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hTx
(:



Registered: 03/27/13
Posts: 5,724
Loc: Space-time
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Dealing with a Sociopath
#26905978 - 08/29/20 12:52 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Tl;dr a coworker has long talked crap about me behind my back with attempts to get me fired...I straight up caught and confronted her spreading total lies and baseless rumors on more than one occasion. I never understood why, I always figured i must have hurt her ego by coming in and doing so well. I have ALWAYS been nice to her and I have NEVER been one to talk down on my coworkers unless they totally screwed me or something. I always figured my work would speak for itself against any ridiculous lie she could come up with..looks like I was wrong. The past few months one of the owners has been coming in every morning, working with said coworker, going home whenihand start my shift, and it seems they are beginning to actually believe her crap...my hours were recently cut IN HALf, they hired a new bartender and gave her one of my best nights and when I asked why my hours were cut, the owner claimed to have cut my hours without realizing it, "nothing personal"...how do you unknowingly cut my hours (and income) in half after working there for nearly a year? I would rather it have been personal and explained to me so I could properly defend myself...but apparently i get punished "by mistake" as if it's no big deal my income was suddenly cut in half near the end of the month right when all my bills are due. its ridiculous because I am an exemplary employee and hands down the best bartender they have. I have worked here almost a full year and have never called in one time. I come 15-30 minutes early every shift. I am smooth, I am fast, I hardly ever make mistakes and I always have top sales regardless of the day. I have such awesome customer service that I regularly receive a 20 percent tip on most TOGO orders. I've gotten multiple $100 tips since starting here, far more than anyone else and I have have been steadily increasing the number of regulars that will come to the bar specifically for me to be their bartender..when I first started the servers KILLED in sales during weeknights, the bar was a hit or miss only really getting packed on friday nights...nowadays I'll have a packed bar no matter what night I work, I went from averaging 50-70$ a night in tips to averaging $100-$130 a night the past few months...such a dramatic increase would normally speak for itself with regards to how good of a job I do.
...not only am very good at my job. I am by far the most reliable employee they have. I haven't called in ONE TIME ...it makes ZERO sense for them to be fucking with me like they are...and even less sense to try and replace me with what the boss called a "seasoned" bartender. Seasoned my ass, she is incredibly slow and very tense, constantly in the weeds. The only way this makes any sense is if owner actually believes the AM shit talking bartender. In fact, I am sure this is the case as I have been accused of all kinds of totally false stories the past couple months, and "corrected" on stuff I have always done correct to begin with...just the other day "Let's make sure your peeling the tabc label off the bottles when your done with them." I have never not done so..i was recently accused of smoking weed right in front of the restaurant and customers during one of my shifts...I was accused on 3 separate occasions of "shooting up" at work because they allegedly kept finding a bent spoon with burn marks on the bottom..was even brought into the office and told to take a drug test...and when i enthusiastically agreed so I could clear my name, they wouldn't let me, claiming my willingness was proof enough..weird shit like that pretty much guarantees that she or someone is constantly attempting to smear my name and work ethic to make themselves look better (AM bartender calls in atleast twice a month) and get me fired for no reason other than being good at my job. I have never dealt with a situation like this before and I am getting strong sociopath vibes from all the bullshit i keep getting despite the awesome job I do. I have NEVER been punished for doing a good job but that is exactly what seems to be happening...i worked extra hard the week prior to getting my hours cut..deep cleaned the bar, stocked every night, I even helped the servers with some of their weekly duties. I am always going above and beyond, always have..
now I am at a loss. I cannot just quit and move on either...It's a small town, I work at one of the only bars in the entire county, getting another job with similar pay around here would be difficult..but if they continue to schedule me ~20 hours a week I would be forced to get another job...and would probably have to move back to the city. If this happened in the city, I would easily get a new job, leave a very detailed two week notice , inform all my regulars how terrible I'd been treated, and sit back to enjoy the inevitable karma they brought upon themselves.
Maybe than they would see just how much I did for that place and realize how badly they fucked up treating their best employee like dirt.
What do I do? How do I defend myself from totally false gossip and outright lies when I am not around to stick up for myself and the owner seems to be taking her word at face value despite a total lack of evidence or even a chance to defend myself? It totally sucks. I have worked so hard for this place , I am settled in this town and planned on staying here until i get off probation in a couple years..all to potentially be ruined by some lying sociopath and gullible bosses. (They had zero experience running or even working in a restaurant or bar prior to buying this place.)
-------------------- zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes Light up the darkness.
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 3 hours, 46 minutes
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: hTx]
#26905984 - 08/29/20 12:58 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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People generally go from small town to the city when they can.
You seem to have done the opposite.
Go back to the city and thrive.
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Eminence



Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 16,623
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: hTx]
#26906046 - 08/29/20 01:43 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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I don't know. Are you cool with your other co workers? What do they say about this lying woman? Get them to vouch for you, or find something to blackmail her with so she'll shut her mouth lol.
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blewmeanie



Registered: 10/01/06
Posts: 28,984
Loc:
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: Eminence] 1
#26906058 - 08/29/20 01:54 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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I'm drunk in the middle of the day and I'm not reading your lengthy post, but here's how you deal with sociopaths.
Don't give them any information about you. Think of your interactions with them in terms of pure professionalism. Treat them like a customer.
By definition, they can't read people. If they can't read you, and you don't give them any info, you're a mystery, so they can't manipulate you.
Source: I grew up in a cult. If you don't believe me, test it out. You'll see them rage and either give up or expose themselves.
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hTx
(:



