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Offlinelord_nikon6983
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Tripping as a parent/spouse
    #26961790 - 09/30/20 11:01 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Hi All,
So I realize there are a few threads about this but the couple I looked at were all 10 years old or so, I thought id start a new one for the next generation of parents...

I am 33 years old. I have 2 kids now. One is 6 and QUITE the handful. The other is a brand new 8 month old adorable little boy who is the light of my life.

I am a recovering opiate addict. My wife and I first got clean right before she got pregnant. We are actually reasonably sure I knocked her up in the bathroom at rehab, but that's a story for another time. Point being my daughter was not planned. We absolutely had discussed and both wanted kids, but probably would have waited a few years until we got our shit together. As it happened I think her getting pregnant probably saved our lives. We did manage to relapse a few times during the pregnancy but after she was born we both got on methadone and have been off methadone for a few years now.

I tripped 4-5 times on medium doses of shrooms while she was growing up. I always made sure they were night trips and that someone was sober in the house, but I can remember a few times that she wanted another tuck in or a glass of water and I interacted with her... they were beautiful experiences. I was so full of love and empathy for her.

Fast forward to my current situation: I have VERY few friends right now. Partially as a result of my opiate addiction and also because I work remotely.  A few years ago I was working in a headshop and I met this guy who asked me about shrooms. I was very cautious, as was he, and the beginning of our relationship was very standoffish as neither of us could tell if the other was a narc.  The past 6 months or so we have become pretty good friends. We have an astounding amount in common and he is one of the few people I have met in person that has a similar breadth and depth of knowledge regarding religion/spirituality/mysticism.  My beliefs are a hodge-podge combination of many systems and it SO refreshing to talk to someone who can follow my train of thought. I started going over to his house a few months ago and he came over to mine for the first time a few weeks back to help me fill up a dumpster with old furniture and met my Dad.

ANYWAY, Im rambling... We really want to trip together. He is a psychedlic hoarder and has a bunch of varieties of shrooms and tons of acid.

We have tried to make plans multiple times but my responsibilities as a husband and father keep getting in the way. FINALLY it seems like it might happen. We both have this upcoming Friday off of work, and my daughter is FINALLY going back to school so she will be gone for 7 hours. She REALLY like hanging out with this friend. She is UBER social just like me and I have taken her over to his place by necessity and they get along great, so having her around is not an option... she would def not leave us alone.

The plan WAS that his girlfriend would come over as well to keep my wife company while we were having fun. But it sounds like they are having a fight and she doesnt want to come.


TLDR:
So I guess my final question after all that back story is this: How can I process the feelings of guilt I have that my wife is stuck caring for our baby while I'm upstairs having a good time?


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: lord_nikon6983]
    #26961866 - 09/30/20 11:53 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

You can't, ever. You have that responsibility that YOU and HER agreed to have. You could be in another country and still feel possibly more guilt and stress as well. Wait until they are out of the house or old enough to cook, babysit, and clean for themselves and you'll have a better trip.:shrug:


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OfflineVP123
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: lord_nikon6983]
    #26961875 - 09/30/20 11:57 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

It is difficult to offer a perspective on someone else's feelings. You may want to offer something in return. Like taking care of the kids another day while she does something for herself (visiting family, friends, etc.). Also, talk to her about your guilty feelings. May she may understand them better than you may assume.

I started this less than a year ago. I did it to treat my depression. I was trying to hide it but eventually I had to tell my wife. She was worried as we had never been around any type of drug. The first time she was away and it offered quite a relief to my depression (I wish I had known this 20 or 30 years ago). In the last trip we both were working from home and during the trip I began to worry and wished the trip ended because I felt I left my wife alone. I went 4 more months without tripping and the depression was coming back (but far more manageable). It turns out she told me it was about time for me to take the mushrooms again. She said that I become a nicer person. And that she actually likes me better that way. Assuming the mushrooms have a similar effect on you, she may actually like that you take care of yourself with the shrooms.


