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InvisibleApu
Nahasapeemapetilon


Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 173
I need some advice.. i think
    #26895693 - 08/23/20 04:48 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

The point I am at with my mental well being is an interesting one. I can say that at least. I'm 30 yro white male. About 2-3 weeks ago i quit taking SSRI. It was time again I believe. I have been on/off different SSRI/SNRI a handful of times throughout the years. I also know that tapering is a must and I am really trying to be responsible for how I treat my body/mind. I am also currently on but have reduced intake by 50% suboxone. I am now taking one 8mg strip per day. These things have all happened simply because I decided so; there are zero outside influences on these matters.

For a little context I have not used any "bad" street drugs for over a year and a half now. The only drugs I have used is the prescriptions and pot, booze, and psychedelics/ketamine (not so often). I am finally past the point of being ready to never touch another opiate ever again. This is something I want more than anything in the whole world. Just shed a couple tears from typing that sentence. Otherwise the last year and a half+ have been really good. That's when I got out of jail, somehow got my old job back, got an apartment, got cleaned up, got money, going to buy some property, etc. So here comes the reason for my post..

There is a deep part of me that is a bit angry and uneasy towards myself most of all but at many external things as well. It seems like the clearer my vision becomes the hole becomes larger.. I'm growing exponentially but now I have to really ask myself some questions. I'm not finding the answers and the people around me seem to be more clueless than I am.

I have many positive traits. Random people were complimenting me in public the other day. It was really nice but also strange. Recently had a fling with a girl i have had a crush on for like 5 years or some shit. A girl I put up on a pedestal for some reason.. My last girlfriend I got rid of like 6 months back; she was really hot and I thought a good person but turned out to be a fucking nutbag.. But the fling lasted a couple weeks we were together every night for almost a week. I was just too intense and weird. So she backed off. It's probably better that way because I am so imperfect and have so much potential and have fucked off so much of my life that my momentum is so incredible it feels like it cant be stopped. But it's scary too.. to really look at things and not be blinded by chemicals.. It's nice to be part of the equation again but goddam im pissed for fucking off my life so much.


Edited by Apu (08/23/20 04:52 PM)


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InvisibleApu
Nahasapeemapetilon


Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 173
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: Apu]
    #26895700 - 08/23/20 04:53 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

my best friend died about 3 months ago as well. It's fucking so great but so fucking hard being alive sometimes. There's just so much fuckery everywhere


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InvisibleApu
Nahasapeemapetilon


Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 173
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: Apu]
    #26895720 - 08/23/20 05:07 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I probably just need a therapist and some good friends lol. I've been using music as a crutch. It gets me thru :smile:


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Invisiblepineninja
Dream Weaver
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Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
Loc: South Flag
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: Apu] * 1
    #26895721 - 08/23/20 05:08 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

It's one thing to think we may have wasted time in the past.
It's another thing to waste time thinking about the time we wasted whilst in the present.

Keep moving foward,)


--------------------
Just a fool on the hill.


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OfflineForresterM
aspiring sociopath
Male User Gallery

Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 9,351
Loc: Northeast USA Flag
Last seen: 1 month, 12 days
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: Apu] * 1
    #26895743 - 08/23/20 05:23 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

^^^ What pineninja said, 100%

Quote:

Apu said:
I have many positive traits. Random people were complimenting me in public the other day.




Also, there's no need to base your value of yourself on what anyone else thinks or says about you (or, more often, what you think they think about you).  Your intrinsic value as a human being is equal to that of every other human being on this planet, regardless of any mistakes you've made in the past.  Don't put your self worth below others', regardless of what they appear to have. 

We all make mistakes and learn from them, it's what we're here for.  Keep learning :peace:


--------------------
Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here.
-------------------

Have some medicinal mushrooms and want to get the most out of them?  Try this double extraction method.


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InvisibleApu
Nahasapeemapetilon


Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 173
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: pineninja]
    #26895744 - 08/23/20 05:23 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

pineninja said:
It's one thing to think we may have wasted time in the past.
It's another thing to waste time thinking about the time we wasted whilst in the present.

Keep moving foward,)



well said thanks


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InvisibleAmanita86
OTD Keymaster
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Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: Apu]
    #26895749 - 08/23/20 05:25 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

In with the good, out with the bad.  Slow and steady gets it.

I don’t know anything about SSRI’s etc so be careful there. 

Just keep making progress.

There is an insane amount of fuckery, almost enough to make a person go crazy.

Don’t let that get in your way.


--------------------
:mushroom2:Orange clock, pencil:bouncysmoke:
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon...":fishing:
:mushroom2:*Mark 15:34:levitate::mushroom2::blueninja:
Gam zeh ya’avor...:sunny:


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Offlinethe strander
Explorer
Female


Registered: 06/16/20
Posts: 138
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: Apu]
    #26895759 - 08/23/20 05:40 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

It sounds like you're on a really positive track, staying away from things that have not made your life better, and keeping up with things that you need to keep moving forward.

