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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do * 1
    #26958836 - 09/28/20 01:30 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Have y'all experienced this? When someone states categorically what's going on inside your head and heart?

How does one deal with this? It's actually one of the very few things that riles me up these days.

The arrogance required really must be something special. Or is it projection?

Or even perhaps, plain old stupidity or immaturity?

I can't figure it out at all...


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,704
Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26958866 - 09/28/20 01:45 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

it feels disgusting to be judged by one's lessers. HA!
though that means we have already judged them inferior.
poor them.
poor us.
poor judges.


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:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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Offlineyeah
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Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26958888 - 09/28/20 01:59 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

it's happened a lot to me on this forum so I don't really talk about myself anymore. You're one of the ones who's done it :shrug:

it's pretty agitating to be on the receiving end, yeah? You definitely haven't been as outright negative with it as other posters are. The worst offenders seem to lack inner courage because they believe they have a perspective on your situation that you don't but instead of empathetically providing objective commentary they opt to take the most critical and hurtful tone they are capable of.


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Edited by yeah (09/28/20 02:09 PM)


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: yeah]
    #26958977 - 09/28/20 03:01 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I think it's to be expected in the online world; the repercussions are next to nonexistent and so people can be very mean; hence the whole phenomenon of trolling to which we've nearly all been exposed.

That's very different from people who are IRL friends who do it, IMO. Friends are usually far more respectful to each other than anonymous humans on the internet are...


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Invisibleredgreenvines
irregular verb
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Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,704
Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26959040 - 09/28/20 04:12 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

some have to bite, or at least nip to assure  themselves they are real


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:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineKickleM
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Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26959104 - 09/28/20 04:44 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Have y'all experienced this? When someone states categorically what's going on inside your head and heart?

How does one deal with this? It's actually one of the very few things that riles me up these days.

The arrogance required really must be something special. Or is it projection?

Or even perhaps, plain old stupidity or immaturity?

I can't figure it out at all...




Can you give me an example of what this looks like? I don't think I've come across this.

The closest relation I can think of is when people make assumptions about a given statement without asking for clarification. And that includes the recognition that I have done this myself. But I can't recall ever coming across someone who thinks they know me inside and out.


--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain


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InvisibleRahz
Alive Again
Male


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,248
Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Kickle]
    #26959176 - 09/28/20 05:35 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Seems related to being patronizing, condescending. It's sometimes done without the conscious intent to behave that way. Trying to be helpful can come off as being insensitive. Or maybe it's just arrogance. Hard to say without an example but even in arrogance there can still be a good intent.

I think the reality is that we don't entirely know what's in someone's mind, even if we know them well. To make assumptions otherwise I think is very normal. It's only when a situation arises that causes a person to see that their assumptions were totally off the mark that a person may start to learn to approach the minds of others with more care.

Without that, one might try to be helpful with tough love (I know what's best for you) or "just relax" or "cheer up" or "wake up" thinking another person's reality can make such an adjustment as easily as if they were us. The tragic aspect is that without the curiosity to look closer and ask questions, those good intentions can push people away.

As with all things that rile a person up, it's reasonable to look inward to see if there's something more than a simple matter of disrespect, especially when it happens over the internet where we're all safe and cozy in our chairs :smile:


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Kickle]
    #26959476 - 09/28/20 09:31 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Kickle said:
Can you give me an example of what this looks like?



"You like ________"
"No, I don't like ________"
"Yes, you do"

"You're not ________"
"I'm telling you, I really am"
"No, you're not"

"I'm sorry"
"I don't believe you're sorry"

TBH, the more I consider it, the more I think it's just bog-standard psychological projection.

Doesn't make it any easier to be on the receiving end of though.

"I know you better than you know yourself"

That's how it feels..


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Rahz]
    #26959485 - 09/28/20 09:43 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Rahz said:
It's only when a situation arises that causes a person to see that their assumptions were totally off the mark that a person may start to learn to approach the minds of others with more care.



You're right IMO Rahz, I feel it is a condescending act. Perhaps it is just a sense of superiority that causes people to do this. The fact that said people are not 'treating the minds of others with care' seems quite the operative factor in this conundrum to me.

I mean is ones mind, ones inner world, not the only place in this entire existence where one can claim any sovereignty?

I think it can be shrugged off easily on 'tinternet, but when it is a friend one has known for years that does it - who, IMO, is saying "I don't believe your words" - then it becomes a little insulting IMO.

I don't know, I'm rambling at this point as I decided a couple of hours ago that I've no need of friends who inherently mistrust me, but I'm curious as to the motivation still.

I've seen it a good few times over the years, but perhaps that's just because I'm a very well traveled extrovert..