TLDR, it is possible that your wife may actually like that you trip because you become nicer to her and the kids after that. If that is not the case then you may want to think  the reasons why you want to trip. If it is just for fun and there is no additional benefit, then you may have to put it on hold.


Edited by VP123 (09/30/20 11:59 AM)


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OfflineKmacmo
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #26961893 - 09/30/20 12:04 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

I don't see the problem as long as its not like every week, every now and then is okay as long as you put the work in to get your reward (shroom time).

So as long as she knows you've done your bit and you just need your therapy time, feel no guilt.
You seem like your doing it responsibly enough to me.
And Ofcourse it helps if your wife accepts the situation and isn't really mad about it lol


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Offlinewolf8312
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: lord_nikon6983]
    #26961897 - 09/30/20 12:05 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

lord_nikon6983 said:
Hi All,
So I realize there are a few threads about this but the couple I looked at were all 10 years old or so, I thought id start a new one for the next generation of parents...

I am 33 years old. I have 2 kids now. One is 6 and QUITE the handful. The other is a brand new 8 month old adorable little boy who is the light of my life.

I am a recovering opiate addict. My wife and I first got clean right before she got pregnant. We are actually reasonably sure I knocked her up in the bathroom at rehab, but that's a story for another time. Point being my daughter was not planned. We absolutely had discussed and both wanted kids, but probably would have waited a few years until we got our shit together. As it happened I think her getting pregnant probably saved our lives. We did manage to relapse a few times during the pregnancy but after she was born we both got on methadone and have been off methadone for a few years now.

I tripped 4-5 times on medium doses of shrooms while she was growing up. I always made sure they were night trips and that someone was sober in the house, but I can remember a few times that she wanted another tuck in or a glass of water and I interacted with her... they were beautiful experiences. I was so full of love and empathy for her.

Fast forward to my current situation: I have VERY few friends right now. Partially as a result of my opiate addiction and also because I work remotely.  A few years ago I was working in a headshop and I met this guy who asked me about shrooms. I was very cautious, as was he, and the beginning of our relationship was very standoffish as neither of us could tell if the other was a narc.  The past 6 months or so we have become pretty good friends. We have an astounding amount in common and he is one of the few people I have met in person that has a similar breadth and depth of knowledge regarding religion/spirituality/mysticism.  My beliefs are a hodge-podge combination of many systems and it SO refreshing to talk to someone who can follow my train of thought. I started going over to his house a few months ago and he came over to mine for the first time a few weeks back to help me fill up a dumpster with old furniture and met my Dad.

ANYWAY, Im rambling... We really want to trip together. He is a psychedlic hoarder and has a bunch of varieties of shrooms and tons of acid.

We have tried to make plans multiple times but my responsibilities as a husband and father keep getting in the way. FINALLY it seems like it might happen. We both have this upcoming Friday off of work, and my daughter is FINALLY going back to school so she will be gone for 7 hours. She REALLY like hanging out with this friend. She is UBER social just like me and I have taken her over to his place by necessity and they get along great, so having her around is not an option... she would def not leave us alone.

The plan WAS that his girlfriend would come over as well to keep my wife company while we were having fun. But it sounds like they are having a fight and she doesnt want to come.


TLDR:
So I guess my final question after all that back story is this: How can I process the feelings of guilt I have that my wife is stuck caring for our baby while I'm upstairs having a good time?




Doesn't sound like a good situation to be tripping in. If your wife is that close it will definitely influence your feelings during the trip and she may well need your help at some point or you'll find yourself being drawn towards them both.

I wouldn't recommend you take LSD as its a drug (and really a drug) that will keep you high for a very long time, and out of action for a long time afterward.

