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peppersunlight
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Registered: 08/29/20
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Bad trip - guidance sought
#26906875 - 08/29/20 11:00 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hello there
I am new to this forum and relatively new to psychedelic mushrooms. I had my first experience this year with Australian panaeolus cyanacens, together with fiance (who is fairly experienced with psychedlics). It was a wonderful, blissful experience that I couldn't wait to repeat.
A few months later, my fiance and I had a bigger dose on my 40th birthday. It was a disaster, as I was convinced I was dying and thought I was in hell, with nothing making sense in my head. I screamed to be taken to the hospital, etc. Poor fiance, himself on mushrooms, managed to take care of me. I was non-responsive for a couple of hours.
Then yesterday we tried again, with half the dose. As soon as they started kicking in, I went directly back to that hellscape from my birthday. I again asked to be taken to the hospital and suggested we needed to kill each other to get out this. I was so scared it was difficult to breathe and I was sweating profusely. I am not religious, but I swore to God that if I survived this, I would never touch mushrooms again. Even after we came back to reality, I still had the sheer feeling of terror in my body and jumbled-up incomprehensible words drifting into my brain.
I am so disappointed as I want to experience the blissful experience of the first trip. But now I am terrified of ever trying again. Is it possible to ever have a positive experience again after some bad ones? All experiences were in our lovely comfortable home, so there was nothing wrong with the setting. I do, however, carry a lot of generalised anxiety (work, money, health, loss of both parents, etc). But I am not bipolar or schizophrenic.
Maybe I need to go to some kind of therapist to get over the two bad trips?
Any advice and accounts of others experiences would be most gratefully received.
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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You know what I think you should do? Maybe you should ask your fiance if you can just hang out while he does it. You know? Let him show you it's harmless and enjoyable.
You're already on the path to having a positive outcome to both of those experiences. I say this because it's outlining and magnifying every day experiences. If you have x, y, and z that gets to you, the substances have clarified the things YOU need to work on as an individual. Does that make sense? Embrace that and you've made it over the hurdle.
All that aside if you decide to do this again you must let your thoughts just drift by. Like a leaf in the wind. Hello leaf. Goodbye leaf. It's just a thing. And breathe, just focus on existing. You managed to manifest imagination in to reality. Right? Even if that was fear, potential outcomes. And that's the power of mushrooms. We can manifest good things.
I do hope you feel better about all of it and not let these experiences stifle any personal growth you can get out of the time you had even if it's the only two experiences you'll ever have.
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Kmacmo
The aborted pin



Registered: 08/14/19
Posts: 1,679
Loc: Central hemisphere
Last seen: 8 hours, 31 minutes
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That's good advice, and yeah you can turn those uncomfortable experiences into positive ones by learning and making the changes necessary... Integration is important for any trip good or bad. If you don't care about learnng about yourself and using this medicine as a medicine... The mushrooms don't care if you want a good experience they'll show you what you need to see.
I also had an uncomfortable trip but no where near as bad as the sound of this, turned out to be my best trip ever cause it actually made me make changes in my life for the better and I'm so thankful I had that 'bad' trip.
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peppersunlight
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Registered: 08/29/20
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Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. I sincerely appreciate your suggestions and guidance. I am intensely interested in psychedelics, so the idea that I will be locked out of further experiences is hard for me to accept.
I will try what you say and be an observer the next time - thank you so much. Also, I will think carefully about what was so horrible about the experiences and try to work out what it is that I need to focus on in my life. I think it is about anxiety and control. My fiance said I spent a lot of time trying to verbally analyse and make sense of things yesterday during the experience, ie what are cars? what are those things we write messages on (phones)?, what's a job?, what is New Zealand? And when I couldn't work those things out and stop the words being a sickening jumbled-mess, i would feel complete panic throughout my body, due to the lack of control and everything being a mental mess. I kept on saying, "I want things to go back to normal, I don't want to be in this anymore" etc. The scariest thing was the number of times I mentioned killing myself or each other in order to escape my jumbled-mental state.
The first time I had beautiful feelings and visuals (March). Yesterday and the second time (May), I felt like I was literally fighting for my life.
I also have to mindful that it's not fair on my fiance to be taking care of me during my bad trips - that is selfish, and another reason I may not be able to try again. At least not for a number of years, perhaps.
I am also thinking it might be good to find a therapist to conduct a guided session. If anyone knows of anyone in Queensland or northern NSW Australia that could help me with this, I would be most appreciative of a DM.
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peppersunlight
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Registered: 08/29/20
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also, if there is any literature that anyone can recommend for helping me to understand my experience, that would be great. I have only read the Michael Pollan book so far.
Thank you for helping me, as a complete novice in all this.
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Kmacmo
The aborted pin



