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OfflineLion
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How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn?
    #26887827 - 08/19/20 06:44 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I'm curious to hear your thoughts, in addition to responding to the poll.

I spend all day thinking about activities and fields of knowledge I'd like to be engaged in - yet my days look mostly the same: distracting myself with random findings on the internet, procrastinating on my actual work and then doing it in a state of stress, chatting with friends, and on a good day doing some physical activity to keep from sinking into anxiety & depression.

It's not ideal, but even with this way of living I've managed to slowly absorb some knowledge and capabilities in some areas. I'm just in awe of people who are actually able to set aside time and regularly develop the things they're interested in (or things they're not that interested in but have calculated will be useful).

Mindfulness, health, time and inspiration seem to be the requisites for doing & learning new things. Most of us are lacking in at least one of these qualities most of the time.
How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn?
You may choose only one


Votes accepted from (08/19/20 05:43 AM) to (No end specified)
You must vote before you can view the results of this poll



--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Lion]
    #26887846 - 08/19/20 07:11 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I don't really want:
to fly a plane, to go to mars, to run a super-computer, to play piano, to speak Russian, to dance ballet, to win at basketball...

I do want:
to cook what I like to eat, to speak Greek, to solve web page issues, to create art (paintings/drawings/photos), to fix little things with a leatherman, to continue to learn about nature, to make synthesizer music etc.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineGrapefruit
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26888021 - 08/19/20 09:19 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

There's only one thing I really want and that's to drop this body for the other side. Am I able to do it? Quite probably possibly not... so I invoke STAL.


--------------------
Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. 

"Chat your fraff
Chat your fraff
Just chat your fraff
Chat your fraff"


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OfflineLion
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Grapefruit]
    #26888088 - 08/19/20 09:59 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

redgreenvines said:
I don't really want:
to fly a plane, to go to mars, to run a super-computer, to play piano, to speak Russian, to dance ballet, to win at basketball...

I do want:
to cook what I like to eat, to speak Greek, to solve web page issues, to create art (paintings/drawings/photos), to fix little things with a leatherman, to continue to learn about nature, to make synthesizer music etc.




Did you at one time want, or imagine you wanted, to do the things in the first list? Or are these examples of things you might imagine a different version of your current self wanting if you didn't know yourself as well (or didn't feel as comfortable in body and mind) as you do now?

Quote:

Grapefruit said:
There's only one thing I really want and that's to drop this body for the other side. Am I able to do it? Quite probably possibly not... so I invoke STAL.


It has clearly been too long since I've made a Shroomery poll, I forgot STAL!

I also wish I'd made the answers descriptive rather than just percentages, which are kind of arcane and useless in this discussion.

Dropping this body for the other side sounds a lot like dying. Is that what you mean? Surely you would like to have some other experiences and capabilities manifest in your body-mind in the meantime...


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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OfflineSporeJunkie
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Lion]
    #26888171 - 08/19/20 10:50 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I feel him. I’d like to drop this body as well.


--------------------
Royale with cheese


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InvisibleRahz
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: SporeJunkie] * 1
    #26888191 - 08/19/20 11:05 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I'd like to be emotionally mature, and be able to cultivate good feelings in myself and those that need them. It seems to be a difficult task. I'm still trying.

There used to be many things I wanted to learn, and I did, and then got bored and moved on to the next thing. I've been playing guitar for 30 years. It's the one thing that stuck. I've seen progress consistently, or at least in jumps on a consistent basis, but I'll never be at the level I would like. I don't have the fingers/brain to play like Eddie Van Halen. But part of the reason I've played as long as I have is because it's been a creative outlet, and because it's difficult.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: SporeJunkie]
    #26888196 - 08/19/20 11:07 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

if you drop the body, you cease. EOS RIP



@Lion, I did not want to do many of the things that others wanted to do, it is just an impromptu list of some likely things many boys want to learn to do. You could use it to Rorschach me verbally.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineGrapefruit
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26888228 - 08/19/20 11:31 AM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Dropping the body is real death, not the fake death everyone goes through... or so I read in some book somewhere "to have a body is to suffer" said bodhidharma, and I seem to remember something alike it once did happen to me.