Looking after a young baby on one's own is hard work and stressful and I can only imagine what my wife would have said when my child was a young baby if I was frying on LSD and getting high while she was looking after him! LSD or psychedelics are not things to be on around children either IMO, not only for the responsibility aspect but also because it's not really a good setting to be taking them in, even if the child was upstairs his presence would still be felt very vividly. Since having a child I haven't actually tripped, but I do remember tripping in my parents' home which was often a similarly guilt ridden and distracting setting that I do believe caused problems down the line and introduced paranoia and anxiety into my experiences.

If you have to though, I would recommend something like Ayahuasca instead. That way you are in and out after a few hours.



--------------------
"I'm every nightmare you ever had. I am your worst dreams come true. I am everything you ever were afraid of."

Pennywise the dancing clown



Edited by wolf8312 (09/30/20 12:22 PM)


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: Kmacmo]
    #26961905 - 09/30/20 12:08 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Kmacmo said:
I don't see the problem as long as its not like every week, every now and then is okay as long as you put the work in to get your reward (shroom time).

So as long as she knows you've done your bit and you just need your therapy time, feel no guilt.
You seem like your doing it responsibly enough to me.
And Ofcourse it helps if your wife accepts the situation and isn't really mad about it
lol



This and a myriad of other reasons are why the person(s) should WAIT until the kids are old enough to go spend the night at friends etc....The mushrooms will always be there, the kids will not. I am of the mind that NO ONE should trip with kids under 14yo or so in the house, period. Under 12yo, forget it! What if something happens? What if the kids want your attention? Too many what if's and things to go wrong to have a pleasant trip.


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OfflineVP123
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: wolf8312]
    #26961914 - 09/30/20 12:13 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

wolf8312 said:

If you have to though, I would recommend something like Ayahuasca instead. That way you are in and out after a few hours.




That's a very good point. Or a lower level trip on shrooms. Like, less than 2 grams. I am offering my perspective from the stand point that I am better able to function because for me this is therapy. Without shrooms, I could even become a burden to those around me.


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Offlinewolf8312
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: VP123] * 1
    #26961931 - 09/30/20 12:24 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

VP123 said:
Quote:

wolf8312 said:

If you have to though, I would recommend something like Ayahuasca instead. That way you are in and out after a few hours.




That's a very good point. Or a lower level trip on shrooms. Like, less than 2 grams. I am offering my perspective from the stand point that I am better able to function because for me this is therapy. Without shrooms, I could even become a burden to those around me.




Yeah I have Ayahusca (well Ana) and I do beleive now my kid is four and sleeping through the nights that I could risk a quick experience. But as the T-rex says with kids you never can know. One minute they are fine, the next they are vommiting with a strange/sudden rash and your wife insisting that he needs to be taken to the emergency room at once, and JUST WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU ANYWAY?


--------------------
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Pennywise the dancing clown



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Offlinelord_nikon6983
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: wolf8312]
    #26963429 - 10/01/20 08:19 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

No plans to take LSD, sorry for the confusion. The plan is a 3g shroom trip. This way I should be coherent when my daughter gets out of school.

I would be lying if I said that a small part of my motivation was not to have fun, but mostly this is therapy. I have been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks for 15 years now and depression most of that time. The root of much of this my depersonalization which is linked to tension headaches. Taking some mushrooms really helps with this. I was microdosing for a while but lost the source. Needless to say the last 8 months have been VERY VERY stressful. My wife has 4 different risk factors for COVID so she has been leaving the house as little as humanly possible. This has made her depression much worse and leaves me with MOST of the responsibilities in the house. Im juggling working from home 40 hours a week, helping my 6 year old stay on task with her from home school work, keeping the house clean, home improvement projects, our finances and trying to keep my shit together the whole time. I am starting to fray at the edges. I really feel like taking 6 hours to leave all this behind and connect with this new friend, have some deep conversations, is what I need right now.

It looking like I may go over to his house instead, but IDK. As far as the baby needing something: What if I was at work for 8 hours? My job is a 1.5 hour drive. So really it no different than me going to work.

