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Skizor1337
Trip King



Registered: 06/19/12
Posts: 1,106
Loc: USA
Last seen: 3 days, 13 hours
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Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating
#26911255 - 09/01/20 06:43 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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People can blame corona but I'm going to tell you this up front. These problems I'm about to talk about have been happening since last year.
I broke things off with my GF of 3 years (hardest thing I did) and once I felt at least 75% normal in January I put myself out there to try and date.
Now I don't expect anything from girls. In my experience nothing has disappointed me harder than a female anyway. I started with online dating and even met a few girls in person.
I'll go with the flow and see how our connection is. I would say 3-4 girls I met I was really into and they gave out the "dating vibes" and we even talked about stuff so there wasn't a doubt we were on the same page. The rest of the girls I only got 1-2 dates before I was just straight up bored.....
Took things slow and BOOM never fails she either ghosts me or makes up some excuse why she isn't "feeling it" (that one always makes me laugh)
Now I wouldn't be posting about this if this didn't happen over and over and over. I must seriously be missing something and it makes no sense to me.
I'm always very straight up with people. I grew up around people that spoke their mind so I'm not afraid to talk to girls etc..
I feel like I am the easiest person in the world to get along with. I'm super positive and love having a good time and I get excited about my life. Maybe that's the problem fuck idk
I'll answer any questions you have but I'm literally so confused........
-------------------- 100% Professional Psychonaut Trippin' Aint Easy
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pineninja
Dream Weaver



Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
Loc: South
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: Skizor1337]
#26911294 - 09/01/20 07:17 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Humility.
Only certain types find arrogance attractive.
I'm the same...very confident. Inwardly i feel this confidence is a virtue.
To others it can easily be misconstrued as arrogance.
Perhaps your recent failures can help you approach with a little bit more....Humility.
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
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Skizor1337
Trip King



Registered: 06/19/12
Posts: 1,106
Loc: USA
Last seen: 3 days, 13 hours
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: pineninja]
#26911306 - 09/01/20 07:27 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
pineninja said: Humility.
Only certain types find arrogance attractive.
I'm the same...very confident. Inwardly i feel this confidence is a virtue.
To others it can easily be misconstrued as arrogance.
Perhaps your recent failures can help you approach with a little bit more....Humility.
Confidence isn't a quality I see as often I was would hope. Confidence is a virtue for sure! Hell it's not as common anymore
Can you elaborate a little with humiliity?
-------------------- 100% Professional Psychonaut Trippin' Aint Easy
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pineninja
Dream Weaver



Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
Loc: South
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: Skizor1337]
#26911311 - 09/01/20 07:29 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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"I'm always very straight up with people. I grew up around people that spoke their mind so I'm not afraid to talk to girls etc..
I feel like I am the easiest person in the world to get along with. I'm super positive and love having a good time and I get excited about my life. Maybe that's the problem fuck idk"
That's a confidence that most don't have....
Have you ever watched "the office"
I'm the boss character too sometimes
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
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pineninja
Dream Weaver



Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
Loc: South
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: pineninja]
#26911313 - 09/01/20 07:31 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Humility brings listening and understanding.
Not being forceful.
Get to know them before they get to know you. Or at least do it in equal measure.
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
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Skizor1337
Trip King



Registered: 06/19/12
Posts: 1,106
Loc: USA
Last seen: 3 days, 13 hours
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: pineninja]
#26911326 - 09/01/20 07:39 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Fair enough 
I will add that it's quite sad that people aren't very social in person
-------------------- 100% Professional Psychonaut Trippin' Aint Easy
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: Skizor1337] 1
#26911450 - 09/01/20 08:49 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Are all of these connections originated in the online world, or have you actually instigated dates with women you've met IRL?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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the strander
Explorer



Registered: 06/16/20
Posts: 138
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: Skizor1337]
#26911709 - 09/01/20 11:23 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Don't know if you've done online dating before, but your experience is not uncommon in my experience.
Finding someone who you feel attraction to IRL is not easy to do just by looking at a profile pic and reading what is essentially their personal resume. Even when you and she are both choosing someone you think you'll be into, when you neet up IRL one or the other of you may not feel it. Don't scoff at that as if it's an excuse, it's something legit.
You just gotta keep trying.
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Nonagon Infinity
Mycologist



Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 756
Loc: Polygondwanaland
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: the strander] 1
#26912251 - 09/01/20 03:51 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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When I first started dating in high school, I was just thrilled that there was someone who actually liked me and who was attracted to me enough that she wanted to have sex with me. That relationship lasted about three years, and it was earth-shattering when she dumped me.
I met a lot of women after her, but my next serious relationship was with someone who was exciting for me. I had set the bar a little higher than her just being someone who liked me. That relationship also lasted about three years, and we broke up because it was an extremely toxic relationship that was draining both of us.
Some time after her, I met someone else, but this time, I was pretty cautious. I wanted to make sure she wasn't toxic in the same ways as the last woman I dated. We took things slowly, and the relationship developed in a healthy manner. It was extremely rewarding and lasted for about three years as well. We eventually broke up because we were just heading different directions in life. It wasn't an easy decision, but there's not a shred of doubt in my mind that it was the right one. Still, that breakup taught me more about my limitations and about the type of person I'm compatible with. I think my ex is a wonderful person, but she's not a good match for me.
I'm sharing these brief stories because I think it shows that as we grow older and gain more experience with relationships, we start to realize more and more about our limitations. We learn about the things that are absolute deal-breakers, about things that we dislike, but are still willing to put up with, and about things that we actually like in another person. If you're mindful and pay attention to your feelings, this experience makes it easier for you to know what you're looking for in a relationship. Incidentally, it also has the side-effect of making it easier for you to break it off with someone early on when you see a red flag.
This is all a long-winded way of saying that there's nothing wrong with you, dude. Even if you are "too confident" or "lacking in humility", I don't think that's why you haven't found the sort of relationship you're looking for. I think it's just that you haven't met a person that you're compatible with. The women who have ghosted you or walked away probably didn't mean any harm, and it's not necessarily a sign that there's something wrong with you. They probably just didn't feel compatible with you, and it's actually a good thing that they walked away if that's the case. You don't need to change yourself to make a relationship work out (that's a sure path to disappointment and suffering). You'll be happier if you find someone who's enthusiastic about being with you for who you are, imperfections and all. A new relationship shouldn't feel like a project where you have to fix all of your imperfections to make yourself compatible with someone else.
I can't promise that you'll find someone, especially during hard times like these. I'm definitely not a believer in "there's someone out there for everyone". I think that's bullshit. I think that people change over time. Our preferences change over time, and what we are looking for in a relationship changes over time. Who you are compatible with now might look very different than who you are compatible with five years from now. My advice is just to enjoy being single while you still are and to try to find things to appreciate about just being in your own company. Being in a relationship is fantastic for a lot of reasons, but it also comes with its own unique set of problems.
Don't give up on finding someone if that's what you really want, but also don't sweat it if you don't for a while. You've probably got all sorts of other shit going on, right?
-------------------- Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door
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Skizor1337
Trip King



Registered: 06/19/12
Posts: 1,106
Loc: USA
Last seen: 3 days, 13 hours
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#26912582 - 09/01/20 06:58 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: Are all of these connections originated in the online world, or have you actually instigated dates with women you've met IRL?
Haha wellll most from online but I did meet about 3 girls in person but it didn't' pan out either.
I mean shit I enjoy being single but I guess what's crazy to me is just how many girls I have taken out on dates. Like super exhausting.
I absolutely hate online dating but how else do I meet girls right now? There is a few at my local gym I have my eye on but I have not gotten the opportunity to approach them just yet. Timing hasn't been ideal
Bars here are sit down only so no chilling at the bar. Ugh fuck 2020
-------------------- 100% Professional Psychonaut Trippin' Aint Easy
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Skizor1337
Trip King



Registered: 06/19/12
Posts: 1,106
Loc: USA
Last seen: 3 days, 13 hours
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
#26912586 - 09/01/20 07:00 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Nonagon Infinity said: When I first started dating in high school, I was just thrilled that there was someone who actually liked me and who was attracted to me enough that she wanted to have sex with me. That relationship lasted about three years, and it was earth-shattering when she dumped me.
I met a lot of women after her, but my next serious relationship was with someone who was exciting for me. I had set the bar a little higher than her just being someone who liked me. That relationship also lasted about three years, and we broke up because it was an extremely toxic relationship that was draining both of us.
Some time after her, I met someone else, but this time, I was pretty cautious. I wanted to make sure she wasn't toxic in the same ways as the last woman I dated. We took things slowly, and the relationship developed in a healthy manner. It was extremely rewarding and lasted for about three years as well. We eventually broke up because we were just heading different directions in life. It wasn't an easy decision, but there's not a shred of doubt in my mind that it was the right one. Still, that breakup taught me more about my limitations and about the type of person I'm compatible with. I think my ex is a wonderful person, but she's not a good match for me.
I'm sharing these brief stories because I think it shows that as we grow older and gain more experience with relationships, we start to realize more and more about our limitations. We learn about the things that are absolute deal-breakers, about things that we dislike, but are still willing to put up with, and about things that we actually like in another person. If you're mindful and pay attention to your feelings, this experience makes it easier for you to know what you're looking for in a relationship. Incidentally, it also has the side-effect of making it easier for you to break it off with someone early on when you see a red flag.
This is all a long-winded way of saying that there's nothing wrong with you, dude. Even if you are "too confident" or "lacking in humility", I don't think that's why you haven't found the sort of relationship you're looking for. I think it's just that you haven't met a person that you're compatible with. The women who have ghosted you or walked away probably didn't mean any harm, and it's not necessarily a sign that there's something wrong with you. They probably just didn't feel compatible with you, and it's actually a good thing that they walked away if that's the case. You don't need to change yourself to make a relationship work out (that's a sure path to disappointment and suffering). You'll be happier if you find someone who's enthusiastic about being with you for who you are, imperfections and all. A new relationship shouldn't feel like a project where you have to fix all of your imperfections to make yourself compatible with someone else.
I can't promise that you'll find someone, especially during hard times like these. I'm definitely not a believer in "there's someone out there for everyone". I think that's bullshit. I think that people change over time. Our preferences change over time, and what we are looking for in a relationship changes over time. Who you are compatible with now might look very different than who you are compatible with five years from now. My advice is just to enjoy being single while you still are and to try to find things to appreciate about just being in your own company. Being in a relationship is fantastic for a lot of reasons, but it also comes with its own unique set of problems.
Don't give up on finding someone if that's what you really want, but also don't sweat it if you don't for a while. You've probably got all sorts of other shit going on, right?
You are right being single has it's positives I just really miss having someone.
-------------------- 100% Professional Psychonaut Trippin' Aint Easy
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Nonagon Infinity
Mycologist



Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 756
Loc: Polygondwanaland
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: Skizor1337]
#26913509 - 09/02/20 10:34 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Skizor1337 said: You are right being single has it's positives I just really miss having someone.
I feel you. I've been in the same situation for a while myself, and I agree that meeting new people during these turbulent times is rather difficult. I'm not saying that this shit doesn't suck (it does), but I am saying there's much more to life.
Not that this will necessarily work for you, but here's what works for me: I try to think about the specific things I miss about having someone else in my life, and then I come up with creative ways to satisfy those desires on my own. For example, one thing I like about being with someone else is staying up late and talking about philosophical things. I've realized that I can scratch that same itch by just reading books and writing. Sure, it's not exactly the same thing as a back-and-forth discussion with someone else, but it's similar and it's fulfilling in its own way. Basically, I've learned to keep myself company and I've removed my dependence on other people for satisfaction in my own life. Now that I've honed that skill, I never want to lose it, even if I do find myself in another relationship. In fact, I think the ability to keep myself company will do me a lot of good in future relationships.
-------------------- Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door
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Skizor1337
Trip King



Registered: 06/19/12
Posts: 1,106
Loc: USA
Last seen: 3 days, 13 hours
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
#26913772 - 09/02/20 01:29 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Nonagon Infinity said:
Quote:
Skizor1337 said: You are right being single has it's positives I just really miss having someone.
I feel you. I've been in the same situation for a while myself, and I agree that meeting new people during these turbulent times is rather difficult. I'm not saying that this shit doesn't suck (it does), but I am saying there's much more to life.
Not that this will necessarily work for you, but here's what works for me: I try to think about the specific things I miss about having someone else in my life, and then I come up with creative ways to satisfy those desires on my own. For example, one thing I like about being with someone else is staying up late and talking about philosophical things. I've realized that I can scratch that same itch by just reading books and writing. Sure, it's not exactly the same thing as a back-and-forth discussion with someone else, but it's similar and it's fulfilling in its own way. Basically, I've learned to keep myself company and I've removed my dependence on other people for satisfaction in my own life. Now that I've honed that skill, I never want to lose it, even if I do find myself in another relationship. In fact, I think the ability to keep myself company will do me a lot of good in future relationships.
Wow I really felt that man. I kind of lost my own way over the course of the past year hell maybe even two years. I appreciate the advice
It's been a hell of a time and I guess I just enjoy being around people a lot but have forgotten that I used to hangout with myself a lot.
I have been experiencing lately and maybe I should focus on just enjoying my own company as you said.
It's been a rough time ever since I left my Ex last year. I honestly thought this would have been easier
-------------------- 100% Professional Psychonaut Trippin' Aint Easy
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Nonagon Infinity
Mycologist



Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 756
Loc: Polygondwanaland
Last seen: 2 years, 11 months
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: Skizor1337]
#26914072 - 09/02/20 04:35 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Skizor1337 said: Wow I really felt that man. I kind of lost my own way over the course of the past year hell maybe even two years. I appreciate the advice
It's been a hell of a time and I guess I just enjoy being around people a lot but have forgotten that I used to hangout with myself a lot.
I have been experiencing lately and maybe I should focus on just enjoying my own company as you said.
It's been a rough time ever since I left my Ex last year. I honestly thought this would have been easier
No problem 
It is important to have the ability to enjoy your own company. Other people can be great, but they don't stick around forever, and there are going to be times where you're alone.
Leaving someone you dated for so long is never easy. Sometimes, those wounds never fully heal. All you can do is gain more experience. The more experience you gain outside of that relationship, the less significant the loss will seem in comparison to everything else you have going on, even if it never goes away completely. I still think about my highschool sweetheart sometimes, and she and I broke up many years ago. It doesn't hurt nearly as much as it did back then (barely hurts at all, really), but I still think about it sometimes, and it's always going to be a part of who I am.
-------------------- Nonagon Infinity Opens the Door
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the SithÂ
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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Re: Having the hardest time of my life right now - Dating [Re: Nonagon Infinity]
#26914080 - 09/02/20 04:42 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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