And I believe it... because I don't like thinking and moving any more... I am a weary man... and I want to be very really dead in a very really way, whether I'm walking and moving or sleeping in a coffin. This one is very bored of being a boffin.

Basically I would just like the waves to push this mind to the ocean, permanently, lapping against it real gentle like, then forceful a bit, then gentle again, and on and on forever, maybe it's a false dream, but it's what I've always wanted, and then again aren't they all, false that is?

What I'm trying to say is this dream is a real nice dream to me basically. The nicest of all nice dreams.


--------------------
Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. 

"Chat your fraff
Chat your fraff
Just chat your fraff
Chat your fraff"


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InvisibleRahz
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Grapefruit]
    #26888291 - 08/19/20 12:11 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Grapefruit said:
Dropping the body is real death, not the fake death everyone goes through... or so I read in some book somewhere "to have a body is to suffer" said bodhidharma, and I seem to remember something alike it once did happen to me.

And I believe it... because I don't like thinking and moving any more... I am a weary man... and I want to be very really dead in a very really way, whether I'm walking and moving or sleeping in a coffin. This one is very bored of being a boffin.

Basically I would just like the waves to push this mind to the ocean, permanently, lapping against it real gentle like, then forceful a bit, then gentle again, and on and on forever, maybe it's a false dream, but it's what I've always wanted, and then again aren't they all, false that is?

What I'm trying to say is this dream is a real nice dream to me basically. The nicest of all nice dreams.




Not that it offers any practical solution, but the weariness is all in the mind. I had an experience that kick started my "spiritual" interest when I was 31. Went to a friends house in the morning. I was hung over. He was a relapsed heroin addict. Knocked on the door and he came walking outside all bleary eyed. Slipped on a toy and that 6'4" man did an almost full split on the concrete. He's rolling around in agony making grunting sounds and I sit down on a bench to wait. I felt bad for him. I had my own pain and for a moment couldn't tell the difference. My chest started gurgling and within a few more moments my body was completely free of pain. I was like that for about a week, the pulsing feeling in my chest was constant the whole time. Then it wore off.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Grapefruit]
    #26888302 - 08/19/20 12:18 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I am often astounded that people think that ending one's life (in the body) will leave them in a painless place where, as you put it, you may enjoy the waves lapping against the shores.

nope.

end the body and there will be no more lapping for you. not of any kind.

it is not an argument, and I am not asking for a demonstration.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineLion
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26888366 - 08/19/20 12:44 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Rahz said:
I'd like to be emotionally mature, and be able to cultivate good feelings in myself and those that need them. It seems to be a difficult task. I'm still trying.

There used to be many things I wanted to learn, and I did, and then got bored and moved on to the next thing. I've been playing guitar for 30 years. It's the one thing that stuck. I've seen progress consistently, or at least in jumps on a consistent basis, but I'll never be at the level I would like. I don't have the fingers/brain to play like Eddie Van Halen. But part of the reason I've played as long as I have is because it's been a creative outlet, and because it's difficult.


I really relate to all of this, thank you for sharing! I've just picked up acoustic bass in recent months and I'm loving progressing slowly, after years of dreaming and visualizing myself playing & composing music but never taking anything up. I've still got almost no grasp of theory, so there's lots of room for growth, but - relevant to the thread topic - I seem to be constitutionally incapable of motivating myself to learn things other than by just doing them. Even watching an instructional YouTube video or reading a chapter of a how-to book seems like a task I can't bring myself to do.


Quote:

redgreenvines said:
I am often astounded that people think that ending one's life (in the body) will leave them in a painless place where, as you put it, you may enjoy the waves lapping against the shores.

nope.

end the body and there will be no more lapping for you. not of any kind.

it is not an argument, and I am not asking for a demonstration.


I know you've conversed with a lot of suicidal people on this forum over the years. I think Grapefruit might be expressing something more metaphysical, a dying while alive and transcending suffering and the illusion / veil of duality. But maybe not. Either way, I'm glad I've had yours and other experienced perspectives on this in the past.

