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mistamonsta
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Registered: 07/06/11
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Loc: Uranus
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Has anyone here ever been criticised by their partner for getting off drugs?
#26955140 - 09/25/20 09:34 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Pretty much like the title says, my GF has been extremely critical and often verbally abusive to me the last two weeks while I have been detoxing from weed and cigarettes. To clarify the situation we're living in Melbourne, Australia, one of the longest and harshest lockdowns that have occurred worldwide. I am not living with her, I have my own place where I have been trying to take some space for the duration of detox. I visit her on weekends and we have dinner together on some weeknights but I've been trying to stay away because of how detox can affect me. I'm sweaty at random times, get strange headaches, can't concentrate, loss of appetite, no energy, can't sleep easily and have crazy dreams when I do. Basically all the usual symptoms that I have come to expect; I have been through this too many times in my life.
We've been together four months now and got together just after I had resumed smoking. The reason we met was actually because I bought weed from her. I was open about how I had only just started smoking again and that it was only due to the stress and boredom of lockdown. I thought I was very clear that I had intentions of stopping again, once life returned to normal. Things were not bad between us while I was smoking but i began to feel my old issues creeping back, no motivation, indecisiveness, apathy, wanting to be mega stoned and just sit on the couch all the time (not that we have been allowed to do much else in lockdown).
I have a bad relationship with weed and drugs in general from my younger days. I was quite the shut-in, a full bong head all day smoker when I was in my teens and 20's. I was raised this way by my parents, they were both binge alcoholics, regular speed users and daily weed smokers. One of my first memories is asking my dad for a toke on a joynt. Mum used to smoke while I was in utero and I was told by them that they used weed to calm me from crying as a baby. Apparently they were trying to "open my mind and expand my consciousness" as they put it.
Anyhoo, I have learnt the hard way that I can't really smoke occasionally, it's an all or nothing kinda thing for me. Regular daily use can really affect my mood, motivation and general outlook on life so I generally only smoke during winter. Usually in winter I work in Australian snow resorts as a chef and go boarding every day so that helps to keep me positive and motivated. I always get off it in spring so I can be active, healthy and positive for the warmer months. Unfortunately my winter work wasn't possible this year due to the lockdown.
I will also mention that I am currently on some medication for adult acne that stops me from being able to drink alcohol or take chems due to its effects on liver function. My partner has been quite upset at me for not wanting to get high or drunk with her, accusing me of not wanting to "connect with her on a deeper level". She refused to believe it was from the medication until I showed her the side effects and info sheets.
Fast forward to now, spring detox just as I had planned, same as every spring for the last 5 or 6 years. I tell my partner that it is time for me to stop. She had been telling me rather unkindly for the last month or so that I have gotten rather negative and apathetic> I have found that she is highly critical of me and is very forthcoming in telling me about anything she doesn't like about me. I feel like this is as much to do with the lockdown as it is from my mood or weed usage but agree that I need to do something to change things. I explain that the lockdown situation is very confusing and distressing for me and that I am having doubts about my future in Melbourne. I tell her I want to detox in order to get my mind and body right for her. I reassure her that I love her, want to be with her and that I don't care what drugs she does but I need to stop. I tell her that I will take a week or two at home to get healthy so she doesn't have to deal with my detox. That was when she really turned on me.
She keeps telling me I'm crazy for wanting to give up during a pandemic/lockdown. She has been accusing me of trying to drive a wedge between us by giving up, saying I am abandoning her, that I'm trying to find reasons to withdraw from her or that I want to leave her but "can't be a man and just break up". She also keeps saying how she doesn't want to be with a straight edge guy, how she needs to smoke weed to relax at night, has to have a drink every Friday to break up her week and needs to take chems or psychedelics every other weekend to escape reality and get a "break from her brain" as she put it. She is diagnosed adhd by the way and has been so worked up over this pandemic, becoming very emotionally demanding of me and crying every day. She needs almost constant reassurance and gets quite hostile when this isn't forthcoming. I try my best to show her that I love and support her but its hard when she is in a hostile mood, yelling at me that I don't show her I care about her enough and demanding that I tell her I love her.
Every time we speak lately she wants to argue with me over this, accusing me of the same shit over and over. She has become quite hostile towards me and blames me for the problem because she thinks I chose to go home and detox as a way of leaving her. This culminated in a very angry phone call yesterday where she abused me and accused me of all the same things, saying that she "knows what's really going on" and basically that it is over.
I really do care about this girl but after seeing how she has behaved towards me during this time I now don't think I want to be with her. I feel she is a lot more psychologically drug dependent than she realises, her emotions are too volatile and her needs are just too high for me to keep up with. Her understanding and consideration towards my needs has been seriously lacking and her words and actions have been very insulting and hurtful. She has taken something that was positive and twisted it, making me feel like absolute shit for trying to do something for myself and in turn, us. I'm too old (me 39 and her 41) to be made to feel bad for simply being me and doing what I need to do so I can be physically and mentally healthy.
If you made it this far I would like to thank you for reading this mess. Im not really sure what to take from this ordeal or where to go from here so if anyone has any insights, advice or experience with this kind of situation I would love to hear it.
Peace out shroomy shroomers
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Tight Lunchbox
Drunk cat