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleRahz
Alive Again
Male


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,248
Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #26959533 - 09/28/20 10:39 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Superiority sometimes, but perhaps just self centered and inconsiderate. There could be trust issues related to past trauma. Doesn't mean it's your problem. It's easier to accept a person's flaws if you don't take them personally but you are certainly not obligated to entertain anyone in either circumstance.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger

Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,949
Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #26959635 - 09/29/20 01:08 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

It's like someone scolding you for cultural appropriation because you made curry for dinner.

It's cultural appreciation and integration to enjoy culinary cuisines from around the world.

Following astrology in my view may lead someone to 'know what kind of a person you are', because of stars.. even though modern astrology doesn't account for the wobble of earth that has changed the dates of star signs over the centuries.

Accounting for those changes, a cancer may be a Gemini. I've heard an honest confession that some people just enjoy the fantasy of astrology.

More context helps pinpoint more accurate characteristics of your experience imo.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Offlinethealienthatategod
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Registered: 10/10/17
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Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26959827 - 09/29/20 07:38 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

others can only be witness to the effects of another individuals motivations, in the aftermath, as obviously no two individuals can share the same view points exactly, or they would not be distinct peoples. 

if your motivations and views lie directly adjacent to someone else's, they may have some partial distinguishing sense of the cause, in an empathetic sense, but withouthout sharing this empathetic point of reference, they obviously cannot possibly share your consciousness.

for someone to know your true motivations at all, they would need a point of view gun.



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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: thealienthatategod]
    #26959961 - 09/29/20 09:08 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

the main good thing about astrology is to teach that not everyone is exactly the same, and to study about how different we can be in cosmology, linguistics, team relations, materiality, leadership, energy, sexuality, technical prowess, etc., etc.

After studying astrology, you need not engage in readings to become empowered by the knowledge that the world around us is occupied by various constellations of animals in the minds of members of this society. And on top of that we are all under the influence of the same sky, or ecosphere.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #26960082 - 09/29/20 10:30 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Whenever I hear someone call another person "racist", I laugh. Nobody can know another's heart.

People who believe they can know another's heart probably don't even know their own heart.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #26960295 - 09/29/20 12:50 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

maybe it is like jousting to call each other names.


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:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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Offlinethealienthatategod
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Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26960663 - 09/29/20 04:28 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

what is the appropriate time and place for people to call other people out on their ignorance?  never?  sometimes?  it always depends? -

- maybe this can't apply to motivations, as motivations are an internal thing, but what about maladaptive actions that someone commits, because they can't discern where their own ignorance starts/ends?  if you sorround yourself with like-minded people only, they may be likely to have similar motives, but also have the potential to have the same ignorant blind-spots.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: thealienthatategod]
    #26960926 - 09/29/20 07:35 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

surrounding yourself with like minded people sounds like a great idea!


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:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26961127 - 09/29/20 09:36 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

When one goes to a strictly Freudian psychoanalyst, one expects or will soon come to understand that their authoritarian approach derives from a 19th century Viennese patriarchal psychiatrist. One may need to have daddy issues to seek out someone who is there to assume the position that THEIR interpretation is superior to your own. Jung departed from this approach. He taught amplification of possible meanings but left it up to the analysand him/herself to select the most robust interpretation. :strokebeard:

If you are referring to someone who is NOT a professional whom you've consulted but who presumes to assert such a thing is not only arrogant but [s]he is also hoping to manipulate you. Moreover, [s]he is 'testing the water' to see if you will be sufficiently insecure or uncertain about yourself to indicate some acquiescence to his/her assertions. If you are, that is similar to the notion that a vampire has to be invited inside one's home to parasitize you. Once one indicates some agreement with a person like this, you have let them inside your head and they will see just how far they can go to convince you to listen to them and fuck with you for their own sick pleasure. These people are psychic vampires kinda like the humorous psychic vampire Colin Robinson in the comedy show What We Do In The Shadows (which if you've never seen it I highly recommend it)! :yesnod: BUT, you do not want to even be in their proximity because you'll always have to be on amber-alert around them and it's just needlessly exhausting.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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OfflineBuckomcdoogle
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Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
    #26961443 - 09/30/20 04:36 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Sounds extremely arrogant.

I firmly believe psychology and Psychiatry is almost entirely opinion based.
There is very little that is scientific about it.

Up until the 1970s mental health workers were largely labeled in the medical community as quacks.

There is no scientific test for psychology.

When John Wayne Gaceys brain was autopsied, they found his brain was completely normal physically.


--------------------
"Nothing is more dangerous to your creativity than comfort and familiarity"

"Nihilism is the most basic truth in existence,
the only consistency throughout the world, and the universe is
chaos and decay"
"Logic leads to nihilism"



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Invisiblelaughingdog
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Re: People who say they know your mind & motivations better than you do [Re: Buckomcdoogle]
    #26963106 - 09/30/20 11:35 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Its not a unique issue to forums.
We can all learn to be better communicators.
see for example this very issue discussed in great detail by these many links:

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=making+%22I%22+statements&t=hk&ia=web


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