I read that a poll last week found more than a quarter of Americans aged 18-25 have seriously considered suicide in the past 30 days. I assume this is not uniquely American regarding the pandemic, although our situation is unique at least among extremely wealthy countries... I sympathize with the weary and desperate and hope we can all keep on and move through...

Also, I'll add, Grapefruit, that when I was your age (I think I read in another thread you're 29) I was in the first step of recovering from endless major depression, chronic illness and unbelievable weariness. At 33 things aren't perfect but I feel a decade younger than I did at age 27-28, and much more hopeful on the whole.


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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OfflineGrapefruit
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Rahz]
    #26888369 - 08/19/20 12:46 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

My friend you have no idea the things I've seen and been through in my 29 years. It's pretty much inexpressible. And it would be enough to make anyone absolutely sick of this place.

Sometimes people tell me to get over myself, that we are all in it together. I get what they mean. I really do. But in the end I have to shake my head, they are ignorant of what a true night entails. And may they remain so. I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes it does.

@Lion it's both.... and to your second comment, again all I can say is you have no idea what happened to me and I have no way of expressing it to you but it is extremely rare for anyone to have anything like that happen to them, so you talking of age really doesn't make any difference. What happened and is still happening was/is beyond fucked, I only seem somewhat normal.


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OfflineLion
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Grapefruit]
    #26888385 - 08/19/20 12:53 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I'm sorry to hear that, and definitely wouldn't presume that I know anything about your situation. Just speaking from my experience in case it's in any way relevant, one never knows.


--------------------
“Strengthened by contemplation and study,
I will not fear my passions like a coward.
My body I will give to pleasures,
to diversions that I’ve dreamed of,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lustful impulses of my blood, without
any fear at all, for whenever I will—
and I will have the will, strengthened
as I’ll be with contemplation and study—
at the crucial moments I’ll recover
my spirit as was before: ascetic.”


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OfflineGrapefruit
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Lion]
    #26888390 - 08/19/20 12:54 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

No problem I don't take it personal man. You barely know me after all, we are internet strangers.


--------------------
Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. 

"Chat your fraff
Chat your fraff
Just chat your fraff
Chat your fraff"


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InvisibleRahz
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Grapefruit]
    #26888587 - 08/19/20 02:48 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Nor you I. I have 19 years on you. And I see myself in it all. We can't know each others true experience. Even if we spent hours going into unpleasant details.

But that experience wasn't something I was looking for or expected. Nor was it rainbows and flowers but it gave me a glimpse into how it would be if I didn't take reality so seriously. As humans that's what we're prone to do. I question the very basis of what makes me a supposed decent person and what care is for, whether I have any altruism at all inside of me, and I'm not nearly as bad as it gets. I tell myself that because it all get's me down and I don't really like how I am. And I'm a cynic, but not pessimistic, at least much less so. But all I've seen in myself I see in the world. To some degree better, to some degree worse and much worse, and there's always an agenda, desires that are never satisfied except in brief moments. And then there are those who confound the simple view. That state absent an agenda, it doesn't seem to be something one grows into. It's either or. I don't know how to get there. And yet I have experienced it. It was not a trip. It was not expected or asked for. I might be happier had I never had that experience. I might already be dead. I don't value those thoughts.

I would like to truly break open and be that again. Perhaps if I break enough times...

But I don't get the idea that more mature and harmonic people are living that reality. Maybe never had a total loss of security, health, sense of self, etc. Maybe some of them have.

None of that really means anything in regard to what an individual can accomplish, enlightenment or not. At least I don't assume so. That's one thing I have picked up over the years. Assumptions whether good or bad are best avoided. To a very large degree I can't change the way I feel. At least that is how it seems. And yet things do change.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


Edited by Rahz (08/19/20 03:12 PM)


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OfflineGrapefruit
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Rahz]
    #26888681 - 08/19/20 03:29 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Great post, I totally get what you mean. Assumptions are bad and at the end of the day I make my own reality. But the weight behind that is enormous at this point.

