Hi Guys First of all just wanna say hello to all of you. I've recently started to heavily creep this site like mad and figured I'd finally join and just post my experiences, ideas all that stuff. I have suffered from depression for a long time. Since I was 15. Have been on all the usual meds, zoloft, effexor ect all at varying doses and combinations. It would help slowly but more or less just stabilized me for a while and then it would eventually start to fade away and I would become very depressed and just shut myself off from the world.
I own my own business as a falconer working with birds of prey like falcons hawks and owls so I really have to maintain focus regularly and cannot really afford to go into a slump both for the business and the animals welfare. It's hard. I feel it is forced. I used to love what I do. Recently I would dread it. The pressure, the drive and desire just wasnt there anymore. I would spend days in bed. Tired. So very tired. My mind just covered over my body like a dark doom filled blanket. I felt so very overwhelmed with everything and no longer had energy or desire to do it. I started honestly thinking about leaving this world. The only reason I do stay is my family and animals. That is my anchor in life.
A few years back I had lost both of my dogs who were my everything and the images of their passing although peaceful and the absence of them have permanently left me scarred. They were and always will be my children. I had also lost my best friend to a brain tumor. This is an extra heavy burden to me as he did not want to tell me about it. He lived in vancouver and I live in another province. He used to live in the same province but moved and we still maintained regular contact. One day he called and I was too busy to pick up the phone. I still have the recording. He seemed different. He really wanted to talk to me. I was too busy to pick up the phone. I figured I'd call him later. He died the next day. I feel guilt every damn day from this.
Fast forward again to now. All of this weight and pain continually holds me down. I had a friend who has been microdosing and is like a completely different person now.he told me to try it. I was curious so I bought a pack of 250 mg caps. I've done shrooms many times before but didnt understand how this micro amount would do anything let alone help with depression. I grow lots of weed as I have a medicinal licence to do so. The only relief I would get sometimes would be to just smoke myself so I cant think anymore. It worked but it wouldnt get me motivated for anything. Just drowned out the thoughts. Great for sleeping.
Within half an hour of taking the capsule
I felt a surge of not necessarily energy but drive. A willingness to do stuff something anything. A constant push of focus. Holly shit. How? How is this possible? Was this laced with coke? I had no idea. I am hooked. My depression is still somewhat there so I may look at increasing the dose to .4 or .5. I had a .5 chocolate one evening and admit I felt a bit more fuzzy happy with the same level of focus.
The moral of my story is. Microdosing is amazing. It's working. Its pushing me to enjoy and focus on life again. I am going out hunting with my birds this week something I havent had desire to do in a while. I want everyone in the world to know how amazing this earthy bundle of spores really is. If you are thinking about trying it do it!!! If you feel you have lost that drive and are looking for that push to get you through life do it!!
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