I don't know, I guess I just have to make a decision one way or the other. Either this is really something I NEED to do for myself and therefore I should not feel guilty because its going to make me a more functional human being able to better care for my family, OR I decide its not something I need and its going to do more harm than good.

I have seen a few people suggest that I do something for her in return. Problem is she has NO friends and doesn't really leave the house at all. Im not sure what I can offer her in return.


--------------------
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Edited by lord_nikon6983 (10/01/20 08:19 AM)


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InvisiblecoAsTal
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: lord_nikon6983]
    #26963515 - 10/01/20 09:30 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

I can understand your frustration. It can be nearly impossible to find the time to set aside for a good session-- and I know this from my own recent circumstances.

A couple of weeks ago I tried for a trip when I had the house to myself for a day when I was very tired from lack of sleep the night before, and it was a bust. (it turned out to be an extremely weak experience anyway, but it wasn't the RIGHT time for me, because I was exhausted, so it was still a poor experience)

I do agree with the majority here that it is your responsibility to find the RIGHT time and place to do this for all concerned, and not just force it. 

That said, it seems to make a lot more sense to just take an afternoon to go somewhere else and leave your wife to take care of the kids. I don't see that as an unfair/unusual request or anything-- especially if you've done a little extra ahead of time to get everything taken care of at home so that your wife won't have anything chore-wise she'd have to do while you're away.
If you have that as an option, it's far more logical to do that than try and wedge a psychedelic experience into your home while your kids are there-- it would seem like that's just a bad choice for many reasons.

Even if you end up in your friend's back yard around a fire or something, you'll have a much better time, and a clear conscience, knowing you did some extra prep for your wife and kids before taking a half-day to get your personal time in.

:goodluck:


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: coAsTal] * 1
    #26963609 - 10/01/20 10:33 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

coAsTal said:
Even if you end up in your friend's back yard around a fire or something, you'll have a much better time, and a clear conscience, knowing you did some extra prep for your wife and kids before taking a half-day to get your personal time in.




I'm not a parent or married or anything, so take my words with a grain of salt. I agree with the quote here. I think communication is key in relationships, and so long as you're upfront and honest with your wife about what's going on and she agrees to it, I don't see why it would be a negative experience.

I do, however, agree with what other commenters have said about keeping psychedelics away from children. I don't think it's safe for children to use psychedelics, and seeing a parent use them might give a child the wrong idea. If you can, my advice is just to make sure you and your wife are on the same page about it all, and then try to find a space away from home where you can do it.


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OfflineFrenchAlps
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: lord_nikon6983]
    #26963761 - 10/01/20 12:20 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

lord_nikon6983 said:




I agree with the communication thing. Talk to your wife, tell her how you feel, she may need that conversation too who knows ? Honesty pays off I believe.

As for the trip ... go to your friend's place, don't trip with your children around. I'm not in the same situation but have some difficult times as well : my stepson had huge behavior problems (considered handicaped), not diagnosed as the father refuses therapies (probably afraid of what could be found), no family around, we are both exhausted from years and years of troubles at home, at school, all the time, you get the picture.

Whenever I want to trip or go out, I tell my wife,we discuss it, she stays at home with our kids and I enjoy my time ... but it means she will have her own time too. When she wants to go out, I stay at home with the kids. We manage to blow some steam that way and we tell each other how great it was and we both accept the fact that we have to wait for our turn.

You should program a night with your friend, trip as much as possible, and maybe as a counterpart, take the kids away since she can't go out so that she can have the house or flat for herself and do whatever she wants.


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OfflineNonagon Infinity
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: FrenchAlps]
    #26963797 - 10/01/20 12:36 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

FrenchAlps said:
Whenever I want to trip or go out, I tell my wife,we discuss it, she stays at home with our kids and I enjoy my time ... but it means she will have her own time too. When she wants to go out, I stay at home with the kids. We manage to blow some steam that way and we tell each other how great it was and we both accept the fact that we have to wait for our turn.