All I have are the occasionally spasms of faith and then it's back to the pits of hell. I've been going through this some 6 years now. And I do mean right at the bottom of the pits of hell when I say it, everything turns on you, unbeknownst to you you are probably talking to the person with the worst karma on the entire planet right now. All because of a singular moment where my mind broke. It all came about in one day from normal to absolute rock bottom. Every spot of the energetic body is filled with the energy of depression and wickedness, and it's all locked up in there way out of sight. The surface has the odd spasm of faith or some mystical shit depending on mood but that's it.

And I go through my life all the time with this insane boredom weighing on me constantly, everything is fucking weighing on me. I try to help enlighten others a little when i can because I kind of "get it" and weirdly it feels like I can do that in some way but as for me I feel really fucked.

At the same time as all of this is going on I have some kind of degenerative illness going on with my chest/heart that's been going on some 14 years and doctors have no idea what it is. Hurts like fuck and leaves me with practically no energy.

The only real hope I hold out for is the bardo, if things really are that way and this ain't the last life.

The Iching says things are going to be okay generally for whatever reason, so I've got that going for me if there's anything to it.

But for now things are totally fucked. Whenever I do get friendly enough with someone to really show them this vibe and how deep it goes it generally scares the fuck out of them and I have to quickly change subjects and go on pretending in some way, affirm their trip or the universal trip instead of my own, but that don't last so long, even though it's the best way to make it by.

I have friends who are going through shit and I'm confident that things are going to get better for them as long as they play it right but my own situation is a different ball game entirely.


--------------------
Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. 

"Chat your fraff
Chat your fraff
Just chat your fraff
Chat your fraff"


Edited by Grapefruit (08/19/20 03:43 PM)


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OfflineKickleM
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Grapefruit]
    #26888777 - 08/19/20 04:34 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

Well it's A-OK to let some of it out here :thumbup: There are of course some of us here who look at DA and have a dark sense of life overall.

OP I'd say I do about 60-80% of what I'd like to do and learn. I do 60-80% what I want to do, and 20-40% of the time I do something else because it presents itself as a unique possibility, or a less risky approach, or as having a bigger upside long term. But I could just as easily say that this decision making results in 100% what I want to do. But I think I'm trying to leave leeway for the unexpected changes that move me in new directions.


--------------------
Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain


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InvisibleRahz
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Grapefruit] * 1
    #26889229 - 08/19/20 09:51 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

I try to minimize significance of the judgmental qualities of my mind or it's imagery and feelings. Not so much about faith as it is better to be empty of faith or doubt. Regardless of an afterlife, there is the present moment which doesn't particularly have anything to do with the past or future though it is only for a limited time it seems. I've always appreciated most of your commentary for what it's worth. Despite what you describe you seem okay in some way and that's worth something and more than a lot of people have.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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Invisiblelaughingdog
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Rahz]
    #26897397 - 08/24/20 03:55 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

There is Grapefruit who is apparently miserable much of the time ... but ...
Then there are the people you may see in the images the link leads to.
Apparently ordinary life is not painful enough for them.
As regards the images
1) warning some may get really grossed out
2) but if one doesn't enlarge some of the images, one won't get the point !

I have no explanation. Perhaps someone does. Such practices are not my goal.
One thing about life is though at times it may feel boring & 'old hat', it
can also surprise one. Which is a well honed sharp truth.

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=human+suspension&t=hv&iax=images&ia=images


Edited by laughingdog (08/24/20 06:34 PM)


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Invisiblesudly
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Re: How much of what you would like to do & learn are you able to do & learn? [Re: Lion]
    #26897923 - 08/24/20 10:14 PM (3 years, 5 months ago)

That really is a groundball question for the percentages.

Still, I've learnt a lot of stuff I didn't initially think I would, like I had an interest in the environment from when I was young and as I got older I eventually settled on the idea I'd like to be paid to be in the forest and through perseverance on that idea I achieved it.

Even then I didn't know much but the basics, it's only been over the last 3 years or so I've developed knowledge I'm glad to have come across.

Fauna and flora identification for one come through being in the field all day. Philosophically I've also learnt a lot more through challenging my own and others ideas.

I aimed in a basic straight line and learnt a curvy path along it and past it.

Something like that :sun:


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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