hello everyone, i am just trying to find maybe a little insight on to a trip i had a few months ago.
things were difficult for me at the time and i kept wondering what was there more for me.
i got some mushrooms, not sure which type but i started out with maybe 2g out of what i had. things were chill, i listened to some nostalgic video game music from when i was a kid, i felt small and young like i was back then, it was really cool.
i could see a minor difference in some of the walls, like they were popping out slightly and fast moving objects had this blue trail following them. i also stared at myself for a bit in the mirror in the bathroom and i didn't dissolve or anything like other people report but the closer i got to the mirror, the older i looked, the farther back i stepped, the younger i was. having never done magic shrooms, i wanted more because i felt i wasnt getting enough insight about myself.
so from what i had, i went ahead and took a bigger chunk than i had the last time, it must have been around 3g. thats where the mistake started. i went to my computer, watching videos were funnier than ever, games were chill until eventually, i was thirsty and wanted to drink some water and the bottle was maybe a meter and a half from me.
this is where my time loop started, i would look at the bottle and literally somehow see the floor, the walls and the ceiling at different sizes, thats fine because the floor seemed so close so i considered letting myself drop on a knee from my chair so i could get the water but then id look at my hands on my desk and it looked like i wasnt even the one living in the moment, so i would zoom back into myself. i would say... picture this, your lifetime is in front, past a photo of the moment youre living and then getting sucked back into it. most of my time in the chair was getting sucked back, realizing i couldnt make sense of things that were happening and it repeating over and over.
i was playing with some people at that time and had an urge to tell one of them if they could take care of me and just stay with me to make sure i am okay because i still hadnt had anything to drink at that point.
i failed it. being home alone, one of the residents reminded me i had to do something in the yard in the back of the house and it didnt even sound like the voice was coming from in the phone but like, behind me. i was anxious because i didnt know if i would be able to focus on anything like that though i got up, drank a bit of the water i had in the bottle and went out to the kitchen.
i realized i couldnt see ANYTHING outside, i couldnt even see past the patio door and i knew i was screwed. i kept trying to drink water and it seemed like it was all falling through the glass and i had this magnification effect while looking out the houses front window, i couldnt see what i normally was able to and it made me wonder how things were outside because i couldnt see much.
i suddenly started having this fear of the bathroom, the same one i was in earlier and looked at myself in. when i say fear, like real fear, i have 1 cat and when i was hearing it eat from the food dish it literally sounded like it was coming from the bathroom.
i was too scared to go so i laid down on the couch near the bathroom, i shouldve gone back to my room but i couldnt. i didnt see any hallucinations but i was getting extremely terrified, i tried to sleep, i tried to put my hands over my eyes to make things pitch black so i didnt have to see or look at anything but its like i couldnt close my eyes, everything looked exactly the same way it did when i had my eyes open.
for a split second, the fear had gotten so strong i had this impulse to just get the sharpest knife i had and stab it through myself. that scared me even more than i thought was humanely possible. i called someone i was close to to come help me as soon as they can because i thought, if no one comes i may actually die, eventually someone did come by though and i was still shaken up but i was okay.
im sorry for the long story but even within the bad things that happened, i felt a lot of it was metaphorical. i put off a lot of things i realized thats why i couldnt get the water at that time, i had taken the steps to correct it and was going out of my way to do more than i was supposed to do and it felt good. i am not sure yet but i think i was afraid of the bathroom because my true self was waiting for me in the mirror, i was scared of myself.
if someone can give me some ideas of what this could mean, id like that! to those who havent done shrooms and read this, start with a low amount of shrooms, dont try to plan too much, make sure you have NO responsabilities for the next 5 or 6 hours and turn off your phone, this way you can focus on what you are trying to do.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, DO NOT TO THEM ALONE!!!!
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