Sounds super healthy. Open, honest, trusting, balanced. Good shit.


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OfflineLosTresOjos
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: FrenchAlps]
    #26963803 - 10/01/20 12:40 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Being open with your family is paramount.

  T might be a little wound up. What if you have to go away to a place that's at least 6 hours away? In case of emergency is your wife not prepared to act without you? This is why communication is so important.

  Be a team.

  I had explained my last trip to a friend and they said to me, "that doesn't sound like fun." Fun is not the word I would use. It's like philosophy 101 with the gloves off. Fun is had but there's so much more.


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OfflineAyEyDiZed
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: LosTresOjos]
    #26964091 - 10/01/20 03:07 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Do you have any option of a baby sitter. Like grand parents or family close by. My wife and I only trip when we can get the kids (3 kids under 8yrs) watched. But we have both my mum and my in-laws close by to be able to watch them. Kids love sleepovers with nan. That way even your wife can either join you or have her own relaxing time and be able to pick you up afterwards.

But like everyone said. Be honest and communicate what you want and why you are doing it. Hope it works out bro.


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OfflineCrazyDragon
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: AyEyDiZed]
    #26964146 - 10/01/20 03:42 PM (3 years, 3 months ago)

IMO easy solution.

If you're gonna trip, do a low amount if people are home so you don't have to be hiding the entire time. After the come up, you should be just as coherent (if not more) then before.

Its the higher amounts that you should wait for when everyone is out of the house for a few hours.

How do you not feel guilt? Be a goddamn man when it matters. PUT IN THE WORK. If you genuinely are a caring father, supportive spouse, help provide, help clean, and get gritty, theres no reason to feel guilt. If you still feel guilt after reflection, there may be a reason.


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OfflineIlIlIlIlIlIl
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: CrazyDragon]
    #26965136 - 10/02/20 01:00 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

May I suggest DMT? As a parent I think it's a lot easier to spare the 15-20 min of time vs. The time for a full mushroom experience. Not sure of it would be beneficial or give you what you seek though. Personally it was the first psychedelic I tried mainly because getting time as a parent was hard (especially with a baby). I smoked it alone at night when everyone was finally asleep for the night. I completely shattered my view of reality, figured out why I was fearing death again, traumatized myself a little, ate a sandwich, and went to bed myself all within 30 minutes.


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OfflineFrenchAlps
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
    #26965369 - 10/02/20 06:52 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Nonagon Infinity said:
Sounds super healthy. Open, honest, trusting, balanced. Good shit.





We have a great relationship with my wife ... but we both understood that we wouldn't do anything we'd like because of guilt mostly, as @lord_nikon6983 mentioned. So we decided to give each other free time to have some fun, even if we can't share it for the time being.


Edited by FrenchAlps (10/02/20 06:55 AM)


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OfflineNorthernerM
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Re: Tripping as a parent/spouse [Re: FrenchAlps] * 1
    #26966915 - 10/03/20 03:22 AM (3 years, 3 months ago)

I've got 3 kids and a missus and trip once a month or so by myself at home.

I just do it. No questions asked, no explanations given. No lies told either.

Besides being not suitable for driving, I don't consider tripping me not suitable for interacting with children. I'm still caring and considerate, I'm still me. I've had great chats when I was tripping with my kids. I used to wait for the moment for them to walk out to get on the school bus to dose, that way I knew I had 8 hours until they got back. Often I'd still be a bit tripping when they got home. But hey.

When they were younger they didn't really know what what was going on, now as young adults I think they suspect. But there is so much more to life.

It really depends how you handle your drugs too I guess. One time I had taken a tab of acid and was sat at a bench with all these chicks who started coming up with the old anti-drug lies about LSD, like after taking it x times you'll be certifiably insane for life, etc. In the middle of this I stopped them and said "That's all a load of bullshit, I'm tripping right now." and they all laughed. They didn't believe me. :lol:


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