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Re: Has anyone here ever been criticised by their partner for getting off drugs? [Re: mistamonsta] 1
#26955206 - 09/25/20 10:39 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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If I were in your position I'd tell her to kick rocks. A good partner will support you in bettering yourself rather than become insecure about it. She seems nuts tbh. Cutting ties will probably make your adjustment to kicking tobacco and weed much easier.
Good luck on your self improvement, OP.
-------------------- "it's all a joke between mom contractions and coffin fittings" The most useful tool for noobs
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Nickoloxious
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Re: Has anyone here ever been criticised by their partner for getting off drugs? [Re: mistamonsta] 1
#26955622 - 09/26/20 06:18 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Dude! No one should be made to feel like that for trying to better themselves. That's fucked up. Totally understand why you wouldn't want to be with her after all that.
If I was in your position I would run for the hills, cut all ties and burn all bridges with her. But yeah, love and devotion can really make you put up with a lot of crap. You've got to put yourself first before supporting someone else. Especially if they aren't reciprocating, or considering your needs.
All the best with the detox mistamonsta.
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Jewstress
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Re: Has anyone here ever been criticised by their partner for getting off drugs? [Re: Nickoloxious] 2
#26955654 - 09/26/20 06:59 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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She is projecting her own insecurities on to you.
I would walk if I were you, if she is doing this now at four months it is not going to get better. She is desiring control over you and your choices, whether she realizes it or not.
The lockdown is an excuse, honestly if I was your girlfriend, I would be MEGA proud of you for testing yourself and your limits during this lockdown.
Let alone detox from weed and cigs.
Leave now before more and worse red flags start showing up. Perhaps it's a good thing you all are in lock down living in different places, if you spent more time together she might have been way more subliminally manipulative and you might not have seen this behavior as negative.
Good luck!
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mistamonsta
Threadkiller



Registered: 07/06/11
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Re: Has anyone here ever been criticised by their partner for getting off drugs? [Re: Jewstress] 4
#26956560 - 09/26/20 06:57 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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I really appreciate the kind words and encouragement on detoxing guys, As far as the relationship goes you are all telling me something I already knew but couldn't face up to. It really does help to hear your own thoughts and feelings mirrored by others, it has made me feel a lot more confident in my decision  Today it is time for her and I to part ways and I know now that it is for the best
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Nonagon Infinity
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Re: Has anyone here ever been criticised by their partner for getting off drugs? [Re: mistamonsta]
#26958873 - 09/28/20 01:47 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
mistamonsta said: She keeps telling me I'm crazy for wanting to give up during a pandemic/lockdown. She has been accusing me of trying to drive a wedge between us by giving up, saying I am abandoning her, that I'm trying to find reasons to withdraw from her or that I want to leave her but "can't be a man and just break up".
Sounds like a lot, man. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who was holding that shit over my head.
-------------------- Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door
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MLPismyOPSEC
That One Ponyfucker


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Re: Has anyone here ever been criticised by their partner for getting off drugs? [Re: mistamonsta] 1
#26961898 - 09/30/20 12:05 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
mistamonsta said: She has been accusing me of trying to drive a wedge between us by giving up, saying I am abandoning her, that I'm trying to find reasons to withdraw from her or that I want to leave her but "can't be a man and just break up". She also keeps saying how she doesn't want to be with a straight edge guy, how she needs to smoke weed to relax at night, has to have a drink every Friday to break up her week and needs to take chems or psychedelics every other weekend to escape reality and get a "break from her brain"
I know you've already seen the light but man, reading this part was the nail in the coffin. A good partner should either want to help you achieve your goals or at the very least, be emotionally supportive about said goals. Not telling you that you're crazy for detoxing. Good luck with the detox, it sounds like you have a good grasp on your mental health and knowing the warning signs of when you've been smoking too much.
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mistamonsta
Threadkiller



Registered: 07/06/11
Posts: 888
Loc: Uranus
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Re: Has anyone here ever been criticised by their partner for getting off drugs? [Re: MLPismyOPSEC] 1
#26962575 - 09/30/20 06:19 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm really feeling the love after reading these last few comments, thanks heaps for the encouragement and support. This is such a good community
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tomnl
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Re: Has anyone here ever been criticised by their partner for getting off drugs? [Re: mistamonsta]
#26982754 - 10/13/20 04:26 AM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Good luck mate
-------------------- Been away so long I hardly knew the place Gee, it's good to be back home Leave it till tomorrow to unpack my case Honey disconnect the phone I'm back in the USSA You don't know how lucky you are, boy Back in the US Back in the US Back in the USSA
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LogicaL Chaos
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Re: Has anyone here ever been criticised by their partner for getting off drugs? [Re: Jewstress]
#26985601 - 10/14/20 05:12 PM (3 years, 3 months ago) |
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Im definitely with Jewtress on this one, a partner criticizes their partner about quiting drugs is really fucked up. She should be encouraging you to quit not preventing you. You might have to end the relationship sadly.
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