You also say that you've been asking some questions of yourself that you aren't finding answers to. Maybe they're answers that you already know. Sometimes explaining your position to others is the best way to weed out your truth from what you only thought you believed.

A therapist can be helpful for this. But hell, maybe explaining yourself to strangers on the internet can be too. I got more out of listening to myself think through shit out loud than I did from the actual therapist, when I saw one.

Talk it through with whomever makes you feel comfortable. In my experience, it can help you stay on the right path and find the next route you need to take.


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InvisibleApu
Nahasapeemapetilon


Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 173
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: the strander]
    #26895792 - 08/23/20 06:14 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah both of you are correct. A therapist would at minimum be a vent for all the nonsense. So many thoughts flowing and the temporary chemical imbalances a lot of it is just stupid shit it would be good to say out loud. I almost didn't post or delete this because I wasn't really asking a defined question just needed someone to listen i guess lol.


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Offlinethe strander
Explorer
Female


Registered: 06/16/20
Posts: 138
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: Apu]
    #26895803 - 08/23/20 06:24 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I mean look, a therapist might help. If you have health insurance that covers that or if you can afford to pay out of pocket then it's definitely worth a try. They do have training and experience and can maybe help steer you in the right direction.

But they also don't know what's in your head past what you can express. And it can be really difficult to express how you're feeling when you're in a mental health crisis or depression. Sometimes just realizing that you actually CAN'T express it meaningfully can lead you to realize that it doesn't make sense or something you thought was true wasn't, and that can mean something.

Remember there's an anonymous forum on here, if you just wanna say something you want to be heard. The journal may even be helpful.


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InvisibleApu
Nahasapeemapetilon


Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 173
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: the strander]
    #26895834 - 08/23/20 06:45 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

the strander said:
I mean look, a therapist might help. If you have health insurance that covers that or if you can afford to pay out of pocket then it's definitely worth a try. They do have training and experience and can maybe help steer you in the right direction.

But they also don't know what's in your head past what you can express. And it can be really difficult to express how you're feeling when you're in a mental health crisis or depression. Sometimes just realizing that you actually CAN'T express it meaningfully can lead you to realize that it doesn't make sense or something you thought was true wasn't, and that can mean something.

Remember there's an anonymous forum on here, if you just wanna say something you want to be heard. The journal may even be helpful.




So one thing i realized for sure is that i was pretty damn depressed for a good while. Whether i still am or it just is less severe now I am not sure. The amount of time throughout the day, basically any day, that i am sad is quite short; if at all.


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OfflineMycobro420
Stranger
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Registered: 06/01/20
Posts: 346
Last seen: 1 year, 25 days
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: Apu]
    #26895963 - 08/23/20 08:27 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Hey man ya I feel for you i have had to get off benzos, k2, heroin. Shit sucks I was in jail for quite a while to. Right now me and my mother's child are splitting up at least I think. So I can kinda relate to you. I got off heroin an benzos on the street. But k2 at home. All three were a mental hell. I'm off all bad substances an have Ben off for almost 3 years. Your best bet in my opinion is to taper down and call it quits no matter how hard it is. Some days it's hard for me to stay straight from the bullshit. And keep your mind focused on future plans and bettering your self. I do myco research and work all day that's how I channel everything find your way to do that have a solid plans ull be looking good in no time I believe in you


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OfflineSteelGully
Just Strange
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Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 64
Loc: Bottom of the world
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: Mycobro420] * 1
    #26896193 - 08/23/20 11:44 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Nothing in your journey is a waste. It's all learning and it makes you who you are good, bad and otherwise. Be sure to love yourself, flaws and all. We are all flawed but that is what makes us interesting I think. I have had a path that has had major rough patches and I have made some big mistakes, poor judgements, been the weird girl, but I have also had some great moments of strength, purpose and have grown and become someone I really love. Once I couldn't have said so tbh, but I am glad now I can.
You sound like you are on a great path and that is cause you have chosen to be. It's OK to be weird, if you are happy that way. It's fine to have people around you, but it's better to have good people that value you as you over just anyone. I don't really have any advise, other than keep on your journey. Don't let doubt convince you it's not worth it, because you are worth it and you can get to where you want to be. One step after the other. Be kind to yourself and be proud of your wins, learn from your fails, and vent in a space like this because we have all needed to at some point :smile: Take care <3


--------------------
Loving the shroom journey!
:mushroom2: :nyan: :tardpig: :goat: :sporedrop:
:typonese: :aweyeah:


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InvisibleApu
Nahasapeemapetilon


Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 173
Re: I need some advice.. i think [Re: SteelGully]
    #26899136 - 08/25/20 05:08 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Thanks you people are great. it gets better. just got off work gonna smoke a fatty. one love


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