Registered: 03/27/13
Posts: 5,724
Loc: Space-time
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: Patlal] 1
#26906120 - 08/29/20 02:20 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yeah...but I like this town and I hate traffic.
-------------------- zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes Light up the darkness.
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hTx
(:



Registered: 03/27/13
Posts: 5,724
Loc: Space-time
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: Eminence] 1
#26906125 - 08/29/20 02:23 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Eminence said: I don't know. Are you cool with your other co workers? What do they say about this lying woman? Get them to vouch for you, or find something to blackmail her with so she'll shut her mouth lol.
I am cool with them, several have told me how much shit she talks..but I may have freaked out prematurely..I just got my new schedule and it's back to full-time. Maybe it was a fluke or they saw the dip in sales from my not being there.
Alls well that ends well.
-------------------- zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes Light up the darkness.
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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: hTx]
#26906148 - 08/29/20 02:33 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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She is living rent free in your head and causing you to write essays on message boards.
Get away or get even. I opt for the former just to keep myself away from that negativity coming back.
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Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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Salomon
ಠ︵ಠ balance ಠ_ಠ weaver ಠ‿ಠ

Registered: 01/17/09
Posts: 25,128
Loc: America, FUCK YEAH
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: blewmeanie] 1
#26906153 - 08/29/20 02:35 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Feed them false information about yourself. To the point where anything remotely credible they think they have on your life is a facade.
Like you need to out sociopath the sociopath.
Photoshop a Polaroid picture of you into a digital copy doing something clearly fucked up, and figure out how to get the person to be the only one that has the picture, not the Polaroid picture, the fake one. Then when you discover through the grape vine that this person has an altered version of a picture that you keep in let's say your wallet, you confront everybody else but the person and accuse them of stealing from your wallet and forging a fucked up fake picture. Making you look like a victim of their actions. While you're the one who was manipulating them to do exactly what you need to look like a crazy person, and yourself, a victim of their lunacy.
That's just an example.
You need to destroy their credibility through underhanded trickery. Not just about you.
Make them look blatantly like a compulsive liar and well... A sociopath.
Then they eventually get to become a problem for the company and get fired or worse.
The trick is to have them be the last person to know anything, until it's far too late to not look like a jackass.
Like you work in sales. Sell a story about them that's an offer nobody can refuse. You have to make it look like they're getting sloppy and trying too hard.
If all else fails, get some heroin chewing gum lol
-------------------- EVERYTHING EVENTUALLY BECOMES A DESERT
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Eminence



Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 16,623
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: Salomon]
#26906164 - 08/29/20 02:44 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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You have experience out-sociopathing sociopaths don't you
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: Salomon] 1
#26906192 - 08/29/20 03:07 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Salomon said:
you need to out sociopath the sociopath.
out psychopath the sociopath. Shoot her in the back of the neck in the parking lot. She won't see THAT coming, trying to social engineer her way past you and you point blank execute her from behind in the parking lot while she thought you were an office wuss 
Seriously, no. Don't do anything like that please.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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InfiniteDreams


Registered: 10/25/19
Posts: 1,224
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: Asante]
#26906207 - 08/29/20 03:15 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Trending terms include: sociopath, cancel, political debate, and blackberry
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trees


Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 9,194
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Ive seen this happen before with exemplary employees, an underlying tension forms between 2 competitive employees and one of them is closer to the boss than the other. maybe play the game tactical and just use kindness on your suspected enemies to confuse them into a docile state
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PatrickKn


Registered: 07/10/11
Posts: 20,563
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: trees] 1
#26906237 - 08/29/20 03:37 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Most people pick up on people playing games like that pretty easily, when people lie about you with an agenda it eventually works against their favor when they get to know you and realize the other person is full of shit and completely neurotic. As long as you keep your cool that is. If you give people any reason to take a side because you're both neurotic, they will side with the most charismatic shit stirrer, because by that point it's a personality game. If you're just yourself you remove any reason to give the other person any attention and people tune them out as they fade into obscurity because they are just annoying.
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Tripsurfer
Bring Back Asante!



Registered: 08/01/12
Posts: 7,129
Loc: West of Windward
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: PatrickKn]
#26907083 - 08/30/20 04:02 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Talk to the owner and/or management
List them the positives from your OP. If you are correct those things must be evident to them too
If she's is fucking her way in, you have no chance unfortunately
-------------------- Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros... A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.

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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,483
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
InfiniteDreams said: Trending terms include: sociopath, cancel, political debate, and blackberry
Also systemic. That's a new absurdly popular buzz word.
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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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birdeatingspider
Stranger in Paradise



Registered: 12/18/14
Posts: 2,988
Loc: so many roads
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: Niffla] 1
#26907277 - 08/30/20 08:57 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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This thread is being studied by sociopaths.
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From all I may be, or have been before, To mingle with the Universe, and feel What I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal.
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,483
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
birdeatingspider said: This thread is being studied by sociopaths.
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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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birdeatingspider
Stranger in Paradise



Registered: 12/18/14
Posts: 2,988
Loc: so many roads
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Re: Dealing with a Sociopath [Re: Niffla] 1
#26907330 - 08/30/20 09:25 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yeetusdeetus


Registered: 11/23/19
Posts: 1,242
Last seen: 4 days, 3 hours
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,483
Loc: Texas
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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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