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InvisibleAsante
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How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens.
    #26940150 - 09/17/20 06:02 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I have suffered very much more than most in my life. To quantify it, theres an ACE score that measures the most serious adverse childhood events on a scale of zero to ten. Most people have an ACE score of 0 or 1, and the "worst category" is people with 4 and up. I had 7, and the things polled weren't even the half of just how bad it was. I was a chemistry kid so at age 13 I synthed a lethal portion of potassium cyanide and kept it in a sealed lab tube by my bed. There were mornings where I'd sit with the thing in my hand, 13 years old, wondering whether to ingest the poison and go back to sleep, or take just one more day of this atrocity. I chose life, until the day came I disposed of the poison.

I suffered a LOT. Not going into it too much but more than most.

I was traumatized into a parody of a human being, incredibly function impaired.

What I did: I took entheogens, I got a bad trip where I relived all the horrors and reintegrated them, then let it settle in my life, dose again, horrific bad trip again, relive and reintegrate, and so on and on for.. Guys.. 25 years.

Over those 25 years the "bad" of the bad trips became decreasingly bad. With it, my functioning in life kept improving dramatically. As a metaphor, I was basically giving myself a pain tolerance by eating hot pepper over and over, but then the pain was psychologic and the peppers were entheogens.

The standard Grofian sequence occurred (see Stanislav Grof, LSD Psychotherapy) where i started processing traumas that were at a younger and younger age, until I reached the perinatal stage and processed the birth trauma, then a series of devastating Ego Death experiences happened that each were a system reboot without the traumatic material, and after that, finally, I moved into the transpersonal realm as one of the very few who got there.

Pain is horrible, especially psychological anguish, but I am living proof that it can be overcome and that entheogens can help you do that.

I'm a bonsai. A big tree pruned/tortured into a miniature shape by the hardships of life, but in being that I have ten times the spirit the big tree would have ever had.

Pain and suffering is instrumental in character building. You need it. People who went through a lot are usually more profound and empathic than those for whom life was a foam ball box of awesome.

Its easier to impress someone negatively than positively, and this is why we must develop our technologies until we either can rewire our organism or, better till, carry over into completely redesigned and better-than-the-real-thing synthetic bodies.

The human body/mind as it is now is more torture chamber than wellness spa - this is result of evolution and we must strive to transcend it.




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OfflineMrStinkyShrooman
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: Asante]
    #26940206 - 09/17/20 06:46 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Much love to you, brother! Rough ride, glad you made it through. :heart:

Could you tell what entheogens was particularly helpful in your healing/tempering?


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The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and it’s really impossible to tell whether anything that happens in it is good or bad — because you never know what will be the consequence of the misfortune; or, you never know what will be the consequences of good fortune.
-- Alan Watts --


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: MrStinkyShrooman] * 1
    #26940301 - 09/17/20 08:17 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Most helpful were mushrooms, for psychedelics, and methoxetamine, for dissociatives.

I much preferred mushrooms over LSD.

I prefer cactus over mushrooms though, but they arrived later. Had I had cactus in the beginning I wouldnt substantially have used any psychedelic but them.


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Offlinewolf8312
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: Asante]
    #26940639 - 09/17/20 12:34 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

During the early years tripping, did you ever have any experiences in which you were literally unable to deal with or accept what your subconscious was showing you about your past, experiencing a psychotic breakdown as a result?

Just asking cause I have a theory (based on my own psychotic experiences when younger) that the reason some people experience breakdowns while others don't with psychedelics is an inability to deal with or accept what their demons or hallucinations are showing them.

In other words, the manifestation of psychotic demons/auditory hallucinations does not make a person insane but drives him insane by relentlessly bullying and traumatizing him/her to such an extent that he/she becomes frenzied and is then easy prey for delusions. Almost like some sort of Darwinian kill switch (he/she won't/can't reproduce so shut him/her down!)

I think psychedelics can help people with hang-ups or past trauma, but people need to be damned sure they are ready to face them head-on before jumping in.


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"I'm every nightmare you ever had. I am your worst dreams come true. I am everything you ever were afraid of."

Pennywise the dancing clown



Edited by wolf8312 (09/17/20 02:42 PM)


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: Asante]
    #26941850 - 09/18/20 07:12 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

one day I will try cactus, the closest I have had on the phen side is mdma, mda, stp, or speed. I can recommend them for heart centric experiences.

interesting story about how, with the power to poison one's self, a child can hold the world in his hand every night for what seems like eternity. it was essentially self empowerment, and remains a message in a bottle to all of us.


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InvisibleThe Blind Ass
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26941879 - 09/18/20 07:38 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Indeedlydo.


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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps


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InvisibleFerdinando
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: The Blind Ass]
    #26941923 - 09/18/20 08:01 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

cactus is one of my favorites

growing and microdosing or minidosing is a very appealing thing


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InvisibleFerdinando
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: Ferdinando]
    #26941927 - 09/18/20 08:02 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

it is incredibly clear headed and lucid and visual and clear visual


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with our love with our love we could save the world


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InvisibleFerdinando
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: Ferdinando]
    #26941930 - 09/18/20 08:02 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I saw my wall melting almost soberly


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with our love with our love we could save the world


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InvisibleFerdinando
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: Ferdinando]
    #26941942 - 09/18/20 08:12 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

when you try cactus do a little less dose than full dose

I did 25 grams of cactus dried

for you that is like 8 grams dried I think

then try a bigger dose

and minidose :wink:


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with our love with our love we could save the world


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: Asante]
    #26941963 - 09/18/20 08:22 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

If you're willing to argue that little girls rubbing their tits and pussy on tv while cameramen zoom in on their cameltoes and their friends tell their 11 year old friends to go snap some cock pics.. If you think this is okay to be on television, and clearly you do, you haven't overcame abuse you shoved it in the closet. It blows my mind that someone can be so open and transparent about their abuse, how it's shaped them as a person, then act like that experience entitles you to say exploitation is fine as long as they agree to it and it's not as bad as what you experienced.


