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saintdextro
Entheogen psychonaut



Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 584
Last seen: 7 months, 9 days
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Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life?
#26905812 - 08/29/20 10:39 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Thinking alot today, had to share this with someone, and the shroomery's always cool, always liked this place when I browsed it in 2003 and made my own account in 2004, we go way back!
if thing's are going slow in this forum I'll give you something to read that really happened, nothing sure of what I'm saying, but I wanna be known for some reason, usually I don't like attention, but I'm on uppers all last night and just wanna talk to someone, feeling open, so let me randomly tell a part of my childhood, please comment if your life was similar and it turn's out I actually was raised just like the average person? insults are welcome, jokes are welcome, psychology majors can tell me what was wrong with the way I was raised, ask me a question, I'm in a let's post on the shroomery mood and vibe! With limited mind, humans are born and raised by parents who don't know how to raise nor even how to truly love and express that love to there children and must of had insufficient parents themselves, all humans are really dumb, not an insult, we where all created mentally confused and a surprising (mental attitude of:) "let's just act normal and happy in this life as we grow up because everyone else is happy and acting normal, even though none of this should even exist!" and no one has the satisfying answer to the meaning of life and suffering when and where I grew up, I wasn't taught that by anyone, in most place's most lives, you have to desire it, want to hear the teachers, hang out with the good and wise crowd, get older people's advice and respect and learn from them, I wasn't taught to search for truth by my parents, they took me to church every Sunday (thank God!) but I was taught obedient Faith, not to search for truth, ideas like evolution was one big reason I and the rest of my brothers/sisters were Home-Schooled, it sucked horribly, my teen years went by with almost no friends, same thing happened to by other siblings.
Isolation from other people was another tactic of home-schooling to keep us away from bad kids we possibly could make friends with, that's what I was told my whole life, my dad was brain-fried in a bad way former-acid-head-hippie, every time one of us did something he didn't like he yell "you're being rebellious!", as his whole life revolved between being a free loving Hippie, to wanna be, but failed hard Christian family dad. he hardly talked to any of us and just confined himself to his computer, none of us liked talking to him, kind of a scary attitude and look he always had, my mom never really talked to me much, for months on end the only thing I'd hear her say to me and pretty much the rest of us was "take out the trash!" or "dinner's ready", when I was younger I'd fear going to bed at night because I knew my Mom would wake me up to "You're so lazy! get up right now and start doing your school work! all you do is lay in bed, your so lazy! ect ect... " I've even hallucinated her storming in my room and yelling at me while on benadryl.
Kind of natural to to watch TV, and set by my window to get some fresh air, wondering why I have absolutely no excuse to go outside and feel the breeze and touch the sunshine, no friends is hard, I think some pretty girl's would often walk past my house and I looked just like a crazy weirdo, maybe they thought I was pervert always at the window to see them? I would be by that open window regardless, nonetheless, it made me feel more like a loser.
Boredom and Isolation, and a computer with free accessible porn for 11 old on up with no friends and lots of free time,,, it's natural to masturbate, but this was alot and I think if I socialized with people around that time I wouldn't be such a loser. (I almost never watch any porn these years and maybe pump one out my Captain Winky 2 or 3 times a year.)
I'll try and add some more to this thread about my life, I needed to express it in public and in print, please tell me if you can relate at all or have advice or jokes, I want someone to hear me!
-------------------- "He who finds peace and joy And radiance within himself That man becomes one with God And vanishes into God's bliss." -Bhagavad Gita, 5.24 One 21 - Building Better Bombs One 21 - Pacified One 21 - Two Sides Is Fine "Respectability is a cloak for the hypocrite" - Jiddu Krishnamurti
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saintdextro
Entheogen psychonaut



Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 584
Last seen: 7 months, 9 days
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Re: Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life? [Re: saintdextro]
#26905816 - 08/29/20 10:42 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Can someone move this thread to Physical and Mental well-being forum, I'm not sure how this process works??
-------------------- "He who finds peace and joy And radiance within himself That man becomes one with God And vanishes into God's bliss." -Bhagavad Gita, 5.24 One 21 - Building Better Bombs One 21 - Pacified One 21 - Two Sides Is Fine "Respectability is a cloak for the hypocrite" - Jiddu Krishnamurti
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DividedQuantum
Outer Head


Registered: 12/06/13
Posts: 9,818
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Re: Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life? (moved) [Re: saintdextro]
#26905832 - 08/29/20 10:58 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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This thread was moved from Spirituality & Mysticism.
Reason: Per your request.
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor

Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life? (moved) [Re: saintdextro]
#26905837 - 08/29/20 11:05 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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parents suck. i feel you there. but what i find hard to believe is that you only masturbate 3 times a year. i usually crank down once a day lol. what kind of uppers are you taking? or rather, what kind did you take prior to writing this?
-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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Re: Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life? [Re: saintdextro]
#26905843 - 08/29/20 11:08 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Dude we're honestly all fucked up. You would almost have to be crazy not to be depressed in this world. I think it's best move away from your home town and start over again. None of us choose our parents or environment growing up so it's honestly not our fault that we turned out the way we did.
You honestly need to start masturbating more often. That's not healthy at all!!! Stay away from porn though...
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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Re: Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life? [Re: Shenmue]
#26905846 - 08/29/20 11:10 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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If you're only masturbating a few times a year you seriously need to have your testosterone checked.
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saintdextro
Entheogen psychonaut



Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 584
Last seen: 7 months, 9 days
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Re: Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life? (moved) [Re: split_by_nine]
#26905865 - 08/29/20 11:23 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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or well, I sorta have a script for adderall 20mg extend-release, but there's a bit of me fucking up story why I they observe me take them and until awhile from nor they'll give it to me everyday and raise the dose to 30mg, that's surely when I start putting applications in for a job, than get a car, go to local punk rock shows possibly and maybe make my way to an anime convention or best of all, a meditation retreat! and having a car and job would raise my class in society, which is disgusting that I mention that, but it's a fact, this evil society rules by acquisitive ambition and ownership of possessions, that's the only way you can get a girl, I despise that path, yet it's just the right the thing to do and get a job and car,,, suddenly thinking about this I'm depressed when I should be happy with my uppers and doing productive things with my life, is the word I'm looking for I'm "selling out"?
BTW, I'm on about four 15mg instant-release right now, and about that dose every 6 hours for a while now.
-------------------- "He who finds peace and joy And radiance within himself That man becomes one with God And vanishes into God's bliss." -Bhagavad Gita, 5.24 One 21 - Building Better Bombs One 21 - Pacified One 21 - Two Sides Is Fine "Respectability is a cloak for the hypocrite" - Jiddu Krishnamurti
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saintdextro
Entheogen psychonaut



Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 584
Last seen: 7 months, 9 days
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Re: Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life? (moved) [Re: saintdextro]
#26905876 - 08/29/20 11:32 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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I've read stuff in yoga books about recycling/reabsorbing the semen and it producing beneficial mental and physical attributes,,, the main problem I have with the orgasm is I blow my load within 10 or 15 seconds when I do pump one out, I was really concerned about this and asked my friends, they said it's because I don't do it often enough, or that when you really are having sex with a girl it's different and you could hold it when the time comes, but I'm on alot of medication for mental stuff and it could those, you know I'm on Invega, a finely working med, but my old neighbor told it lowers sperm count causing impotency, and for awhile I was shooting blanks, I worked it out a days in a row a few years ago and it started squirting again, oh well, it was nice making less a mess!
-------------------- "He who finds peace and joy And radiance within himself That man becomes one with God And vanishes into God's bliss." -Bhagavad Gita, 5.24 One 21 - Building Better Bombs One 21 - Pacified One 21 - Two Sides Is Fine "Respectability is a cloak for the hypocrite" - Jiddu Krishnamurti
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor

Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life? (moved) [Re: saintdextro]
#26905890 - 08/29/20 11:43 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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having a car and a job isnt a bad thing. it gives one independence. sure, working for "the man" sucks, but having wheels and some money is beneficial.
-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor

Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life? (moved) [Re: saintdextro]
#26905911 - 08/29/20 11:59 AM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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there is no one path to finding a girl, or finding love, or finding happiness.
you are the one holding yourself back from these things by constantly thinking you will never get them and by thinking there is only one way to achieve them.
now i must admit that i did not have the same sensibilities when i was in my 20s as i do now, and you will realize the same thing as you get older. every day that passes is one day closer to finding what you seek.. but in order to obtain these things you must have a positive attitude.
-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor

Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life? (moved) [Re: saintdextro]
#26905928 - 08/29/20 12:06 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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you say this:
Quote:
I'm on alot of medication for mental stuff
and perhaps the meds are not helping or they are worsening your fears and anxiety. also, 60mg dose of adderall every few hours is way too much. what is your prescribed dose?
-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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saintdextro
Entheogen psychonaut



Registered: 01/03/15
Posts: 584
Last seen: 7 months, 9 days
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Re: Was I intentional raised to be ignorant? or is this normal life? (moved) [Re: split_by_nine]
#26905977 - 08/29/20 12:48 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
split_by_nine said: you say this:
Quote:
I'm on alot of medication for mental stuff
and perhaps the meds are not helping or they are worsening your fears and anxiety. also, 60mg dose of adderall every few hours is way too much. what is your prescribed dose?
I just do this dose on about weekend worth of days once a month my man gets his script and sells me a couple, my dose is currently 20mg extended release only on monday , Wednesday and friday, all observed but there gonna give it to me every day soon, and than he says to plan raising to 30mg, i think that's a solid dose and extended release always feel stronger than instant, my friends all agree, 60mg instant actually feel like 40mg extended, I would say only in my mind, but alot of people agree with me,,,but yea, i agreed with my psychiatrist that 30mg extended would fit perfectly and I wont need to take more than I'm prescribed (which is why I went four months without it and just a few weeks ago got back, though watched.)
-------------------- "He who finds peace and joy And radiance within himself That man becomes one with God And vanishes into God's bliss." -Bhagavad Gita, 5.24 One 21 - Building Better Bombs One 21 - Pacified One 21 - Two Sides Is Fine "Respectability is a cloak for the hypocrite" - Jiddu Krishnamurti
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