Registered: 08/14/19
Posts: 1,679
Loc: Central hemisphere
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https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/26905701
That's a link to a thread I posted yesterday asking the same question really.
Terrance mckenna Dennis mckenna James fadiman
Would be the popular ones most people know about, definitely worth checking out all their work
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peppersunlight
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Re: Bad trip - guidance sought [Re: Kmacmo]
#26906984 - 08/30/20 12:23 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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thank you so much Kmacmo - really appreciate it. Fiance laughs about how much time I have spent researching after yesterday's experience, as well as the one on my birthday!
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Kmacmo
The aborted pin



Registered: 08/14/19
Posts: 1,679
Loc: Central hemisphere
Last seen: 8 hours, 31 minutes
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Seems like you've beneffitted from the experience, your craving more knowledge and understanding which is a good thing. Knowledge is so valuable and will help you make better decisions in your life. I read a study about how 'bad' trips effected the participants and 84% of them said they beneffitted from it and would do it again even though it was the most challenging thing they ever had to endure. Can't remember where I seen it but I'm sure you will come across it or similar studiesđ
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Gayfish
Lyrical genius


Registered: 07/27/20
Posts: 52
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Re: Bad trip - guidance sought [Re: Kmacmo]
#26908769 - 08/30/20 09:01 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Isnât there some science behind pan cyans causing physical discomfort and being more potent than cubes?
Just a suggestion, but maybe try a smaller dose of say 1gram of cubensis to ease yourself back into it. You may have had a great time for your first experience by shear luck, but maybe the following trips had to do with you not being able to handle the size of doses that you took.
Also, thereâs definitely something to be said by the other posters here, usually the shrooms show you what you need to see, maybe it is as you said a general anxiety thatâs underlying. This could have easily been amplified after your second experience, Leading to more anxiety that you werenât aware of going into your third trip.
Again, I think itâd be a great idea to take some time to clear up some of your insecurities and anxietyâs before heading into your next trip. And then trying a lower dose of a less potent species so that you can alleviate the anxiety of having another panic attack while your deep in an experience. Ease your way back into it
-------------------- We donât make sense around here, we make dollars
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MentalPariah
Pariah of my mind


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Re: Bad trip - guidance sought [Re: Gayfish]
#26908867 - 08/30/20 10:19 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Gayfish said: Isnât there some science behind pan cyans causing physical discomfort and being more potent than cubes?
In my experience pan cyans are a wildly different trip than cubes. I've had almost LSD like trips from pans on 3Gs but nothing close on 10g cubensis.
Sounds like you're prone to severe panic attacks. I've got "the fear" before and its not fucking fun at all. You have to find a way to stay grounded and remind yourself that it's not real no matter how real it feels, this takes practice. I agree with taking a smaller dose of cubes and try at least once more....sadly though some people just aren't wired for it.
-------------------- Whoever appeals to the law against his Fellow man is either a fool or a coward Whoever cannot take care of himself without that law is both For a wounded man shall say to his assailant If I live I will kill you, if I die you are forgiven Such is the rule of honor
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peppersunlight
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Thank you Gayfish and MentalPariah. I really appreciate your advice and guidance. Around where I live, we seem to only have pan cyans! I may try one more time some time down the track ie, maybe a year or two, with maybe half a gram. And yes "the fear" was the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. I also accept that maybe my brain chemistry and wiring is just not suitable for these substances either.
Yes, I've read that pans cyans are more potent. I think I was quite shocked this time around because we took 4g each last time and the most recent time, only 2g. But still had a major problem...
I know for sure that I need to work on the general anxiety in my life first. Have to sort that out and can't expect the mushrooms will sort them out for me. A fair bit of hard work to be done on that score, but not impossible...
Thank you to everyone who has responded to help me with this.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,704
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I rollerblade and that means, after learning to stand in one spot over a period of acclimatization, I got used to the idea of skating with one skate on the ground and the other moving to the forward position in the air which means I would be falling if I did not have MOMENTUM.
a new skater, might think it was magic to watch me.
until they build some momentum they cannot skate on one foot at a time, but until they start moving they don't get momentum. In all cases, rollerblading is about moving smoothly with complete instability, but balancing with momentum.
the forward movement becomes the surface upon which the roller-blader is moving.
similarly a kind of psychedelic forward movement becomes the surface upon which the tripper is moving. If he were to question any premises, he would crash.
below a certain threshold dose, you can stand around in a bit of psychedelia. higher than that and you need to allow reconfiguration so that rather than trying to keep your balance you let yourself go and each step follows the last without question. Don't look to see how you are so close to falling.
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peppersunlight
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Registered: 08/29/20
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Thank you very much redgreenvines for taking the time to write me that note. All this advice is very helpful to me. It's strange, but now three days after the event, I can't recall most of the horror. But I have written it down so I don't forget what actually transpired. We have no more left now anyway, and there will not be any more to be found around our local area for a good few months anyway. But I think I will give myself maybe a year or so to work on the challenging issues I face in my life. WIthout addressing those, I expect there is a good chance I will end up ensconsced in "the fear" again.
Much love and gratitude to everyone that has responded to me.
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