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InvisibleInfiniteDreams
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #26942644 - 09/18/20 03:12 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Very disturbing!


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InvisibleFerdinando
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: InfiniteDreams]
    #26943540 - 09/19/20 04:53 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

mdma is not really like cactus

it's awesome and even better cactus is better!

we want to do mdma like once a month or once a year

but low doses of cactus was some of the best I tried

I went to high school party and girls were like looking smiling and everything was more fun and radiant and bright and exciting just being there with the people

and the music and beer one of the best drugs Ive tried and larger doses are visual low doses are like mood enhancers and like speed or mdma

bigger is for in private and you can sit happy and see awesome things


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with our love with our love we could save the world


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InvisibleFerdinando
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: Ferdinando]
    #26943543 - 09/19/20 04:56 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

for scale I recommend sagewisdoms

with it time is not negative and is more enjoyable and better than without it

it should be a think like they obey hat like that's the weight to buy like 50% of the weights being it

I was so angry about the obey hat it sums up the earth, rich leader swines fucking everything up

they are few but powerful

so much power...


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with our love with our love we could save the world


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: larry.fisherman] * 2
    #26943811 - 09/19/20 10:02 AM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

larry.fisherman said:
If you're willing to argue that little girls rubbing their tits and pussy on tv while cameramen zoom in on their cameltoes and their friends tell their 11 year old friends to go snap some cock pics.. If you think this is okay to be on television, and clearly you do, you haven't overcame abuse you shoved it in the closet. It blows my mind that someone can be so open and transparent about their abuse, how it's shaped them as a person, then act like that experience entitles you to say exploitation is fine as long as they agree to it and it's not as bad as what you experienced.




you are projecting quite a set of disturbing images here, do you have a historical battle with Asante?

Abuse and slavery are rampant. We are all struggling with it, no exploitation is fine, and I do not see exploitation being promoted here.


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:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineFranxLove

Registered: 10/23/19
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26944036 - 09/19/20 12:22 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Very interesting. Thanks for reporting.
Psychedelics changed my life forever too.



--------------------
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything
..............................
Sole dominion over the Earth
going to heaven
lordship over all worlds
The fruit of stream-entry
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OfflineInnerWisdom
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: Asante]
    #26944054 - 09/19/20 12:32 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Asante said:
Most helpful were mushrooms, for psychedelics, and methoxetamine, for dissociatives.

I much preferred mushrooms over LSD.

I prefer cactus over mushrooms though, but they arrived later. Had I had cactus in the beginning I wouldnt substantially have used any psychedelic but them.



Have you heard of Sergey Baranov? He uses San Pedros exclusively for healing and thinks it's the best. I want to try someday...


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OfflineFranxLove

Registered: 10/23/19
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: InnerWisdom]
    #26944147 - 09/19/20 01:11 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

:thumbup:
I like anyone who uses sacred plants exclusively for healing

Asante what species of cactus have you had your best experience with?


--------------------
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything
..............................
Sole dominion over the Earth
going to heaven
lordship over all worlds
The fruit of stream-entry
excels them


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OfflineAcidGandalf
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: Asante]
    #26944216 - 09/19/20 01:43 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

I too have a high ACE score (6-7), but I am very lucky that most of the abuse I suffered was in later childhood and my teenage years and was not constant. Dealing with early childhood trauma is extremely difficult, much more so than later childhood.  My fiance suffered abuse as a child, consequently he does not remember the first 12 years of his life well at all. Unfortunately he now suffers from depression with hallucinations (thankfully no delusions) so substances are off limits for him. I am very glad psychedelics helped you in working through your past traumas. You are a survivor. Psychedelics helped me very much so, I don't think i'd have made it without them, I certainly wouldn't be the person I am today. Here's hoping you can have a wonderful trip that fills you with the sense of child-like joy that those who are abused tend to miss out on. You are very right about the empathy, those who have not experienced suffering struggle with understanding how their actions may make others suffer. Those who have struggled are better able to feel the pain of others, including non human species.


Edited by AcidGandalf (09/19/20 01:46 PM)


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: How I overcame an extremely traumatizing early life through use of entheogens. [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26944659 - 09/19/20 06:10 PM (3 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

redgreenvines said:
Quote:

larry.fisherman said:
:hangover:




you are projecting quite a set of disturbing images here, do you have a historical battle with Asante?

Abuse and slavery are rampant. We are all struggling with it, no exploitation is fine, and I do not see exploitation being promoted here.




Its over a thread in the politics forum, he's been calling everybody who disagreed with him pedophiles and pedophile defenders all over the website, harrassing people even in their thread about heartburn.

Hes on a 100 day break now.


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