have meaning to me, is only my mind translating it into something meaningful for me. That’s why this experience is so personal and different for each person.

I cannot say for how long I was in another reality. But I believe I returned fairly soon to the other reality of my sofa again. A short moment of sanity set in. Then the feeling of dying set in again and I said my goodbyes to my girlfriend again. After two or three deaths and always returning, I realized that I could actually control myself in which reality I want to travel. There was no reason to be afraid to die anymore. At this point it was not a feeling of dying anymore but a conscious decision to enter the other reality and to return again. I was so amazed at that possibility that I started telling my girlfriend about the trip. I told her about the other place but also that I did not know what information to come back with. Peaking all this, I realized I could be in the other reality and still be able to talk to her. So I was talking to her while being in the other reality, mastering both worlds at the same time.

I realized I was fully controlling this trip from this moment on. I stayed in her reality, looked around the room and thought about how clear my thoughts are at this moment. I remember about telling her that I’m there for her even in such an intense moment of my life. I mentioned that if somebody entered the room, I would even be able to get up and walk around.

Then I looked at her personally. She looked so beautiful, elven-like. Her white hair strains were exaggeratingly glowing bright silver. She had beautiful shiny mandalas and fractals around her whole face, shining silver, blue, purple and pink. And then I saw the inside of her. Her pure bright light that is of purest goodness. It was an extreme emotional moment, both of us crying out of sheer happiness and awe.

During the next wave my trip turned inward. All of a sudden I was seeing and feeling myself as a pure light being. And it was also true goodness and kindness. But it was not only I, but I had an emotional outbreak about the thought that all humans are actually pure and good deep down. Reflecting on this thought the day after, I believe this feeling leads many other trippers to the feeling of universal oneness. I didn’t have this feeling during my trip but only after.

All of a sudden my mind became very clear again. I looked up at my girlfriend and immediately knew that this was the end of my mystical tripping and I would not pass into other realities again. She mentioned in a later reflection of the trip, that that was the exact same feeling she got at that point as well. Although I still had no understanding of what an apartment or what the concept of time is, I was very clear and calm in my mind. This is in so great contrast to any of my other trips, where a quiet mind was totally out of question. This was about 4,5 hours after eating 5 grams of mushrooms. It took another hour or so to be mostly sane again. Sleeping was possible after another 6 hours.

Immediately after my returning to sanity I was overwhelmed about the experience I was able to undergo. This was magnitudes more than I had ever imagined or thought possible. This was the single most impressive event of my life. Nothing has or probably ever will match it. It was a fully mystical, spiritual, other-worldly experience that goes beyond the wildest imaginations. I returned and one of the first sane statements I gave to my girlfriend was “remember to tell me later to either do a heroic dose and go full in or none at all, should I ever decide to take mushrooms again”. I’m not sure this still holds true to me today though. At the same time I also didn’t want to take it for granted that I had such an extremely positive experience. I also had an overwhelming feeling of relief that the trip didn’t go down the wrong path. I have the greatest and utmost respect for this experience. Had I decided to step out of the elevator on my descent into the dark, this trip could also have become the most challenging and horrific experience of my life.

Naturally my trip sticks with me all week. I’m still overwhelmed at times and I have the need to communicate and exchange ideas about it with someone. My girlfriend is there for me and is also very interested in it. She was the best trip sitter possible and much of the trip she experienced it directly with me and it also left a deep imprint on her. At the same time there’s only so much she can relate to what I experienced, since she’s never had a true psychedelic experience herself. So if any part of my story resonates with you, please leave a comment.

Edited by ikshana (10/07/20 10:01 AM)

Extras:

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